Sony Officially Unveils the PSP 3D

Today Sony pulled back the curtains on their newest creation, the PSP 3D. I was lucky enough to grab an interview with a spokesperson for the company, Soniraji Osuteshon, where I was allowed to ask any question I wanted about this revolutionary new product.

ODDLY News: Before we get into the real interview, I'd first like to know a little more about how the PSP 3D actually works.

Soniraji Osuteshon: The PSP 3D utilizes solar radiation to power its light-speed quantum energy core, which superheats the air within three inches of the screen's surface, causing spatial distortion and creating the illusion of 3D imagery. It also doubles as a portable barbecue.

ODDLY: I'm just going to pretend I understood that and move along. From the few words I actually understood, I've come to the conclusion that this sounds incredibly dangerous to handle. What sort of testing has been done to ensure the safety of the player?

SO: We haven't really had a change to test the PSP 3D just yet, as we only finished up the design last night.

ODDLY: Last night?!

SO: Yes. As you've no doubt noticed, there isn't really much of an R&D department at Sony. It's pretty much just a bunch of people sitting at computers, constantly refreshing Nintendo news sites waiting for something new and interesting to be announced. Whenever Nintendo announces a new product, we jump right into the development stage, building off of whatever was just revealed. The only difference is, this time around, we're beating Nintendo to the punch, as the PSP 3D is slated for release in approximately... Ten minutes.

ODDLY: So soon? And without testing it for consumer safety?

SO: Consumer safety? What does that matter? We've finally managed to beat Nintendo to the finish line, and we're not looking back. The PSP 3D will be released today at 5:00 PM sharp, for the completely reasonable price of $14,000.

ODDLY: F-f-f-fourteen thousand dollars?!

SO: Yes. We at Sony offer luxury versions of the competition's products, and you truly get what you pay for when you invest in our technologies. Whether or not the consumer can actually afford it is none of our concern.

ODDLY: Well, for that price, the PSP 3D had better do a lot more than make things pop out of the screen!

SO: Oh, but it does! The PSP 3D will be twenty times as powerful as the PS3, with graphics becoming even more detailed than reality itself. In order to accommodate all these texture files and high-end models, the PSP 3D will ship with a separate 50TB hard drive and a complementary backpack in which to carry the massive storage device. This unit will allow the storage of up to five PSP 3D games at once. The PSP 3D will also come with seven car batteries, which can be carried around in a shopping cart, also included in the package with the hard drive and backpack. These batteries will allow for up to twelve minutes of gameplay/barbecuing.

ODDLY: But I thought the PSP 3D was powered by solar radiation... Or something?

SO: No, that merely handles the 3D capabilities of the product. This is some high-tech stuff here. No mere pushover like the Sun is capable of powering this kind of horsepower!

ODDLY: Well then, uh... Getting back to the planet Earth for a moment, I've noticed the PSP 3D is nearly identical to the original PSP and its minor hardware revisions. Is there a particular reason for this?

SO: The PSP 3D is visually identical to the PSP for two major reasons. First, it's because we got lazy and just gutted a lot of old PSP units we had sitting around, and second, it creates confusion among the consumers. They might go out in search of a PSP 3D, and see a regular PSP on the shelf, buying it thinking they're getting the newest handheld.

ODDLY: You want to confuse the customers?

SO: Of course! We put out the visually-identical PSP 3D, and the consumer goes out buying a PSP thinking it's the same thing!

ODDLY: You're really banking on the consumer being so foolish?

SO: Yup! Look how well it worked out for the PSP Go!

ODDLY: But the Go sold terri-

SO: LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA

ODDLY: I take it our interview is over?

SO: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

ODDLY: ...I'm just going to leave now.

SO: BUY ONE! BUY FIVE!

The PSP 3D is now on sale at all major electronics retailers for $14,000. Games that actually take advantage of the PSP 3D's abilities have yet to be announced, but are expected to cost between $100 and $500 apiece.

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PSP Go "announced": I am not shaken, nor am I stirred

Consider this a bonus article, as the "announcement" came out halfway through me writing PokéOddities


The next in the line of Sony's Playstation Portable was unexpectedly (For both us and Sony, I'm sure) "announced" today, and it's called the PSP Go. Kind of an awkward name, but I'm currently playing Wii everyday, so I suppose I shouldn't be talking.

Looking at the design of the system, the sliding "control panel" is pretty nice. Helps keep those buttons out of the way, and allows for a nice, compact shape when watching movies. The downside to this, though, is that the screen is out there all the time, just begging to be scratched. If this doesn't ship with some sort of system sleeve of even the flimsiest quality, you can bet there'll be no screen unscratched within a few months of this handheld's release, no matter how carefully it's cared for.

One of the most important parts of a handheld system is how well it fits in the hand. If it's a rough-edged, sharp-cornered brick, it's not going to be staying in a gamer's grip for very long. Of course, the PSP Go is far from this, sporting rounded edges and smooth lines. It's kind of hard to tell from the few images so-far released, but I'd say it won't be uncomfortable, nor incredibly comfortable. Somewhere right in the middle looks to be how the PSP Go will feel.

Speaking of comfort, I see one thing in the above picture I really hoped I wouldn't be seeing in a new PSP; That cursed thumbstick. Not only is it back and not-at-all changed from the original models (As far as I can tell, at least), there's still only one of them. Some argue that this is the case so as to avoid and sort of divide among PSP and PSP Go owners. Without second-analog support, all games will be compatible with all iterations of the handheld. Which makes sense, I guess, except for an important fact about the PSP Go I'll be bringing up in a moment...

Unless the guy in the picture above has incredibly huge hands, the PSP Go is smaller than the PSP by a slight amount. Not in a terribly-significant way, but people do seem to go nuts over the new, smallest version of, well, everything. Oh, us easily won-over consumers...

Despite being smaller, the PSP Go has actually has on-board memory, as opposed to the original models requiring memory sticks for storage. Now users can store all their music, movies and PSP Go games right on the system itself. No, you're not hallucinating; I said "PSP Go games". This brings us to the above-mentioned "important fact" that...

The PSP Go has no UMD slot. At all. There is no way for the games from the original PSP to be playable on the Go ("On the Go": Slogan, anyone?). All PSP Go games will only be available as downloads from the system's branch of the Playstation Store. Planning on upgrading from your old PSP to this new model? Might want to keep the old one on hand, unless you plan on re-buying all your games digitally.

That point there, to me, is the PSP Go's biggest flaw. I don't believe the world is ready for a game system that's entirely digital in the way of purchasing software. Some may mention the iPhone as an argument, but really, that's the iPhone. No iPhone game can compare to PSP software in complexity and depth, not to mention price. What does this say about PSP Go software? One of three things (With 1 being the most probable, and 3 being the least):

1. PSP Go software will be every bit as complex and deep as that of the original PSP, and will cost the full, store shelf price of $50 apiece, or...
2. PSP Go software will be far more basic than that of the original PSP, and generally cost less than $30 apiece, or...
   
3. PSP Go Software will be every bit as complex and deep as that of the original PSP, but will be cheaper, rarely costing more than $30 apiece.
   

Now then, why did I arrange them in that order of probability? Simple: Sony loves their cash. I can honestly see them releasing only crummy little WiiWare-level games more easily than I can imagine them charging less than premium for their software. While I may think that downloaded games should cost less than retail, I'm not the cash-monster that is Sony. Then again, they're not against taking losses (See: PS3 launch price as opposed to PS3 production cost as of launch), but still, I'm not exactly seeing it happening.

Looking at all the PSP Go has to offer... I think I'd more gladly buy an original PSP than jump on this bandwagon, which means a lot considering how unimpressed I am with the handheld line as it is. Sorry, Sony, but when it comes to my handheld entertainment, I think I'll continue to "Go" elsewhere.

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