This break lasted a little longer than I intended... I really hit one hell of a writer's block back there. Right now I have, oh, five or so unfinished articles sitting around. I just couldn't figure out what to write. Well, until today, as there's a new article right below this one! Really! No, I'm not kidding! Look! It's alright, I'll wait!
...
See? Bizarre, huh? Yes, I know it's not the longest update, but more extensive articles are on the way.
Now then, as for future updates, I hope to have something posted every week, with the occasional "bonus" update once in a while. As I said in the last post before this break, upon their return, polls and banners won't be weekly. They'll just change about whenever a new topic comes along. Having to change it every week led to lackluster topics, and I really try to avoid anything that can be described as "lackluster". It's not a pretty word.
One last thing. If you look below the banner (Below the ads if you don't have AdBlock), you may see some new randomly-selected text floating about. I decided to add a few random non-sequiturs during the last two and a half months. See, I wasn't being completely useless! ...just mostly! Anyways, there's 29 of them now, with more being added whenever something occurs to me. Catch 'em all!
For those of you still here, I thank you! All two of you! For anyone who has left, I hope you return. And for anyone visiting for the first time... Read the archives while I get things back up to speed, okay?
One Duck's Opinion: Dead No More!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
The worst jobs in gaming
Just about everyone has some sort of complaint about their job. Idiot co-workers, a boss that expects too much, insufficient pay, laughable health coverage... The list goes on. It just can't get any worse, can it? You'd think so, but then you look at some of the jobs some video game characters have to deal with. You're the lucky one. Chances are your job is nowhere near as bad as some of the stuff listed below. What better way to make yourself feel better than to look at what some other jerks have to do for a living, virtual or not? Sit back, relax, and read all about these poor souls who would gladly trade their profession of depression for a more calming career.
As seen in: Pokémon
Why it sucks: You dedicate your whole life to becoming a powerful Pokémon trainer, leading to the day when you prove yourself to the Pokémon League and become a certified Gym Leader. After all this work, what awaits you?
Defeat. Constant, never-ending defeat. Due to some stupid Pokémon League rule, you're restricted to fighting with only one type of Pokémon. Being restricted to one type, and even being advertised as such, trainers know just what to bring to the battle to counter you. It's a simple game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, except you can only ever pick Scissors, and your foes always choose Rock... Or Fire... Or Water... You know, depending on your "specialty".
What's more, Gym Leaders are very rarely permitted to even leave the building. Whether it's the afternoon on a Wednesday, midnight on a Sunday, or even frigging Christmas morning, you're pretty much stuck there for your whole life. Happy birthday, now get to work!
Stuck in a stinking building forever, constantly getting your ass-kicked by 11-year-olds... What could possibly be worse? Well, how about the fact that, after all your hard work to be powerful, you're stuck fighting with a team of three crappy, low-level Pokémon? Goodbye LV.85 Blastoise, hello LV.12 Geodude. If that isn't the biggest kick in the nuts since you learned you had to go by the pun-tastic moniker "Brock", nothing is.
As seen in: Grand Theft Auto and all games like it
Why it sucks: Police officers save lives, put criminals behind bars, and eat a whole whackload of donuts. It's a pretty sweet deal... In the real world. Take that cop in the video game world, though, and he'll be dead before you can say "Officer down!".
On the job hazards for Liberty City police officers are numerous to say the least. Shootings: Check. Explosions: Check. Traffic fatalities: Check A flaming car landing on you after falling from an overpass which then explodes (The car, not the overpass) and causes a chain-reaction of exploding vehicles all down the crowded avenue, all while being shot at: Check.
It's not as if the higher-ups have much faith in you, either. You're patrolling the streets of the most violent city in the country, and what equipment do you receive? A handgun, a flimsy patrol car, and minimal armour. This so isn't worth $15/hour. Further minimizing your importance to the police chief is how he seems to have the SWAT team on speed dial. It's as if he knows you're not going to be able to do it on your own. No matter, he'll be dead soon, too.
With all of this said, I can think of one upside to the job: You never have to worry about affording your retirement. I hear Cluckin' Bell is hiring...
As seen in: Pretty much every RPG ever
Why it sucks: Congratulations, mayor! The people made their choice, and it was you. Okay, party's over, now let's get to work. The roads are full of potholes, educational funding is abysmal, and a gigantic monster just ate the entire industrial sector. Would you like a coffee?
In pretty much every RPG known to man, some town gets destroyed, or at least heavily damaged. From Mideel in Final Fantasy VII to Trodain in Dragon Quest VIII, a city randomly gets completely screwed over. Causes vary, but it happens. Sometimes it's a monster, other times it's an explosion, and other times it's a curse of some sort. Whatever the case, you'll probably be wishing you didn't win that election.
On the off-chance that you survive the destruction, you'll probably get blamed for whatever caused it. Chances are you had no part in the catastrophe, nor were you at all capable of preventing it. Nonetheless, every mayor should make room in the funding for some body armour.
If you still want to be mayor, though, go ahead, I won't stop you. Just make sure to keep an eye out for any gigantic monsters on the horizon, always have your luggage ready to go, and keep a scapegoat in mind (I'm partial to the finance minister).
If, after reading this article, you still feel your job is crap, please get in contact with me. I've always wanted to meet Mike Rowe.
Discuss This Article On The Forums
Gym Leader
As seen in: Pokémon
Why it sucks: You dedicate your whole life to becoming a powerful Pokémon trainer, leading to the day when you prove yourself to the Pokémon League and become a certified Gym Leader. After all this work, what awaits you?
Defeat. Constant, never-ending defeat. Due to some stupid Pokémon League rule, you're restricted to fighting with only one type of Pokémon. Being restricted to one type, and even being advertised as such, trainers know just what to bring to the battle to counter you. It's a simple game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, except you can only ever pick Scissors, and your foes always choose Rock... Or Fire... Or Water... You know, depending on your "specialty".
What's more, Gym Leaders are very rarely permitted to even leave the building. Whether it's the afternoon on a Wednesday, midnight on a Sunday, or even frigging Christmas morning, you're pretty much stuck there for your whole life. Happy birthday, now get to work!
Stuck in a stinking building forever, constantly getting your ass-kicked by 11-year-olds... What could possibly be worse? Well, how about the fact that, after all your hard work to be powerful, you're stuck fighting with a team of three crappy, low-level Pokémon? Goodbye LV.85 Blastoise, hello LV.12 Geodude. If that isn't the biggest kick in the nuts since you learned you had to go by the pun-tastic moniker "Brock", nothing is.
Police Officer
As seen in: Grand Theft Auto and all games like itWhy it sucks: Police officers save lives, put criminals behind bars, and eat a whole whackload of donuts. It's a pretty sweet deal... In the real world. Take that cop in the video game world, though, and he'll be dead before you can say "Officer down!".
On the job hazards for Liberty City police officers are numerous to say the least. Shootings: Check. Explosions: Check. Traffic fatalities: Check A flaming car landing on you after falling from an overpass which then explodes (The car, not the overpass) and causes a chain-reaction of exploding vehicles all down the crowded avenue, all while being shot at: Check.
It's not as if the higher-ups have much faith in you, either. You're patrolling the streets of the most violent city in the country, and what equipment do you receive? A handgun, a flimsy patrol car, and minimal armour. This so isn't worth $15/hour. Further minimizing your importance to the police chief is how he seems to have the SWAT team on speed dial. It's as if he knows you're not going to be able to do it on your own. No matter, he'll be dead soon, too.
With all of this said, I can think of one upside to the job: You never have to worry about affording your retirement. I hear Cluckin' Bell is hiring...
Mayor
As seen in: Pretty much every RPG everWhy it sucks: Congratulations, mayor! The people made their choice, and it was you. Okay, party's over, now let's get to work. The roads are full of potholes, educational funding is abysmal, and a gigantic monster just ate the entire industrial sector. Would you like a coffee?
In pretty much every RPG known to man, some town gets destroyed, or at least heavily damaged. From Mideel in Final Fantasy VII to Trodain in Dragon Quest VIII, a city randomly gets completely screwed over. Causes vary, but it happens. Sometimes it's a monster, other times it's an explosion, and other times it's a curse of some sort. Whatever the case, you'll probably be wishing you didn't win that election.
On the off-chance that you survive the destruction, you'll probably get blamed for whatever caused it. Chances are you had no part in the catastrophe, nor were you at all capable of preventing it. Nonetheless, every mayor should make room in the funding for some body armour.
If you still want to be mayor, though, go ahead, I won't stop you. Just make sure to keep an eye out for any gigantic monsters on the horizon, always have your luggage ready to go, and keep a scapegoat in mind (I'm partial to the finance minister).
If, after reading this article, you still feel your job is crap, please get in contact with me. I've always wanted to meet Mike Rowe.
Discuss This Article On The Forums
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Gee, I bet nobody saw this one coming
As if you hadn't noticed, nothing's happened here in over a month, save for some poll results (The latest of which are slapped on the end of this post) and crummy five-second banners. Not exactly activity-central around here.
Long story short, I've just had no will to write. Ideas? Oh, I have some ideas. I just can't freaking write them. Hell, I'm finding it hard enough to write this. Well, let's get it over with...
I'm taking a break. Yeah, I know, I've technically been "Taking a break" for the past month, but this is different. There will be no new polls or banners until further notice. Posts will commence... Well, they'll actually resume whenever I feel able to write. Could be as soon as this weekend and as far away as next month. I don't know. Things WILL resume, though. I am NOT abandoning this blog. I haven't been doing this for two years just to quit now.
Stepping back quickly to address the matter of banners, for now I've tossed up the basic logo as the banner. In fact, I think I'll leave it like this, at least until I think of a new "generic" banner to take its place. Not that anyone's really looking at it anyways...
So that's how things will be. Notice how I didn't once use that dirtiest of words... "Hiatus". I hate that word. It always ends up meaning "Yeah, it's basically over, you can leave now". That's not what's going to happen here. This is not a hiatus. This is a break. Similar? Yes. Precisely the same thing? Not in my eyes.
How will I be using this time, you may ask? I'll be catching up on my gaming. Hopefully, when I return, this will provide a nice wave of reviews to kick things off once again. As of now, I'm approaching the "review point" on about three different games, hopefully indicating a return sooner rather than later. Let's hope this proves true!
Finally, what will things be like when posting resumes? To be brief, they'll be sporadic. Some weeks there may be four posts, and others there may be nothing at all. It all depends on inspiration and presence/absence of a writer's block. Also, polls and banners are likely to remain absent for a while, since, to be quite honest, there's been nothing at all to make a banner/poll about. Maybe I'll turn to monthly banners and polls instead, sort of like what I've Never Liked Your SpinachPuffs did before it went on... *Shudders* Hiatus.
Well, that's it, I guess. I'll see you all later!
Oh, and here's those poll results in case you still feel like reading after all that.
...you know, this is somewhat ironic, but... Writing this has made me feel more like, well, writing. Looks like things may resume soon after all! Until then, folks!
Long story short, I've just had no will to write. Ideas? Oh, I have some ideas. I just can't freaking write them. Hell, I'm finding it hard enough to write this. Well, let's get it over with...
I'm taking a break. Yeah, I know, I've technically been "Taking a break" for the past month, but this is different. There will be no new polls or banners until further notice. Posts will commence... Well, they'll actually resume whenever I feel able to write. Could be as soon as this weekend and as far away as next month. I don't know. Things WILL resume, though. I am NOT abandoning this blog. I haven't been doing this for two years just to quit now.
Stepping back quickly to address the matter of banners, for now I've tossed up the basic logo as the banner. In fact, I think I'll leave it like this, at least until I think of a new "generic" banner to take its place. Not that anyone's really looking at it anyways...
So that's how things will be. Notice how I didn't once use that dirtiest of words... "Hiatus". I hate that word. It always ends up meaning "Yeah, it's basically over, you can leave now". That's not what's going to happen here. This is not a hiatus. This is a break. Similar? Yes. Precisely the same thing? Not in my eyes.
How will I be using this time, you may ask? I'll be catching up on my gaming. Hopefully, when I return, this will provide a nice wave of reviews to kick things off once again. As of now, I'm approaching the "review point" on about three different games, hopefully indicating a return sooner rather than later. Let's hope this proves true!
Finally, what will things be like when posting resumes? To be brief, they'll be sporadic. Some weeks there may be four posts, and others there may be nothing at all. It all depends on inspiration and presence/absence of a writer's block. Also, polls and banners are likely to remain absent for a while, since, to be quite honest, there's been nothing at all to make a banner/poll about. Maybe I'll turn to monthly banners and polls instead, sort of like what I've Never Liked Your SpinachPuffs did before it went on... *Shudders* Hiatus.
Well, that's it, I guess. I'll see you all later!
Oh, and here's those poll results in case you still feel like reading after all that.
Poll #97: "DS Lite or DSi: Which do you prefer?"
"DS Lite" 2 votes (14%)
"DSi" 8 votes (57%)
"I like them both equally" 2 votes (14%)
"I don't know" 2 votes (14%)
"DS Lite" 2 votes (14%)
"DSi" 8 votes (57%)
"I like them both equally" 2 votes (14%)
"I don't know" 2 votes (14%)
...you know, this is somewhat ironic, but... Writing this has made me feel more like, well, writing. Looks like things may resume soon after all! Until then, folks!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Poll #96: "What do you think of Wii MotionPlus so far?" results, no new banner, additional textual screen-filler
"It's amazing!" 2 votes (11%)
"I like it" 2 votes (11%)
"I don't like it" 0 votes (0%)
"It's terrible!" 1 votes (5%)
"I'm indifferent/don't know yet" 1 vote (5%)
"I haven't tried it yet" 11 votes (64%)
I'm surprised so many people haven't tried it out yet! Well, at least those who have tried it seem to enjoy it. Except for that one guy... What's his deal?
As for this week's banner... There isn't one! I figure almost nobody saw it last week anyways, so why replace it? Also, I'm tired.
Moving along to this week's poll, the question is "DS Lite or DSi: Which do you prefer?" Both systems have their advantages, but what's your preference? To be honest, I can't pick one. I hope most other voters are more decisive than me!
Now, about the utter lack of activity here... I'm feeling much better now, so things will certainly be picking up very soon. I will write something this week, no question about it. Just not now, because it's 2:32 AM. But soon!
"I like it" 2 votes (11%)
"I don't like it" 0 votes (0%)
"It's terrible!" 1 votes (5%)
"I'm indifferent/don't know yet" 1 vote (5%)
"I haven't tried it yet" 11 votes (64%)
I'm surprised so many people haven't tried it out yet! Well, at least those who have tried it seem to enjoy it. Except for that one guy... What's his deal?
As for this week's banner... There isn't one! I figure almost nobody saw it last week anyways, so why replace it? Also, I'm tired.
Moving along to this week's poll, the question is "DS Lite or DSi: Which do you prefer?" Both systems have their advantages, but what's your preference? To be honest, I can't pick one. I hope most other voters are more decisive than me!
Now, about the utter lack of activity here... I'm feeling much better now, so things will certainly be picking up very soon. I will write something this week, no question about it. Just not now, because it's 2:32 AM. But soon!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Poll #95: "Do you prefer 2D or 3D platformers?" results, banner, a word on recent activity
"2D" 7 votes (36%)
"3D" 5 votes (26%)
"I can't decide" 7 votes (36%)
"I'm not into platformers" 0 votes (0%)
It seems that those who aren't indifferent tend to lean in the direction of 2D. I guess you just don't forget those early days of Super Mario Bros.!
This week's banner is based on that funky-fresh Zelda concept art the internet has been chewing on for the last month. Is she the living version of the Master Sword? Or is she maybe the queen of the fairies? Hell if I know... Or care. I just want the damn game!
For this week's poll, the question is "What do you think of Wii MotionPlus so far?" It's been out for a little while now, so those who've picked it up probably have quite a bit of play time to base an opinion off of. Personally, I'm waiting until Wii Sports Resort, so I can't really say. Perhaps you have had a chance to give it a go, and if you have, let everyone know how you feel! And if you'd like to elaborate on your choice, you can always drop a comment!
Now, you've no doubt noticed that preceding this poll results post is another poll results post... Preceded by another (Not counting that little paragraph in between). To put it briefly (And to spare you all the details), I've been unwell lately. I've been unable to concentrate on much the last little while, including my love of gaming. And when I'm not gaming, I'm not coming up with article ideas. I'm feeling somewhat better as of today, but I've got a little ways to go before I'm back to normal. Don't worry, folks, I wasn't in some sort of crippling car accident and I don't have cancer or anything. It's just a... Well, I suppose you could say it's a condition I have. Nothing deadly, nothing like that, relax. Just something I'll have to deal with over the next little while.
As I said, I've been feeling a little better, so I would expect I'll have something written and posted soon. Don't expect anything big, but it'll be something. Hopefully I can keep things running smoothly from there. Now, though, I'd better be getting my sleep. See you all again soon... Sort of. I really don't actually see any of you ever. Awkwaaaaaaaard...
"3D" 5 votes (26%)
"I can't decide" 7 votes (36%)
"I'm not into platformers" 0 votes (0%)
It seems that those who aren't indifferent tend to lean in the direction of 2D. I guess you just don't forget those early days of Super Mario Bros.!
This week's banner is based on that funky-fresh Zelda concept art the internet has been chewing on for the last month. Is she the living version of the Master Sword? Or is she maybe the queen of the fairies? Hell if I know... Or care. I just want the damn game!
For this week's poll, the question is "What do you think of Wii MotionPlus so far?" It's been out for a little while now, so those who've picked it up probably have quite a bit of play time to base an opinion off of. Personally, I'm waiting until Wii Sports Resort, so I can't really say. Perhaps you have had a chance to give it a go, and if you have, let everyone know how you feel! And if you'd like to elaborate on your choice, you can always drop a comment!
Now, you've no doubt noticed that preceding this poll results post is another poll results post... Preceded by another (Not counting that little paragraph in between). To put it briefly (And to spare you all the details), I've been unwell lately. I've been unable to concentrate on much the last little while, including my love of gaming. And when I'm not gaming, I'm not coming up with article ideas. I'm feeling somewhat better as of today, but I've got a little ways to go before I'm back to normal. Don't worry, folks, I wasn't in some sort of crippling car accident and I don't have cancer or anything. It's just a... Well, I suppose you could say it's a condition I have. Nothing deadly, nothing like that, relax. Just something I'll have to deal with over the next little while.
As I said, I've been feeling a little better, so I would expect I'll have something written and posted soon. Don't expect anything big, but it'll be something. Hopefully I can keep things running smoothly from there. Now, though, I'd better be getting my sleep. See you all again soon... Sort of. I really don't actually see any of you ever. Awkwaaaaaaaard...
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