What do you get when you cross Team Fortress 2 with Barack Obama?

The answer...


This post brought to you by five minutes of Photoshop and the messed-up mind of an 18 year-old Canadian. Enjoy.

Achievements for real life

People go nuts trying to get all the achievements in XBox Live and Steam. Really, though, who can blame them? Achievements are like a badge saying "I'm awesome because I did this". Well, what if life were the same way? Can you imagine some of the crazy achievements we'd get from day-to-day life, and the crazy grind-fests that would evolve from them? Here are just a few achievements I've thought up in my spare time, all of which would surely bring civilization to a halt if they were to materialize.

Where's The Beef? - Eat the world's largest hamburger
Numa Numa - Get 1,000,000 views on a Youtube video made by you
Taking The Plunge - Successfully unclog three toilets at the local gas station
Road Rage - Obtain and subsequently lose your driver's license in a high-speed police chase
Look Ma, No Life! - Amass a collection of 1000 or more comic books
Going Nowhere Fast - Argue about which video game console is better for a solid two hours
Election Time - Vote for the presidential candidate that ends up losing (You know the one I mean)
I'm Special - Start your own blog
LEGO My Ego - Build a life-sized statue of yourself out of LEGO blocks
You Idiot - Reenact a stunt from Jackass
Hey, It Works! - Pull the "hand in warm water" trick on an unsuspecting victim
The Cake Is A Bore - Make it all the way through a meme's height of popularity without ever taking part in it
Splorf - Make up a word that later is added to the English dictionary
Took You Long Enough - Realize that "penultimate" is not another way of saying "ultimate"
Benny Lava - Learn all the words to a foreign language song, then sing it without error
All-Nighter - Play an entire game of Risk from start to end with no breaks
Speed Run - Beat Super Mario Bros. in under ten minutes
I'm So Unique - Make a video game-based webcomic
Germination - Sit directly on a public toilet
Gotta Catch 'Em All - Contract every disease known to man
Dutch Boy - Shave your head and paint it blue, then walk down the street
Physics Major - Balance a spoon on your nose
Can't Sleep, Clown'll Eat Me - Stay up for 48 straight hours
RollerCoaster Tycoon - Ride every roller coaster on Earth. Twice.
Somewhat Notable - Get your name in the Guinness Book of World Records
Do The Nasty - Well, you know
Chris Houlihan - Have your name immortalized by winning a major contest
Maturity - Resist the urge to make a suggestively-shaped creature in Spore
CSI - Figure out the murderer in a crime TV show within the first five minutes
Poker Face - Go skydiving, and don't scream once the whole way down
Now You're Thinking With Portholes - Make a terrible pun about ocean faring and video games at the same time
Readers Digest - Eat the entirety of the Encyclopædia Britannica
The One That Didn't Get Away - Catch a fish that's thiiiiiiiiiiis big
Totally Not The First To Do This - Make a list of fake achievements
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