Thursday, April 1, 2010

A change of direction for One Duck's Opinion

Starting today, instead of my few-and-far-between opinion articles, I will be writing news stories, with exclusive news coming straight from industry insiders. Let's face it, people; Even if I did manage so somehow get off my ass and write more than once a millennium, this blog would never manage to go anywhere. Exclusive news and stories are where it's at, people! I need the hits and I need the money. Writing isn't about the readers, it's about the profit! Why I've bothered to stick around writing opinionated crap for nearly three years is a mystery to me. Being honest and heartfelt in my writing is getting me nowhere, people! Nowhere!

Under this new self-leadership, One Duck's Opinion (Soon to be renamed One Duck's Daily Literature Yielding, or ODDLY News) will surely rise to the top of the gaming news circuit, with updates appearing every hour, on the hour, from 2PM to 6PM, starting with this very post!

Cutting-edge journalism, folks, that's what takes you to the top! That's exactly what you're going to be seeing here, with my many industry contacts in every gaming company on Earth constantly supplying me with the newest, most exclusive news in the world! And you'll find all of it, right here, at ODDLY News, every day until we all die in a fiery apocalypse!

Keep in mind that this new direction will mean some changes. In addition to the earlier proclamation of decreasing how much I care about the readers, I will also stop caring about myself, for the greater good of my profits. I will be living in my bedroom 24/7, like any god of the internet, living off of Hot Pockets and warm soda, constantly refreshing my inbox for the latest in breaking gaming news!

A healthy diet, exercise, basic human contact... All of it, I'm throwing it all away, in the pursuit of internet riches! It's all anyone really needs in this world!

So then, you may be thinking "That hardly sounds like a life worth living", and you know, you'd be WRONG. COMPLETELY WRONG. It's all about the MONEY, people. Hasn't rap music taught you ANYTHING? JEEZ!

No comments: