Thursday, April 1, 2010

Microsoft buys the moon, plans radical redesign

In the most massive purchase of all time, Microsoft today gained the rights of ownership to Earth's moon. Their plans for the natural satellite? The universe's biggest billboard. "What better place to advertise than in a place people see every single day of their lives?" asks Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer. "In addition, we'll make it into the record books for sure, making absolutely positive that nobody on Earth won't know the words 'Xbox 360'!"

"We've been thinking about this for a while, and the time has finally come for us to start work on this tremendous undertaking. We're sending ten thousand of the finest imported workers into space, along with eight trillion green LED lights. The next Lunar Eclipse is going to be great!"

"Of course, this isn't the sort of thing you'd think up and execute in a hurry. Many designs were considered for the billboard, and we were surprised at the negative reception one of our prototype designs received." This rejected design can be found below.

In addition to the above, Microsoft will also be altering much of the technical lunar terminology. A partial list of the changes can be found below, with original terms on the left, and new ones on the right. Explanations are provided in brackets:
  • Apogee = Bungie (Rights to the name "Apogee" could not be acquired from 3D Realms)
  • Blue Moon = Green Moon ("There's nothing blue about this moon!" -Ballmer)
  • Crater = Blood Gulch (In honour of the map in Halo: Combat Evolved)
  • New Moon = X Moon (As it's the time at which the logo will be most visible)
"The moon isn't the only thing being changed here. We at Microsoft will change the world!"

Not to be outdone, Apple is now working on purchasing the Sun, which they plan to name "iSol". Some casualties are to be expected when it comes to stamping the logo on the yellow star's surface. "Hey, you can't make an iSol without melting a few interns!" commented Apple CEO Steve Jobs.


Zachs Kappler said...

In that case, Linus Torvalds claims Pluto and builds a penguin reserve on it!

PsychoDuck said...

I'm ashamed that I had to look up who Linus Torvalds is. Should I hand in my nerd badge now?

Zachs Kappler said...

Yes, no, maybe... But it is hard to not learn at one point who created Linux and his love for the little black and white flightless birds.

I'll give it back to you if you know who Mark Shuttleworth is though...

PsychoDuck said...

...nope, I think you'll be keeping my nerd badge.