Thursday, April 1, 2010

Sony Officially Unveils the PSP 3D


Today Sony pulled back the curtains on their newest creation, the PSP 3D. I was lucky enough to grab an interview with a spokesperson for the company, Soniraji Osuteshon, where I was allowed to ask any question I wanted about this revolutionary new product.

ODDLY News: Before we get into the real interview, I'd first like to know a little more about how the PSP 3D actually works.

Soniraji Osuteshon: The PSP 3D utilizes solar radiation to power its light-speed quantum energy core, which superheats the air within three inches of the screen's surface, causing spatial distortion and creating the illusion of 3D imagery. It also doubles as a portable barbecue.

ODDLY: I'm just going to pretend I understood that and move along. From the few words I actually understood, I've come to the conclusion that this sounds incredibly dangerous to handle. What sort of testing has been done to ensure the safety of the player?

SO: We haven't really had a change to test the PSP 3D just yet, as we only finished up the design last night.

ODDLY: Last night?!

SO: Yes. As you've no doubt noticed, there isn't really much of an R&D department at Sony. It's pretty much just a bunch of people sitting at computers, constantly refreshing Nintendo news sites waiting for something new and interesting to be announced. Whenever Nintendo announces a new product, we jump right into the development stage, building off of whatever was just revealed. The only difference is, this time around, we're beating Nintendo to the punch, as the PSP 3D is slated for release in approximately... Ten minutes.

ODDLY: So soon? And without testing it for consumer safety?

SO: Consumer safety? What does that matter? We've finally managed to beat Nintendo to the finish line, and we're not looking back. The PSP 3D will be released today at 5:00 PM sharp, for the completely reasonable price of $14,000.

ODDLY: F-f-f-fourteen thousand dollars?!

SO: Yes. We at Sony offer luxury versions of the competition's products, and you truly get what you pay for when you invest in our technologies. Whether or not the consumer can actually afford it is none of our concern.

ODDLY: Well, for that price, the PSP 3D had better do a lot more than make things pop out of the screen!

SO: Oh, but it does! The PSP 3D will be twenty times as powerful as the PS3, with graphics becoming even more detailed than reality itself. In order to accommodate all these texture files and high-end models, the PSP 3D will ship with a separate 50TB hard drive and a complementary backpack in which to carry the massive storage device. This unit will allow the storage of up to five PSP 3D games at once. The PSP 3D will also come with seven car batteries, which can be carried around in a shopping cart, also included in the package with the hard drive and backpack. These batteries will allow for up to twelve minutes of gameplay/barbecuing.

ODDLY: But I thought the PSP 3D was powered by solar radiation... Or something?

SO: No, that merely handles the 3D capabilities of the product. This is some high-tech stuff here. No mere pushover like the Sun is capable of powering this kind of horsepower!

ODDLY: Well then, uh... Getting back to the planet Earth for a moment, I've noticed the PSP 3D is nearly identical to the original PSP and its minor hardware revisions. Is there a particular reason for this?

SO: The PSP 3D is visually identical to the PSP for two major reasons. First, it's because we got lazy and just gutted a lot of old PSP units we had sitting around, and second, it creates confusion among the consumers. They might go out in search of a PSP 3D, and see a regular PSP on the shelf, buying it thinking they're getting the newest handheld.

ODDLY: You want to confuse the customers?

SO: Of course! We put out the visually-identical PSP 3D, and the consumer goes out buying a PSP thinking it's the same thing!

ODDLY: You're really banking on the consumer being so foolish?

SO: Yup! Look how well it worked out for the PSP Go!

ODDLY: But the Go sold terri-

SO: LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA

ODDLY: I take it our interview is over?

SO: LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

ODDLY: ...I'm just going to leave now.

SO: BUY ONE! BUY FIVE!

The PSP 3D is now on sale at all major electronics retailers for $14,000. Games that actually take advantage of the PSP 3D's abilities have yet to be announced, but are expected to cost between $100 and $500 apiece.

Believe everything you read: All Nintendo-related April Fools' Day hoaxes are real


From the fake Zelda movie trailer of 2008 to the "WiiDS" of this year's Game Infarcer, every Nintendo-related April Fools' "hoax" was actually a calculated market-testing exercise executed by the Big N itself. "It's cheap, risk-free market testing. It's brilliant!" said Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime. "It's the most ingenious move by the company since the very creation of the Nintendo Entertainment System!".

"Yes, every single one of these 'hoaxes' is entirely true," admitted Nintendo president Satoru Iwata. "We use this day to gauge public opinion of our in-development products, and we adjust or cancel these projects according to reception."

Every year, Nintendo sends out these in-production ideas to news outlets around the world, then monitors the comment section over the next 24 hours and takes notes on the public's reactions. At the end of the day, the news is "revealed" to be nothing more than a joke, and Nintendo returns to work on the project with the commenters' criticism's taken into consideration.

"Once all suggestions are implemented, the project often takes a turn in an entirely different direction," elaborates Iwata. "For example, the Zelda movie trailer we released with IGN turned into the mere addition of a few extra cinematics in The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks. We realized that no film we made could possibly live up to the expectations of the people in that comment section, so we turned our film-making attention to our upcoming DS game."

"In fact, most of our ideas are often met with less-than-perfect reception, meaning no 'controlled hoax' so far has ever been released looking even slightly similar to its beta form, if it ever even saw release at all. The Super Smash Bros. Brawl X: Extreme prototype we also demoed with IGN was canceled entirely after an incredible backlash over peoples' childhood idols being brutally massacred. The 'Wii Expand' idea detailed in the same article was also canned, as it just seemed too much like what the players wanted."

But what of the 3DS, announced mere days before Nintendo's annual testing of the public's opinion? "This was just too costly a project to alter in any way," says Iwata "We can't change anything about the 3DS as, sadly, we've exhausted the project's entire budget. All we can do now is release the 3DS as it is and hope the public embraces it. In addition, if we take it back into development now, Sony will undoubtedly get the jump on us and release their own 'me too' handheld in no time. We can't let them win!"

"This is an important yearly exercise for the company, and we'll continue to execute it for many years to come," says Fils-Aime. Now that the secret's out in the open, though, the test results will be contaminated, will they not? "There's no need to worry about [that]. Now that this practice has been made public, we'll be sending several actual hoaxes out with every fake hoax, and we'll refrain from telling the recipient which is which. All will be published as April Fools' articles, the readers won't know what's what, and things will be back to normal. We're Nintendo. We think things through."

A change of direction for One Duck's Opinion

Starting today, instead of my few-and-far-between opinion articles, I will be writing news stories, with exclusive news coming straight from industry insiders. Let's face it, people; Even if I did manage so somehow get off my ass and write more than once a millennium, this blog would never manage to go anywhere. Exclusive news and stories are where it's at, people! I need the hits and I need the money. Writing isn't about the readers, it's about the profit! Why I've bothered to stick around writing opinionated crap for nearly three years is a mystery to me. Being honest and heartfelt in my writing is getting me nowhere, people! Nowhere!

Under this new self-leadership, One Duck's Opinion (Soon to be renamed One Duck's Daily Literature Yielding, or ODDLY News) will surely rise to the top of the gaming news circuit, with updates appearing every hour, on the hour, from 2PM to 6PM, starting with this very post!

Cutting-edge journalism, folks, that's what takes you to the top! That's exactly what you're going to be seeing here, with my many industry contacts in every gaming company on Earth constantly supplying me with the newest, most exclusive news in the world! And you'll find all of it, right here, at ODDLY News, every day until we all die in a fiery apocalypse!

Keep in mind that this new direction will mean some changes. In addition to the earlier proclamation of decreasing how much I care about the readers, I will also stop caring about myself, for the greater good of my profits. I will be living in my bedroom 24/7, like any god of the internet, living off of Hot Pockets and warm soda, constantly refreshing my inbox for the latest in breaking gaming news!

A healthy diet, exercise, basic human contact... All of it, I'm throwing it all away, in the pursuit of internet riches! It's all anyone really needs in this world!

So then, you may be thinking "That hardly sounds like a life worth living", and you know, you'd be WRONG. COMPLETELY WRONG. It's all about the MONEY, people. Hasn't rap music taught you ANYTHING? JEEZ!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Xbox 360 or Playstation 3: Decisions, decisions...


A while back I declared myself a Wii and PC gamer. I chose the Wii because of its quirky games, affordability and long-standing franchises, while I chose the PC because of its incomparably-huge library and dedicated Valve support. Together I felt that they covered all the bases. About a year after I wrote that article, though, I started to feel I was still missing out. My computer was nowhere near capable of running all the games I wanted and the Wii was still getting shafted by most major third-party developers. With upgrading my PC being too expensive and complicated, I decided that it was time I look into getting a second console. At first I thought that the obvious choice would be the Xbox 360, but as time went on, the Playstation 3 began to appear a more attractive option. This choice wasn't going to be an easy one.

The Xbox 360 was released in 2005, a year before either the Playstation 3 or the then-named Revolution would be seeing the light of day. It's essentially a year ahead of any other console on the market, and this head start certainly seems to have paid off. Being first out of the gate has given the 360 quite the solid selection of software, much of it fitting my admittedly-picky taste. It takes care of my racing addiction with the Forza series, caters to my adventurous side with games like Mass Effect, and fulfills my need for crazy-as-hell fun with Dead Rising. There's a lot more to choose from than the above three games, of course, but these are definitely the titles I'm most eager to get my hands on. I'd say the only real problem with the 360's game library is the apparent lack of adventure or action games. There really doesn't seem to be much of either genre on the console, if any at all. I'll admit I haven't exactly conducted extensive research on the matter, but such games are far less visible than the dozens of shooters clogging the shelves. The large selection of PC ports my computer is too weak to run properly is certainly a plus, though.

The online aspect of gaming is quickly becoming one of the biggest parts of the industry, and I honestly can't disagree with its popularity. Being able to play with 8, 16, 32 or more people from all over the world all at the same time is really quite the amazing feat of technology, and, more importantly, it's insanely fun. Sure, nothing will ever match the thrills of cramming on a couch with all your best friends and going nuts in you game of choice, but it's impossible to deny the importance and fun of playing online. Some say that the 360 has the best online system there is, and what I've seen and read certainly point to them being right. However, unlike any other video game system on the market, this online service isn't free. It's $60 a year to play on Xbox Live, which is somewhat of a kick in the nuts after having played online via Steam for free these last few years. Apparently it's worth the cash, but I'm still not crazy about the idea of paying for what other consoles provide for free.

There are a lot of problems regarding finances on the 360, actually. First off is the matter of the wireless network adapter. While the PS3 and Wii support connections with wireless routers out of the box, the 360 requires a pricey add-on. This is a real problem in my house, where the distance between my main TV and the modem basically necessitates the use of wireless connections for video game consoles. This leaves me with an uncomfortable choice; Either I pay however much they want for a wireless adapter and play this hypothetical 360 on my HDTV downstairs, or I hook it up to a wired connection upstairs and have the "honour" of playing Forza 3 on a TV older than the Nintendo Entertainment System. It appears you win this hypothetical round, Microsoft.

Yet another issue regarding things that should be included in the box is the matter of rechargeable battery packs. For whatever reason, Microsoft decided to skip on including a tiny little battery pack in every controller, instead making the consumer pay $30 apiece for a minuscule plastic cuboid. Of course, just like getting rechargeable battery packs for the Wii remotes, this sort of thing pays for itself in the end, but it's still a real pain at the start. Apparently these battery packs get about 40 hours to the charge, though, so perhaps the convenience is worth the investment. Then again, I could put that $30 towards something more useful, like, say, another controller. A wired one that doesn't require batteries of any kind. Take that, battery manufacturers!! Oh, wait... Crap, I yanked the hypothetical 360 off the hypothetical cabinet while rudely gesturing towards my house's battery drawer. Fine, Microsoft, have it your way...

"That'll be thirty bucks, sir."

One final financial woe regards purchasing things on Xbox Live through the use of a currency called "Microsoft Points". Hoo boy, doesn't that roll off the tongue nicely? "X-Points" not good enough for you or something? Anyways, the problem here isn't the fact that there's a points system. In fact, I like the idea, and have gladly purchased Nintendo Points cards for my Wii and DSi many times. The problem is the fact that the currency itself makes no sense at all. Somehow $20 = 1400 points. Uh... Pardon? It can't possibly have been too difficult to just make $20 equal, well, 2000. When I buy a game on the Wii Shop Channel I can say "That was a good use of $8." On the Xbox store, though... I'm going to have to do math, and by the time I figure it out the satisfaction of my purchase would likely be worn off, replaced by confusion and frustration. I like to be able to figure out how much I spent on a game in dollars. You know what dollars are, Microsoft? Those things that are the currency of the country that buys most of your products? You know, the place where you yourself are located? This isn't a major issue, but it's certainly one of those little things that really gets to me.

The 360 can hardly be considered "cheap" in the long run, but you really seem to get what you pay for. All these accessories and services must be paid for separately, yes, but it's well worth the expense according to many a 360 owner. On another note, while it may cost more than the Playstation 3 once all added costs are factored in, it still totals at less than getting a gaming PC in the ways of both expense and complication. With a 360 I wouldn't have to worry about playing a game that looks nothing like the screenshots on the box. It really bugs me when I buy a game for my computer, bring it home, and find that my computer comes nowhere near to running it as beautifully as depicted in the footage or screenshots I've seen online. Graphics are far from everything, but darn it, if I pay for a game, I want it to look as advertised! Luckily many of these PC games are either simultaneously or later ported to the 360, allowing owners of the latter console to see games the way they were meant to be seen. Finally I'd be able to play these games without every character being made of roughly five polygons! As an added bonus, I also wouldn't have to stand around in game stores and squint at the required minimum specifications to try to figure out whether or not the game would run at all, let alone beautifully. It sure would take a lot of the uncertainty out of buying games.

The 360 is a strange combination of pros and cons, perhaps even being pulled in both directions more than any other console. In my opinion, though, it's being pulled more in the positive direction. While the long-term expense may be great, you really do get what you pay for. The console also has a whole bunch of great games going for it, and that's really what's most important in a situation like this. It's certainly a strong contender in the console wars, and at first it seemed like the obvious choice for me when I began looking for another console, but then another system came along. A system called the Playstation 3.


At first I never would have thought I'd ever consider buying a Playstation 3. When it launched in 2006 the console was expensive, under-supported, and far too akin in appearance to a certain line of counter-top grills. Since then, though, the console has become just as affordable as the 360, support has greatly increased, and it's even received a much-needed makeover. Suddenly it's become a far more attractive a console than ever before!

First off and, of course, most importantly, the Playstation 3's library is really beginning to appeal to me. The Uncharted series is getting insanely good reviews, and games like LittleBigPlanet and the upcoming ModNation Racers are driving my creative side nuts. Again, like on the 360, there's about a billion more shooters than necessary on the console, but I suppose they're easy enough to avoid. After all, I manage to avoid all the party games on the Wii! If there's any sort of severe shortcoming to the PS3's library, though, it's that while all bases seem to be covered, there's not all that much substance to any category (Besides shooters, of course). They do have Naughty Dog, though, which carries the delicious potential for another Jak game. Do that and I'll forgive the shortcomings!

Yes, please.

Unlike on the Xbox 360, playing any of these fine games online won't cost me a dime on the Playstation 3. However, referring back to the "you get what you pay for" theme running through the 360 section of this article, Xbox Live is apparently better than the Playstation Network, even when factoring in the expense. I've heard of Playstation games sometimes cutting out for no apparent reason, while no such reports have been heard from the Xbox side of the online gaming scene. It appears that the annual $60 paid for playing 360 games online helps ensure the stability of the central servers, and while it's apparently not an incredibly common issue on the Playstation Network, I'd gladly sacrifice one game purchase a year to make sure things continue to run smoothly.

Carrying on with the topic of finances, the Playstation 3 has its own version of the 360's Xbox Live Arcade store in the form of the Playstation Store. Unlike the competition, however, there's no strange arbitrary currency assigned to this online shopping centre, instead using good old dollars and cents. The downside, however, kills the service for me entirely: There's no such thing as redeemable cash cards for the Playstation Store. The only way to buy things via the service is with a credit card, something I do not have. In other words, the Playstation Store is completely useless to me. A real pity, too, as there seem to be some truly worthwhile things available on it*.

One final note on the matter of expense is that, unlike the Xbox 360, the Playstation 3 comes with wireless internet capabilities built-in, free of charge, and the controllers have internal, rechargeable batteries as a standard feature. As a result of this, though, the Playstation 3 controllers cost a little more than those for the 360, but not as much as a 360 controller plus a battery pack. This means that the Playstation 3 is actually more affordable than the 360. And to think, only three years ago everyone was still going on about "FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE US DOLLARS"!

Hey, Microsoft, apparently it's possible, both economically
and physically, to cram a battery pack in there. Take note!


There's one more subject about the Playstation 3 that deserves attention, and that's the matter of multiplatform games. While there are many games that release on both this console and on the 360, the Playstation 3 versions tend to suffer from a higher amount of technical problems. Frame rate issues, disappearing objects, slow connections to online lobbies and more tend to pop up more frequently in the Playstation 3 version of these games than on the 360. This is a big problem for me, as one of the main reasons I'm looking into a new console is the fact that they share so many great games unavailable on the Wii. Dragon Age: Origins, Batman: Arkham Asylum and Grand Theft Auto IV are all large factors in my decision to seek an additional video game console, and there's plenty more where that came from. The fear that the game I buy may be inferior to the one on the 360 makes me hesitant to invest in the Playstation 3. The lack of any sort of definitive list of these porting errors only increases my apprehension. For all I know these problems could just be getting blown way out of proportion. It's really hard to tell sometimes! As a side note, a few Playstation 3 games contain features absent in their 360 counterparts, such as the ability to play as the Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum, but I don't really think it's enough to counter the myriad of problems with other ported games.

The Playstation 3 has really surprised me with how much it's improved in the last year or two. It's finally beginning to grab my attention, doing so without me really noticing until my consciousness was firmly in its grasp. However, it, like the 360, is being pulled by many positive and negative forces, and again, like its competition, it emerges on the positive end of the spectrum. The Playstation 3 is a fine console, and few serious arguments can be made that indicate otherwise. What matters here, though, is if it's the right console for me. Looking at all the facts and weighing its many pros and cons, I come to the conclusion that...

...I want the Playstation 3. As a matter of fact, I want the Xbox 360, too! They're both really great in their own way, and I'm eager to get my hands on both. The decision now becomes which to pursue first, and after thinking about it for quite some time, I've decided to begin with the Xbox 360. Lately I've just been going nuts for a realistic racing game, and Forza 3 has really got me under its spell. The draw of playing the many PC games I've either been unwilling or unable to get for my computer is also beginning to get to me. Playstation 3 games like LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted are still really going to grab my eye and will continue to do so for quite some time, but they'll have to wait a while. As of now, the game selection on the 360 is most synced with my current interests, and it's for that reason I've decided to go with Microsoft's console first. It may wind up costing me a bit more at the start, but I'm sure it will be worth it. Maybe next year, Playstation 3... Maybe next year.

*EDIT: According to user NintenDood on the One Duck's Opinion forums, there is such a thing as a Playstation Network cash card. I've never seen these in any store I've ever been too, from Wal-Mart to EBGames. In fact, they only appear to be online... Meaning I'd still need a credit card. If they are in stores somewhere, they certainly aren't in any shop near me, pretty much bringing things back to where I started.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Spam eggs spam spam bacon and spam

Well, I may not have been all that active here lately, but some random Japanese spammer sure has. I woke up yesterday morning to seventeen e-mails waiting for me, fifteen of which were alerting me to comments on my blog, all of them spam. I figured I'd just delete these and it would all be over with.

...then I woke up today to find seventeen more e-mails in my inbox, and once again, fifteen of them were spam. From the same guy. On all the same posts. Either it's a bot that managed to circumvent the word verification thirty times, or some weirdo in Japan has way too much time on his hands. Either way, I've decided I've had enough of this crap. I've locked all but one of the comment sections that were spammed (I left one open due to it still being somewhat active), so maybe that will take care of things. Then again, maybe it won't. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when the bot/weirdo strikes again, as it/he seems to attack every night.

Well then, with that out of the way, here's a bit of news. I've been working on an article for the past little while. It's gone through about five different major changes in structure and subject, and currently only looks to be about half as long as the pseudo-novel I originally had planned. It may be shorter, but it's certainly more focused and it actually makes sense this time around. Bonus!

I'm aiming to have this article posted later tonight. Apologies for the inactivity in January. It was quite the hectic month for me, with a death in the family, a stabbing in the neighbourhood, a car fire in the underground parking lot (Located directly below my apartment, no less), and, on the bright side, my birthday. I suppose that helped balance things out a bit.

Well then, I suppose I'll be getting to work on that article now. In the meantime, feel free to peruse the following rejected titles for this post:

"James Spameron's Avatar", "Spamming Private Ryan", "Spam Spam Everywhere and Not a Link to Click", "Spam It All To Hell", "Mama Always Said Life Was Like a Box of Spam", "Don't You Worry About Spam, Let Me Worry About Blank", "Spam! Unh! Good God!", "Spam In The Hall: Spam Comes To Town", "Another One Spams the Dust", "I Am Spamerica And So Can You", "The Bugs Bunny and Spammy Show", "Spam Me Once, Shame on You. Spam Me Thirty Times... Shame on You", "NBA Spam", "Harry Potter and the Spammer of Spamzkaban", "The 52nd Spammy Awards", "Spamming 101"

Oh, this appears to be the first post of the year. Uh... Happy 2010?