Xbox 360 or Playstation 3: Decisions, decisions...

A while back I declared myself a Wii and PC gamer. I chose the Wii because of its quirky games, affordability and long-standing franchises, while I chose the PC because of its incomparably-huge library and dedicated Valve support. Together I felt that they covered all the bases. About a year after I wrote that article, though, I started to feel I was still missing out. My computer was nowhere near capable of running all the games I wanted and the Wii was still getting shafted by most major third-party developers. With upgrading my PC being too expensive and complicated, I decided that it was time I look into getting a second console. At first I thought that the obvious choice would be the Xbox 360, but as time went on, the Playstation 3 began to appear a more attractive option. This choice wasn't going to be an easy one.

The Xbox 360 was released in 2005, a year before either the Playstation 3 or the then-named Revolution would be seeing the light of day. It's essentially a year ahead of any other console on the market, and this head start certainly seems to have paid off. Being first out of the gate has given the 360 quite the solid selection of software, much of it fitting my admittedly-picky taste. It takes care of my racing addiction with the Forza series, caters to my adventurous side with games like Mass Effect, and fulfills my need for crazy-as-hell fun with Dead Rising. There's a lot more to choose from than the above three games, of course, but these are definitely the titles I'm most eager to get my hands on. I'd say the only real problem with the 360's game library is the apparent lack of adventure or action games. There really doesn't seem to be much of either genre on the console, if any at all. I'll admit I haven't exactly conducted extensive research on the matter, but such games are far less visible than the dozens of shooters clogging the shelves. The large selection of PC ports my computer is too weak to run properly is certainly a plus, though.

The online aspect of gaming is quickly becoming one of the biggest parts of the industry, and I honestly can't disagree with its popularity. Being able to play with 8, 16, 32 or more people from all over the world all at the same time is really quite the amazing feat of technology, and, more importantly, it's insanely fun. Sure, nothing will ever match the thrills of cramming on a couch with all your best friends and going nuts in you game of choice, but it's impossible to deny the importance and fun of playing online. Some say that the 360 has the best online system there is, and what I've seen and read certainly point to them being right. However, unlike any other video game system on the market, this online service isn't free. It's $60 a year to play on Xbox Live, which is somewhat of a kick in the nuts after having played online via Steam for free these last few years. Apparently it's worth the cash, but I'm still not crazy about the idea of paying for what other consoles provide for free.

There are a lot of problems regarding finances on the 360, actually. First off is the matter of the wireless network adapter. While the PS3 and Wii support connections with wireless routers out of the box, the 360 requires a pricey add-on. This is a real problem in my house, where the distance between my main TV and the modem basically necessitates the use of wireless connections for video game consoles. This leaves me with an uncomfortable choice; Either I pay however much they want for a wireless adapter and play this hypothetical 360 on my HDTV downstairs, or I hook it up to a wired connection upstairs and have the "honour" of playing Forza 3 on a TV older than the Nintendo Entertainment System. It appears you win this hypothetical round, Microsoft.

Yet another issue regarding things that should be included in the box is the matter of rechargeable battery packs. For whatever reason, Microsoft decided to skip on including a tiny little battery pack in every controller, instead making the consumer pay $30 apiece for a minuscule plastic cuboid. Of course, just like getting rechargeable battery packs for the Wii remotes, this sort of thing pays for itself in the end, but it's still a real pain at the start. Apparently these battery packs get about 40 hours to the charge, though, so perhaps the convenience is worth the investment. Then again, I could put that $30 towards something more useful, like, say, another controller. A wired one that doesn't require batteries of any kind. Take that, battery manufacturers!! Oh, wait... Crap, I yanked the hypothetical 360 off the hypothetical cabinet while rudely gesturing towards my house's battery drawer. Fine, Microsoft, have it your way...

"That'll be thirty bucks, sir."

One final financial woe regards purchasing things on Xbox Live through the use of a currency called "Microsoft Points". Hoo boy, doesn't that roll off the tongue nicely? "X-Points" not good enough for you or something? Anyways, the problem here isn't the fact that there's a points system. In fact, I like the idea, and have gladly purchased Nintendo Points cards for my Wii and DSi many times. The problem is the fact that the currency itself makes no sense at all. Somehow $20 = 1400 points. Uh... Pardon? It can't possibly have been too difficult to just make $20 equal, well, 2000. When I buy a game on the Wii Shop Channel I can say "That was a good use of $8." On the Xbox store, though... I'm going to have to do math, and by the time I figure it out the satisfaction of my purchase would likely be worn off, replaced by confusion and frustration. I like to be able to figure out how much I spent on a game in dollars. You know what dollars are, Microsoft? Those things that are the currency of the country that buys most of your products? You know, the place where you yourself are located? This isn't a major issue, but it's certainly one of those little things that really gets to me.

The 360 can hardly be considered "cheap" in the long run, but you really seem to get what you pay for. All these accessories and services must be paid for separately, yes, but it's well worth the expense according to many a 360 owner. On another note, while it may cost more than the Playstation 3 once all added costs are factored in, it still totals at less than getting a gaming PC in the ways of both expense and complication. With a 360 I wouldn't have to worry about playing a game that looks nothing like the screenshots on the box. It really bugs me when I buy a game for my computer, bring it home, and find that my computer comes nowhere near to running it as beautifully as depicted in the footage or screenshots I've seen online. Graphics are far from everything, but darn it, if I pay for a game, I want it to look as advertised! Luckily many of these PC games are either simultaneously or later ported to the 360, allowing owners of the latter console to see games the way they were meant to be seen. Finally I'd be able to play these games without every character being made of roughly five polygons! As an added bonus, I also wouldn't have to stand around in game stores and squint at the required minimum specifications to try to figure out whether or not the game would run at all, let alone beautifully. It sure would take a lot of the uncertainty out of buying games.

The 360 is a strange combination of pros and cons, perhaps even being pulled in both directions more than any other console. In my opinion, though, it's being pulled more in the positive direction. While the long-term expense may be great, you really do get what you pay for. The console also has a whole bunch of great games going for it, and that's really what's most important in a situation like this. It's certainly a strong contender in the console wars, and at first it seemed like the obvious choice for me when I began looking for another console, but then another system came along. A system called the Playstation 3.


At first I never would have thought I'd ever consider buying a Playstation 3. When it launched in 2006 the console was expensive, under-supported, and far too akin in appearance to a certain line of counter-top grills. Since then, though, the console has become just as affordable as the 360, support has greatly increased, and it's even received a much-needed makeover. Suddenly it's become a far more attractive a console than ever before!

First off and, of course, most importantly, the Playstation 3's library is really beginning to appeal to me. The Uncharted series is getting insanely good reviews, and games like LittleBigPlanet and the upcoming ModNation Racers are driving my creative side nuts. Again, like on the 360, there's about a billion more shooters than necessary on the console, but I suppose they're easy enough to avoid. After all, I manage to avoid all the party games on the Wii! If there's any sort of severe shortcoming to the PS3's library, though, it's that while all bases seem to be covered, there's not all that much substance to any category (Besides shooters, of course). They do have Naughty Dog, though, which carries the delicious potential for another Jak game. Do that and I'll forgive the shortcomings!

Yes, please.

Unlike on the Xbox 360, playing any of these fine games online won't cost me a dime on the Playstation 3. However, referring back to the "you get what you pay for" theme running through the 360 section of this article, Xbox Live is apparently better than the Playstation Network, even when factoring in the expense. I've heard of Playstation games sometimes cutting out for no apparent reason, while no such reports have been heard from the Xbox side of the online gaming scene. It appears that the annual $60 paid for playing 360 games online helps ensure the stability of the central servers, and while it's apparently not an incredibly common issue on the Playstation Network, I'd gladly sacrifice one game purchase a year to make sure things continue to run smoothly.

Carrying on with the topic of finances, the Playstation 3 has its own version of the 360's Xbox Live Arcade store in the form of the Playstation Store. Unlike the competition, however, there's no strange arbitrary currency assigned to this online shopping centre, instead using good old dollars and cents. The downside, however, kills the service for me entirely: There's no such thing as redeemable cash cards for the Playstation Store. The only way to buy things via the service is with a credit card, something I do not have. In other words, the Playstation Store is completely useless to me. A real pity, too, as there seem to be some truly worthwhile things available on it*.

One final note on the matter of expense is that, unlike the Xbox 360, the Playstation 3 comes with wireless internet capabilities built-in, free of charge, and the controllers have internal, rechargeable batteries as a standard feature. As a result of this, though, the Playstation 3 controllers cost a little more than those for the 360, but not as much as a 360 controller plus a battery pack. This means that the Playstation 3 is actually more affordable than the 360. And to think, only three years ago everyone was still going on about "FIVE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE US DOLLARS"!

Hey, Microsoft, apparently it's possible, both economically
and physically, to cram a battery pack in there. Take note!

There's one more subject about the Playstation 3 that deserves attention, and that's the matter of multiplatform games. While there are many games that release on both this console and on the 360, the Playstation 3 versions tend to suffer from a higher amount of technical problems. Frame rate issues, disappearing objects, slow connections to online lobbies and more tend to pop up more frequently in the Playstation 3 version of these games than on the 360. This is a big problem for me, as one of the main reasons I'm looking into a new console is the fact that they share so many great games unavailable on the Wii. Dragon Age: Origins, Batman: Arkham Asylum and Grand Theft Auto IV are all large factors in my decision to seek an additional video game console, and there's plenty more where that came from. The fear that the game I buy may be inferior to the one on the 360 makes me hesitant to invest in the Playstation 3. The lack of any sort of definitive list of these porting errors only increases my apprehension. For all I know these problems could just be getting blown way out of proportion. It's really hard to tell sometimes! As a side note, a few Playstation 3 games contain features absent in their 360 counterparts, such as the ability to play as the Joker in Batman: Arkham Asylum, but I don't really think it's enough to counter the myriad of problems with other ported games.

The Playstation 3 has really surprised me with how much it's improved in the last year or two. It's finally beginning to grab my attention, doing so without me really noticing until my consciousness was firmly in its grasp. However, it, like the 360, is being pulled by many positive and negative forces, and again, like its competition, it emerges on the positive end of the spectrum. The Playstation 3 is a fine console, and few serious arguments can be made that indicate otherwise. What matters here, though, is if it's the right console for me. Looking at all the facts and weighing its many pros and cons, I come to the conclusion that...

...I want the Playstation 3. As a matter of fact, I want the Xbox 360, too! They're both really great in their own way, and I'm eager to get my hands on both. The decision now becomes which to pursue first, and after thinking about it for quite some time, I've decided to begin with the Xbox 360. Lately I've just been going nuts for a realistic racing game, and Forza 3 has really got me under its spell. The draw of playing the many PC games I've either been unwilling or unable to get for my computer is also beginning to get to me. Playstation 3 games like LittleBigPlanet and Uncharted are still really going to grab my eye and will continue to do so for quite some time, but they'll have to wait a while. As of now, the game selection on the 360 is most synced with my current interests, and it's for that reason I've decided to go with Microsoft's console first. It may wind up costing me a bit more at the start, but I'm sure it will be worth it. Maybe next year, Playstation 3... Maybe next year.

*EDIT: According to user NintenDood on the One Duck's Opinion forums, there is such a thing as a Playstation Network cash card. I've never seen these in any store I've ever been too, from Wal-Mart to EBGames. In fact, they only appear to be online... Meaning I'd still need a credit card. If they are in stores somewhere, they certainly aren't in any shop near me, pretty much bringing things back to where I started.

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By This Time Next Year: Volume 3

This is but the first of two annual traditions taking place this month. Tune in on the 23rd for the second annual Golden Duck Awards!


Beginning in November 2007 and continued in December 2008, "By This Time Next Year" (Now properly capitalized!) comes back for its third iteration, with past predictions reviewed and a whole new set crafted for the upcoming year. First up, as usual, revisiting those predictions made on December 3rd, 2009!

"...at least one more console will be added to the North American Virtual Console" = Correct!

Released the same day it was announced, Virtual Console Arcade was added during the 2009 Game Developer's Conference this March, bringing classic arcade games to the living room, bedroom, or wherever the heck you stuck that console!

...Star Fox Wii will have been announced for an early 2010 release (I'm not giving up on this!) = WRONG

I've been posting this one for two years now, and it still hasn't happened. Eh, I give up... Which, of course, means it will now happen.

...the true successor to the DS line of handhelds will have been announced = WRONG

You know, I'm honestly not sure what I was thinking here. It was preposterous to imagine Nintendo doing such a thing. The system's still flying off the shelf like mad, and it would be stupid to stem sales by pushing out a successor. They did release the DSi XL, though, which makes my prediction slightly less inaccurate... Slighty.

...Nintendo still won't have released a true solution to the Wii storage problem = WRONG

This one requires a little backstory for anyone either new to the site or prioritized enough to not bother remembering the ramblings of a random internet weirdo. At the time the previous edition of "By This Time Next Year" was written, Nintendo had announced a solution to the Wii's greatly-limited storage space, but the wording was so cryptic that it sounded as if it solved no problems at all. In reality, though, it appears to have been lost in translation, as the solution did indeed arrive in March 2009 (Same day as Virtual Console Arcade), and it sure did deliver. In short: I misinterpreted a cryptic Japanese press release and made an ass of myself. Next!

...Wii sales will surpass 60 million worldwide = WRONG

Oh, but I was so close! The Wii didn't quite reach that landmark, stopping just short of the predicted number with... Oh, this is painful... 58.37 million, according to VGChartz.com (Which I find to be quite accurate, thank you very much). Now this is just crazy. Well... I was close!

...the combined sales of the Nintendo DS, DS Lite and DSi will overtake the Playstation 2's record sales of 140 million+ = WRONG

...here, however, I was slightly less accurate. The DS, DS Lite, DSi and DSi XL (Man there's a lot of them!) came up 23.53 million short at 116.47 million. My predictions aren't faring so well this year, are they?

...Mother 3 will still be landlocked in Japan, without any sort of announcements made for a release outside of its homeland = Correct!

Okay, I admit, this was a bit of a "Well, duh!" prediction, following in the painfully-obvious footsteps of 2007's prediction of "Duke Nukem Forever will remain unreleased." Sadly, Professor Obvious couldn't be here today to cover this prediction, as he's having a stick of chalk removed from... Uh, on second thought, you don't want to know.

...at least two more Pokémon games will have been released (Main series and/or spin-offs) = Correct!

In fact, four have been released since then (Seven if you count the slightly different versions some games were released in)! Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon (WiiWare), and Pokémon Rumble have all seen release since this prediction was made. Oh, that Nintendo and its Pokémon!

-----

And this year's overall prediction accuracy is... Five wrong, three correct. Heck, that's almost the exact opposite of last year's results! Well, perhaps these new predictions will fare better:

...Pikmin 3 will have been formally announced
...Half-Life 2: Episode 3 will have gone another year without any sort of official announcement
...a long-standing, long-since-forgotten Nintendo franchise will make its triumphant return
...Project Natal will have been delayed until 2011
...people will still be erroneously calling the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 "next-generation"
...Mario Party 9 will have been released
...Zelda Wii will have been confirmed for a Summer 2011 release
...yet another same-as-before Call of Duty game will have been released, and people will still be yet to tire of it
...a brand-new Nintendo IP will have been announced
...SEGA will once again bring shame to the Sonic brand

And thus ends the list of predictions for the year of 2010. Hmm... Ten predictions, tenth year of the century... COINCIDENCE?!

...okay, yeah, it's a coincidence. Neat, though. Well then, what do you think of my predictions? Good? Bad? HORRENDOUS? Let your opinion be heard (And maybe even make a few predictions of your own) in the comment section, or in this forum thread.

Hypothetical sequels that need to become reality

After much hoping, begging and praying, we finally get word that Boom Blox 2 is, indeed, coming our way. Honestly, while I was wanting it so dearly, I never thought it would actually come to be. I thought that Boom Blox would just be another one of those brilliant games that never turns into a franchise. With this sequel to a fantastic game finally realized, it made me think of some other deserving titles and franchises sorely in need of a not-even-hinted-at follow-up.

First up is my often-discussed sequel to that wonderful Gamecube launch title, Luigi's Mansion. Looking back at the controls and gameplay of Luigi's Mansion, it's a perfect fit for the Wii. Aiming the Poultergust with the Wii remote's pointer, turning on the spectral vacuum with the A button, all the while moving about with the analog stick. Luigi's Mansion 2 is probably my most-wanted of all hypothetical sequels, and if I don't get word on its existance soon, I'll begin sacrificing vacuums to the gaming gods.

Can we at least get a New Play Control version?

Another game in need of a sequel would have to be Warcraft III. Yes, Warcraft III. Not World of Warcraft. We need a true Warcraft IV, with good ol' RTS action in place of this monotonous grinding MMORPG that seems to have taken everyone hostage. Technology has advanced greatly since the days of Warcraft III (Released over six and a half years ago), meaning so much more could be done in this hypothetical Warcraft IV. Genre-redefining features could come into play, revitalizing the RTS world that has been stagnating somewhat over the past few years. The possibilities within a Warcraft IV are just mind-blowing, and, if Activision Blizzard can manage to pull its money-soaked head from its ass, they'll see the potential and get cracking on the true follow-up to this series.

See this, Blizzard? Make a sequel to this.

The next franchise I'd like to bring attention to is one that hasn't been discussed here in a while, and that's Jak & Daxter. With amazing adventures, great level design and witty writing, it's definitely one of my favourite franchises. However, despite total sales amounting to nearly ten million units, Naughty Dog has, for some reason, not seen fit to make Jak 4. The ending of Jak 3 was a perfect lead-in to a prequel/sequel (Hard to explain; You'd have to play it to understand), yet here we are, over four years passed the third installment's release, and not even a peep on the much-needed fourth edition of the main series. Seriously, the potential in Jak 4 is so great that it would, quite seriously, make me buy a Playstation 3 if it were to be released.

Uncharted's fine and dandy, but give me a Jak IV! All these
fan-made mock-ups are starting to hurt!

If there's one thing Sonic Team's proven to us over the years, it's that a well-known and beloved franchise can, indeed, be dragged through the mud long enough to make it unrecognizable and devoid of entertainment. If there's one thing Dimps has proven, though, is that said franchise can be successfully revitalized in the right hands. Such is the case with the Sonic Rush series, bravely and competently carrying on while the Blue Blur's console adventures continue to scrap the bottom of the septic tank. Or rather, it was the case, up until the series all but disappeared with the release of the second title, Sonic Rush Adventure, back in 2007. Since then we've heard nothing of the well-deserved third iteration of this diamond in the rough, with the Nintendo DS instead being subjected to a bizarre RPG branching-off made by the more-than-capable BioWare in the form of Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood. As if Sonic is a character well suited to the RPG formula. We don't need more bizarre off-shoots, SEGA. We need another Sonic Rush! Just... Feel free to cut back on the annoying sidekicks.

That jet ski had better be going to Sonic Rush 3...

Deviating a bit from the mainstream, another sequel I'd like to see is a follow-up to Hotel Dusk. Now, I don't say Hotel Dusk 2 because, lets face it, it would be quite boring for the next game to take place in the same building. Anyways, I feel that the characters of Kyle Hyde and Mila are far too interesting to just toss aside. I feel that much more can be done with these characters. Also, I think that the 1960s are an interesting decade to place a game in, and I'd really like to see more of what Cing can do with such a unique time period choice. This hypothetical Hotel Dusk sequel, whatever it may (Hypothetically) end up being called, would be an excellent way to continue supporting Nintendo platforms with intelligent and mature content. Perhaps after work wraps up on the Wii sequel to Trace Memory/Another Code we'll see some more '60s sleuthing. Until then, I think I'll be staying in good ol' room 215. After all, it is rumoured to make wishes come true...

I don't know about you, but Melissa's sure
excited about a sequel.

And with that, we come to the end of this article. Of course, there's many, many more games worthy of not-even-hinted-at sequels out there, but if I were to write up each and every one of them I'd be here all day. These five, though, are certainly some of the most deserving of the bunch. What would you say are your five most-wanted-yet-not-even-hinted-at-sequels? What out-of-the-blue sequels are you most hoping for? Feel free to let me know in the comment section, or this forum thread.

The 2008 Golden Duck Awards

401st post: Slightly less notable than the 400th. Also, this article consists only of this year's games that I played, so if there's another game out there with a title more reflective of flatulence I sure haven't played it (Although I kinda wish I did).


As the year comes to a close, it's time to take a look back at all the games of 2008 and figure out which ones are worthy of mentioning once again in all sorts of feeble, irrelevant little categories. Feeble and irrelevant... Yep, that's One Duck's Opinion, alright!

Best Game With a Title That Sounds Like a Kids' Movie

I can imagine walking into some shady flea market in the depths of China and seeing Professor Layton and the Curious Village sticking out of a pile of bootleg DVDs. Of course, there'd be one hell of a garbled Engrish description on the back... "Open movie, Professor Layton and his young assistant Luke driving the request of the town of St. mysterious widow of the late Baron Lady Dahlia Reinhold. Baron has remained in his last will, who solved the mystery of the Golden Apple will inherit the fate of Baron, some people attempt and failures."

Come to think of it, Professor Layton and the Curious Village would make a good animated film. The art's fantastic, the storyline is solid, and all of its amazing puzzles would translate well to on-screen head-scratchers. Nothing can compare to how it is as a game, though, with its many mind-bending puzzles, exploration elements and investigative segments. Professor Layton is surely a great game all around, even if it the title does make it sound like it belongs in a Chinese flea market bargain bin.

Best Nintendo Game That Europe Actually Got Before North America

Nintendo's well-known for frequently giving the shaft to our European friends. Star Fox 64, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and even the DS Lite all launched in Europe last out of all three major regions, and these few examples are just the tip of the iceberg. It's no surprise that everyone was amazed at Europe receiving Mario Kart Wii only one day after Japan, and nearly two weeks before North America. This may not sound like such a big deal, but ask any European how they felt about waiting for Brawl and prepare to see the tears flow.

Now the tables turn and Europe begins to lord it over us for a good thirteen days. They had every right to do so, what with Mario Kart Wii's amazing track design, so-far-unmatched-on-the-Wii online play, and perfect motion controls. I suppose we had it coming after how loudly we loved Brawl...

Best Sequel With a Change of Main Character

Every Ace Attorney fan had already come to love the story of Phoenix Wright, the rookie defense lawyer who always claimed victory over even the most unfair odds. So when it was announced that Mr. Wright wouldn't be wearing the title of attorney in the fourth game people were understandably upset. Despite all our feelings of dread and our reluctance to love the new lead character, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney still managed to make a big splash in the realm of law-based gaming.

One place Apollo Justice really managed to shine was in the graphics department. With the DS being so many times stronger than the Game Boy Advance, far more advanced sprite animations, backgrounds, and even 3D imagery became possible here. Like the bonus fifth chapter in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, all of Apollo Justice took advantage of the DS' unique abilities to further enhance the gameplay experience, using the touchscreen for everything from taking fingerprints to pouring plaster to copy a footprint in the mud. And of course, there's no forgetting using the microphone to shout "Objection!". However, unlike many witness testimonies in the game, I have no objections to Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

Best Reminder That Life Could Be Worse

First you drop your morning latte, then you step in a mud puddle, and then you barely miss the bus on your way home. You're life couldn't be any worse, right? Well, imagine you instead drop your handgun, got splattered by Boomer bile, then barely miss the helicopter out of this hellhole. Sure sounds a lot worse, huh? This moment of putting life into perspective was brought to you by Left 4 Dead.

From Valve, the company quickly becoming my favourite developer in the business, Left 4 Dead is a new take on zombie games: It's all co-op. The "4" in the title refers to the player's squad, a group of four survivors of the zombie apocalypse. Only by working together can these four survive the seemingly endless waves of zombies of all shapes, sizes and abilities, from the common "horde" zombie, all the way up to the bone-chilling Witch. With rapid-fire clouds of zombies always pouring in from every direction, and each game being different due to the innovative AI Director, Left 4 Dead isn't just a reminder that life could be worse; It's also one hell of a game.

Best Way to Beat the Crap Out of Your Friends Without Getting the Police Involved

Fireballs, bombs, flying jump-kicks, magical blades, and many other objects that defy definition are just some of the weapons available in your Super Smash Bros. Brawl arsenal. Thanks to this game, now you can ignite, blow up, mangle, and altogether destroy your friends without those pesky police getting in the way.

After many months of waiting, wishing and speculating, the world finally got its hands on Super Smash Bros. Brawl this year. With by far the biggest roster yet, an insane amount of different stages and the conversion of just about every former mode into a mini-game made Brawl into one of this year's most amazing titles. Okay, so the online aspect blew massive chunks, but I still hold that Smash Bros. (Like many other games) is best played with your friends in the same room. When it comes to beating the crap out of your friends with the help of the Wii, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is second only to clonking them over the head with the console itself.

Best Indicator That the Apocalypse Might Be Kinda Cool

Whenever I envision a post-apocalyptic world, it usually looks a lot like End of Evangelion, with a red-coloured skies, seas of nothing, and rubble from former proud structures. Usually one figure stands along among it all, speechless at what they're seeing. It's quite the bleak, saddening image. However, that's not the case in Advance Wars: Days of Ruin! Sure, meteors blotted out the sun, but there's tanks and explosions and stuff! Hooray apocalypse!

Advance Wars: Days of Ruin takes the happy-go-lucky attitude of the first three Advance Wars games and thrusts it into the far-flung future of Armageddon. 90% of the world's population has been wiped out, and the remaining few struggle to survive with limited resources. Of course, just about every last shred of the world's law died with those who upheld it, and now anarchy reins. War is everywhere, and the game follows the story of one troop as he joins a brigade and begins trying to bring the world back to normal. The same award-winning gameplay from the rest of the series returns, bringing with it a few more units and a selection of new gameplay elements. If I had a choice as to how the world would end, I'd surely pick the Days of Ruin version. I'll take tanks and bombers over puddles of people any day!

Best Reason to Get Your Rabies Shot

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Time to head on down to the clinic and get my inoculations up to date! I mean, seriously, if I lived in a town with a raccoon shopkeeper, a dog hairstylist and a hedgehog seamstress, I'd probably get the heck out of there before finding out which of the squirrels is rabid. In the happy, care-free land of Animal Crossing, though, we need not worry about booster shots. Good thing, too, or else I'd have more puncture wounds than Hellraiser.

In Animal Crossing: City Folk, there is no real point or goal. The player can just do things as they want, when they want, living a nice, calming secondary life with friendly humanoid animals. Buying furniture, upgrading the house, competing in fishing tournaments... Okay, so it's the exact same thing as the other two games. Same or not, though, get your rabies shots just to be sure. I don't trust the look in K.K. Slider's eye...

Best Game With a Title Reminiscent of Flatulence

No more really needs to be said here.

LostWinds is a unique game in that the player controls two characters at once: A young boy, Toku, and the wind spirit, Enril. The two work in tandem, with Toku being controlled by the analog stick, and Enril taking the role of the Wii remote's pointer. Simply point, click and drag, and a gust of wind will blow along the line you drew. Wind is key to solving just about every puzzle in the game, from fanning coals into a fire to kick-starting a windmill. LostWinds is certainly a great game, even if its name does remind me of methane clouds.

And so end the first ever Golden Duck Awards, giving useless, fictitious trophies to random video games I played. Can you think of some inane and utterly pointless awards you'd like to give to some of this year's video games? Feel free to let your ideas be heard in either the comment section, or this forum thread.

PC vs console gaming

Like I said back in May, I'm currently both a PC and a console gamer. I'm in a unique situation now, you see, as many PC gamers consider their choice superior to that of console gamers. Of course, the console gamers feel quite to the contrary. While I don't hope to once and for all end this argument, I will lay the facts down right here and now and decide whether one choice truly has any sort of advantage over the other.

Round 1: Price

When it comes to a good, gaming quality PC, you're quite often going to be spending big bucks just to make par, so to speak. Most every gaming-level PC out there is going to cost you upwards of $1000, and that's just for the CPU. Add in a $300-$400 high-quality monitor, a keyboard, mouse and speakers and the price is sure to be at least $1500. Going PC when it comes to gaming is never cheap unless you have some major connections and the know-how to put together your own computer from scratch.

Consoles, on the other hand, currently cost between $280 and $400 plus tax here in Canada. At those prices, you'd be able to get one of each consoles and a few games for less than a fully-loaded gaming PC. Of course, there's the addition of peripherals and, in the case of the XBox 360, online subscription fees, but even factoring in these would at most overshoot the PC price point by no more than $100 or so. Still, you'd be getting three game consoles, peripherals, games and subscriptions for the price of a computer, monitor and accessories. I feel that's reason enough to conclude that round 1 goes to the consoles.

Round 2: Game Selection

The PC gets a relatively mixed-bag of games. Many major console games eventually see release on the PC, sometimes simultaneously, especially games otherwise exclusive to the XBox 360. Mass Effect, Fallout 3, Left 4 Dead, Grand Theft Auto IV and BioShock are all good examples of this. The PC's library of exclusive games is somewhat lacking, though, with only a few significant titles coming to mind, some of which are many years old. Finally, due to how open the world of PC game development is, the amount of shovelware clogging up the shelves rivals that of the Wii and DS combined. Back on the bright side of things, the PC has a game library going back about twenty years, with many classic games such as Fallout, RollerCoaster Tycoon, SimCity, and so much more available for little or nothing. No console in history can match the shear size of the PC's library.

As for the console scene, there tends to be far more exclusives than on the PC. If you were to add up all the exclusive titles available out there for the 360, Wii and PS3 you'd surely come up with a number many, many times that of what you'd find doing the same with the PC. Heck, the AAA exclusives for the Wii alone over the last two years probably outnumber those of the PC. Super Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart Wii, Metroid Prime 3, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Super Paper Mario, No More Heroes, Wario Land: Shake It, Battalion Wars II... The list keeps going! However, as I said before, even counting services like the Virtual Console and XBox Live Arcade, no console can even come close to the gargantuan amount of classic games available for the PC. Round 2 ends in a tie.

Round 3: The Social Factor

Even the most die-hard PC fan would have to admit that there's just no matching having a bunch of friends all crowded around a single TV wailing on game controllers in a frantic race to outdo each other. Unless you have a dedicated circle of PC-playing friends with easily-transported rigs, you just can't match the same-room mayhem of consoles.

When it comes to being a social gaming experience, the PC isn't entirely behind the consoles. Like the 360, PS3, and soon to be the Wii, the PC also has live voice chat during games. That being said, although this does help close the gap a little, the consoles still claim round 3.

Round 4: Compatibility

When you bring home a new XBox 360 game, do you have to check what version of the console you have, or what your processing power is? Nope, you just pop in the disc and get playing. This isn't the case with PC gaming, though, as I nervously approach any new game and carefully read the requirements on the back to check if I can run it on my mid-range PC. Even if I can run it, it probably won't be at full graphical quality. This is where price comes back into play, as PC gamers have to continually upgrade their rigs in order to keep up with the ever-changing standard of processors and graphics cards. Console gamers? We just buy the successor every five years, sit back, and relax. Without a doubt, consoles claim victory this round.

Round 5: Controls

If you're reading this article on a computer, look right in front of you and see one of the greatest controllers ever made: The keyboard and mouse. With the keyboard's nearly infinite possibilities for customization and the mouse's pinpoint accuracy, the PC can adapt to just about anyone's preferences. Heck, if you don't like to use a keyboard and mouse, you can even hook up an XBox 360 controller and play with that instead!

In the consoles' corner, the only controller that comes close to matching the precision of a keyboard and mouse is the Wii remote. With its infra-red pointer, the Wii remote is every bit as accurate as the mouse, if not more so. Of course, the Wii remote, along with the Dualshock 3, have motion sensing, something no PC input device I've heard of can match. This round is too close to call, with motion sensing on one hand, and customization on the other, I'm going to have to call this a tie.

Round 6: Multitasking

The latest round of consoles come complete with many features other than playing video games, from web browsers to weather updates to virtual stores for customizing. However, no amount of additional features on a game console can match the insane multitasking abilities of a PC. After all, PCs are generally computers first, game consoles second. Just about every PC out there has word processing, web browsing, photo editing, movie making, music playback, a DVD player, and so much more. Without a doubt, round 6 goes to the PC.

VERDICT

With each victory counting for a full point, and each tie counting for a half-point, the consoles win the round with a 4 over the PC's respectable 2. Don't go thinking that a PC isn't worth your time for gaming, though, as these are just numbers. While the consoles may have won when it comes to the score, the PC isn't entirely inferior. It's a complicated sort of battle, really, and it's the kind that really never will have any sort of clear winner in the end. However, based on the above facts alone, the consoles do beat out the PC. Just remember that preference is the one true deciding factor, since that's all that really matters.

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The Orange Box: PC vs console

One Duck's Opinion: Back in business!



No matter what console you get it for, The Orange Box is an amazing deal, filled with five amazing games for the price of one. Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2: Episode 1, Half-Life 2: Episode 2, Portal, and Team Fortress 2. These five games are unarguably amazing, and the fact that they can all be yours for the price of one game is just mind-blowing. However, while all versions of the package are spectacular, the PC Orange Box differs somewhat from the bundle available for the XBox 360 and Playstation 3.

First off, the most obvious point is the console versions lack the pin-point accuracy of the good ol' computer mouse. I played Half-Life 2, Portal and Team Fortress 2 on the 360 on Thursday, and I found myself constantly nudging the right analog stick ever so slightly in order to aim just where I wanted. I can only imagine how insanely difficult playing as a sniper in Team Fortress 2 must be. Of course, I'd likely become more accustomed to the analog control after some time, but it would still never match the amazing precision of our friend the mouse.

Next, the console versions also suffer from comparatively sparse update support, most notably being the absolute absence of any class specific updates in Team Fortress 2. While PC players are munching on Sandviches and chucking people around with the flamethrower's compressed air blast, 360 and PS3 owners are stuck with the same exact game they got on day one. Not all hope is lost, though, as Valve has announced they plan to release the updates for the 360 once they're all released. However, unlike the PC version, these updates will not be free due to a minor issue with Microsoft's distribution methods. It's still better than the PS3 version, though, which so far has no announced updates whatsoever.

"What was that, sandwich? PC only? Good idea! AH HA HA HA HA HA"

The PC version also benefits from an extensive amount of user-created content, such as amazing new "skins" for characters and objects, brand new maps, and creative new game modes. The chances of any of these user-made features hitting the consoles are pretty much nil, as it would be almost impossible to reach an agreement with every single map-maker out there. The PC wins once more!

There's even somewhat of a conflict between the two console versions. While the 360 version plays just as smoothly as its PC counterpart, the Playstation 3 Orange Box suffers from frequent lag, extended load times and unexplained internet-based delays in Team Fortress 2. Of course, the PS3 version isn't entirely inferior to its 360 cousin, as it features anti-aliasing otherwise available only in the PC package.

To be honest, I can think of no single advantage to the console versions that would apply to every gamer out there. For example, if you have a bunch of friends on XBox Live, it would probably be best to get the 360 package, and if you don't have a decent PC, it would only make sense to go with one of the console offerings if you can. In the end, though, every version of The Orange Box is more than worth adding to your collection, but it would be best to weigh the pros and cons of each package before making the choice of which one to buy. From a glance, I'd say that the PC version is best, followed by the 360, and then the PS3. I suggest you make your decision with this in mind. No matter what your choice, though, you're sure to enjoy your time with The Orange Box, whether you're fighting the Combine, escaping from the Aperture Science Enrichment Center, or simply teaching some RED team ladies how to break spines.

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Mega Man 9 review

Remember, this review is using the new rating system outlined here. I don't want to confuse anyone!


Developers: Inti Creates, Capcom Japan
Publisher: Capcom
Release Date: September 22nd
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
ESRB Notes: Mild Cartoon Violence

After many years of waiting, Mega Man 8 finally gets its sequel in the form of Mega Man 9 for WiiWare, Playstation Network and XBox Live Arcade. Saying Mega Man 9 goes back to basics would be an understatement, as it features 8-bit graphics, NES-style music, and incredibly linear gameplay. With nostalgia coming out the wazoo and a higher difficulty than most of today's video games, Mega Man 9 is a title for the retro gamer in all of us.

As Mega Man begins, Dr. Wily is once again admitting defeat to Dr. Light's robot warrior. Shortly after, though, Dr. Light's robots all start going insane, blowing things up and attacking the populace. Dr. Wily claims that this is all Dr. Light's doing, even going so far as to present a recording of Light speaking of taking over the world. Of course, we all know this can't possibly be true, and it's up to Mega Man to defeat all the robots and prove Dr. Light's innocence.

In order to do this, Mega Man must defeat eight of Dr. Light's 'Bots gone wild, and then track down both Dr. Wily and the truth. The levels and bosses all have their own themes, from water to fire to bees. Yes, bees. I'm not sure why either. Anyways, with each level comes a theme, and with each theme comes new hazards. Magma Man's stage is full of lava and flamethrower-wielding robots, Hornet Man's level is fraught with heat-seeking flower missiles, and Jewel Man's mine-themed stage is packed full of robot mine carts. To fight back against these bosses and their themed terrors, Mega Man must rely on his trusty Mega Buster. After defeating a boss, however, Mega Man gains the ability to mimic their weapon. Unlike the Mega Buster, though, these special weapons have limited ammunition, and must be used sparingly. Certain weapons are significantly more effective against certain bosses. For example, Splash Woman's Laser Trident is very strong against Magma Man. After all, water puts out fire.

Of course, Mega Man 9 isn't only about defeating the robot masters and their minions. A large amount of getting to the bosses involves skillful timing and jumps, as well as quite a bit of patience. Waiting for the right moment to jump is crucial in many of the levels, and knowing where all the hidden traps are is key to success. This somewhat makes Mega Man 9 largely about trial and error, in that players will often be killed by an obstacle before learning of its existance. For example, Galaxy Man's stage is filled with robots that drop from the sky, grab Mega Man, and drag him into walls of spikes. Learning where all these robots lurk is key, as just touching a spike wall is curtains for the Blue Bomber. A good memory is a great tool to have when playing Mega Man 9.

Those grabby buggers are a real pain in the robotic ass.

If things get really hard, players can also purchase items such as Energy Tanks, ally "calls" and extra lives using the bolts collected throughout play as currency. This helps tone down the difficulty a tiny bit, but it's just so much more satisfying to beat the crap out of a robot master without any help.

One not-quite-classic feature included in Mega Man 9 is an XBox Live-like achievement system. Achievement requirements range from beating 500 enemies to defeating a boss in under ten seconds. While I can never hope to obtain these achievements for myself, they'll certainly keep me coming back, trying in vain, until my Wii remote snaps in half. Considering how sturdy Nintendo products are, I'll probably be at it for a while.

Sometimes a gamer will call a game "retro" because of its simplistic art style and 2D presentation. Well, it's time for those guys to find a new word, because Mega Man 9 is the one true example of a new game being retro. Mega Man 9 looks just like an NES game from the glory days, right down to the three-frame running animation. Some people think that this art style is a cop-out, a way for Capcom to save money and get the game out the door sooner. Well, those people are, quite frankly, nuts. Mega Man 9 is a return to the good ol' days, and the art style followed suit. Only thing is, now we don't have to blow into the console to get it to work.

Keeping in the theme of NES-style presentation, Mega Man 9 also features a beautifully electronic set of sound effects and background music. A short, looped song on the stage select screen just furthers the incredible retro feel of Mega Man 9. Also making a return are the simple blips and bloops of firing the Mega Buster and jumping around. It's simply amazing how far Capcom went to make this game retro in every way. I'm definitely impressed.

I know I'll be playing Mega Man 9 for a while yet. Two robot masters down, six to go! At this rate, I won't be done until it's nearly Halloween!

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Mega Man 9 is a throwback to the days of the NES. Back when men were mega, when bros. were super, when there was action in elevators. Mega Man 9 is a true retro game released in the days of high-definition and surround sound. It brings back all the great, challenging gameplay of the NES, and somehow makes it feel like new all over again. Finally, the true sequel to Mega Man 8 has arrived, and it certainly hasn't disappointed. Without a doubt, Mega Man 9 earns a big fat...


Anyone who loves Mega Man, classic gaming, or a good challenge needs to download Mega Man 9 ASAP. Fire up your console of choice, launch this game, and enjoy the nostalgic goodness. Mega Man 9 is a mega good time.

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Team Fortress 2 review

Alright, here's the first of the new PC-related articles. I hope those of you who came here for the Nintendo stick around for the PC.


Developer: Valve
Publisher: Valve
Release Date: October 10th, 2007
ESRB Rating: M for Mature 17+
ESRB Notes: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence
Also Available For: Playstation 3 and XBox 360

The world of Team Fortress began in 1996 with the Quake modification of the same name. A huge hit, it was later upgraded and adapted in Team Fortress Classic in 1999. That's as far as the franchise would be going for a long time, though. While Team Fortress 2 was revealed the same year Team Fortress Classic was released, it wouldn't be released until eight years later. As of today, the game has been on the market for ten months, and players have been going nuts for it, myself included. I hope this review will make you understand just why I love this game so much.

Team Fortress 2 is a team-based online first-person shooter. It has absolutely no single player mode of any kind, instead being nothing but online matches. Being team based, success relies heavily on working as a group and not an individual. Making teamwork even more essential are the various strengths and weaknesses of Team Fortress 2's nine distinct classes. The classes are as follows (In alphabetical order):

Demoman: A black, Scottish cyclops, the Demoman specializes in explosives. His grenades are on a short timer, and will explode either when time runs out or if they hit an enemy after being launched. The sticky bombs can be placed and detonated remotely, blowing enemies to pieces. Finally, his melee weapon, the bottle, delivers both crushing blows and refreshing beverages. Detonating sticky bombs beneath his feet sends the Demoman flying, allowing him to reach high ledges for a better view of the action.

Engineer: A good ol' boy from the big state of Texas, the Engineer's known for building complex machines in seconds. His sentry gun can shoot down enemies with ease, and his dispenser supplies allies with both health and ammunition. His amazing teleporter can instantly warp friendly units from place to place, but only if both an entrance and exit are constructed. He also carries with him three weapons: A reliable shotgun, a small pistol, and a wrench used for both repairing his machines and whacking enemies.

Sentry gun: Check. Dispenser: Check. Evil laugh: Check

Heavy: An imposing Russian man with a brain about as large as a bullet, the Heavy Weapons Guy's trademark is his humongous gun. Even though the gun has a capacity of 200 rounds, its insanely fast firing rate spits them out at such a speed that he's likely to finish off his ammunition in almost no time at all. His secondary weapon is a trusty shotgun, great for finishing off puny enemies moving too fast for his main gun to keep up with. Finally, instead of a third weapon like a wrench or bottle, the Heavy uses his fists to do the talking. One blow from those big hands is sure to send any foe reeling. Even though he's by far the slowest class, the Heavy is a force to be reckoned with.

Medic: A German doctor seemingly more interested in pain than healing, the Medic deals exclusively with medically-based weaponry. His Medigun can heal allies from a short distance, allowing him to hide in safety while somebody else takes all the beatings. His Syringe Gun fires medical needles at his foes, but they're filled with anything but painkillers. Finally, the Medic has his trusty Bonesaw, great for amputating limbs from patients both anesthetized and awake. The Medic's Medigun has a special ability, going by the name of Uber. Whenever the Medigun is healing, the Ubercharge slowly builds. When the meter fills up completely, the Medic can latch his Medigun onto an ally, and initiate an Uber. This makes both the Medic and the target invulnerable for a short time, posing a huge threat to any foe nearby. The Medic is surely an important part of any team, and a single Uber can instantly turn the tables of any battle.

Pyro: The Pyro may as well be a Canadian woman for all we know, since his thick mask muffles any speech to the point of being nearly incomprehensible. His trademark flamethrower can ignite foes from a short distance, leaving them burning and taking damage for several seconds afterwords. He, like the Heavy and Engineer, also wields a shotgun for taking care of foes too far to be set aflame. Finally, his melee weapon is a fire axe, although it serves a purpose quite opposite of a firefighter's intent of rescue.

Scout: A big-talking punk from Brooklyn, the Scout is rarely seen due to how incredibly fast he runs. His Scattergun (Resembling a sawed-off shotgun) is great for dealing with foes at medium range, while his pistol picks up the foes further away. Up close, though, the Scout prefers to use his trusty steel baseball bat to do the dirty work. With super-speed and double-jumping abilities, the Scout is key to reconnaissance and fetch-missions.

Sniper: A sharp-shooting marksman from the land down under, Australia, the Sniper likes to do his work from a distance. Using his sniper rifle, the Sniper can easily zoom in and target foes from far across the battlefield, shooting them in the body for heavy damage, or firing a round into their head for a one-shot kill. The Sniper also wields a small automatic gun in the form of an SMG. While incredibly weak, the SMG can be used to take care of any enemy that gets a little too close for comfort. When the foe really gets in his face, the Sniper can pull out his Kukri and slash the opponent to death with the knife's large, curved blade.

Soldier: An American army major who gains great joy from blood and guts, the Soldier is definitely a monster on the battlefield. His claim to fame is the incredibly powerful rocket launcher, firing slow-moving explosives packed with deadly force. Like many other classes, the Soldier can fall back on his trusty shotgun when the enemy gets a little too close. His melee weapon is a small shovel, but this spade digs nothing but graves. Similar to the Demoman's sticky bomb-jump, the Soldier can fire a rocket at his feet to fly into the air and reach new places.

Spy: A man of many faces and nationalities, the Spy slips behind enemy lines with ease. His primary weapon is a small handgun, with very weak shots and a small clip size. His secondary weapon is useful only against Engineer buildings, and it goes by the name of Sapper. The Sapper can be placed on any of the four different Engineer machines, slowly weakening it to the point of destruction. Also, the Sapper immobilizes the building it's attached to, making it unable to do anything. The only way to remove a Sapper is with an Engineer's wrench, so the Spy makes sure to strike when there is nobody around. The Spy's third weapon is a Butterfly Knife, and it's one of the only two weapons in the game able to kill instantly (The other being the sniper rifle). If the Spy attacks an enemy from behind with the Butterfly Knife, it's a one-hit kill, as well as one heck of a rush. If attacking from any other angle, though, it's fairly weak. Obviously the Spy works better in the shadows, thus the reason for the most complex ability in the game: Disguise. Using the Spyotron 2000, the Spy can disguise himself as any class from either team, blending into crowds and becoming far harder to detect. However, unlike allies which can be walked through, enemies cannot. Thus, the Spy must tread carefully and avoid bumping into foes, blowing his cover. Finally, the Spy can turn invisible for a short time, becoming entirely undetectable to the foe. The Spy is definitely the most complex of all the classes in Team Fortress 2, and the length of this paragraph proves it. One good Spy can devastate an entire charging group of enemies, an ability every team can benefit from.

The classes in Team Fortress 2 (Left to right: Pyro, Engineer, Spy, Heavy, Sniper, Scout, Soldier, Demoman, Medic)

With plenty of classes to choose from, there's bound to be a perfect fit for any player. Aside from the Spy, every character is very easy to learn, making transitioning from class to class quite simple and effortless. The class design is very balanced and fair on the most part, with any arising problems swiftly being dealt with by Valve via a patch. Also, each class is easily identified at a glance, making it incredibly simple to figure out what you're up against (Unless it's a Spy, in which case you're screwed). Truly a very fun system, and it really sets Team Fortress 2 apart from the other shooters on the market.

The objective of each game in Team Fortress 2 changes depending on the map that is being played. The primary mode is Capture Point, with the goal being capture all the specially marked spots all over the map, or in some variations, defend them from being captured by the enemy team. In one other minor variation, both teams start holding just one capture point, and the condition for victory for both teams is to capture the other team's lone point.

Another play mode is Capture The Flag, in which each team must capture a set amount of intelligence-containing briefcases from the enemy base. This mode relies very heavily on team work, as it would be incredibly difficult for one player to pull this off on his or her own.

Since the game's release, two new modes have been officially added to the game. First is Payload, in which BLU Team must escort a bomb on a mine cart to RED Team's base. If the cart is left alone for too long, it rolls backwards, meaning BLU needs to constantly keep an eye on it, while RED always needs to bombard it with bullets, flames and explosives to keep cart-pushing BLU fighters at bay.

The newest mode added to Team Fortress 2 is Arena. It's comparable to the Deathmatch mode of most first-person shooters, but the difference is the team-based gameplay. Each round starts with either team at the far end of the map, with one closed control point in the middle. After sixty seconds of attacking, dodging and hiding, the middle point opens up, creating an objective for each team to fight for. The game ends when either the capture point is taken, or when all players on one team are wiped out.

I really enjoy all of these varied modes, each of which presenting a unique challenge requiring separated approaches. There are at least two official maps available for each mode, with dozens of different player-made maps to enjoy as well. Team Fortress 2 offers so many different ways to play that it almost literally blows my mind. Almost. If it did, that would be very messy, and we don't want that.

As I've said many times before, teamwork is a big part of Team Fortress 2. Alerting your allies to threats is key to success, and that's why Valve added in several short, quick phrases for players to say quickly in the thick of battle. With just two quick keystrokes, you can alert teammates to spies, sentries, incoming enemies and more, as well as request a dispenser, tell a Medic to launch an Uber, and even compliment someone on a nice shot. There's also a selection of things that can be said just for fun, such as a battle cry ("Let's get 'em!"), positive messages ("You've done me proud, boys"), and negative messages ("BOOOO!"). What exactly is said changes from class to class, with the previous messages coming from the Scout, Soldier and Heavy respectively. Each class has two or more different sound bytes for each "quick phrase", all of them unique and, at times, humourous. Of course, if you have a headset, you can easily supply your own audio commentary, or just type in your own custom messages manually.

In fact, humour is a large part of the Team Fortress 2 experience. When hit by an explosive, characters explode in an exaggerated deluge of blood and body parts, and several vocal sound bytes are there just for the sake of laughter ("Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together... IN HELL!" is sometimes automatically said by a Demoman after blowing up an enemy, and it never fails to make me laugh). Also, each character has a taunt associated with each individual weapon. Demomen lift their groin shield and yell "Ka-BOOM!", while Medics stretch their rubber gloves and say "That wasn't medicine...". Many of these taunts have several different sound bytes associated with them, making for a good gloat every time.

I celebrate while capturing the point... on an empty server.

If I had to describe my gameplay experience with Team Fortress 2 in one word, it would be "Chaos". Rockets flying over my head, sticky bombs detonating beneath my feet, Butterfly Knives plunging into my back... It's nothing but insanity left and right, and I honestly couldn't be happier. Of course, that's not to say that organized gameplay isn't possible in Team Fortress 2. In fact, it's quite the opposite! Still, though, even the most well-planned assault can end in Soldier chunks all over the place.

As you can see from the above two screenshots, Team Fortress 2 is quite the good looking game. Want to hear something really interesting, though? Those screenshots are hardly representative of this game's true visual prowess, as my PC moves about as fast as a superglue-coated snail at full graphics. For a real look at Team Fortress 2's beauty, take a gander at the following screenshot I shamelessly pilfered from 1Fort:

If Chris Livingston is reading this, I apologize for nothing!

And thus the true beauty of Team Fortress 2 shines through. The model detail is amazing, and the lighting effects are plain breathtaking. And hot damn, I freaking love that art style. It's like the cast of The Incredibles all went nuts and killed each other, except Frozone was drunk, Scottish, and had one eyeball. There's really nothing else I can say except it looks amazing.

The music on the menus in Team Fortress 2 is beautifully orchestrated and incredibly catchy. In fact, I have it all in my playlist right now, as well as on a mix CD for the sound system downstairs! Drums, saxophones, flutes, and so many other instruments make up each of the game's three menu tracks. They're all so beautifully well-done, it's almost a shame that the battles are music-less. At least that allows me to focus on the gunfire...

The most outstanding part of how Team Fortress 2 sounds, though, is the voice acting. Each character sounds just as distinct as they look, from the Medic's German accent to the Heavy's angry Russian yells. You'll never mistake a Soldier for a Sniper, or mix up Pyros and Engineers. Also, some of the things they say are just so darned hilarious. From the Heavy frantically screaming "I spy! The Spy is a lie!" to the Demoman drunkenly blurting out "If I wasn't the man I was I'd kiss ya!", it's nothing but laughs left and right.

Finally, the sound effects for all the weapons is a treat for the ears. The sentry gun beeps and whirs as it awaits a target, and the flamethrower makes a sound well fitting of its huge flame. Team Fortress 2 succeeds in yet another field!

While Team Fortress 2 is addictive on its own, Valve constantly introduces new game modes and maps every few months to keep things going, as well as to help improve upon some classes' weaknesses. Just this week Valve released an update that helped the Heavy become a far more effective force on the battlefield, giving him three new unlockable weapons: Natascha (A special mini-gun to replace his affectionately-named Sascha), the Killer Gloves of Boxing (A pair of gloves that slow down the Heavy's punches, but also add the benefit of guaranteed critical hits after killing someone), and the Sandvich (A sandwich to replace the Heavy's shotgun, allowing him to heal without the aid of a Medic).

New unlockable weapons such as the Heavy's Sandvich both improve on Team Fortress 2, as well as increase the games longevity.

As if this game wasn't addictive enough, Valve had to go and make it even more so. If I weren't having such a good time, I'd probably be upset about this.

SUMMARY

Gameplay: 10/10
Team Fortress 2 plays like a dream. With so many different modes, maps and classes, it's just mind-bogglingly diverse, and it's all so incredibly fun. Working as a team is also a nice idea in this time of "free-for-all" gameplay ruling all. Definitely the best first-person shooter I have ever played.

Graphics: 10/10
Just like how Team Fortress 2 plays like a dream, it looks the part, too. The visual effects are some of the best I've ever seen, and the incredibly unique and expressive art style gives life to the characters in a way I never thought possible in a first-person shooter. Just an amazing-looking game.

Audio: 10/10
Again, I can think of nothing bad to say here that's anything more than trivial. The music on the main menu is fantastic, the voice acting is brilliantly funny, and the weapon sounds are all perfect. Just amazing.

Longevity: 10/10
As long as there's people to play against, Team Fortress 2 will continue to bring me back. After all, as long as there are players, there will be new maps, modes and more to keep me interested. Valve will certainly be supporting Team Fortress 2 for a very long time, and I'll be there with them the whole way for sure.

OVERALL: 10/10
There's really nothing more to say. Team Fortress 2 is just an amazing game in every conceivable way. From the way it looks to the way it plays, it's a triumph in every category. In my honest opinion, Team Fortress 2 is the definitive online multiplayer experience. So much to do, and so many ways to do it.

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BONUS

If you're not quite ready to pay up for Team Fortress 2 just yet, there's an easy way to tell if you like it: Give it a test run! From now until the 24th, Valve is offering a free weekend to anyone who wishes to give the game a go. Just follow the instructions at the top of this page, and you'll be fragging in no time. So go on, give it a try!