Gaming pet peeves

I love games a whole lot, but there are just some things about them that really annoy me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this. Here are a few things that really tend to peeve me off with games.

Showing off moves/abilities unavailable to the player

I really hate it when trailers, cutscenes or promotional art pieces show off the main character doing things the player cannot do. For example, there are scenes in many of the Legend of Zelda games in which Link takes a running jump, but the player cannot spur such interactions.

And what about that promotional art? I was just playing a bit of Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure. I've learned that angering the local savages is never a good idea, as it always leads to Zack instantly being captured, and thusly ending the level. After I had enough of the game for the night, I flipped through the manual and saw art of Zack running from a savage while holding a treasure chest; Two things impossible to do in the game!

The trailers and commercials are often the worst, though. Ever see the latest commercial for Uncharted: Drake's Fortune? Nathan Drake (The main character) is sneaking up on a group of enemies when his walkie-talky goes off, alerting the foes. He looks at the device, glances up at the opposition and says "Think it's for you!". He tosses the walkie-talky at an enemy, whips out his gun and shoots them while they're reeling. As far as I know, there's no possible way to do this. I've never played the game, admittedly, but after some brief research I saw absolutely no mention of any such unique tactics. Maybe this happens in a cutscene, which is somewhat more forgivable than false advertising, but still a real annoyance for me. And this doesn't apply to just Uncharted, I'm just using it as an example.

Somewhat related to the above, it also really peeves me off when game commercials consist almost entirely (Or 100%) of cutscenes and pre-rendered clips. That really bugs me to no end. At least label the scenes as either actual game footage or not, like in the latest Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games DS commercial.

Invisible walls

I remember when I first got the Wing Cap in Super Mario 64. I was flying around, having a grand old time... And then I hit an invisible wall, and plummeted to the ground. Ever since then, I have hated these see-through barriers relentlessly. I prefer it when the developers take a more unique approach to fencing off the player. In Half-Life 2, straying too far from land results in you being attacked by ravenous fish. Swimming too far from shore in Jak 3 triggers an attack from a bizarre squid-like monster. In Battlefield 1942, leaving the mission area causes your player (Or vehicle) to lose health rapidly after a ten-second warning. More games need to instigate such measures, instead of resorting to the annoying and overdone invisible walls.

Rubber band technology

Ever get a huge lead in Mario Kart 64? Well, it didn't last for long, did it? Instead of letting you enjoy your massively advantageous position, the game juices up the speed of all the racers behind you, causing them to catch up in no time at all. I remember pulling off a huge shortcut at the beginning of Rainbow Road that cuts about a minute off my overall time, only to have my opponents catch up by the end of the lap.

It doesn't bug me much when the lead racer gets crappy items, leaving all the good stuff to those in lower positions. That's just fair, really. But dang it, speeding them up far beyond their usual threshold just isn't right.

Peripheral-dependent games being sold without said peripheral

You wouldn't believe how many times I've seen used copies of Odama sitting on the shelf at my local Rogers Video, only to notice that they don't even have the necessary microphone bundled in with them. Same deal with Mario Party 6 and 7. I know this is hardly the fault of the developer. It's the re-sellers' fault. But dammit, it still really boils my spuds.

Lack of checkpoints

I really, really, REALLY hate it when I get reeeeally far in a level of a game, only to die and restart back at the beginning of the stage. That just annoys me to no end. Working so hard, getting so close, only to fail at the last moment and end up back at square one. You know what would solve this? Checkpoints, people! Like in the old Sonic games from the Genesis/MegaDrive, little markers during the stage acting as restart points. That way if you die, you don't have to restart the whole level.

Another problem is when there's too few checkpoints too far apart. Recently I was playing Half-Life 2: Episode One, at a point where I had to make a timed jump, sprint past a hazard, gun down some enemies and reach a point beyond them, all without dying. Now, I think that's a bit much. In my opinion, there should have been a checkpoint after the hazard. It wouldn't have been quite as bad if I had a chance to heal in between (Thus lowering my chances of losing the gunfight), but that sadly wasn't a possibility.

Then again, there shouldn't be too many checkpoints, either... It's probably a hard balance to strike.

So then, I hope you enjoyed reading about some of the gaming-related pet peeves I have. Now it's your turn: What are some of your gaming pet peeves? Feel free to voice off in the comments section or in this forum thread.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Big franchises, big missteps

Whether you're a big-name CEO, a multi-billionaire or a humble fainting goat, you're never immune to a misstep. This truth carries over to the world of gaming, where a franchise may be absolutely perfect one minute and utterly abysmal the next. No series is immune, as this article will show.

(Note: This is the Final Fantasy II originally released on the Famicom in 1988. Not to be confused with the Final Fantasy II released on the Super Nintendo in 1991.)

Systems: Famicom, Playstation, Game Boy Advance, Playstation Portable, WonderSwan Color, mobile phones

Final Fantasy is one of the biggest game franchises in existence, with twelve numbered installments released, as well as several sequels and spin-offs. Of course, with so many games, there's gotta be a dud somewhere. It didn't take long for this franchise to find it's first mistake, though, as it fell flat on it's face with the release of Final Fantasy II.

Where to start, where to start... Well, first off, your attacks very rarely even manage to hit your opponents. You start off with the accuracy of a blind, armless sniper wearing a football helmet backwards, and you don't improve until after you kill somebody. Unless you suddenly get attacked by a "Broad-Side-Of-A-Barn" monster, you'll be groping in the dark for a while there.

When you finally manage to find the hilt on your sword and actually kill something, you're hit by the incredibly bland storyline. The first battle takes place between four enemies and your party (Featuring characters who are two-dimensional in more ways than one). It's an impossible battle to win, even if you somehow manage to hit your opponent. You all get knocked out, with the leader (American name: Firion. Wow.) awakening in a bizarre, empty room. He yells out the names of his comrades (Maria, Leon and... Guy? Am I reading this right?), but receives no response. "Flareon" leaves the room, wanders around and ends up in yet another room, where he is re-united with Guy and Maria.

Blah blah blah, you talk with a queen or something, they yammer about a resistance of some sort, blah blah blah... Hey, look! Another team member! Can we go kill things now, or do you have some more boring and clichéd storyline to lay on me?

Suffice to say, the storyline is incredibly dull, and unbelievably stupid on more than one occasion (Is Guy talking to a race of gigantic, intelligent beavers? Yes, I do believe he is). The battles are slow, even when you manage to figure out that punching hurts your enemies, and the characters have absolutely no personality whatsoever. Almost makes me wish that the first game actually was the Final Fantasy.



System: Nintendo DS

Metroid is significant for many reasons. It has a huge story branching several games and it's a first-person game with a gun that doesn't revolve around mindlessly killing mutants/aliens/gangsters/whatever. Metroid Prime Hunters went back on all of that, ditching the continuing storyline and revolving almost entirely around blasting things to bits.

As for the entirely disposable story (Seriously, this game could have never happened, and nothing would be affected in the overall timeline), the Galactic Federation intercepts a message telling of an "ultimate power" within the Alimbic solar system. Samus is dispatched to either capture or destroy this mysterious weapon. Of course, other people find out, leading to six more bounty hunters fighting for the prize.

When Samus arrives at the Alimbic solar system, she finds that the Almibic race has been exterminated by a beast dubbed Gorea. The monster emerged from a meteor that impacted on the peaceful society, and then proceeded to attack everyone and everything that got in it's way. The monster was highly adaptable, able to take on the form of the Alimbics themselves, and even mimic their advanced weapon technology.

With no other choice, the Alimbics sealed away the beast using the last of their telepathic energy. The monster was confined to a "Seal Sphere" and set aboard a star ship, which was then thrust into another dimension.

Samus goes around collecting mysterious objects called Octoliths, as they seem linked to the "ultimate power" spoken of in the transmission. Realizing the connection, the other bounty hunters fight Samus for the Octoliths in order to claim the power for themselves.

As for the gameplay, it's very far from standard Metroid fare. It's focused almost entirely on shooting things, with little focus placed on puzzles. The basic flow of the game is jump, shoot, run, shoot shoot shoot, jump, open a door, shoot some more, then jump again, followed by more shooting. Oh, and you also get to shoot things!

The boss battles are pretty boring. There's eight bosses throughout the game, but only four of them are original. The other four are just revamped versions of the first bosses. Same method of killing, just more health.

On it's own, Metroid Prime Hunters isn't that bad of a game. Heck, online, this is a great shooter! But when it comes to the type of game the Metroid series is known for, it's a huge disappointment. The puzzles are almost gone, the storyline is disposable, and there's eight boss battles with only four bosses.

Originally delayed a year to add online play, it should have been delayed another year beyond that to actually be more than a shooter, and become a true Metroid title.


System: Nintendo 64

The Legend of Zelda is a franchise known by almost everyone, and it deserves this fame. It always delivers amazing adventure, brilliant puzzles and memorable characters. Actually, Majora's Mask does all these things, too. Sadly, it brings one more aspect into the mix: The dreaded three-day time limit.

Using the in-game clock, once three game-days pass, the moon crashes into the planet and kills everything. Which isn't good. And this is all happening because one Skullkid got his hands on the mystical Majora's Mask. Damn butter-fingered mask salesman! So at the end of each cycle, Link needs to use the Ocarina of Time to reverse the clock back to the first day. (Why not turn time back to before the Skullkid took the mask? Sometimes the simplest answers are overlooked...)

So, that's basically the whole story right there. And so begins the list of this game's shortcomings...

The aforementioned three-day time limit seems somewhat selective when it comes to what is affected by the time travel. Any rupees you have on hand are lost, as are certain mission items. But your weapons and key items remain intact. I guess they're all magic or something...

Also, nothing can stop this clock from ticking. Entering dungeons, talking to people, nothing. The pause menu is your only refuge from the passage of time. This is a real pain if you get really close to something, only to have time run out. And now everybody's a pancake. Darn.

In addition to the time-traveling, Majora's Mask's major gimmick is, well, masks. Throughout Link's adventure he'll obtain many masks from many places. Some will cause him to run faster or explode (No, really), and others transform him into other creatures such as Zoras, Gorons and Deku Scrubs.

Also, this game has talking beavers, too. Don't ask why. I think the guys who made Final Fantasy II sneaked into the development one day and added that for kicks (Those bastards!).

Ocarina of Time was a hard act to follow. Add to that the fact that Majora's Mask isn't stellar on it's own, and you have a case of major letdown.


System: Gamecube

Like Majora's Mask, Super Mario Sunshine also was next in line after the previous installment became one of the greatest games ever made. And again, like Majora's Mask, it wasn't even a terribly awesome game on it's own. Unlike Majora's Mask, however, there are no talking beavers. Now we can all sleep at night.

The story begins on a private jet headed off to beautiful Isle Delfino. Peach is sitting in her seat, eagerly awaiting her vacation (As if she has work to escape). When they get there, however, the locals are somewhat out of sorts. It seems that someone fitting Mario's description was seen defacing public property with oozing graffiti. Mario's immediately taken into custody and, after a completely one-sided trial, is sentenced. His burden? To clean up all he allegedly did.

When it comes to Mario's doppelganger, people seem to have not noticed one thing: It's blue and partially see-through. Yep, looks exactly like Mario, don't it? It's because he's Italian, isn't it?!

Peach is soon kidnapped by the vaguely resemblant fiend, and Mario gives chase. After a few missions, it is revealed that Mario's impostor is actually Bowser Jr. in disguise. And for some reason, he seems convinced that Peach is his mom (Wowza, that must've been some night). He escapes with the princess, and the chase continues on.

Super Mario Sunshine's main gimmick is F.L.U.D.D, a back-mounted water cannon. F.L.U.D.D can be used to hover, jump and, mainly, clean up the mess Bowser Jr. made. Cleaning up the mess is good and all, but eventually, Mario's going to have to face his enemy directly. In order to do this, Mario must collect the Shine Sprites scattered about the island. These powerful tokens once brought sunlight and happiness to the island of Delfino, but after being scattered, the island falls dark and grim. By collecting enough Sprites, Mario can finally enter the island's volcano and challenge Bowser Jr. and his dad face-to-face.

Like Metroid Prime Hunters, Super Mario Sunshine wasn't that bad of a game. However, as a Mario title, it was no good at all. F.L.U.D.D was completely out of place in the game, and added too much complexity to the usually simple Mario formula. The game that was beginner-friendly became somewhat inaccessible to less experienced gamers.

Sunshine was a fun game, but it was a bad Mario title. Luckily for the plumber, Galaxy redeemed the franchise. But he'd better not let it happen again, lest Nintendo of America find a flaming paper bag of "justice" on their front step.

Discuss this article on the forums

The Duck Has Spoken.

The greatest final boss battles of all time

It should go without saying that there will be some spoilers within, specifically for Portal, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Super Mario Galaxy. Be warned.



Almost every video game leads up to a final battle between good and evil, light and dark. Every one of these battles is memorable, but a few stand out to really stick in your mind for ages. Here are three such encounters that do that to me. And no, Link: The Faces of Evil's Ganon is not one of them.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time's Ganon

Of all the bosses I've ever fought, the battle with Ganon at the end of Ocarina of Time is by far the most epic. After having already fought him in his humanoid form, Ganondorf once again rises from the rubble of his castle for a rematch, but this time, he's battling as the monstrous Ganon. Your sword is knocked out of your hands at the beginning, flung outside the arena's fiery border.

Find a way to get behind him, then pummel his tail with the Megaton Hammer. After doing this a few times, you'll retrieve your sword and enter the final phase of the battle. Strike his tail a few more times with your sword, and he'll eventually fall over. As Princess Zelda holds him down with her magical powers, deliver the final blow with the Master Sword, right into the evil beast's skull. And then it's all over. The beast falls silent, and is sealed away to the gaping void of the Sacred Realm. Swirling through nothingness, Ganondorf swears his vengeance on Link's ancestors.

No matter how many times I played through this battle, it never got old. If I ever had to fight one boss over and over for all eternity, this would be it. Ocarina of Time's Ganon shall go down in history as one of the greatest final bosses ever, if not the greatest.

Portal's GLaDOS

When Portal first begins, you wake up in some bizarre test facility. A computerized voice suddenly begins to speak, telling you that you're in the Aperture Science Enrichment Center. Despite the name, this facility does little in the ways of "enrichment", no matter how you look at it. It instead consists of a gauntlet of arbitrary challenges designed to be nigh impossible to complete. After fighting your way through all nineteen tests, GLaDOS tricks you into boarding a platform headed directly for a fiery pit. Using the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device (Or "Portal Gun"), you manage create a series of space-altering portals to escape and confront GLaDOS' mainframe. And this is where the battle begins.

After promising cake if you stand down and surrender (Which, of course, you don't do), GLaDOS becomes irritated by your persistence and fills the chamber with deadly gases. Using motion-sensing rocket turrets and a series of portals, you can attack GLaDOS' physical form directly, breaking off pieces of her mainframe. These pieces of the computer can be picked up and disposed of in an incinerator located conveniently in the same room. After disposing of the last piece (Which growls and writhes in your grip), GLaDOS becomes destabilized, imploding in on herself. Amidst the chaos, you manage to escape, and the game comes to an end.

This game is incredibly addictive, as I went and played it to grab the above screenshot of GLaDOS. Even after snapping the above picture, I felt like continuing on to defeat the evil computer. Somehow I managed to save in that room and exit the game. But darn it, that was not easy to do. All of Portal is incredibly addictive, and the final boss battle is the icing on the cake.

And by the way, said cake is a lie. Just a heads-up.

Super Mario Galaxy's Bowser

Perhaps excluding only Super Mario Sunshine, every final battle with Bowser in all the Mario games ever made is amazing, but dang it, the Bowser in Super Mario Galaxy just blows all the other fights out of the water. First of all, this Bowser requires more hits than ever before to be defeated (At least ten). Second, this battle takes place on several planetoids. It begins on a small, plain planet. At this stage, Bowser covers up almost his entire body in rocks and rolls around the planet, chasing Mario. The only way to counter this is to attack his face when it rolls towards you. He then falls on his back and spins uncontrollably around the planet. Again, attack him when he gets close.

After battling him like this for a few rounds, he breaks the gravitational pull and takes the both of you to another planetoid. Now is when he starts getting really angry. He launches fireballs at you, curls up in his spiked shell and rolls around the planet, becoming nearly invincible in the process. The only way to attack him here is to use your spin attack on nearby plants, sending the bulb flying off in the other direction. When it hits Bowser, he begins spinning on his back like before. Just like last time, attack him until he takes you to a different planet.

The final stage is a glassy, lava-filled sphere with a few weak points. Stand near a weak spot when bowser tries to jump on you, and he'll rupture the glass, fall into the lava, and begin running around in pain. Take the opportunity to strike at his scorched tail, which will again send him spinning on his shell. Yet again, attack him when he spins towards you. After doing this a few times, he is finally defeated. He falls off the planet and lands in the molten surface of a nearby sun.

But he isn't done yet! He emerges from the fiery depths, and stumbles around on a floating rock. He looks around and screams in sorrow at seeing his galaxy destroyed. The sun he's on collapses in on itself, dragging the rest of the universe in with it. After Mario talks briefly with Rosalina, he, Bowser and Peach awake on the Mushroom Kingdom Castle's lawn. All is well again in the new galaxy.

Bowser's resilience in Galaxy is amazing. It's definitely the fiercest of all his incarnations. Who else could fall into the sun and be okay? Bowser's one tough hombre.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Gaming's greatest art styles

When it comes to how a game looks these days, people almost always go on and on about pixels, textures and models. I tend to look more at the art style of a game. Many games get high graphics marks from me because of the charm their art exudes. Here are two art styles that have really caught my eye.

The Paper Mario series

At the end of the Nintendo 64's lifespan, things were winding down. Developers were gearing up for the upcoming Gamecube, Playstation 2 and XBox. Nintendo gave their console one last hit with Paper Mario, and its sales and reviews stand as a testament to its genius.

The simplicity of Paper Mario's art style is it's charm. Big, bold colours on cute little characters. Even though the characters were two-dimensional sprites in a three-dimensional world, it all meshed together so beautifully that it looked like a cartoon. The bright and colourful backgrounds worked seamlessly with the game's 3D elements to create an incredibly smooth look.

This unique art style would later reappear on the Gamecube with Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. This game would take advantage of the characters' paper-like appearance and enable Mario to fold up and become as thin as a sheet of paper. He could then turn into a paper airplane to glide across chasms, or just flatten down to a sheet and be blown away by wind.

Super Paper Mario for the Wii would once again adopt this art style. While at first the game is no more than a traditional two-dimensional platformer, players have the ability to rotate the playing field and change it to a three-dimensional perspective.

The top screen shows the game in 2D, while
the lower is a 3D view of the same location.

As you can see in the comparison above, what looks to be flat from one perspective could be something entirely different if looked at from another angle. This played with the concept of a paper-thin world in ways not thought of before, taking absolute advantage of the game's art style. If it weren't for the two-dimensional appearance of the franchise, Super Paper Mario may have never been created.

The cel-shaded Zelda series

When Nintendo first showed off the power of the Gamecube, an amazingly realistic Zelda demo was shown, depicting Link fighting Ganondorf sword-to-sword. Although Nintendo enforced that this was merely a demonstration of the Gamecube's abilities, many took it as a sneak peak of an upcoming Zelda game.

However, this was not at all indicative of how the next Zelda would look. Instead of ultra-realism, players instead got a more cartoony-looking adventure. Link looked much younger, he had bigger, more anime-like eyes, and everything was incredibly bright and vibrant. The gaming community's reaction? A huge, resounding "What the...?!"

I, on the contrary, was quite pleased with this artistic turn. I loved the new look then, and I still love it now. The brightness of the game's art style hid an amazingly dark storyline within. What looks bright and cheery is actually the terrible fate of the Hyrule Kingdom. But I won't spoil that for anybody yet to play the game.

Back to the art, this new style allowed Link to be more expressive than ever before. He's able to say so much more without ever speaking a word. If you're in a room and something suspicious is near by, Link will direct his gaze in it's direction, giving you a hint as to what must be done next. Link reacts beautifully to the world around him, with expressions of sorrow, disbelief and more flashing across his face. Nobody but Link can say so much yet not make a noise.

The fluidity of the animation is simply astonishing. You sometimes think you're watching a cartoon and not playing a video game. It's all so smooth and seamless! And everything has emotion, from the islanders to the bad guys. This art style creates a living, breathing world like none other.

Nintendo would later bring back this art style in many games. Four Swords, Minish Cap, Phantom Hourglass, Four Swords Adventures, they all use this same brilliant animation. This is probably my favorite art style ever, and I can't wait to see it again soon.

To me, a game's looks means much more than how many polygons or particles it has. It's about the art. From Paper Mario to Okami, Wind Waker to Phoenix Wright, so many of my favorite art styles are great no matter the horsepower that drives them. What are some of your favorite art styles?

The Duck Has Spoken.

Pokémon Snap Wii ideas

Here's today's replacement for last night's absence. Also, this is somewhat of an expansion of my June 19th article, Games that deserve a sequel



I may be jumping the gun a bit with this assumption, but I have a good feeling that we'll be seeing a Pokémon Snap sequel within the next few years. I'm probably just jumping all over tiny bits of info that just might point in the direction of a sequel, but dammit, I loved Snap, and there must be another! But what would have to be done to make a new Snap? They can't just slap a few new Pokémon into the coding and chuck it out. Improvements will have to be made! Here are a bunch of ideas that I think would make Pokémon Snap Wii a truly amazing title.

All 493 Pokémon Must Be Present

Okay, I know I said "They can't just slap a few new Pokémon into the coding and chuck it out", but darn it, this is really important! In the original Snap, there were only 63 of 150 known Pokémon available to be photographed. No Tauros, no Pinsir, and no Blastoise. These three Pokémon and more would have all made excellent pictures! In the suspected Pokémon Snap Wii, every one of the 493 Pokémon from Bulbasaur to Arceus would make an appearance in the game.

New Items

In the original Pokémon Snap, there were three items available to the player:

The PokéFlute - Awoke sleeping Pokémon, and caused some creatures to dance.
Apples - Can be used to lead certain Pokémon along. Also works well as a means of attacking Pokémon to agitate or disturb them.
Pester Balls - Similar to PokéBalls filled with sleeping gas, Pester Balls can be used to knock out Pokémon and even coax some out of cover.

What new items could be added? Here are a couple of ideas:

An "Evolution" item - When used on certain Pokémon, this item would cause the target to immediately evolve into it's next form. This would be handy for finding a way to cram all 493 Pokémon into the game's boundaries.
A fishing rod - Would be used for finding Pokémon in the water.

That's all I got. Although a fishing rod would be awkward to use while moving along in the ZERO-ONE, don't you think? Thusly, I propose...

Free-Roaming Gameplay

In a vast departure from the original game, my vision of Pokémon Snap Wii would be entirely free-roaming. You could walk around vast environments filled with tonnes of wild Pokémon. In order to get around, you could make use of vehicles such as boats and bicycles.

Now, some Pokémon may not take kindly to being pestered and photographed. It would be a good idea to avoid peeving off a Rhydon, but if you do, not much could be done. Run away, dodge it, hide, whatever you can do to avoid being hurt, do it. Of course, in the case that a Pokémon does manage to attack you, your run of the level would come to an end. You would lose all already taken photos, and probably also lose points or currency (Whatever the game's collectible ends up being). Perhaps some Pokémon could be knocked out with a Pester Ball, but when it comes to behemoths like Giratina and Onix, I wouldn't count on it.

On the bright side, an attacking Pokémon would make for a great picture. Just try not to get yourself killed in the process!

Control Scheme Ideas

What's that? "Enter first-person view"? Yes, the default perspective while walking around would be third person. Only when taking pictures would you be able to see through the character's eyes. I suppose you could walk around entirely in first-person view, but I wouldn't like it, personally.

Unlocking Pokémon for Use in Diamond or Pearl

Wouldn't that be neat? Running around, taking pictures merrily, and suddenly you get a message saying that you can now unlock Darkrai in Pokémon Diamond or Pearl! It would all work pretty simply. Certain Pokémon, when photographed, would then be made available for transfer to your DS Pokémon game! Take a picture of, say, a Bulbasaur for example, and you'd then be able to transfer a Bulbasaur to your DS! Of course, each Pokémon could be sent only once per play-through, so don't bother trying to get a team of six Mewtwo or anything. Little brother upset that you got a Celebi and he didn't? Well, tell him to get working on his own separate game file! Multiple gamesaves would be a must if it were possible to unlock Pokémon in this way.

Also, perhaps the Pokémon you beam from Snap would be special in some way! A Pikachu holding a special item or a Rattata that knows Hyper Beam? Hey, who knows!

So then, those are some ideas I have for Pokémon Snap Wii. I really, really, REALLY hope Nintendo is working on this! If somebody from NOA is reading this, get on the phone to HQ and get the paperwork going! Pokémon Snap Wii must happen!

The Duck Has Spoken.

How much change to a Virtual Console game is too much?

Think of tonight's article as if this post crashed into this one, and somehow became readable. Best way I can describe it.



It was recently announced that Pokémon Snap would receive a Wii-specific update when it hits the Virtual Console. This is big news, because no Virtual Console game so far has seen such an change. But as I said in "Remakes: How much change is too much?", changing a classic game when remaking or porting it somewhat takes away from the nostalgia. However, I am not against this improvement to Pokémon Snap. Why is this? Allow me to explain.

Unlike adding new characters to Super Mario 64, adding the ability to send pictures taken in Pokémon Snap to friends doesn't take away from the classic aspect of the game. In the original Pokémon Snap on the Nintendo 64, players could print their pictures onto stickers at Blockbuster and Toys 'R' Us stores across the country. If anything, adding the online trading of images replaces the absence of sticker making.

Of course, this addition makes some think "Well, if they can add this, why not online play?". Well, as I said in "Should Virtual Console games be online?", adding online play to a Virtual Console game would not only cost extra money, it would spread Nintendo's resources even more thin. People working on other, more anticipated Nintendo games would instead be diverted to adding an online aspect to a game made over ten years ago. Do you really want to take attention away from Mario Kart Wii in order to play Mario Party 3 online? I don't.

Then you may say "Well, people have to be diverted to add this feature to Pokémon Snap, do they not?". Touché, worthy debating opponent, but adding a picture-sending aspect to Pokémon Snap is hardly a huge undertaking. After all, we're already able to send pictures and messages from Wii to Wii. All that's being added to Snap is the ability to save images to the message board, and they're sent from there. Really, very little is being added to the game.



So I think adding the picture saving to Pokémon Snap is great. I always loved showing off my pics to my family with the original game, and now I'll be able to take it even further. With this new aspect, as well as the refined textures Nintendo 64 games always receive, Pokémon Snap could become my favorite Virtual Console game yet. Heck, I haven't even played it yet, and I already love it!

The Duck Has Spoken.

The best Pokémon spin-offs

Sorry for the common use of the words spin-off and off-shoot, but they're the only two words that work here! I even tried a thesaurus!



When a franchise gets popular, it usually sees it's fair share of spin-offs. Pokémon became the biggest thing since sliced bread in the late nineties, and it's still fairly popular almost a decade later. Thusly, it's seen a lot of spin-offs, probably only beaten out by Mario for the most ever. Here are some of the greatest off-shoots the franchise has produced.

Pokémon Snap

Whenever I describe this game to someone who's never played it, it sounds incredibly boring. Seriously, the thought of taking pictures of Pokemon while moving along a fixed path with almost no freedom at all? Comes across as somewhat boring, huh?

But, despite this seemingly snore-worthy concept, Pokemon Snap was a great amount of fun. Moving throughout each level and finding new and creative ways of taking pictures was an amazing adventure. It wasn't enough to merely snap a pic of a Magmar! No, you had to catch it when it's breathing fire on another Magmar! This is a great action shot, and it earns you a whole lot of points!

Further more, getting the Pokémon to fill as much of the frame as possible is important, too. If it's really far away or much too close it just won't do! You have to make it so it's as close as can be without surpassing the borders of the picture. Keep it all in-frame, and it can really be worth quite a bit. Also, make sure the Pokémon's facing you, too. A picture of a Kangaskhan's butt isn't exactly gonna cut it.

You could also interact with the environment and the Pokemon themselves! Throwing apples to tempt a Bulbasaur out of a tree stump or chucking Pester Balls (Sleeping gas-filled Pokéballs) at a switch is often key to getting the best pics of a Pokémon, and sometimes even makes new creatures appear.

Sure, Pokémon Snap may not sound like the greatest idea for a game at first, but behind it's boring concept lies a great little puzzle/adventure game waiting to be discovered. Snap is probably my favourite Pokémon spin-off yet, and I can't wait to download this once it hits the Virtual Console.

Pokémon Pinball

Nintendo really could have taken the easy route here, and simply slapped the Pokémon franchise on to a standard pinball game. But instead, they made a brand new and entirely original pinball concept built exclusively for the Pokémon name.

First of all, they made a unique twist by making the table two screens tall. Whenever the ball left the lower half of the table, the upper section would appear, and vice-versa. This allowed for a taller pinball table with more possibilities. Using both halves together would be key to getting high scores and more.

Instead of just shooting pinballs for high scores, you also had to "travel" from location to location. You could travel by hitting the Poliwag, Psyduck or Dugtrio buttons on either side of the table three times in quick succession. You then had to shoot the ball around the upper loop of the table and quickly knock it into the hole that would appear in the lower half.

What's the point of traveling? To catch more Pokémon! After sufficiently charging up Catch Mode by doing laps in the upper loop, you could trigger a Pokémon encounter. First, you need to hit the Staryu or Shelder in the upper half of the screen at least six times to reveal the Pokémon. Then you need to whack the newly-revealed creature with the pinball three times to catch it. And hey, look at that! You've got yourself a Seel!

Pokémon could be evolved, too. By using a similar process to start Catch Mode, you can trigger Evolution Mode. During this time, you will have to go around the table and collect all the experience points that appear scattered about. Once all three have been gathered, you need to plunk the pinball down a hole on the lower half, and voila! Your Seel is now a Dewgong!

Every time your Pokémon count reaches three (Evolving counts as two additional Pokémon), you trigger a Bonus Game. By hitting certain targets in these extra rounds you can gather more and more points. All modes are timed, so you need to be quick! Challenges range from hitting Meowth, hitting multiple Seel, attacking Gastly, Haunter and Gengar or even fighting the one and only Mewtwo. Defeating this rounds doesn't net you any Pokémon for your collection, but it does get you a whole bunch of points!

Pokémon Pinball is hardly your average arcade fare. From catching Pokémon to traveling to new locations to evolving your critters, Pokémon Pinball is one heck of a game! Definitely my favorite ever virtual pinball game.

Every franchise has it's fair share of spin-offs, and many are dismissed as cheap cash-ins. But some off-shoots really are great, despite the fact that they have a big name slapped on the cover. Pokémon really has quite a few great spin-offs, and I only wish I had the time to list some more! Maybe one day...

Okay, that's all for now! See you all on Monday!

The Duck Has Spoken.

The highs and lows of Mario's game career

Gee, who didn't see this coming? A Mario article? Right before a major Mario game is released? Blasphemous!



Mario's been climbing ladders, slaying baddies and getting the girl for more than 20 years now. Most of his adventures are hits, while others fall short. Tonight, I'm going to separate the good from the bad.

The Highs

Super Mario 64 was one of the first 3D games I ever played, and it's likely the best as well. The level design was brilliant, and the number of mission was astounding. Even more, the controls were perfect, allowing gaming to take it's first true steps into the 3D realm. The analog stick and C buttons manipulated Mario and the camera perfectly, in a way yet unrivaled to this day.

There were 15 mains stages with 6 missions each, as well as several hidden missions and bonus levels. This resulted in an incredibly long and game, but it never went stale. Even having to replay several sections of the same level over and over never got old, and even the smallest stages felt absolutely gigantic due to the insane amount of content crammed into them.

Super Mario 64 has been called the Nintendo 64's best game, Mario's best game, and even the best game of all time. No argument here.




Super Mario World was packaged with the Super Nintendo Entertainment System as a way of demonstrating the console's abilities, and Nintendo couldn't have picked a better title. Super Mario World was both dramatically different from the first three games, as well as exactly the same. All the original run and jump gameplay was present, along with new features such as Yoshi riding, the Cape Feather and the spin jump.

Super Mario World featured 72 levels in total, several of which have secret exits. These secret exits lead to shortcuts, power-ups, and even entirely new areas. Just getting to the last stage and defeating Bowser wasn't enough to complete this game!

Super Mario World set out to show of just what the Super Nintendo could do, and it did so beautifully. Definitely deserves a spot on any gamer's shelf.




Super Mario Bros. 3 was the last major Mario game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the old 8-bit console sure went out on a high note. In addition to keeping all the great gameplay from it's predecessors, Super Mario Bros. 3 also added several more aspects like an overworld map, the Tanooki suit and an item inventory.

Super Mario Bros. 3 sported eight different worlds, each with a large selection of levels. There were also sometimes Hammer Bros. roaming the overworld, and running into them triggered a mini-level, pitting Mario against one or two Hammer Bros. The newly introduced feather and Tanooki power-ups enabled Mario to take to the skies and fly for a short time, often revealing hidden areas and treasures.

Super Mario Bros. 3 gave the Nintendo Entertainment System a great send-off, and this classic is still as addictive as ever to this day.

Honorable mentions: Super Mario Bros. 1, New Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong

The Lows

The Gamecube's launch marked a first in Nintendo history, as it didn't share a release date with a major Mario game. When Super Mario Sunshine did finally come along, the majority of gamers were left unpleased.

In addition to the familiar 3D platforming of Super Mario 64, Sunshine introduced the Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device, or F.L.U.D.D. Held like a backpack, F.L.U.D.D was used to spray away grime and enemies among Isle Delfino. It also functioned as a water-powered jetpack. Needless to say, this is an incredible departure from normal Mario gameplay.

Personally, I liked Super Mario Sunshine. But, I didn't feel the same way as I did when I played Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Bros. 3. It was too different to be a Mario game. While a decent title, it's still considered a low-point of Mario's career.




Super Mario Bros. 2 was released in Japan in 1986. It featured all of the same gameplay from the original game, as well as the same art and graphical style. The Super Mario Bros. 2 released in North America, however, was entirely different.

Instead of the "too difficult" Super Mario Bros. 2, the rest of the world instead received a Mario-skinned port of Doki Doki Panic. In place of Fire Flowers, Goombas and Bowser were Turnips, Snifits and Wart. Also, Mario could no longer defeat enemies by merely jumping on them. He had to resort to picking up objects or other monsters and hurling them at his foes. And instead of being restricted to playing as only the portly plumber, players now were able to choose between Mario, Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad at the beginning of each stage. Each character acted somewhat differently, varying in ways such as jump height, speed and strength.

Again, like Super Mario Sunshine, this was just far too weird to be taken as a quality Mario title. I'm up for innovation and all, but Super Mario Bros. 2 was just too much of a change for me. Not a fan at all.

Mario's been on many adventures throughout the years, but no game character is immune to bad game design. Thankfully the highs far outweigh the lows, or else we'd have plenty of angry fanboys on our hands. Super Mario Galaxy is looking to be another great title to add to the pudgy Italian's resume next week. Here's to many more great Mario games!

The Duck Has Spoken.

Licensed titles: The good, the bad, and the terrible

Licensed titles are on the receiving end of many a gamer's insults, and quite often rightfully so. Many games based on TV shows, movies, books or whatever are often little more than cash-grabs, quality be damned. However, every once in a while, a truly decent and sometimes even worthwhile licensed title will come along. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show, as I go over Licensed titles: The good, the bad, and the terrible.

The Good

Despite popular belief, there is such a thing as a genuinely good licensed title. Look through any review archive and you're sure to stumble across one or two such games with ratings in the neighborhood of 9/10. Here are two licensed titles that I believe deserve a spot in the "Good" category.

If you've been reading One Duck's Opinion for a while, you likely remember my review of The Godfather: Blackhand Edition. Based on the amazing Godfather movie released in 1972, Blackhand Edition is an adventure set in on the streets of New York in the year 1945. You play as one of the many faceless henchmen working for the Corleone crime family. Along with fulfilling missions and tasks presented in the movie and book, your main task is to eventually take over all of New York in the name of the Corleone family, and, one day, become don of the entire city.

If it wasn't the storyline of this game that made it worthwhile, then it was the controls. Instead of merely pressing buttons to beat the crap out of rival mobsters, Blackhand Edition allowed you to take the fight into your own hands using the motion-sensing capabilities of the Wii remote. Swing the controller sideways to punch the enemy in the side, and thrust it forward to plant one right in the face. Grab a man by the collar of his jacket and toss him about by letting go while thrusting the Wii remote and Nunchuk simultaneously. You can even strangle a man to death by making a circular motion with both hands to simulate grabbing his throat, then wiggle the controllers to wrestle him to the ground. The Godfather: Blackhand Edition is one hell of a game, especially for a licensed title.

Now on to our next piece of software. Yes, it's a Spongebob game. Wipe the foam from your mouth, then continue reading. So, I like Spongebob, is it a crime? Anyways, I played a Battle For Bikini Bottom demo on my cousin's XBox, and it was pretty fun. About a year or so later, I saw it sitting on a shelf in my local video rental shop, so I grabbed it for a week. Hey, what the heck, it was seven bucks.

So then, Battle for Bikini Bottom accomplishes many things that you would probably assume impossible for a licensed title. Most surprising is the fact that it's incredibly fun. The premise is that the evil entrepreneur Plankton built a machine that constantly spits out robots. The Duplicatotron 3000, as the machine is called, stops obeying Plankton and begins making rebellious robots that are beyond his control. And who better to save the day than Spongebob Squarepants?

Battle for Bikini Bottom is nothing revolutionary or ground-breaking. It's a basic little platformer that manages to be quite entertaining. All standard platformer standbys are present: Jumping, running, attacking, etc. Battle for Bikini Bottom also allows players to take control of Patrick Star and Sandy Cheeks in addition to the game's titular sponge. Each character has one or two unique skills, which helps shake things up a bit. Also recognizable from the smash-hit TV show are the supporting characters (Most of which have their original voice-actors), the familiar locales (From the Krusty Krab to Rock Bottom, it's all here) and the same clever humour. The familiar gameplay, amazing voice acting, hilarious jokes and cartoony animation all come together to make one heck of a game. Sure, it won't win any prizes for originality or anything like that, but it's a fun game, plain and simple.

The Bad

And here we have the most common category of licensed titles, "The Bad". Look at any game shelf in any electronics department, and you'll easily find more than ten titles that would be a perfect fit here. A "Bad" game is something that should be ignored when seen, but still has a few redeeming qualities to it. It's the kind of game that can be somewhat enjoyed, but hardly worth retail price. Here is one such example of a "Bad" licensed title.

(First of all, let me apologize for how small this picture is. It's honestly the best one I could find!) Aladdin for the Game Boy is based on the Disney film of the same name. The movie was witty, action-packed, and had a great story behind it. The game, however, was bland, slow-paced and featured only shreds of narrative. You played as Aladdin (Of course), fighting your way through Agrabah streets and across rooftops for some reason. Instead of using that big old machete at your side, you can merely throw apples at your opponents. Yeah, apples. At some random point in the first or second level (It changes, I swear!), you gain the use of your sword, but it's actually no better than the apples. Except for the fact that the machete doesn't really rely on any ammo, you'd really be better off pelting royal guards with a sack of Granny Smiths. After all, at least the apples have range!

A tougher decision than you'd think, really.

Okay, fruits VS swords aside, there's not that much to this game worth talking about. Besides the tiny bits of storyline, the Aladdin sprites and the digitized tune of "A Whole New World" playing in the background, there's really no reason for this to even be an Aladdin title. The use of license is very poor, and it's nearly impossible to make out what you're looking at due to how thin the lines are.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm only talking about the Game Boy version here. All other versions of this game that I've played were great, especially the one on the SEGA Genesis. But comparing this tripe to that amazing piece of software is like comparing apples and mache-, er, oranges.

The Terrible

And here we have the lowest of lows, "The Terrible". These are the games that should be burned on sight. Actually, burning them would be bad, because then their crappiness would permeate our atmosphere and mess up the planet even worse than it already is. There is nothing at all good about any "Terrible" game. Nothing. At. All. These titles are among the worst on Earth. I wonder where they rank on Krypton, the home planet of the following game's star character...


Yes, I think we ALL saw this one coming. E.T. on the Atari 2600? Ha! That's a ten out of ten compared to this piece of crap! Superman 64 is almost definitely the worst game ever created. Thankfully, I have never had the displeasure of "playing" this "game". If I had, I can guarantee you I would have burned my hands off by now. I've suffered through watching many clips and reviews of this steaming pile of Kryptonian crap. I think my pain is only surpassed by those poor souls who've actually laid their hands on this vile botch of game design.

Before we go on to how terrible Superman 64 was, let's look at how great it COULD have been. Just imagine, playing as the strongest man on Earth. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, outrun speeding locomotives and all that jazz. The possibilities are endless! Tossing buildings, crushing machinery, vaporizing enemies with laser vision... Superman is really the dream character for a video game!

Now, forget all the amazing things I just said, as Superman 64 has none of it. Instead of displaying your amazing feats of strength, your instead forced to beat up thugs, bash up cars and fly through rings. Yes, much of Superman 64 is spent flying through "mazes" of rings set up by your arch-enemy, Lex Luthor. Apparently, if you don't fly through these rings, your friends will die or something. I really don't even care. This "game" is hardly worth the wear and tear on my keyboard. I think I can actually feel my fingertips melting.

Superman 64 was a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE piece of work, and I hope to never hear of it again. Someone give me a block of Kryptonite, it's time to put this abomination out of it's misery.

Licensed titles have great potential for good, but even greater potential to be bad. It all depends on what happens behind the scenes. Don't let games like Superman 64 and E.T. cloud your judgment, there are good licensed titles out there such as The Godfather: Blackhand Edition and Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom. Sometimes your just gotta look a little harder and squint through the darkness, but they do exist.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Classic Obsessions: Vol. 2

Sequel to this article. ENJOY THEM BOTH!



Some games never get old, no matter how many times you play them and no matter how long ago they were released. Very few games can stand this harsh test of time, but those that do become some of the greatest pieces of software in history. Here are a few games I just can't get enough of.

Tetris

Originally created by Alexey Pajitnov back in 1985, Tetris has since evolved to be the most widespread of all puzzle games. Having been released on almost every game console ever made, you'd be hard pressed to find even one person who has not played this gem of a puzzler.

Tetris is one of those games that's simple to understand, but incredibly difficult to master. The premise is basic: Simply place blocks (Or "Tetriminoes") in a solid horizontal row to destroy the line, earning points. Every tenth line destroyed gets you to the next level of the game, causing the pieces to fall even faster than before. If the stack of Tetriminoes reaches the top of the screen, rendering you unable to proceed, the game ends. Again, simple to understand, incredibly difficult to master!

Recently I've been playing Tetris on one of my two original Game Boys, and I just can't get enough of it! Left, right, rotate, drop, rotate, rotate, drop, right, right, drop... It's all so hypnotically engrossing! If I were better at it, I could play for hours on end. As it stands now, I still have yet to pass level 4... Oh well, guess I'd better practice some more!

Super Mario Bros.

What can be said about this game that hasn't already been said many times before? It's simply a brilliant piece of gaming history, and undoubtedly the greatest cartridge ever released for the NES.

The simplicity of it all only adds to it's charm. Jump, run, duck, power-up, run, fire! I love it all so much! It's definitely worth the two and a half hours of smacking, blowing and praying needed to get the ol' NES up and running! The Virtual Console works, too, but it can't beat the feeling of firing up that grand old 8-bit console of yore!

No more words are needed here.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Really, is there any question? This is undoubtedly one of the best games I have ever played. Heck, it very well might be THE best game I have ever played!

Ocarina of Time successfully brought the Zelda franchise into the three-dimensional realm. It completely enhanced all that made the previous Zelda games great by such a large degree, it's widely considered to be the greatest game of all time. Not only does it hold that honour, I truly believe this game to be one of the most timeless adventures ever created. I've played it so many times, much of the game has been etched into my mind permanently! I still remember how to get through the Lost Woods, how to avoid the Hyrule guards, and how to play nearly every song on the ocarina!

Starting off as an unpopular, unloved village child and becoming the greatest hero in history is the greatest success story ever written! The Hero of Time's exploits echo throughout the ages, and have been referenced in nearly every Zelda game since. Wind Waker, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Phantom Hourglass, all of them make reference in at least one way to the greatness of the Hero of Time.

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of time is a game that I could literally play over and over, end to end, uninterrupted, for hours upon hours!

So those are three more games I just can't ever play enough times! What games do you find yourself constantly revisiting, no matter how many times you've played it?

The Duck Has Spoken.

Classic obsessions

The Mario Strikers Charged review will most likely be up tomorrow. I may push it back to Friday if I don't get enough play time by tomorrow night, but you guys will have the review by the end of the week for sure. For now, here's a totally different article!



Some games just never get old, no matter how many times you play them or how many years they've been available for. Like a good book, some games just draw you back in again and again, to re-experience gripping tales, epic adventures or zany antics. Here are a few games that have had such an effect on me. (NOTE: For it to be considered a "classic", it must have been released on a system prior to the PS2/GCN/XBox/DC generation)

Dr. Mario

One of the first games I've ever played in my whole life, Dr. Mario sticks in my mind for many reasons. Beyond nostalgia, the greatest factor in this game's staying power is how amazingly fun it is! Many people look down on Dr. Mario as it's simpler and easier than, say, Tetris or Puzzle League. While I appreciate all of these franchises, there's just some sort of hidden charm in Dr. Mario that draws me to it. Whether it's the excitement at barely passing a stage or the frustration of messing up a game-winning combo, there's just some sort of unknown feeling that overcomes me when working with the good doctor. I often work for upwards of half an hour trying to fire up my old NES, just to cram in a few scant minutes of germ-busting mayhem! However, since it seems my Dr. Mario cartridge is no longer functional, I'll have to wait for some other alternative to come along *Cough* Virtual Console *Cough*.

Pokémon Snap

Of all the spin-off Pokémon games released so far, I must say that Snap is my favorite. While it sounds like a really stupid premise on the surface (Taking pictures of Pokémon? WTF, mate?), when you really get into it you find there's a lot more then simply aiming and snapping. You have to take into account what the Pokémon's doing, how much of the frame it takes up, which ways it's facing, and more. Getting the perfect pic is nearly impossible, and it's that lofty goal that keeps me coming back for more! Also, the game's just plain fun, with puzzles and secrets around nearly every bend. If you ever see this sitting in a flea market, buy it. It rocks, and I'm almost sure you'd agree, too.

Roller Coaster Tycoon

"Oh noes, a NON-Nintendo game on a top ten classics list written by PsychoDuck? It can't be!" Oh, but it is. Roller Coaster Tycoon is possibly the greatest PC game I've ever played, and is definitely in my top 50 overall. Building things and watching people move through it has always been a fascination of mine, from The Sims to Sim City to plain old ant farms. Add in the creativity-pushing roller coaster building modes, and you pretty much have everything I love all in one game! I think the only thing debatable here is whether it's Roller Coaster Tycoon or RollerCoaster Tycoon...

What are some classic games you just can't seem to put down?

The Duck Has Spoken.