Hypothetical sequels that need to become reality

After much hoping, begging and praying, we finally get word that Boom Blox 2 is, indeed, coming our way. Honestly, while I was wanting it so dearly, I never thought it would actually come to be. I thought that Boom Blox would just be another one of those brilliant games that never turns into a franchise. With this sequel to a fantastic game finally realized, it made me think of some other deserving titles and franchises sorely in need of a not-even-hinted-at follow-up.

First up is my often-discussed sequel to that wonderful Gamecube launch title, Luigi's Mansion. Looking back at the controls and gameplay of Luigi's Mansion, it's a perfect fit for the Wii. Aiming the Poultergust with the Wii remote's pointer, turning on the spectral vacuum with the A button, all the while moving about with the analog stick. Luigi's Mansion 2 is probably my most-wanted of all hypothetical sequels, and if I don't get word on its existance soon, I'll begin sacrificing vacuums to the gaming gods.

Can we at least get a New Play Control version?

Another game in need of a sequel would have to be Warcraft III. Yes, Warcraft III. Not World of Warcraft. We need a true Warcraft IV, with good ol' RTS action in place of this monotonous grinding MMORPG that seems to have taken everyone hostage. Technology has advanced greatly since the days of Warcraft III (Released over six and a half years ago), meaning so much more could be done in this hypothetical Warcraft IV. Genre-redefining features could come into play, revitalizing the RTS world that has been stagnating somewhat over the past few years. The possibilities within a Warcraft IV are just mind-blowing, and, if Activision Blizzard can manage to pull its money-soaked head from its ass, they'll see the potential and get cracking on the true follow-up to this series.

See this, Blizzard? Make a sequel to this.

The next franchise I'd like to bring attention to is one that hasn't been discussed here in a while, and that's Jak & Daxter. With amazing adventures, great level design and witty writing, it's definitely one of my favourite franchises. However, despite total sales amounting to nearly ten million units, Naughty Dog has, for some reason, not seen fit to make Jak 4. The ending of Jak 3 was a perfect lead-in to a prequel/sequel (Hard to explain; You'd have to play it to understand), yet here we are, over four years passed the third installment's release, and not even a peep on the much-needed fourth edition of the main series. Seriously, the potential in Jak 4 is so great that it would, quite seriously, make me buy a Playstation 3 if it were to be released.

Uncharted's fine and dandy, but give me a Jak IV! All these
fan-made mock-ups are starting to hurt!

If there's one thing Sonic Team's proven to us over the years, it's that a well-known and beloved franchise can, indeed, be dragged through the mud long enough to make it unrecognizable and devoid of entertainment. If there's one thing Dimps has proven, though, is that said franchise can be successfully revitalized in the right hands. Such is the case with the Sonic Rush series, bravely and competently carrying on while the Blue Blur's console adventures continue to scrap the bottom of the septic tank. Or rather, it was the case, up until the series all but disappeared with the release of the second title, Sonic Rush Adventure, back in 2007. Since then we've heard nothing of the well-deserved third iteration of this diamond in the rough, with the Nintendo DS instead being subjected to a bizarre RPG branching-off made by the more-than-capable BioWare in the form of Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood. As if Sonic is a character well suited to the RPG formula. We don't need more bizarre off-shoots, SEGA. We need another Sonic Rush! Just... Feel free to cut back on the annoying sidekicks.

That jet ski had better be going to Sonic Rush 3...

Deviating a bit from the mainstream, another sequel I'd like to see is a follow-up to Hotel Dusk. Now, I don't say Hotel Dusk 2 because, lets face it, it would be quite boring for the next game to take place in the same building. Anyways, I feel that the characters of Kyle Hyde and Mila are far too interesting to just toss aside. I feel that much more can be done with these characters. Also, I think that the 1960s are an interesting decade to place a game in, and I'd really like to see more of what Cing can do with such a unique time period choice. This hypothetical Hotel Dusk sequel, whatever it may (Hypothetically) end up being called, would be an excellent way to continue supporting Nintendo platforms with intelligent and mature content. Perhaps after work wraps up on the Wii sequel to Trace Memory/Another Code we'll see some more '60s sleuthing. Until then, I think I'll be staying in good ol' room 215. After all, it is rumoured to make wishes come true...

I don't know about you, but Melissa's sure
excited about a sequel.

And with that, we come to the end of this article. Of course, there's many, many more games worthy of not-even-hinted-at sequels out there, but if I were to write up each and every one of them I'd be here all day. These five, though, are certainly some of the most deserving of the bunch. What would you say are your five most-wanted-yet-not-even-hinted-at-sequels? What out-of-the-blue sequels are you most hoping for? Feel free to let me know in the comment section, or this forum thread.

Canada's contributions to gaming

So, as most of you are likely unaware, tomorrow, July 1st, is Canada Day. In recognition of this, I'm writing an article detailing the notable contributions Canadian developers have made to gaming.


Canada has given much to gaming over the years, but chances are, you haven't noticed. So, with July 1st being Canada Day, I figured this would be as good a time as any to point out some of the great developers that are based in Canada, as well as naming some of the great games they have given us.


To start things off with a bang, we have one of Electronic Arts' two big Canadian development houses: EA Canada. Ever heard of a little series called Need For Speed? Ever since Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2, EA Black Box (Part of EA Canada in Vancouver) has been the primary developer of almost every Need for Speed game. All those vast downtown scenes and industrial park-based cinematics in Most Wanted? Pure Vancouver goodness right there. As of now, EA Canada is hard at work at Skate It, a spin-off of the Playstation 3 and XBox 360 smash-hit Skate. They're also behind countless EA Sports titles, such as NBA Live 2003-08, NHL 2006-08, and FIFA 07-08. To top things of, EA Canada is was also the developer for several SSX snowboarding games. Quite the busy little Canuck company, huh?

EA Montreal

Way on the other side of our vast country is the Quebec development studio EA Montreal. Several years younger than the larger EA Canada, Montreal's library is somewhat smaller, but still quite impressive. First, they're assisting EA Canada with the aforementioned Skate It, scheduled for release on the Wii sometime this holiday season. Speaking of Wii, they're also behind the amazingly fun SSX Blur, a game I really should get around to playing again. Of course, no development company is perfect. EA Montreal is also responsible for the quite badly-received Boogie games for both the Wii and DS, as well as the mixed-bag that was Army of Two (PS3 and XBox 360). Still, they've proven themselves to be a more than adequate developer, and I wish them success on their future endeavors.

Rockstar Toronto and Rockstar Vancouver

From almost entirely opposite sides of the country, Rockstar Toronto and Rockstar Vancouver make up the Canadian extension of Grand Theft Auto developer Rockstar Games. While the newer Vancouver studio so far only has the Playstation 2 game Bully under its belt, the Toronto counterpart has developed the moderately well-received Oni (PS2, PC, Mac), the PS2 version of Max Payne, The Warriors, the Wii version of Manhunt 2, and even Bully: Scholarship Edition, the Wii update to Vancouver's first release under the Rockstar name. So far the two developers have done fairly well for themselves, and I really can't wait to see more from the Vancouver office. Here's hoping Rockstar throws them a bone sometime soon, because Bully is the only game they've made since being purchased by the developer in 2002. Good luck to them!



Of course, we can't talk about Canadian developers without mentioning the greatness that is BioWare. Developer of such amazing franchises as Baldur's Gate, Neverwinter Nights and Mass Effect, BioWare is certainly competing on the global scale here. BioWare was even behind the massively successful Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic. You can hardly even mention Star Wars games without someone bringing up that one! As of now, BioWare is currently hard at work on Mass Effect 2 (360, PC) and the blue hedgehogs first RPG adventure, Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood (DS), among a few other titles. Of all the game developers on this list, BioWare is by far the most recognizable by name. Definitely someone to be keeping an eye on.



And finally, we have ATI. You may not recognize them by name, but ATI developed the GPUs for the Gamecube, XBox 360, and Wii. Without them, none of these consoles would be quite the same. Sitting in several million houses across the globe right this moment is pure Canadian ingenuity, powering some of the best game experiences we've ever seen. The Gamecube's Flipper gave us the vast ocean of The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, the XBox 360's Xenos has allowed us to experience warfare like never before in Halo 3, and the Wii's Hollywood has thrown us into deep space with the world's favourite plumber in Super Mario Galaxy. ATI is definitely an important developer in the gaming industry, even though they haven't published a single game. So while they're now owned by AMD, ATI is still, at heart, a Canadian company.

I hope this article has informed you on just how important Canada is to the game industry. So remember, next time you play a game or use a product from one of the above developers, that you're holding a piece of Canadian ingenuity in your hands. As for me, I'm going to spend my Canada Day enjoying the fruits of my country's labour, playing Wii and watching some good old Canadian television. Happy Canada Day to all the Canadians out there. Everyone else, have a great Tuesday.

Discuss This Article On The Forums

The Duck Has Spoken.

The worst final bosses

Think of this as "The greatest final boss battles of all time"'s evil little brother.

Generally a game's story leads up to a huge, amazing battle at the end. Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime and The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time are all fine examples of this. After so much adventuring and fighting, players finally reach the final boss. Really, at this point, we gamers deserve to be treated to an amazing spectacle of game design and storytelling. We want the last part of this game to be the best. Sadly, some games just can't pull it off, leaving us with a disappointing final battle hardly fit for the adventure we just completed.

Link: The Faces of Evil and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon

Of course, there are some cases where the battle's mediocrity is rivaled only by the rest of the game it's in. Thus is the story of Link: The Faces of Evil and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon. The resulting bastardization of an ill-fated Nintendo/Phillips partnership, these two games are widely regarded as some of the worst ever made. The final boss battles did nothing to make up for the terrible quality and design of the games themselves. After all this time, all this suffering, you want to really have it out with Ganon. You want to rip his Face of Evil off of him for forcing you to experience this crap pile of a game. And how does the battle go?

"...or else you will DIE!"

One hit, he's down. No, really. In Faces of Evil and Wand of Gamelon, Ganon is defeated either by throwing some book at him, or tossing the Wand of Gamelon into his piggy face. I suppose it's only fitting, though. A crappy end to a crappy game. Alright, enough dwelling on this pustule on the ass of game design.

Super Mario Sunshine

Ah, Sunshine. It's amazing how many people have sad so many bad things about your gameplay, but hardly a peep about your terribly disappointing final boss battle. I'd hardly even consider it to be a battle, come to think of it. What does it entail? Breaking Bowser's hot tub to send him plummeting into some sort of abyss. Yup. Mario basically pushed aside all formalities and caught the man while his pants were down. A classy guy, that Mario.

"Dammit, Mario! This is my 'Me Time'!"

Anyways, throughout the entire "battle", Bowser toasts you with his flame breath as Bullet Bills constantly rain down on you. Is there anyway to hit Bowser? Nope. You don't even get to touch the bugger once in the whole darned battle. A boss battle where you don't even make contact with the enemy can be an interesting design choice if done right, but the thing is, this wasn't done right. Instead of an amazing final battle, we get to see Bowser taking a bath while Mario tears up his floating hot tub. Doesn't this go against some sort of Plumber's Code?

Pokémon Diamond and Pokémon Pearl

The final battle against Cynthia, the Elite Four Champion, is a bad boss fight for a somewhat different reason than the others on this list. The real reason this is here is because of the fact that players have to fight Cynthia. Cynthia, the person we know next to nothing about. Cynthia, the person who appeared about three times previously in the game. Cynthia, who doesn't even seem to matter at all until the time we fight her. Seriously, why her? Couldn't something else have been worked out? I mean, it was a good fight, sure, but I hardly would consider Cynthia a proper final battle. Someone we know a little better would have been nice. Perhaps even a person we thought wasn't even that strong a trainer. Imagine if it turned out to be the starter player we didn't choose. Players who chose to play as Lucas would face Dawn, and vice versa. I would have liked almost anything more than to fight this woman we knew almost nothing about.

Cynthia...? Seriously?

But, maybe I'm just nitpicking here. After all, if Pokémon were to adhere to real-world logic and probability, the chances of the Elite Four Champion being someone you know personally would be insanely low. But after facing Gary, Lance and Steven, I had expected someone more important to the story to be my opponent. Heck, facing off against Professor Oak would have been better. Actually, that's not a bad idea... Game Freak, get working on it!

Final Fantasy

That's right, I'm calling out one of the all-time classics. Well, technically I'm calling out it's Game Boy Advance remake, but close enough. Anyways, Chaos was way too easy. I was in no way overly leveled up or loaded with the best weapons available. I took him on thinking I'd be thoroughly wiped out, but emerged victorious without even breaking a sweat.

Small picture, small threat.

I've heard that the Dawn of Souls remake is far easier than the original title, but still, it's no excuse for a 100% underwhelming and not-at-all-challenging final boss battle. I want it to feel like I'm practically dead as I deliver the final blow, not standing there yawning while swiping my sword at him. Chaos was no challenge at all. He was more intimidating as Garland. "I, Garland, will knock you all down!" Seriously, this is far more cool than anything Chaos ever said or did. Garland should have quit when he was ahead. Or behind. However time travel works.

Discuss this article on the forums

The Duck Has Spoken.

They can put a man on the moon...

No debating about whether or not the moon landing was faked. It happened, get over it, article now.



Ever notice that gaming technology has come so incredibly far, yet problems from the early days still exist? I mean, seriously, they can put a man on the moon, but...

...they can't give FPS characters feet?

Ever play a first-person-shooter (FPS) and look directly down? What do you see? Most likely, you see nothing but floor. Where the hell are my feet? Not only is this a little odd (Am I just a floating arm with a gun?), but it can often lead to disorientation when standing near a cliff or edge.

Here's a little experiment for you: Fire up your favourite FPS (Halo, Half-Life 2, heck, even Portal will work). Walk up to a ledge and look down. Continue to move forward until the cliff takes up about %50 of the screen, while the other half is the ground below. Stand up, turn 180 degrees, and look down again. Voila, you're floating!

Nothing strange here...

I can flyyyyyyyy!!!!

Can FPS characters please grow some legs already?

...they can't stop clothes from clipping through stuff?

Anybody who has played a 3D Zelda game for more than five minutes knows exactly what I'm talking about here. Just in case, here's a screenshot showing off the problem:


Look closely at the circled area. Notice something? How about the fact that Link's sword is sticking THROUGH his hat? The screenshot above is just one minor example of this.

Textures and character models get better and better, but clothes still manage to phase through junk! Would it be so hard to assign some sort of physical mesh to the hat, leading it to be treated like a real-life object? Use whatever technology that keeps people from walking through walls and falling through floors and use it on the hat! If we're going to be staring at it for hours on end, at least make it look good!

...they still can't eliminate load times?

Back in the early days, things were good. You popped a game in the NES, turned it on and started playing. But with the advent of disc-based games, load times reared their ugly heads.

The Playstation (The first commercially-successful, disc-based game console) launched way back in 1994, 14 years ago. And in this time, loading has still remained a huge problem. Developers seem to improve so many things when making new consoles, but load times don't seem to be one of those things. It seems that the only way to fight load times is to keep games (And consoles) simple.

Modern gamers are all too familiar with the above words

Maybe, one day, all games will be on computer chips or something like that. Perhaps then would load times finally cease to exist...

...they still can't find good voice actors?

Fire up almost any game with voice acting, and you'll soon find yourself reaching for the mute button on your remote. From Elebits to Sonic and the Secret Rings, far too many games feature utterly talentless voice actors. The voice over in the latter was so bad, I switched it over to Japanese voices, only to hear the same terrible acting in a different language. I don't even know Japanese, but I could tell it was terrible.

So where are all the good voice actors? It seems you can't find a good one unless you're playing a licensed title. There's the occasional exception, but mostly every game has terrible acting. I've racked my brain, and I can barely come up with a handful of examples of good voice over in a game.

Somebody, please keep the cast of Elebits away from here!

I've mentioned a game or two in the past that I believed would benefit from voice-acting. I stand by this, but with the minor caveat that they be good actors providing the voices.

Technology has come so far, yet some simple little problems persist. Can you think of anything else gaming-related you expected to see solved by now? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section or in this forum thread.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Gaming pet peeves

I love games a whole lot, but there are just some things about them that really annoy me. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this. Here are a few things that really tend to peeve me off with games.

Showing off moves/abilities unavailable to the player

I really hate it when trailers, cutscenes or promotional art pieces show off the main character doing things the player cannot do. For example, there are scenes in many of the Legend of Zelda games in which Link takes a running jump, but the player cannot spur such interactions.

And what about that promotional art? I was just playing a bit of Zack & Wiki: Quest for Barbaros' Treasure. I've learned that angering the local savages is never a good idea, as it always leads to Zack instantly being captured, and thusly ending the level. After I had enough of the game for the night, I flipped through the manual and saw art of Zack running from a savage while holding a treasure chest; Two things impossible to do in the game!

The trailers and commercials are often the worst, though. Ever see the latest commercial for Uncharted: Drake's Fortune? Nathan Drake (The main character) is sneaking up on a group of enemies when his walkie-talky goes off, alerting the foes. He looks at the device, glances up at the opposition and says "Think it's for you!". He tosses the walkie-talky at an enemy, whips out his gun and shoots them while they're reeling. As far as I know, there's no possible way to do this. I've never played the game, admittedly, but after some brief research I saw absolutely no mention of any such unique tactics. Maybe this happens in a cutscene, which is somewhat more forgivable than false advertising, but still a real annoyance for me. And this doesn't apply to just Uncharted, I'm just using it as an example.

Somewhat related to the above, it also really peeves me off when game commercials consist almost entirely (Or 100%) of cutscenes and pre-rendered clips. That really bugs me to no end. At least label the scenes as either actual game footage or not, like in the latest Mario & Sonic at the Olympic Games DS commercial.

Invisible walls

I remember when I first got the Wing Cap in Super Mario 64. I was flying around, having a grand old time... And then I hit an invisible wall, and plummeted to the ground. Ever since then, I have hated these see-through barriers relentlessly. I prefer it when the developers take a more unique approach to fencing off the player. In Half-Life 2, straying too far from land results in you being attacked by ravenous fish. Swimming too far from shore in Jak 3 triggers an attack from a bizarre squid-like monster. In Battlefield 1942, leaving the mission area causes your player (Or vehicle) to lose health rapidly after a ten-second warning. More games need to instigate such measures, instead of resorting to the annoying and overdone invisible walls.

Rubber band technology

Ever get a huge lead in Mario Kart 64? Well, it didn't last for long, did it? Instead of letting you enjoy your massively advantageous position, the game juices up the speed of all the racers behind you, causing them to catch up in no time at all. I remember pulling off a huge shortcut at the beginning of Rainbow Road that cuts about a minute off my overall time, only to have my opponents catch up by the end of the lap.

It doesn't bug me much when the lead racer gets crappy items, leaving all the good stuff to those in lower positions. That's just fair, really. But dang it, speeding them up far beyond their usual threshold just isn't right.

Peripheral-dependent games being sold without said peripheral

You wouldn't believe how many times I've seen used copies of Odama sitting on the shelf at my local Rogers Video, only to notice that they don't even have the necessary microphone bundled in with them. Same deal with Mario Party 6 and 7. I know this is hardly the fault of the developer. It's the re-sellers' fault. But dammit, it still really boils my spuds.

Lack of checkpoints

I really, really, REALLY hate it when I get reeeeally far in a level of a game, only to die and restart back at the beginning of the stage. That just annoys me to no end. Working so hard, getting so close, only to fail at the last moment and end up back at square one. You know what would solve this? Checkpoints, people! Like in the old Sonic games from the Genesis/MegaDrive, little markers during the stage acting as restart points. That way if you die, you don't have to restart the whole level.

Another problem is when there's too few checkpoints too far apart. Recently I was playing Half-Life 2: Episode One, at a point where I had to make a timed jump, sprint past a hazard, gun down some enemies and reach a point beyond them, all without dying. Now, I think that's a bit much. In my opinion, there should have been a checkpoint after the hazard. It wouldn't have been quite as bad if I had a chance to heal in between (Thus lowering my chances of losing the gunfight), but that sadly wasn't a possibility.

Then again, there shouldn't be too many checkpoints, either... It's probably a hard balance to strike.

So then, I hope you enjoyed reading about some of the gaming-related pet peeves I have. Now it's your turn: What are some of your gaming pet peeves? Feel free to voice off in the comments section or in this forum thread.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Big franchises, big missteps

Whether you're a big-name CEO, a multi-billionaire or a humble fainting goat, you're never immune to a misstep. This truth carries over to the world of gaming, where a franchise may be absolutely perfect one minute and utterly abysmal the next. No series is immune, as this article will show.

(Note: This is the Final Fantasy II originally released on the Famicom in 1988. Not to be confused with the Final Fantasy II released on the Super Nintendo in 1991.)

Systems: Famicom, Playstation, Game Boy Advance, Playstation Portable, WonderSwan Color, mobile phones

Final Fantasy is one of the biggest game franchises in existence, with twelve numbered installments released, as well as several sequels and spin-offs. Of course, with so many games, there's gotta be a dud somewhere. It didn't take long for this franchise to find it's first mistake, though, as it fell flat on it's face with the release of Final Fantasy II.

Where to start, where to start... Well, first off, your attacks very rarely even manage to hit your opponents. You start off with the accuracy of a blind, armless sniper wearing a football helmet backwards, and you don't improve until after you kill somebody. Unless you suddenly get attacked by a "Broad-Side-Of-A-Barn" monster, you'll be groping in the dark for a while there.

When you finally manage to find the hilt on your sword and actually kill something, you're hit by the incredibly bland storyline. The first battle takes place between four enemies and your party (Featuring characters who are two-dimensional in more ways than one). It's an impossible battle to win, even if you somehow manage to hit your opponent. You all get knocked out, with the leader (American name: Firion. Wow.) awakening in a bizarre, empty room. He yells out the names of his comrades (Maria, Leon and... Guy? Am I reading this right?), but receives no response. "Flareon" leaves the room, wanders around and ends up in yet another room, where he is re-united with Guy and Maria.

Blah blah blah, you talk with a queen or something, they yammer about a resistance of some sort, blah blah blah... Hey, look! Another team member! Can we go kill things now, or do you have some more boring and clichéd storyline to lay on me?

Suffice to say, the storyline is incredibly dull, and unbelievably stupid on more than one occasion (Is Guy talking to a race of gigantic, intelligent beavers? Yes, I do believe he is). The battles are slow, even when you manage to figure out that punching hurts your enemies, and the characters have absolutely no personality whatsoever. Almost makes me wish that the first game actually was the Final Fantasy.



System: Nintendo DS

Metroid is significant for many reasons. It has a huge story branching several games and it's a first-person game with a gun that doesn't revolve around mindlessly killing mutants/aliens/gangsters/whatever. Metroid Prime Hunters went back on all of that, ditching the continuing storyline and revolving almost entirely around blasting things to bits.

As for the entirely disposable story (Seriously, this game could have never happened, and nothing would be affected in the overall timeline), the Galactic Federation intercepts a message telling of an "ultimate power" within the Alimbic solar system. Samus is dispatched to either capture or destroy this mysterious weapon. Of course, other people find out, leading to six more bounty hunters fighting for the prize.

When Samus arrives at the Alimbic solar system, she finds that the Almibic race has been exterminated by a beast dubbed Gorea. The monster emerged from a meteor that impacted on the peaceful society, and then proceeded to attack everyone and everything that got in it's way. The monster was highly adaptable, able to take on the form of the Alimbics themselves, and even mimic their advanced weapon technology.

With no other choice, the Alimbics sealed away the beast using the last of their telepathic energy. The monster was confined to a "Seal Sphere" and set aboard a star ship, which was then thrust into another dimension.

Samus goes around collecting mysterious objects called Octoliths, as they seem linked to the "ultimate power" spoken of in the transmission. Realizing the connection, the other bounty hunters fight Samus for the Octoliths in order to claim the power for themselves.

As for the gameplay, it's very far from standard Metroid fare. It's focused almost entirely on shooting things, with little focus placed on puzzles. The basic flow of the game is jump, shoot, run, shoot shoot shoot, jump, open a door, shoot some more, then jump again, followed by more shooting. Oh, and you also get to shoot things!

The boss battles are pretty boring. There's eight bosses throughout the game, but only four of them are original. The other four are just revamped versions of the first bosses. Same method of killing, just more health.

On it's own, Metroid Prime Hunters isn't that bad of a game. Heck, online, this is a great shooter! But when it comes to the type of game the Metroid series is known for, it's a huge disappointment. The puzzles are almost gone, the storyline is disposable, and there's eight boss battles with only four bosses.

Originally delayed a year to add online play, it should have been delayed another year beyond that to actually be more than a shooter, and become a true Metroid title.


System: Nintendo 64

The Legend of Zelda is a franchise known by almost everyone, and it deserves this fame. It always delivers amazing adventure, brilliant puzzles and memorable characters. Actually, Majora's Mask does all these things, too. Sadly, it brings one more aspect into the mix: The dreaded three-day time limit.

Using the in-game clock, once three game-days pass, the moon crashes into the planet and kills everything. Which isn't good. And this is all happening because one Skullkid got his hands on the mystical Majora's Mask. Damn butter-fingered mask salesman! So at the end of each cycle, Link needs to use the Ocarina of Time to reverse the clock back to the first day. (Why not turn time back to before the Skullkid took the mask? Sometimes the simplest answers are overlooked...)

So, that's basically the whole story right there. And so begins the list of this game's shortcomings...

The aforementioned three-day time limit seems somewhat selective when it comes to what is affected by the time travel. Any rupees you have on hand are lost, as are certain mission items. But your weapons and key items remain intact. I guess they're all magic or something...

Also, nothing can stop this clock from ticking. Entering dungeons, talking to people, nothing. The pause menu is your only refuge from the passage of time. This is a real pain if you get really close to something, only to have time run out. And now everybody's a pancake. Darn.

In addition to the time-traveling, Majora's Mask's major gimmick is, well, masks. Throughout Link's adventure he'll obtain many masks from many places. Some will cause him to run faster or explode (No, really), and others transform him into other creatures such as Zoras, Gorons and Deku Scrubs.

Also, this game has talking beavers, too. Don't ask why. I think the guys who made Final Fantasy II sneaked into the development one day and added that for kicks (Those bastards!).

Ocarina of Time was a hard act to follow. Add to that the fact that Majora's Mask isn't stellar on it's own, and you have a case of major letdown.


System: Gamecube

Like Majora's Mask, Super Mario Sunshine also was next in line after the previous installment became one of the greatest games ever made. And again, like Majora's Mask, it wasn't even a terribly awesome game on it's own. Unlike Majora's Mask, however, there are no talking beavers. Now we can all sleep at night.

The story begins on a private jet headed off to beautiful Isle Delfino. Peach is sitting in her seat, eagerly awaiting her vacation (As if she has work to escape). When they get there, however, the locals are somewhat out of sorts. It seems that someone fitting Mario's description was seen defacing public property with oozing graffiti. Mario's immediately taken into custody and, after a completely one-sided trial, is sentenced. His burden? To clean up all he allegedly did.

When it comes to Mario's doppelganger, people seem to have not noticed one thing: It's blue and partially see-through. Yep, looks exactly like Mario, don't it? It's because he's Italian, isn't it?!

Peach is soon kidnapped by the vaguely resemblant fiend, and Mario gives chase. After a few missions, it is revealed that Mario's impostor is actually Bowser Jr. in disguise. And for some reason, he seems convinced that Peach is his mom (Wowza, that must've been some night). He escapes with the princess, and the chase continues on.

Super Mario Sunshine's main gimmick is F.L.U.D.D, a back-mounted water cannon. F.L.U.D.D can be used to hover, jump and, mainly, clean up the mess Bowser Jr. made. Cleaning up the mess is good and all, but eventually, Mario's going to have to face his enemy directly. In order to do this, Mario must collect the Shine Sprites scattered about the island. These powerful tokens once brought sunlight and happiness to the island of Delfino, but after being scattered, the island falls dark and grim. By collecting enough Sprites, Mario can finally enter the island's volcano and challenge Bowser Jr. and his dad face-to-face.

Like Metroid Prime Hunters, Super Mario Sunshine wasn't that bad of a game. However, as a Mario title, it was no good at all. F.L.U.D.D was completely out of place in the game, and added too much complexity to the usually simple Mario formula. The game that was beginner-friendly became somewhat inaccessible to less experienced gamers.

Sunshine was a fun game, but it was a bad Mario title. Luckily for the plumber, Galaxy redeemed the franchise. But he'd better not let it happen again, lest Nintendo of America find a flaming paper bag of "justice" on their front step.

Discuss this article on the forums

The Duck Has Spoken.

The best sidekicks in the business

Main characters get all the breaks. From Batman to Sherlock Holmes, all of the little guys are lesser known and far less popular. Robin and Watson deserve to be in the limelight, don't you think? Just as there are sidekicks in television shows and books, there are too sidekicks in video games. And now is their time to shine.

Ezlo

Game: The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap (GBA)

Ezlo is one bizarre little creature. He takes the form of a green hat with a duck-like head, and he can't get around all that well. Thusly, he rides along on Link's head. Unfortunately for the green-wearing hero, Ezlo often leaves crumbs in Link's hair, pecks at Link's head (As seen above) and routinely berates the lad for not walking fast enough or being too short.

If Ezlo's such a bother, why keep him around? Mainly for the fact that he holds the power to shrink Link down to an incredibly small scale. By standing on certain rocks, jars, tree stumps or panels, Link can shrink and enter the world of the Minish. The Minish (Also called Picori by humans) are a very diminutive race of mouse-like people. They are the stuff of legends, and are rarely seen. In fact, many people believe the Minish are nothing but folklore, and simply tell the story to their children as a fairy tale.

Link can also take advantage of his new-found shrinking abilities to enter tunnels and holes far too small for him to fit through at his normal size. Sometimes entire dungeons take place in an area no larger than Link's full size!

Ezlo is certainly important to completing the adventure, and his story unfolds nicely throughout the game. Although he may start out looking like nothing but a silly, duck-billed hat, he later becomes a core part of the game's story. Don't dismiss Ezlo as a throwaway sidekick.

Daxter

Games: Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy (PS2), Jak II (PS2), Jak III (PS2), Jak X: Combat Racing (PS2), Daxter (PSP)

Out of all the sidekicks on this list, Daxter has appeared in the most games by far. From Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, all the way to his own, self-titled spin-off on the PSP, Daxter gets a surprising amount of credit for being a sidekick. Nonetheless, I don't feel he gets all he deserves.

Daxter is an Ottsel: A bizarre mix of an otter and a weasel. He is turned into an Ottsel at the beginning of the first game, and changing him back into a human becomes the main focus of the adventure. Sadly, Daxter never does get turned back into a human, as he's still an Ottsel in all the other games. Eventually he comes to grips with the fact that he'll probably never turn back to normal, and eventually accepts his new, smaller, fuzzier form. Although he does miss wearing pants.

Why is Daxter such an amazing sidekick? First and foremost, he's downright hilarious! Even as an Ottsel he's as funny and quick-witted as ever. Good thing, too, as Jak doesn't really like to talk much until Jak II.

Players will often control Daxter instead of Jak throughout the series, and these sequences are really quite fun. Running around as an Ottsel in a human's world is really something, especially since he's all but defenseless against the super-sized foes that are all-too common.

Daxter's a great character for so many reasons, and I don't think I can say much more without spoiling the entire trilogy for you. Let's just say that Daxter's new form isn't all that bad after all.

Midna

Game: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii, Gamecube)

And of course, how could I forget Midna? The mysterious, cat-like creature that hides in Link's shadow throughout most of Twilight Princess is an incredibly well-written and designed character.

Link and Midna first meet when the young Hylian is turned into a wolf, captured and thrown into a prison in the dark and foreboding Twilight Realm. She laughs at the pitiful canine that sits before her, taunting him through the iron bars of his cell. She tells him that if he can escape his cell, she'll help him get out of the prison. So Link breaks off his chains and squeezes through a break in the bars. Midna lives up to her word, and kindly escorts the boy-turned-wolf back outside.

From then on, Midna lives in Link's shadow (Literally), popping up to give him hints and command him around. See, in return for setting Link free, Midna expects the young man to run some errands for her. She needs Link to get her a mysterious power that somehow relates to the Twilight Realm that's slowly engulfing Hyrule.

Although she seems to treat Link like a slave at first, Midna slowly grows to respect the warrior and even thanks him for doing these things for her. It's one unlikely friendship, that's for sure.

What makes Midna awesome has to be her amazing powers. She can teleport through solid walls, disappear into shadows and (Later on in the game) turn Link into a wolf at will.

Also, Midna just has a great attitude. She's the kind of person who can only be described as a lovable jerk. She makes fun of Link all the time, but you can always tell that, deep down, she really cares.

Finally, Midna has some incredible strength hidden within, but if I went into detail here, well, that just wouldn't be fair, now would it? She can do some serious damage, and that's all I'm going to say.

Okay then! A group of sidekicks finally get their due! It's only fair, really. Often sidekicks contribute just as much to the game as the main character, if not more. Ezlo, Daxter and Midna are just a handful of the many amazing sidekicks out there, and I'll be sure to give them their due in future installments. Until then, keep on gaming, folks!

The Duck Has Spoken.

Game characters MIA: Missing in action

Every game brings with it new characters for us to become familiar with. We often grow to love these characters, and it really sucks when they just don't come back in another game. I've selected a few characters that I really miss, and hope to see again in an upcoming game.

Professor Elvin Gadd

First game: Luigi's Mansion (2001)
Most recent appearance: Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time (2005)

I really enjoyed meeting Professor Elvin Gadd (Or E. Gadd, as he's more commonly known). He was such a lovable little fellow, with a unique little way of talking and an amazing affinity for inventions.

Alas, once leaving Luigi's Mansion, I began to see the little guy less and less. He made a cameo in Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, but it wasn't enough. All he did was pop in during a sidequest, yammer on a bit and leave. A huge disappointment for me.

He made a somewhat larger appearance in the sequel, Partners in Time. He made common entrances in the Mushroom Kingdom, showing off some new doodad to Mario and company. Later on in the game, when Mario and Luigi travel back in time, they come across a younger E. Gadd at his former occupation as a geologist studying a volcano. When the volcano erupted, both young and old Gadd worked together to halt the lava before it caused too much damage.

Sadly, Elvin's laboratory was destroyed in the eruption. Never letting himself to be deterred by downfalls, Gadd moved on to become a paranormal scientist, which leads to the events of Luigi's Mansion.

Elvin was a great character, but it really sucks that he hasn't shown up on a home console since 2001. He had absolutely no presence in Super Mario Sunshine or Super Mario Galaxy, beyond a few abstract graphical references. He may have showed up in a Mario Party or two, but I haven't had a chance to check it out.

So then, Gadd, I hope to see you again soon! And don't forget: Sind zoo! Sooko sooko!

Dampé

First appearance: The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Most recent appearance: The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap

Dampé was a lovable, oafish giant of a man, much like Hagrid and Shrek. He was the kind of guy who really wasn't outstanding in any way, but still had an inexplicable charm to him. It's sad to see his character so underused.

Dampé first appeared in Ocarina of Time as the cranky yet kind grave keeper in Kakariko Village. Ever the financially-minded man, Dampé would gladly dig anywhere within the graveyard for a few rupees. Whatever he found was yours to keep.

When Link awoke from his seven-year slumber, Dampé had sadly passed on. He could still be found in his grave as a fun-loving ghost. He'd challenge Link to a race, and reward him with his treasured Hookshot if he could keep up. Even in the afterlife, Dampé was still a great guy.

Dampé really doesn't have much presence in any other game. He plays minor roles in Majora's Mask, The Minish Cap and Four Swords Adventures, but nothing really notable like E. Gadd's role in Partners in Time. Dampé seems to have been abandoned by Nintendo, and that's a real shame. He's the kind of guy I'd really want to hang out with.

What are some great characters you'd love to see make a comeback? I'm sure we can all think of a person or two we'd like to see in a game again.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Gaming's greatest art styles

When it comes to how a game looks these days, people almost always go on and on about pixels, textures and models. I tend to look more at the art style of a game. Many games get high graphics marks from me because of the charm their art exudes. Here are two art styles that have really caught my eye.

The Paper Mario series

At the end of the Nintendo 64's lifespan, things were winding down. Developers were gearing up for the upcoming Gamecube, Playstation 2 and XBox. Nintendo gave their console one last hit with Paper Mario, and its sales and reviews stand as a testament to its genius.

The simplicity of Paper Mario's art style is it's charm. Big, bold colours on cute little characters. Even though the characters were two-dimensional sprites in a three-dimensional world, it all meshed together so beautifully that it looked like a cartoon. The bright and colourful backgrounds worked seamlessly with the game's 3D elements to create an incredibly smooth look.

This unique art style would later reappear on the Gamecube with Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. This game would take advantage of the characters' paper-like appearance and enable Mario to fold up and become as thin as a sheet of paper. He could then turn into a paper airplane to glide across chasms, or just flatten down to a sheet and be blown away by wind.

Super Paper Mario for the Wii would once again adopt this art style. While at first the game is no more than a traditional two-dimensional platformer, players have the ability to rotate the playing field and change it to a three-dimensional perspective.

The top screen shows the game in 2D, while
the lower is a 3D view of the same location.

As you can see in the comparison above, what looks to be flat from one perspective could be something entirely different if looked at from another angle. This played with the concept of a paper-thin world in ways not thought of before, taking absolute advantage of the game's art style. If it weren't for the two-dimensional appearance of the franchise, Super Paper Mario may have never been created.

The cel-shaded Zelda series

When Nintendo first showed off the power of the Gamecube, an amazingly realistic Zelda demo was shown, depicting Link fighting Ganondorf sword-to-sword. Although Nintendo enforced that this was merely a demonstration of the Gamecube's abilities, many took it as a sneak peak of an upcoming Zelda game.

However, this was not at all indicative of how the next Zelda would look. Instead of ultra-realism, players instead got a more cartoony-looking adventure. Link looked much younger, he had bigger, more anime-like eyes, and everything was incredibly bright and vibrant. The gaming community's reaction? A huge, resounding "What the...?!"

I, on the contrary, was quite pleased with this artistic turn. I loved the new look then, and I still love it now. The brightness of the game's art style hid an amazingly dark storyline within. What looks bright and cheery is actually the terrible fate of the Hyrule Kingdom. But I won't spoil that for anybody yet to play the game.

Back to the art, this new style allowed Link to be more expressive than ever before. He's able to say so much more without ever speaking a word. If you're in a room and something suspicious is near by, Link will direct his gaze in it's direction, giving you a hint as to what must be done next. Link reacts beautifully to the world around him, with expressions of sorrow, disbelief and more flashing across his face. Nobody but Link can say so much yet not make a noise.

The fluidity of the animation is simply astonishing. You sometimes think you're watching a cartoon and not playing a video game. It's all so smooth and seamless! And everything has emotion, from the islanders to the bad guys. This art style creates a living, breathing world like none other.

Nintendo would later bring back this art style in many games. Four Swords, Minish Cap, Phantom Hourglass, Four Swords Adventures, they all use this same brilliant animation. This is probably my favorite art style ever, and I can't wait to see it again soon.

To me, a game's looks means much more than how many polygons or particles it has. It's about the art. From Paper Mario to Okami, Wind Waker to Phoenix Wright, so many of my favorite art styles are great no matter the horsepower that drives them. What are some of your favorite art styles?

The Duck Has Spoken.

The highs and lows of Mario's game career

Gee, who didn't see this coming? A Mario article? Right before a major Mario game is released? Blasphemous!



Mario's been climbing ladders, slaying baddies and getting the girl for more than 20 years now. Most of his adventures are hits, while others fall short. Tonight, I'm going to separate the good from the bad.

The Highs

Super Mario 64 was one of the first 3D games I ever played, and it's likely the best as well. The level design was brilliant, and the number of mission was astounding. Even more, the controls were perfect, allowing gaming to take it's first true steps into the 3D realm. The analog stick and C buttons manipulated Mario and the camera perfectly, in a way yet unrivaled to this day.

There were 15 mains stages with 6 missions each, as well as several hidden missions and bonus levels. This resulted in an incredibly long and game, but it never went stale. Even having to replay several sections of the same level over and over never got old, and even the smallest stages felt absolutely gigantic due to the insane amount of content crammed into them.

Super Mario 64 has been called the Nintendo 64's best game, Mario's best game, and even the best game of all time. No argument here.




Super Mario World was packaged with the Super Nintendo Entertainment System as a way of demonstrating the console's abilities, and Nintendo couldn't have picked a better title. Super Mario World was both dramatically different from the first three games, as well as exactly the same. All the original run and jump gameplay was present, along with new features such as Yoshi riding, the Cape Feather and the spin jump.

Super Mario World featured 72 levels in total, several of which have secret exits. These secret exits lead to shortcuts, power-ups, and even entirely new areas. Just getting to the last stage and defeating Bowser wasn't enough to complete this game!

Super Mario World set out to show of just what the Super Nintendo could do, and it did so beautifully. Definitely deserves a spot on any gamer's shelf.




Super Mario Bros. 3 was the last major Mario game released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the old 8-bit console sure went out on a high note. In addition to keeping all the great gameplay from it's predecessors, Super Mario Bros. 3 also added several more aspects like an overworld map, the Tanooki suit and an item inventory.

Super Mario Bros. 3 sported eight different worlds, each with a large selection of levels. There were also sometimes Hammer Bros. roaming the overworld, and running into them triggered a mini-level, pitting Mario against one or two Hammer Bros. The newly introduced feather and Tanooki power-ups enabled Mario to take to the skies and fly for a short time, often revealing hidden areas and treasures.

Super Mario Bros. 3 gave the Nintendo Entertainment System a great send-off, and this classic is still as addictive as ever to this day.

Honorable mentions: Super Mario Bros. 1, New Super Mario Bros., Donkey Kong

The Lows

The Gamecube's launch marked a first in Nintendo history, as it didn't share a release date with a major Mario game. When Super Mario Sunshine did finally come along, the majority of gamers were left unpleased.

In addition to the familiar 3D platforming of Super Mario 64, Sunshine introduced the Flash Liquidizer Ultra Dousing Device, or F.L.U.D.D. Held like a backpack, F.L.U.D.D was used to spray away grime and enemies among Isle Delfino. It also functioned as a water-powered jetpack. Needless to say, this is an incredible departure from normal Mario gameplay.

Personally, I liked Super Mario Sunshine. But, I didn't feel the same way as I did when I played Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Bros. 3. It was too different to be a Mario game. While a decent title, it's still considered a low-point of Mario's career.




Super Mario Bros. 2 was released in Japan in 1986. It featured all of the same gameplay from the original game, as well as the same art and graphical style. The Super Mario Bros. 2 released in North America, however, was entirely different.

Instead of the "too difficult" Super Mario Bros. 2, the rest of the world instead received a Mario-skinned port of Doki Doki Panic. In place of Fire Flowers, Goombas and Bowser were Turnips, Snifits and Wart. Also, Mario could no longer defeat enemies by merely jumping on them. He had to resort to picking up objects or other monsters and hurling them at his foes. And instead of being restricted to playing as only the portly plumber, players now were able to choose between Mario, Luigi, Princess Toadstool and Toad at the beginning of each stage. Each character acted somewhat differently, varying in ways such as jump height, speed and strength.

Again, like Super Mario Sunshine, this was just far too weird to be taken as a quality Mario title. I'm up for innovation and all, but Super Mario Bros. 2 was just too much of a change for me. Not a fan at all.

Mario's been on many adventures throughout the years, but no game character is immune to bad game design. Thankfully the highs far outweigh the lows, or else we'd have plenty of angry fanboys on our hands. Super Mario Galaxy is looking to be another great title to add to the pudgy Italian's resume next week. Here's to many more great Mario games!

The Duck Has Spoken.

Licensed titles: The good, the bad, and the terrible

Licensed titles are on the receiving end of many a gamer's insults, and quite often rightfully so. Many games based on TV shows, movies, books or whatever are often little more than cash-grabs, quality be damned. However, every once in a while, a truly decent and sometimes even worthwhile licensed title will come along. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show, as I go over Licensed titles: The good, the bad, and the terrible.

The Good

Despite popular belief, there is such a thing as a genuinely good licensed title. Look through any review archive and you're sure to stumble across one or two such games with ratings in the neighborhood of 9/10. Here are two licensed titles that I believe deserve a spot in the "Good" category.

If you've been reading One Duck's Opinion for a while, you likely remember my review of The Godfather: Blackhand Edition. Based on the amazing Godfather movie released in 1972, Blackhand Edition is an adventure set in on the streets of New York in the year 1945. You play as one of the many faceless henchmen working for the Corleone crime family. Along with fulfilling missions and tasks presented in the movie and book, your main task is to eventually take over all of New York in the name of the Corleone family, and, one day, become don of the entire city.

If it wasn't the storyline of this game that made it worthwhile, then it was the controls. Instead of merely pressing buttons to beat the crap out of rival mobsters, Blackhand Edition allowed you to take the fight into your own hands using the motion-sensing capabilities of the Wii remote. Swing the controller sideways to punch the enemy in the side, and thrust it forward to plant one right in the face. Grab a man by the collar of his jacket and toss him about by letting go while thrusting the Wii remote and Nunchuk simultaneously. You can even strangle a man to death by making a circular motion with both hands to simulate grabbing his throat, then wiggle the controllers to wrestle him to the ground. The Godfather: Blackhand Edition is one hell of a game, especially for a licensed title.

Now on to our next piece of software. Yes, it's a Spongebob game. Wipe the foam from your mouth, then continue reading. So, I like Spongebob, is it a crime? Anyways, I played a Battle For Bikini Bottom demo on my cousin's XBox, and it was pretty fun. About a year or so later, I saw it sitting on a shelf in my local video rental shop, so I grabbed it for a week. Hey, what the heck, it was seven bucks.

So then, Battle for Bikini Bottom accomplishes many things that you would probably assume impossible for a licensed title. Most surprising is the fact that it's incredibly fun. The premise is that the evil entrepreneur Plankton built a machine that constantly spits out robots. The Duplicatotron 3000, as the machine is called, stops obeying Plankton and begins making rebellious robots that are beyond his control. And who better to save the day than Spongebob Squarepants?

Battle for Bikini Bottom is nothing revolutionary or ground-breaking. It's a basic little platformer that manages to be quite entertaining. All standard platformer standbys are present: Jumping, running, attacking, etc. Battle for Bikini Bottom also allows players to take control of Patrick Star and Sandy Cheeks in addition to the game's titular sponge. Each character has one or two unique skills, which helps shake things up a bit. Also recognizable from the smash-hit TV show are the supporting characters (Most of which have their original voice-actors), the familiar locales (From the Krusty Krab to Rock Bottom, it's all here) and the same clever humour. The familiar gameplay, amazing voice acting, hilarious jokes and cartoony animation all come together to make one heck of a game. Sure, it won't win any prizes for originality or anything like that, but it's a fun game, plain and simple.

The Bad

And here we have the most common category of licensed titles, "The Bad". Look at any game shelf in any electronics department, and you'll easily find more than ten titles that would be a perfect fit here. A "Bad" game is something that should be ignored when seen, but still has a few redeeming qualities to it. It's the kind of game that can be somewhat enjoyed, but hardly worth retail price. Here is one such example of a "Bad" licensed title.

(First of all, let me apologize for how small this picture is. It's honestly the best one I could find!) Aladdin for the Game Boy is based on the Disney film of the same name. The movie was witty, action-packed, and had a great story behind it. The game, however, was bland, slow-paced and featured only shreds of narrative. You played as Aladdin (Of course), fighting your way through Agrabah streets and across rooftops for some reason. Instead of using that big old machete at your side, you can merely throw apples at your opponents. Yeah, apples. At some random point in the first or second level (It changes, I swear!), you gain the use of your sword, but it's actually no better than the apples. Except for the fact that the machete doesn't really rely on any ammo, you'd really be better off pelting royal guards with a sack of Granny Smiths. After all, at least the apples have range!

A tougher decision than you'd think, really.

Okay, fruits VS swords aside, there's not that much to this game worth talking about. Besides the tiny bits of storyline, the Aladdin sprites and the digitized tune of "A Whole New World" playing in the background, there's really no reason for this to even be an Aladdin title. The use of license is very poor, and it's nearly impossible to make out what you're looking at due to how thin the lines are.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm only talking about the Game Boy version here. All other versions of this game that I've played were great, especially the one on the SEGA Genesis. But comparing this tripe to that amazing piece of software is like comparing apples and mache-, er, oranges.

The Terrible

And here we have the lowest of lows, "The Terrible". These are the games that should be burned on sight. Actually, burning them would be bad, because then their crappiness would permeate our atmosphere and mess up the planet even worse than it already is. There is nothing at all good about any "Terrible" game. Nothing. At. All. These titles are among the worst on Earth. I wonder where they rank on Krypton, the home planet of the following game's star character...


Yes, I think we ALL saw this one coming. E.T. on the Atari 2600? Ha! That's a ten out of ten compared to this piece of crap! Superman 64 is almost definitely the worst game ever created. Thankfully, I have never had the displeasure of "playing" this "game". If I had, I can guarantee you I would have burned my hands off by now. I've suffered through watching many clips and reviews of this steaming pile of Kryptonian crap. I think my pain is only surpassed by those poor souls who've actually laid their hands on this vile botch of game design.

Before we go on to how terrible Superman 64 was, let's look at how great it COULD have been. Just imagine, playing as the strongest man on Earth. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, outrun speeding locomotives and all that jazz. The possibilities are endless! Tossing buildings, crushing machinery, vaporizing enemies with laser vision... Superman is really the dream character for a video game!

Now, forget all the amazing things I just said, as Superman 64 has none of it. Instead of displaying your amazing feats of strength, your instead forced to beat up thugs, bash up cars and fly through rings. Yes, much of Superman 64 is spent flying through "mazes" of rings set up by your arch-enemy, Lex Luthor. Apparently, if you don't fly through these rings, your friends will die or something. I really don't even care. This "game" is hardly worth the wear and tear on my keyboard. I think I can actually feel my fingertips melting.

Superman 64 was a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE piece of work, and I hope to never hear of it again. Someone give me a block of Kryptonite, it's time to put this abomination out of it's misery.

Licensed titles have great potential for good, but even greater potential to be bad. It all depends on what happens behind the scenes. Don't let games like Superman 64 and E.T. cloud your judgment, there are good licensed titles out there such as The Godfather: Blackhand Edition and Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom. Sometimes your just gotta look a little harder and squint through the darkness, but they do exist.

The Duck Has Spoken.