"Nintendo DSi? What's that?"

Those are most certainly to be the words on everyone's lips come this time next year. Heck, I think we're halfway there as is. All anyone can talk about is the 3DS, and who can blame them? It really seems to be an all-round amazing handheld. Where does this leave the recently-released Nintendo DSi line of products, though?

In the dust, to put it bluntly. The 3DS is pretty much a 3D-enabled Gamecube in the palm of your hand, while the DSi is basically the same DS we played in 2004 but with cameras (Which the 3DS also has, one of which being equipped with two lenses for taking 3D pictures). In short, the 3DS is everything the DSi is, and more. The DSi's outlook isn't looking too bright.

I can think of one scenario in which the DSi will continue to succeed alongside the 3DS, but it isn't exactly a happy one. This scenario involves a wallet-strangling prospect: A cripplingly-expensive 3DS. A distressing possibility, the most distressing part being that it's even a possibility at all. The 3DS packs some serious firepower, and it can't be coming cheap. Unless Nintendo wants to sell this handheld at a loss (Something they have never done before), the 3DS is slated to be quite the expensive product. This could very well save the DSi. If they continue selling the DSi at the current price, or perhaps even lower it, it could stick around. The 3DS would be marketed as a "luxury" alternative and the two would live in harmony for a couple years or so.

...or they could sell the 3DS at a loss, make the ad campaign "3DS does was Nintendo(DSi)n't" and obliterate the older product's sales. It's up to Nintendo, I guess.

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The 2009 Golden Duck Awards

Just in case you forgot (Or completely missed) last year's Golden Duck Awards, here's a link to refresh (Or supplement) your memory.


Welcome, one and all, to the 2009 Golden Duck Awards! We don't have any special guests or musical performances... We don't really have much, actually. What we do have, though, are 11 all-new awards given to 11 different games in 11 different (And completely irrelevant) categories. Why 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. Now then, for this year's 2009 Golden Duck Awards!

Best Reason to Load Up on Target-Brand Ibuprofen
"I know one thing... I'm grabbin' pills."

There are many reasons to reach for a bottle of ibuprofen. Headaches, joint pains, zombie claw marks, the list goes on. Well, that last one appears to be exclusive to the Target-branded variety of the drug, at least according to Left 4 Dead 2. Also listed under the added effects exclusive to this brand: Blood stain removal, bone mending and temporary improvement of vital signs, all in an attractive bullet-proof bottle with a zombie-safe cap. Now if only they could increase the concentration. It sure is inconvenient that it takes a whole bottle for any effect to occur. Must be excellent for sales, though.

I think I'll forgive the drug's fictional shortcomings, though. It's not exactly the most pressing issue in the world of Left 4 Dead 2, with hundreds of thousands of zombies pouring out of every door, hallway and sewer. Luckily players have a few good friends on their side, fighting back against the hordes with over a dozen different weapons, including chainsaws, shotguns, assault rifles, katanas, sniper rifles, and Molotov cocktails. With five ever-changing campaigns and some of the finest enemy AI ever crafted, Left 4 Dead 2 is one hell of a zombie-killing good time. Just remember to pack your Target-brand ibuprofen, folks. It's going to be a rough trip.

Best Game With a Robotic Turtle Speed Demon on the Box

"Herf Hoorf this isn't an actual award!"

There have been many great vehicles in the history of gaming. From go-karts to jalopies, hovercrafts to biplanes, there's no shortage of vehicles in which to tear up the track, dirt, skies or sea with. It was beginning to seem as if the possibilities had been all but exhausted... Until the debut of the greatest vehicle of them all, the robotic turtle speed demon, which shall henceforth be referred to as the Tortimer Mk. II. Featuring four wheels, a grappling arm, a sandwich bar and optional passenger-side tambourine, the Tortimer Mk. II has everything you could possibly want in a vehicle... Except perhaps for seating. That may be an issue. Good thing it appears to be remote-controlled, allowing drivers to experience the action from the comfort (And safety) of their living rooms.

We should be glad that Excitebots is merely a video game, for there is no pause button in real life. You see, unlike most racers, Excitebots must occasionally be paused for the purpose of laughing at how uproariously absurd it is. Blazing down the road at over a hundred miles an hour, users will spin up poles, catapult themselves into the air, and assemble sandwiches in ways man never thought possible. Taking the tried-and-true formula of Excite Truck and cranking every aspect to 11 turned Excitebots into what is undoubtedly one of the year's craziest, strangest, and all-out best racers. All thanks in no small part to the Tortimer Mk. II. Godspeed, you magnificent robotic turtle speed demon.

Most Entertaining Method of Punching the Pineapples Out of Someone

"Are you ready? 'Cause I'm gonna put on a show."

There seem to be as many "*Blank* the *Blank* out of someone" phrases as there are people. My personal favourite, however, would have to be "Beat the pineapples out of someone". It's very difficult to do in real life (Especially living so far from pineapple-growing conditions), making me very thankful for the man(?) known as King Hippo. With a seemingly never-ending supply of fresh tropical pineapples stored in his cranium, King Hippo is like a pineapple-lover's dream come true. Me? Oh, no, I don't like to eat pineapples. Just beating them out of people.

Pineapples are but one of the many different things that can be coaxed out of people's heads in Punch-Out!!. Croissants, feathers, fish, birds, roses and much more are all contained within the skulls of opponents in Punch-Out!!, and it takes but a single uppercut to enjoy them. It's getting to that uppercut that's the hard part. Less like a fighting game and more like a puzzler, Punch-Out!!'s fights center around fast reactions and a keen eye. Each opponent has his own strengths, weaknesses and hints. Strike at the wrong time and get showered in a barrage of counter-punches, but strike at the right time and you're rewarded with a cascade of pineapples. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is!

Best Game Based on Wildlife Loose in Downtown Toronto

"A wild doe has invaded downtown Toronto and is terrorizing people!"

It was a quiet, ordinary day in downtown Toronto, when suddenly, chaos struck! Chaos in the form of... A harmless doe. A deer. A female deer. It was perhaps the city's strangest news story of the year (Tied, perhaps, with the mayor's ineptitude at ending a garbage strike. It's a long story. A long, painful story.). So what is the internet to do? Make a Flash game based on it, of course!

DEERTASE is a classically-styled RPG encapsulating the thrilling life-or-death battle faced that day. A fight of man against deer, technology against nature, human against... not-human. With naught but the standard-issue Toronto police officer equipment available, you must somehow overcome the serious, city-threatening menace that is a doe. Can you possibly succeed? And if you do emerge victorious, another challenge awaits... DEERTASE is a thrilling new saga of Flash-based entertainment, just begging to be experienced by all. Are you a bad enough dude to save the city?

Best Glorification of a Boring Factory Job

"[BOX]Life is like a box of chocolates"

I've never worked in a factory, but I imagine it's not all that fun. A week of 9-to-5 shifts of the same exact thing over and over and over. One of the most mundane of these jobs would have to be manual box assembly. Just thinking about the endless hours of folding makes me drowsy. Now, if perhaps there were some sort of challenge involved. Say, an infinitely-long sheet of paper with a grid pattern printed on it, which could be cut, folded and turned into boxes like some sort of puzzle game. If only there were such a game...

...is something I highly doubt anyone ever thought in the history of mankind. That didn't stop the fine folks at Skip Ltd. from making that very game, though, and they called it BOXLIFE. With gameplay consisting of everything I said above and nothing more, BOXLIFE is not exactly a complex game. What it is, though, is incredibly fun, and inexplicably addictive. I don't know what it is, but somewhere in this insanely skimpy design is a golden nugget of infinite replayability. Come to think of it, I don't even care what it is. All I know is that this is the best 500 points I've spent on DSiWare so far.

Best Adventure Within the Bowels of a Gigantic Turtle

"I HAVE CHORTLES!"

One of the oldest standbys of cartoons is the classic "inside the body" episode. It always begins with some cheesy method of the characters shrinking down and entering the body of another character, where they have a whole bunch of wacky adventures or learn biology or some crap like that. Whatever the case, it's tired and overdone, with every cartoon from The Magic School Bus to Spongebob Squarepants having done it. Trust Nintendo to look at this tired old story and make the one game we've all secretly desired our entire lives: A game primarily staged within the body of Bowser himself. Truly it is the game to end all games.

Joking aside, Bowser's Inside Story really is a fantastic platformer/RPG hybrid, featuring the greatest parts of the two genres of which it is composed. Classic Nintendo platforming perfected over the last two decades years and the vast and exciting world of role-playing games come together to create the greatest Mario & Luigi series game so far. The writing, battles, storyline and animation are better than ever before, which, compared to the amazing quality of the franchise up to this point, is saying quite a lot. Not only that, but the main boss of the game is probably the best one out of all bosses I've fought this year, whether or not he is, indeed, "beefless".

Best (Hopefully) Fictional Portrayal of Life in 2077

"War. War never changes."

I like to think my later years will be ones of peace, sitting on some lakeside dock and watching the boats go by. I don't like to think of them taking place in times of war, with military jets flying by, troops patrolling the streets, and warships flooding the waters. Thankfully at least one possible timeline leading to this situation is an impossibility, with events causing it having never taken place. For those of us interested in such a timeline, though, there exists the Fallout series. This alteration of history sees 2077 being a time or great strife for the world, with one of the main conflicts centered upon China's invasion of Anchorage, Alaska. This (hopefully) fictional war serves as the premise for Fallout 3: Operation Anchorage.

Upon the discovery of a virtual reality device in the post-war ruins of Washington D.C. (Do keep in mind that this is merely a fictional situation), the group that made the discovery searches long and hard for a person equipped to tackle the brutal game-within-a-game. This person, of course, if the player. What kind of game would it be if it wasn't? The simulation is no mere virtual reality adventure, though, with death having real-world consequences. That's right, folks; "If you die in the game, YOU DIE FOR REAL!". This program is a recreation of the war at Anchorage, and only by fighting their way through this historically-significant battle can the player escape it. Operation: Anchorage is a nice twist on the usual Fallout 3 formula, and it certainly helps add more to the already huge overarching storyline of the franchise. Let's just hope this particular story remains in fiction.

Best Use of Fireworks

"DYNOMIIIIIITE"

Fireworks are always one of the best parts of any major celebration. The bright lights, the vibrant colours, and of course, the loud crack of the explosions. It's bright, pretty and ear-splittingly loud. There's something in it for everybody... Well, except for the shoot 'em up fans, that is. Fireworks are nice, but they lack the action and excitement of games like Xevious, Nanostray and Gradius. And while games like Xevious, Nanostray and Gradius are nice, they lack the Summertime thrills of fireworks. Fireworks are just begging to be put into a shoot 'em up. Begging I say!

Well, the Roman candles need beg no longer, thanks to a little game known as Big Bang Mini. It's the same basic shoot 'em up we've all been playing for years, but with an explosive twist. Forget about rockets and missiles and Photon torpedoes. Nah, the real firepower's in a firecracker. It's all the greatness of classic shoot 'em ups with the wonders of fireworks. Seriously, what more could you want?

Best Game Featuring a Rooster Hat in a Leading Role

"Buck buck bu-gawk!"

Hats are only recently getting the attention they so dearly deserve. Mario's been wearing a hat since day one, but nobody truly appreciates it. Valve noticed the lack of love for hats, and added them to Team Fortress 2 earlier this year. While it was a good step, there just wasn't a rooster hat. They were on the right track with the Pyro's Respectless Rubber Glove, but they stopped just short of paying respect to the hat that deserves it most. It wasn't until Scribblenauts debuted two months later that the rooster hat finally got its break-out role. Simple, elegant, presumably floppy. Clearly it is the hat of the gods!

Also of the gods is the core concept of Scribblenauts. The game's tagline is "Write Anything, Solve Everything", and it just about delivers on both accounts. Not everything can be written (What, no Dromiceiomimus? Well, crap, there goes my Dinosaur Comics reunion!), and some puzzles are so punishingly hard they may as well be impossible, but the game does, in general, pull off what it was advertised to do... If the crummy controls don't result in that marvelous rooster hat plummeting off a cliff. So sure, it's not a perfect game, but dammit, it finally gives the lord of all hats the exposure it deserves!

Best Head-On Collisions

"Vroom vroom, quack quack"

People love car crashes. It's some sort of morbid fascination built into the human mind that, whenever there's a car accident, we just have to go look at it. Just yesterday I saw a white car halfway through the front wall of a dental office while I was riding the bus, and everyone else turned to look. There's just something within a human that makes them need to see these things. What could be better than seeing a car wreck? How about playing a video game where one of the main objectives is to create them? That's exactly what some developers thought years ago, and lo, the Burnout franchise was born.

2008 brought us Burnout Paradise and a few expansions, with 2009 bringing all of those goodies wrapped up in one nice little package. The best package. The Ultimate Box, you could call it. It's all the car-wrecking goodness wrapped up in one convenient disc! With an extensive online mode, a huge virtual city to drive in and more cars than any dealership I've seen, there's no end to the various ways, places and vehicles in which you can get your crunch on. Pack your roll cages and fasten your seatbelts, folks. It's going to be bumpy ride.

Most Wanton Wontons

"Hello, City Wok, may I take your order please?"

Next time you order Chinese food from your local Chinese restaurant, look that delivery man a little closer in the eye. Look out for anything suspicious, because you never know. You local Wok On The Wild Side could very well be a front for the mafia. If that turns out to be the case, what will you do? You could call the police, notify the FBI or, if it comes to it... Order pizza instead. It's a last resort, but sometimes it just has to be done!

In Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, the situation above is a reality, but it's okay, because you're on the side with the guns and explosions! Far better than the cold chicken balls and lumpy fried rice, believe me. Chinatown Wars brings the winning Grand Theft Auto formula to the DS for the first time ever, meshing together the gigantic world of Grand Theft Auto IV with the birds-eye view perspective of the original game. It's truly amazing how much they managed to squeeze onto that little game card, and it's a huge shame that so few people got to enjoy it. Come on, people! There's a mission where you play as one of those big Chinese dragons you see in parades. If that's not worth the $20 sticker price, nothing is!

And so ends this year's 11 all-new Golden Duck Awards... But wait, there's more! Notice I said there were 11 new categories... I never said there couldn't be an oldie coming back for one more go! And so, without further delay...

Best Way to Beat the Crap Out of Your Friends Without Getting the Police Involved

"Let's-a go!"

Super Smash Bros. Brawl now hands the legal assault-granting torch to this year's Nintendo masterpiece, New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Four-player Mario platforming... Even someone completely unfamiliar with the game should know what kind of chaos such a concept can bring. Oh, the satisfaction of tossing your whiny sibling into a never ending pit. The joys of leaving that annoying family friend to die in the fires of Bowser's castle. And the best part is that it's perfectly legal! If this isn't the best Wii game of the year, nothing is!

...well, I suppose I can't say that just yet. I'll admit, I've only played the first couple worlds of this game, but what I did play was fantastic... And frantic. I still can't decide if it was a good idea for my initial exposure to this game to be in four-person multiplayer. Whatever the case, it was a complete blast, and I'm very much hoping to find it beneath the Christmas tree tomorrow. And if I don't... IF I DON'T GET THIS GAME FOR CHRISTMAS I'LL... I'LL... Eh, I guess I'll play something else.

So ends this year's Golden Duck Awards... For real this time. Another 12 useless, meaningless, overly-specific trophies have been handed out to another 12 more-than-worthy games. That makes 20 total Golden Duck Award recipients. Quite the exclusive group, don't you think? Not a very prestigious group, but certainly exclusive. Do you have any random, pointless awards to bestow upon 2009's finest games? Feel free to have your own merry little awards ceremony in the comment section, or in this forum thread.

My thoughts on the DSi revamp

Sorry for the gap in updates there... Things should be a little better from this point onward.


It was announced earlier today, quite out of nowhere, that there will be yet another DSi model released by the end of this year. Reading the details, I was, at first, feeling a little cheated. I'd just bought my DSi in April, and here they are announcing another one with far bigger screens retailing for the exact same price. I'd be holding my DSi-Mini while other people are walking about with their Mega-DSi systems and enjoying the extra 0.75" of screen (It doesn't sound like much, but it really is). Seems unfair to the millions of DSi owners out there, doesn't it?

Perhaps not. Let's look at the reasoning for this update. As was said ages ago, Nintendo would be using bigger screens in upcoming handhelds to accommodate the poorer eyesight of the elderly. The new DSi's 4.0" screens are sure to be far easier on elderly eyes than that screens of previous systems. There's nothing wrong with this, and in fact, I support it. The more people who get to enjoy gaming, the better.

Another reason given is a little unclear at this point. It's been said that these larger screens will help "expand use for the system to movies and digital books". This is all fine and good, but... The wording makes it seem like this won't be available for the original run of the DSi. Of course, this is coming from a Japanese newspaper, so for all we know, something was lost in translation. Still, it's a little odd that the original article wasn't more specific.

Could these new, bigger screens play host to software incompatible with the older DSi?

Also unclear at this point is whether or not this new model would come with any hardware upgrades. Technology advances at an alarming rate, and it's entirely possible that hardware superior to that included to the DSi would have dropped to an affordable price-point in the last year. Would Nintendo go through with it, though? Releasing DSi-exclusive software is already splitting the industry as is. Making software using the advanced-hardware of this upcoming model would just divide things up further. So while it's possible that this new DSi could sport some faster, more powerful innards, I don't see it as being very likely. Worry not, fellow DSi-owners!

One problem many have mentioned regarding these larger screens is the resolution. Making screens bigger is better, yes, but not if the resolution doesn't increase along with it. Allow me to simplify. The DSi's resolution is 256x192 pixels, spread across a 3.25" screen. If the new DSi's resolution stays the same, it will then be 256x192 pixels spread across a 4.0" screen. Basically, the same image will be stretched further, and it will appear to be of lower quality. Look at the below image for an example (View full-size).

The above image is merely to illustrate the difference. It's not an exact representation.

The screenshot on the left is the same size and resolution as what you'd find on a DSi screen. On the right is the same screenshot enlarged to the dimensions of the new DSi's screen, resulting in pixelation. It's bigger, but not exactly prettier. If Nintendo takes this path with the new DSi, their new customers will be getting bigger screens, but with poorer pictures. Upping the resolution won't change a thing, as DS software is made for 256x192 and nothing bigger. Future software may be adapted to this, providing a higher-resolution image on the new DSi, but the library would be limited, at least at first. So while the larger images would be easier on elderly eyes, younger, sharper-eyed players would notice the pixelation.

The bottom line is that this new DSi wasn't made with everyone in mind. It was made for the elderly. Less of a broad market, yes, but a valid market nonetheless. Chances are that this new DSi will be exactly like the ones in millions of hands around the world at this moment, but with larger, pixel-enlarging screens. Also, if they don't upgrade the hardware, there's no reason owners of the original DSi can't get in on the movie and digital book action, removing the possibility that owners of the new model will be receiving exclusive features. Rest easy, DSi owners, for it seems your recent handheld investment is safe. Even if it does turn out to be better, it will only be marginally so, and hardly worth worrying about. Those out there considering buying a DSi should put a hold on those plans for a bit to see how things play out, but everyone else can relax. Whatever the outcome, we'll still have one of the best damn handhelds ever made, and that's nothing to be sad about.

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DSi firmware update ideas

The DSi is a great handheld for those willing to make the investment (More details in my review), but there are a few minor shortcomings noticeable in the system's built-in software. It used to be that, when a console shipped with problems like this, it was stuck that way for good. That's no longer the case, though, as the DSi's firmware can be updated much like the Wii's, allowing features to be added and existing software to be tweaked. As of yet, Nintendo hasn't even hinted at an upcoming firmware update for the DSi, but that hasn't stopped me from brainstorming the possibilities. Following are a few ideas I've thought up that would make the DSi that much more great.

SD card compatibility similar to that of the Wii since Wii Menu 4.0

I was really getting annoyed earlier this year. I had to keep deleting games off of my Wii's internal memory, redownloading ones I wanted to play again, and performing the mind-numbingly long task of shuffling others to the SD card and back. Finally, Nintendo delivered with Wii Menu 4.0, allowing lightning-fast play of WiiWare and Virtual Console games stored on the SD card. Since then, all's been good...

...but a similar problem may soon be arising with the DSi. It was recently found out that, if you've downloaded all the DSiWare software available, your DSi is officially full. Of course, much of what's on DSiWare right now is, well, crap, but that could surely change in the near future. In the last few weeks alone, Mighty Flip Champs and Mario VS Donkey Kong: Minis March Again have appeared on the DSiStore, and many more titles are on their way. Eventually we're going to run out of space for it all. Sadly, unlike the Wii, the DSi lacks the ability to directly run software off of an SD card... for now. Surely Nintendo could do the same thing on the DSi as they did on the Wii? Since I see no reason why not, yes, they can do it... And don't call me Shirley*.

Pause gameplay and access the main menu

You're sitting on a park bench, playing a good round of Fire Emblem, when all of a sudden you look up and see a hawk perched on the tree nearby. But you left your camera at home, and your cell phone's recharging! Well, you could just tap the power button and return to the main menu... But that would mean losing your progress in that round of Fire Emblem (And you were doing pretty damn well, too!). Well, it's either that, or miss an awesome picture of a hawk. Decisions!

This wouldn't be a problem, though, if you could just pause the game and jump back to the main menu. Like minimizing a program on a computer, you could duck out, take a pic, and jump right back in. The way I see this working out (Mind you, I'm no tech-expert, so stop me if this isn't feasible) is the game just pausing as usual while the picture's being taken. In fact, this may even be what Nintendo was planning all along. The DSi 16MB of RAM, four times as much as any previous DS model. RAM dictates how much a computer can do at once, and it's sure to be the same with the DSi. With 4MB being taken up by the game, that leaves 12MB to do whatever we want. Surely that's enough to handle taking a simple picture? Theoretically, yes, it is enough... And stop calling me Shirley*.

Now, the next question is, how would this function be accessed? Every button on the DSi is already taken... So why not make it replace the one-tap-to-the-menu function of the Power Button? Instead of a single tap taking you directly to the menu, a window would pop up asking what you want to do: Pause the game and access the menu; shut down the game, lose all progress and access the menu; or simply cancel and return to the game.

A final problem arises with upcoming, unknown software... Nintendo can't have put all that extra RAM just for the sake of this function. Upcoming, more hardware-intensive games are coming, and they'll be using higher amounts of the DSi's RAM. When it comes to this, my system outlined above won't be possible (That is, if it wasn't already rendered impossible by my lack of tech knowledge. Experts, feel free to chime in!). When games like these come along, I propose a new function: A quick-save feature built in to all software... And really, that's all there is to it. Just a quick-save feature. Why don't all handheld games have this already, anyway? It's a portable console, for crying out loud, we should be able to save and quit whenever we need! Pick-up-and-play, people!

MP3 support on DSi Sound, and a playlist feature for music

No matter how hard I tried, I was never able to get any AAC file loaded on an SD card to play on my DSi (Click here, hit Ctrl+F and punch in "Continuing along" for more). With so many hoops to jump through, there's probably somewhere along the way where I made a mistake. Why not just cut all the crap and put MP3 support in there? Post an updated DSi Sound Channel on the DSiStore, charge 200 points to cover the format licensing fee, and we're in business. That's all there is to it.

Sadly, I doubt this will happen. Nintendo seems to be running away from the MP3 format for no reason, straight into the land of AAC. Makes no sense. Whether or not this becomes a reality, though, I still want the following feature to be implemented: Playlists. As it is, audio files can only be played one by one, and in order to change to the next one, we have to fiddle about with the touchscreen. Doesn't exactly make for easy-playing of our music, does it? I know, DSi Sound is more meant for messing around with sounds and stuff than replacing a separate music player, but if the possibility for improvement is there, why not go for it? Toss in the MP3 format (Just do it, dammit), slap a 200 point price tag on it and label it "DSi Sound 2.0". Money in the bank!

Increased volume control sensitivity

I do a lot of my gaming at night when everyone else is asleep. When I was using my DS Lite, I usually had little trouble using the volume slider to find an appropriate volume level that was both loud enough for me to clearly hear yet quiet enough so as to not disturb my family. With the DSi, though, the slider is out, the buttons are in, and my ideal volume level is between two of the settings. The one below it is too quiet, the one above it is too loud, and I really don't like gaming with headphones (No idea why, I just don't). I've heard other people complain about the different volume levels, too, so I know I'm not alone on this. It can't be that hard to just make each press of the button adjust the volume less, so go on and do it, Nintendo!

Easier main-menu image viewing

I take a lot of pictures with my DSi, since I usually have it handy. When I want to go show off those pictures, though, it's a bit of a pain. After starting up the system, I then have to navigate to the DSi Camera channel, select the Album option, wait for the first image to load, then wait for the next image to load, and so on... When right on the main menu I can see one of my many photos. So why not just let me shuffle through them on the main menu?

I'm suggesting a button for the lower screen, maybe called "Random Image". Tap it, and the photo on the top screen would randomly switch to a different one. Of course, this would only select images you'd labeled to show on the upper screen, so that random picture you took of a door but forgot to delete won't be popping up. Surely this can't be very hard to implement (You should know where this is going by now)?

What do you think of my ideas? Are they great? Stupid? Technically impossible? All of the above (I don't doubt someone will find a way to make that possible)? Have your say in the comment section, or in this thread.

*You there. Watch Airplane. NOW.

Nintendo's E3 2009 press conference: Recap, commentary and observations

Don't forget to check the article below this for a rundown of how my predictions fared!


After last year's E3, people had lost much of their faith in Nintendo. The script was pretty crummy, the announcements were sparse, and what was announced (Animal Crossing: City Folk) wound up being somewhat underwhelming when it landed in stores that November. Surely this E3 would have to be better than last year's event... Right?

The first game shown (After a brief bit of sales talk) is one we saw coming thanks to that loose-lipped Japanese newspaper; New Super Mario Bros. Wii is the name of this new side-scrolling adventure for the Wii. Stylistically very similar to the New Super Mario Bros. game on the DS, players can play as Mario, Luigi, or different-coloured Toads. Nothing was said on the subject of other playable characters, but I wouldn't be surprised to see more join in on the fun.


The multiplayer aspect of the game is seamlessly integrated with the single player, with people free to come and go as they please. This new mode is both competitive and cooperative, much like what you'd see in the Four Swords games in terms of player interaction. Whenever someone dies, a bubble appears on screen containing them. If other, living players are inclined to do so, they can pop the bubble and free their allies/foes and continue along. Although they didn't say, I'd assume that if all four die without freeing a bubble-encased player, the level ends. The same probably occurs when all players exhaust their supply of free lives. An additional way players can work together is picking eachother up on their shoulders and carrying them around. This comes into play with the following power-up...


One new ability was shown off in the demonstration, and that was the Propeller Suit. From what I could see, players can save themselves when falling by activating the propeller and whisking themselves to safety. It can also be used mid-jump to add a bit more height to a leap. If a player without a Propeller Suit grabs another play who has one, they can be flown around as a passenger. A neat little touch, gently forcing players to work together if need be.


In the official trailer, another new power-up is shown off: The Penguin Suit (Not an official name, just what I've dubbed it). Acting sort of like an Antarctic Hammer Bros. Suit from Super Mario Bros. 3, the Penguin Suit gives the wearer the ability to toss about snowballs at his or her enemies. So far, this and the Propeller Suit are the only known power-ups, but seeing more wouldn't surprise me in the least.


Not much else is known about New Super Mario Bros. Wii, but if the DS game was any indication, it's sure to be a classic side-scroller with enough content to keep people busy for a good while. New Super Mario Bros. Wii will be available worldwide this holiday season.


Directly following that was the announcement of the other game leaked by Nikkei: Wii Fit Plus. Despite its name, it doesn't seem to use the Wii MotionPlus at all. In fact, it still uses just the Balance Board and Wii remote, with no new peripheral or anything attached to it. Several new modes are the draw this time around, with different work outs designed to focus on different parts of the body.


Also new are 15 minigames, from a platformer-like distraction to what Cammie Dunaway referred to as "Brain Age for your behind". Yup. It's Butt Age (See below).


Wii Fit Plus doesn't look to bring a whole lot to the table in terms of new content, instead serving as more of a, well, a Wii Fit Plus. Anyone who has yet to get into the craze (Such as myself) should probably just wait for this to hit shelves this fall, sold in two packages: With a Balance Board (For newcomers like myself), or without (For Wii Fit owners looking for a little more).


After this, Reggie appeared on stage to show off the Wii MotionPlus (I know, I was expecting more sales talk, too). After talking a bit about how revolutionary and accurate the device is, he handed the show over to Bill Trinen, who proceeded to demonstrate for us a few parts of Wii Sports: Resort.


To begin, Bill Trinen started off at the first part of the game players will experience: Skydiving to the resort island. By twisting and turning the Wii remote (With MotionPlus) in the air, players can make their Mii do all sorts of moves, and even grab a hold of other sky divers and create formations in the air. This little beginning level is a perfect way to introduce the player to the abilities of the Wii MotionPlus, but like this is merely the start of the game, this is also merely the start of the new peripheral's abilities.


In the archery game, the Wii remote is held pointing up, with its back facing away from the player. The Nunchuk takes the role of the player's other hand (Which one depends on the player's hand dominance). Aiming is achieved by moving the Wii remote around, and this is where it gets cool. Even though the IR sensor is pointed straight at the ceiling, the Wii MotionPlus can still determine where on the screen the back of the remote is "pointed" at. Bill moved it around in space in front of him, and the way it was matched so perfectly on screen almost made me forget there's no IR camera on the bottom of the controller.


After this, Bill called Reggie back on stage to demonstrate the basketball free-throw game. By holding their hands above their head as if holding a basketball, with the Wii remote in the "throwing" hand, the two of them managed to have a nice, fun and challenging round of free-throws, with Reggie barely edging out Bill by sinking a "money ball" worth extra points. I'm no fan of basketball (And as such probably just used horrible terminology), but I must admit I'm excited for this part of the game. It looks challenging, yet fulfilling, and truly shows off the scope of the MotionPlus' abilities.


Wii Sports: Resort looks like an excellent sequel to the Wii game that started it all, and I'm quite looking forward to getting my hands on it on July 26th.

After this, a string of trailers for already-known games began to play. Final Fantasy: Crystal Bearers (With some pretty crummy voice actors, sadly), Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and Mario & Luigi 3: Bowser's Inside Story (Excellent title) all went by, followed up by a trailer for something no feasible reach of the imagination could have possibly foretold...


Oh, people dreamed about it and people hoped for it, but I don't think anyone ever truly believed it would ever happen. Now, I never played the first two games personally, so I don't know a whole lot about the significance of any people shown in the trailer, but I can say that it featured some truly beautiful graphics. Screenshots really don't do it justice, so be sure to check out the trailer on Youtube.


A string of less-significant announcements followed, with stuff like Style Savvy (Localization of Girl's Mode), James Patterson Women's Murder Club: Games of Passion (Sort of an interactive novel based on the book) and C.O.P. The Recruit (An actually somewhat cool, GTA-style cop game from Ubisoft). Following this was a bit of shilling in the DSi's direction, and the announcement of Flipnote Studio (The localized name for Moving Memo Pad). Following this was the announcement of an all new game: Mario VS Donkey Kong: Minis March Again!


The third title in the Mario VS Donkey Kong series, Minis March Again! looks to consist entirely of user-created content shared over the Nintendo WiFi Connection. Going along with this is a level editor said to be even more robust than that of the previous game, giving the player an insane amount of space to work in and many additional tools and traps.


Now, what's the coolest part of this? Mario VS Donkey: Minis March Again! is exclusively for DSiWare. That's right; Nintendo is finally throwing their weight behind the fledgling DSiShop, and Mario VS Donkey: Minis March Again! will be debuting their on June 8th. Once again, you're not misreading this; This game is coming out next week! Sometimes digital distribution can be an amazing thing, huh? No price point has yet to be announced, but I'm expecting it to fall in the "800+" price range, possibly becoming the first game to actually be of a "+" price.

Following this are three more less-notable presentations; WarioWare: Made in Ore is to be called Wario Ware: DIY in North America, The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks is once again shown off (No new information), and they announce that we'll soon be able to upload our DSi pictures directly to Facebook.

After the above, Iwata appears on stage and begins to say how many people on Earth are playing games these days and how Nintendo has enlightened millions to the wonders of gaming. Basically sales talk in disguise. Iwata then turns to something new...


...another peripheral? But... I thought we were through with such things! Oh well, maybe it'll be something coo-What? It's a glorified heartrate monitor?


...I'm honestly speechless here. Apparently, so was Iwata, as he basically told us that it monitors our blood pressure as we play to gauge how we're reacting to it... Or something. He was being incredibly vague. My guess is this is still waaaaaay in the experimental stages, making it a mystery as to why they chose to show it off today.

At this point I'm pretty blown away by all the announcements (Excluding the previous one). Although I wasn't thinking it at the time, I'd probably have been alright with it if they decided that was enough for today and ended the conference. But they still had at least one more ace up their sleeve, and that was...


Super Mario Galaxy 2, a sequel to what is probably the Wii's greatest game yet. This was just crazy to me. After hearing of New Super Mario Bros. Wii, I was sure that the major Mario-related news had wrapped up for the day. I was gladly shown otherwise. Although no story details explaining why have surfaced yet, Mario is once again taking off into space, but this time he's got a friend in the cold depths of nothingness: Yoshi, mashing together dinosaurs and intergalactic adventure in a way I never imagined could qualify as not cheesy. Dinosaurs in space: Only Nintendo could make that work.


Yoshi seems far-improved from his last 3D platforming appearance in Super Mario Sunshine, though, gaining a Super Mario World-style ability to eat fruit and take on new powers and colour schemes. When turned orange, Yoshi gains Sonic-like super-speed, and turning blue causes him to blow up like a balloon then deflate, floating into the air and taking Mario to new heights.


Many other enhancements seem to have been made to the formula from Mario's first space adventure, with actual planet-sized planets and a new drill item showing up in the trailer. Also appearing in the trailer was a Super Mario Bros. 3-style "giant" galaxy, featuring humongous Goombas and blimp-sized blocks. Now who says you can't build on perfection?


Nintendo is expanding upon a winning formula here, and I have every reason to believe that this will be an amazing addition to the Super Mario Galaxy universe (No pun intended). Super Mario Galaxy 2 is currently slated for a vague "2010" release.

Bringing us back to Earth after the previous announcement (Okay, pun intended that time), Nintendo turns to showcasing a few mature third-party Wii efforts; The Conduit, Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles and Dead Space: Extraction all get their time on the big screen. I'm glad to see Nintendo pushing third-party Wii software. It's a lesson they've done well to learn after the N64 and Gamecube days!

After this, I thought, the show's bound to be over. A goodbye from Reggie, a final wave, and the lights go off. That's what I thought. That's not what happened. Instead, Nintendo announces that their partnership with Team Ninja has begun to pay off, and that the two have been working together on an established Nintendo franchise. First thought: Zelda. The trailer starts, and I see waves. Okay, so it's Wind Waker... Wait, that was just the Team Ninja signature. Whoops. So now we're in deep space, floating through a debris field. Oh my god, it's got to be Star Fox! Wait, who's this? Some woman in a space station? That's not Star Fox at all... Some commander-like guy asks her a question and OH MY GOD IT'S A NEW METROID.


Samus is back, but this isn't a first-person shooter. It's more of an action platformer, similar to Ninja Gaiden (A Team Ninja product). But in space, and with an arm cannon, so by default it's infinitely superior (Nerd alert). Freed from the restraints of first-person shooters, Samus now takes matters into her own hands... Literally. I mean, look below.


She has a freaking space lizard in a headlock. That's just plain badass. Samus is now able to punch the crap out of things, as well as shoot them. If that alone doesn't make this game awesome enough for you, watch this trailer and try not to smile. Go ahead, I'll wait...

...finished? Did you smile? Damn straight you smiled. And did you hear that at the end? She spoke. Samus talks now. She's probably the only silent protagonist I ever wanted to see go vocal (Except maybe Gordon Freeman, he's gotta have tonnes to say), and here it is. I really have to get my hands on that Metroid Prime Trilogy when it comes out and get back into the universe of Metroid. I've got to be ready for when it lands next year!


After this, Reggie takes the stage once more. What, he's announcing more? Stop, you're going to kill me! Well, I'm alive, so I guess that tells you no more announcements were made. And now, after all these surprises and revelations, the conference finally comes to a close. Looking back on it as a whole, I'd have to say this was definitely in the same league as the 2007 presentation, and nearly up there with the 2006 showing. If you honestly came away from this conference disappointed, I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll ever be satisfied. Nintendo delivered today, and they've shown that us gamers that have been with them for all these years still fit in with their plan. Thank you, Nintendo.

To summarize: Yes, it is better than last year's event. And don't call me Shirley.

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Nintendo DSi review

Nintendo has always been a dynamo in the handheld market, ever since the days of the Game & Watch. While the software is always central to a system's success, one cannot forget the importance of the hardware that plays it. Nintendo sure doesn't forget, as they always bring out three different models of a console per generation, tweaking and fine-tuning the system to perfection. With the Nintendo DS in 2004 and the DS Lite in 2006, the DSi is the third (And presumably final) version of the handheld, adding cameras, bigger screens, internal memory, and so much more. Do all these changes make the DSi a worthy addition to the best-selling Nintendo DS product line, or has the mighty Nintendo blundered this third design?

When it comes to the handheld's appearance, the DSi sure does live up to Nintendo's current trend of sleek and appealing design. The top of the console is smooth and clean, completely unblemished except for the lone camera off in the front-right corner. The new matte finish ensures the DSi doesn't stick out like a shiny sore thumb, and it also makes for a far more firm grip than the slick and glossy DS Lite casing. The power/charge indicator lights have moved over to the opposite side of the hinge, and they've got a new neighbour in the form of a wireless communications indicator light (Stays lit when passive wireless communications are enabled, and blinks during use. This feature can be disabled). On the left side of the device are the volume controls, which are now buttons instead of a slider (A welcome change, but a bit more precision in volume adjustment would be nice). The front edge of the handheld is completely blank (No more Game Boy Advance slot) except for the headphone/microphone jack on the right side (And the jack is exactly the same as before in every way). Along the right side are the stylus sheathe (Housing a longer and slightly thicker stylus) and the SD card slot (Can be difficult to open with short fingernails). Around back are the shoulder buttons (Which stick out a bit much for my liking), the wrist strap loop (For the wrist strap that isn't even in the box!), and the power jack (Which is incompatible with previous Nintendo DS chargers). Finally, on the bottom, the only thing of note is the battery pack cover (Which feels a little flimsy, and gives slightly when pressed).


Opening the handheld (Which shows off the awesomely-smooth hinge of the new model) reveals two 3.25" screens, 0.25" larger than the screens on the DS Lite. Not a massive increase, but still noticeably bigger. Between the two screens (On the hinge) are the inner camera and microphone. On opposite sides of the top screen lay the two speakers, now consisting of one narrow slat each instead of the six-hole design of the DS Lite. They look a lot better than before, and provide audio quality equal to (Or maybe even better than) the DS Lite. Moving down to the lower half of the unit, all the buttons are in the exact same place as before, except for the constantly-migrating power button. With the Nintendo DS it was above the D-Pad, with the DS Lite it moved to the right side of the case, and now with the DSi it's moved once more to below the D-Pad. This time around, the power button doesn't just turn the system off. While holding it down will result in a power-down, tapping it will instantly return the user to the main menu, regardless of what function is currently underway. Think of it as the DSi's equivalent to the Wii remote's Home button. While not a crazily-innovative addition, it's still a nice little touch.


Looking at the design on the whole, I can really find only two flaws. First, as I mentioned before, the SD card slot cover is incredibly hard to open with short fingernails. In fact, it's hard to open even with fingernails. It's just an annoying little slot cover. It's a good thing most people won't be swapping SD cards out all the time, because this flap is not something I want to deal with anymore than I already have. Second, the shoulder buttons stick out. A lot (See the following picture). Keep this loose in a bag, and something's sure to slide against them and snap them off, or at least loosen them up. With the DS Lite, the hinge was the greatest design flaw. With the DSi, I'm seeing the shoulder buttons taking this dubious title.


There are two other ways the DSi has changed, one good, one bad, and neither as apparent as what was outlined above. First, the good news: DS game cards can be inserted and removed without having to power down the system, meaning those of us who tend to use the backlight as a means of seeing our game wallets late at night can live a little easier. Now, then, for the bad news: The DSi's battery is weaker than that of the DS Lite. Whereas the DS Lite used a 1000mAh internal rechargeable battery, the DSi uses a battery of only 840mAh, resulting in a battery life 16% lower. This is further affected by the brightness of the backlight, where higher levels drain the battery even faster. Just keep your backlight low and a charger nearby, and you should be alright. Those of you who do a lot of travelling, though, may want to keep a spare battery on hand.

Starting up the DSi, after the obligatory health and safety screen, presents the user with a menu far different from what was on the previous DS models. Several new menu options are spread out along the DSi's version of Wii Channels, all entirely customizable in order and with plenty of room for additional "channels" down the road. When first starting up the DSi (After inputting your personal information and preferences), the available channels are as follows: System Settings, Play *Currently Inserted DS Game Card*, DSi Camera, DSi Sound, DSi Shop, PictoChat and DS Download Play, followed by a large amount of empty slots (Software purchased from the DSi Shop will occupy these spots). See below for an example of the menu, with all channels shown in the order previously listed.



This new interface is very easy to use, and it looks great, too. The view can be slid left and right either by dragging with the stylus or using the D-Pad. Dragging a channel upwards and then either left and right lets the user re-arrange the icons, allowing for complete personalization. Want all your games at the far left, and applications off to the right? It's your call.

As you can see on the top screen of the above-pictured DSi, users can choose pictures taken by the DSi's cameras to display as a background image. Several pictures can actually be designated as backgrounds, swapping images every time you re-enter the menu. While not a thrilling, revolutionary addition, it's still a nice little touch.

As for the Nintendo DSi Camera software itself, it's just as user-friendly as you'd expect from a Nintendo product. Taking pictures is quick and easy, and even transferring images to an SD card is as simple as a few quick taps of the stylus.

When taking a picture, the user can select one of many different bizarre lenses, from a "Distortion Lens" where the view can be pulled and squished, to a kaleidoscope-like "Mirror Lens". Most of these lenses are also available for use on pictures that have already been taken, as was the case with what you see below. The downside is, while these different lenses are good for a laugh or two, chances are they won't keep anyone's attention for more than a few sessions.

This is a DSi box

This is a DSi box on drugs

As you can see from the above pictures, the DSi cameras are of somewhat low quality. The white section of the DSi box shown above is speckled with many different colours in the photograph, but is pure, blemish-free white in person. The officially-released resolution for both DSi cameras is a measly 0.3 megapixels, even less than the clarity and size you'd get from a cellphone camera these days. Fear not, Kodak: Your cameras are in no danger from the DSi. Of course, nobody should really have expected such things of the DSi. Nintendo's about fun, not multi-functionality. These cameras are for use in games and light-hearted application, and were never meant to replace a photographer's trusty, tripod-mounted, $3000 camera. So yeah, the cameras suck. What of it?

Continuing along with the DSi's built-in software, Nintendo DSi Sound is basically an audio version of Nintendo DSi Camera. Sounds are recorded through the DSi's built-in microphone, and can be filtered in many humourous ways. Music can also (Apparently) be played off of an SD card and manipulated in a similar manner. In the end, it's just about exactly like the camera software, but aural instead of visual.

Now, you're probably wondering why I said "Apparently" in the previous paragraph when referring to the DSi's ability to playback music from an SD card. It's not because I don't have an SD card or the means to encode the music into the otherwise never-used AAC format (A choice by Nintendo that baffles me to this day). It's because, despite trying several times with at least five different songs of varying lengths and audio quality, I've never once been able to get the DSi to recognize an audio file placed on the SD card. Not once. I figure if, after all that, I still can't get it to work, it isn't worth the effort. From what I can tell about the DSi's music playback capabilities, it's just like the DSi's picture-taking function: It's meant to just be a fun little diversion, and not a replacement to the MP3 players just about everyone has nowadays. The difference Nintendo DSi Sound and Nintendo DSi Camera, though, is that the latter is easy to use when it comes to SD card functionality.

Next in the line of built-in software is the Nintendo DSi Shop. Much like the Wii Shop Channel on the handheld's big brother, this software is for connecting to the internet and downloading software (Called DSiWare) in exchange for Nintendo Points (The new name for Wii Points). Nintendo Points can be purchased either via credit card or pre-paid card, as always. Unlike the Wii Shop Channel price range from 500 to 1500 points, DSiWare price categories are Free, 200 points, 500 points and 800+ points. Of the software I've tried so far, the level of quality is right up there with what you'd find on the Wii Shop Channel, although far less complex, as is expected (Note: Reviews of DSiWare games will be surfacing in the coming weeks).



While early buyers of the DSi are treated to 1000 free Nintendo Points (A promotion that will be running until this October), not a single point need be spent to get the first "Free" piece of DSiWare: The Nintendo DSi Browser. As the name suggests, this is the DSi's very own web browser. Running off the same Opera engine as the Wii's Internet Channel, the Nintendo DSi Browser is a handy little way to catch up with your favourite text-based, non-Flash-heavy websites. It's fast and easy to use, but not exactly powerful. Don't expect to catch up on your favourite, full-page webcomics using this, unless you like a whole lot of pixelation in your dialog boxes. Since I can't take screenshots off of my DSi, I fired up Photoshop and scrambled up a recent Dr. McNinja as an example.


Can you read that voice bubble? Because I sure can't. Also, I prefer my art not looking like a compressed image used in an SNES game. Smaller, simpler comics work just fine, though, so readers of Dinosaur Comics can rest easy.

As suggested a couple paragraphs ago, the Nintendo DSi Browser is completely unable to render any sort of Flash animations. Those hoping to catch up on the latest episode of Homestar Runner should just go back to their computers instead.

Despite these problems and a few other smaller ones (Column View doesn't work on this very blog for some bizarre reason, making it just about unreadable), the Nintendo DSi Browser is still a great way to check up on the latest news on Go Nintendo without having to fire up your computer. Unless you use the USB Nintendo Wi-Fi Connector like I do, in which case it'll have to be on anyway. So if you're incredibly lazy...

Two features from the previous DS models return with the Nintendo DSi: Pictochat and DS Download Play. Working exactly the same as before (With DS Download Play even displaying running off of the old operating system), the inclusion of this software is a welcome touch to those of us with friends still clinging on to their previous DS systems (Join usssssss!). One minor addition is the Rainbow Pen in Pictochat, which allows users to doodle in a constantly-changing selection of colours. Don't worry, though: Your friends with DS Phats and Lites can still see your rainbow-powered creations.


And that, my friends, is the DSi. The third (And supposedly final) model of the Nintendo DS brings a lot of new features to the table, all of which are fun and, in some cases, useful. Of course, no system is perfect, and the DSi does have its fair share of downsides as well. When weighed against the positives, though, I still feel the DSi is superior to the DS Lite, if just barely. This statement brings up a good question, though: If the DSi is better than the DS Lite, is it worth upgrading? I'd have to say...

No, it isn't. The DSi is a great little handheld, but if you have a perfectly-functioning DS or DS Lite in your possession, I don't believe it's worth what it costs to upgrade. Will it be worth it in the future? If DSiWare takes off, and DSi-exclusive games start appearing in large numbers, then I'd say yes. As of now, though, I think it's only worth the upgrade if your previous DS model is broken, or if you have a whole lot of money just sitting around.

In the case you don't have either of the previous DS models, though, I'd say the DSi is a great way to get started. Of course, going for the DS Lite instead won't kill you, but considering the superior model is forty bucks more, I don't see why you'd settle for the 2006 model (Unless you're a total Game Boy Advance freak).

The Nintendo DSi has arrived, and I'm not afraid to say it's the best model yet. Now, as for when I think we'll be getting the next generation of DS... No, that's an article for another day.

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