Friday, January 11, 2008

The never-questioned and omnipresent video game oddities

There are some strange things that always happen in video games. Things that break many of the laws of physics, but we almost never question them. Why? Because they've always been there, ever since the beginning. So here are some insane occurrences and inconsistencies present in almost every game, but you most likely don't notice.

Enemies are rarely dismembered or maimed by swords

This is probably the weirdest of them all. No matter how many times you swipe at an enemy with a sword, they rarely bear any scars or injuries even remotely related to a sword attack. Really, one good swipe with a sword would kill almost any living being, yet it often takes many more than that in the world of video games.

Somewhat related to the above is the light sabers in many Star Wars games. In the movies, does one blow from a light saber not cause severe damage? Doesn't happen in any of the video games I've played.

Bullet-proof hero

Ever watch CSI or any show like that? Often the victims are found with one fatal bullet wound on their body, with maybe one or two additional wounds. That is rarely (If ever) the truth in a video game. Unless it's a headshot, you're likely to get hit quite a few times before being brought down by an enemy. I could take my character in Godfather, run into the middle of a Cuneo gunfight and stand there for a moment, getting pelted with bullets, and survive. My character will merely jerk a bit when hit, and that's it. He should be dead by now!

Jeez, reminds me of that woman in the second Austin Powers movie. "Why won't you die?!"

I never knew Octoroks carried wallets

In almost any video game, killing a monster will yield a cash reward. Y'know, because Tonberries have bank accounts. Have these monsters killed other foes in the past and looted them for some unknown reason? Or perhaps we just keep running into the enemies on their way to the corner store. Because, you know, Tektites need bread, eggs and milk, too.

Weakest enemies up front, if you please

Isn't it convenient how you always start off a game next to incredibly weak enemies? Why can't you ever start in a town with some level 70 monsters kicking around? In Pokémon, you always start off in a small town with no gym leader, incredibly weak wild Pokémon, and with the first gym less than three towns away. Maybe game characters just have really awesome luck. Or really good real estate agents.

Can't touch this

Apparently, Princess Zelda is Superman in disguise. What other explanation could there be for her surviving all these bombs, arrows and sword slashes I keep dishing out? Unless she's merely a figment of my imagination, some allies just can't be injured. Well, not by you, at least. I once emptied my entire ammunition stockpile on Sonny Corleone in The Godfather, only to have him emerge without a scratch. Then, five minutes later, he gets whacked by a few guys wielding tommy guns. I guess the bullets were kryptonite-tipped, or something.

Those houses are deceptively spacious

Run around any town in Final Fantasy or Pokémon. Chances are, you'll run into far more people than there are accommodations for. These people must be hobos or something. Or perhaps Pokémon trainers are too awesome for housing. Either way, somebody's hiding something from us.

Or it's a developer's oversight. That's a possibility too, I suppose.

New weapon = Boss' weakness

In any Zelda game, the weapon you find in a dungeon is key to defeating the boss monster within. Your newly-acquired bombs make quick work of King Dodongo, and your bow and arrow make the battle against Phantom Ganon possible to win. Where's the logic in this? Does Ganon put the weapons in the dungeons for kicks? I suppose has hidden camera in all the boss chambers, and he charges his buddies to watch.

"Watch, watch, Link doesn't know that Stallord has two forms! Look... Ha! That's great. That'll be five bucks, Aganihm."

So, those are several things that occur in many video games, and you've likely not noticed at least one of them. From Super Mario to Jak and Daxter, every game has it's fair share of oddities. I suppose you just stop noticing after a while...

The Duck Has Spoken.


alexanderpas said...

Why don't defeated monsters and bosses leave bodies behind.... but just *poof* away???

Jonathan said...

Dungeons are smelly enough without their dead bodies laying around.