Wednesday, April 1, 2009

PETA sues Nintendo over Star Fox game; Cites cruelty to animals

One Duck's Opinion is now affiliated with PETA, meaning the upcoming change of blog name to "The Opinions of a Duck Who Is an Upstanding Member of His Community" (TOoaDWIaUMoHC). With this partnership also comes exclusive news stories straight from PETA whenever video games are involved. Following is the first article from this new and exciting partnership.


Redmond Washington (ODO) - The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have filed a lawsuit against Nintendo Co., Ltd., alleging that the video game series "Star Fox" endorses cruelty to animals. "It's sick, I tell you! SICK!" exclaimed PETA grand-poobah Waterfall Sunrise "These poor, digital animals are forced into cramped, digital cockpits and forced to engage in space combat against other poor, digital animals who have also been forced into cramped, digital cockpits! Oh, the pure, digital horror!"

When approached for a comment, Nintendo of America president Reginald Fils-Aime had this to say: "Are you ****ing kidding me?".

This is only the first of many charges PETA has pending against Nintendo, with dozens of others waiting to be filed. "They've been doing this for over twenty years now.", continued Sunrise "First that poor, digital ape is felled from the top of the construction site by that cold-hearted carpenter, and then dozens of innocent, digital turtles and many other poor, fictitious, digital creatures are ruthlessly murdered as they emerge from pipes in the very next game they release. And now, all these years later, the cruelty continues in games like Animal Crossing, forcing poor, digital animals to pay off hefty loans to another poor, digital animal! This can't go on any longer!"

When approached for a comment, Donkey Kong creator Shigeru Miyamoto had this to say: "私は冗談****ですか?" ("Are you ****ing kidding me?").

"And they're not done yet, either!", continued the never-silent Sunrise. "I've received word from a very reliable source that lists many, many more offensive games coming in the near future! Look at these pending names... 'Love and Cuddle a Kitten', 'Do Absolutely Nothing Wrong to a Puppy', 'Have Fun and Frolic with a Pony', it just keeps going on with the sick, disturbing, animal hating games! This ends now, Nintendo!"

When approached for a comment, Nintendo Co., Ltd. president Satoru Iwata flipped off the reporter and drove off on a motorbike while breaking the necks of rabbits.

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8 comments:

Flowerbed Rainbowsky said...

It's about time someone stood up to Nintendo and put an end to all the animal cruelty.

Thank you, Duck, for standing up for your namesake and its brethren!

Peace out!

Anonymous said...

OMG THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

Rawful said...

Had I read this earlier I would have submitted it to GoNintendo. :O

Fandomocity said...

Lol, i really gotta start reading the post dates of these things, though I wouldn't be surprised if PETA... yeah.

Cdi Ganon said...

Oh you crazy Canadian duck you.

Fox McCloud said...

I'm with Nintendo on this one
I thought I could rely on PETA to protect animals but now their coming after me
We didn't cramp ourselves into tight cockpits and engage in combat just to have Nintendo sued for it. We didn't have a choice, we had to man up and defend our home or die trying, which many of us did. It's not animal cruelty, it's domestic war. Humans are to this day doing the same thing and have always been. PETA has good intentions but they're harassing all the wrong people

Anonymous said...

I agree with Nintendo, and not because I'm a fan of Nintendo.

"Are you freakin' serious?"

Yeah right, like PETA'll ever get anything from Nintendo... but I was pleased to hear that Nintendo is firing back.

See for yourself. Looks like PETA bit off more than they can chew...

http://mangapunksai.com/site/alert-nintendo-petas-gon-get-sued/

Jwalker said...

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

This is so funny, I was literally laughing my a** off when the guy said, "Are you f****ing kidding me"? OMG PETA, good show guys, good show. Hope you keep entertaining me, in the mean time, I will eat my bucket of tortured chicken. Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.