Wii Music: A step in the right direction

Sorry this is so short. The power kept flickering on and off, so I gotta make it quick.



Most people are upset at the direction in which Wii Music is headed. No penalty for playing badly? No scores? What is this? My answer: It's perfect.

Wii Music just looks like a whole load of fun to me, and really, isn't that what games are all about? If Wii Music's delivery is just random instrument playing however you want with loose suggestions, then that's fine by me! I'd much rather pay $50 or less for this game and have 60+ instruments than pay thousands of dollars to have all of those instruments for real.

Also, I don't mind how simple the game is. In fact, I love that! So many of the modern games are too complex for my parents to join in on, and something fun and simple like Wii Music will allow us all to get in on the fun and have a cool little jam session.

So sure, Wii Music isn't anything like a new Super Mario or Zelda, but it still looks like a lot of fun. It was never meant to compete with the games like Rock Band or Guitar Hero, and I'm happy for that. Shigeru Miyamoto calling it a toy actually made me realize how amazing Wii Music truly is, blurring the line between videogames and toys.

Fun is fun, no matter the delivery. Wii Music is sure to be a blast when it comes out, and I'll have one heck of a time jamming out on my invisible saxophone. That may not be your thing, but to me, it sounds like a whole load of fun.

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A shocking realization regarding Birdo

I know this hardly qualifies as an update, but this had to be said.



When most people talk about Birdo, the main topic of discussion is what gender "it" is. Considering recent developments, though, I'm now even less sure than ever. I used to be fairly certain that Birdo was a cross-dressing male. Now, though, things have gotten a little... Disgusting.

According to the game Captain Rainbow, Birdo has a device beneath its pillow that vibrates and emits a buzzing sound. Anyone with a mind as filthy as mine knows exactly what this is. This almost certainly means Birdo is, indeed, a female.

But that raises one concern: In Birdo's first appearance in Super Mario Bros. 2, she spits eggs at the player. Now, most animals birth or lay eggs via their reproductive organs. But, that would mean that on Birdo's face is, indeed... Well, a fully-functioning vagina.

Yes, that's right. For all these years Nintendo has had a character parading about with her lady parts out in the open for all to see, spitting eggs out of it like she's some sort of demented vending machine.

And you thought Nintendo was kiddy.

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Ideas for the Wii MotionPlus

So, we've known of the Wii MotionPlus for over a month now. So far, the only revealed uses for it are Frisbee throwing, sword-fighting and steering a Jet Ski. Of course, we all know the MotionPlus is capable of so much more than this, and people have been endlessly thinking up more applications since day one. I've thought up a few of my own, and here they are.

First off, I think that handwriting recognition could take on a whole new meaning with Wii MotionPlus. Imagine holding the Wii remote in your hand like an over-sized pen, and then "writing" your name as if there were a piece of paper on a table in front of you. I'm sure some interesting uses for this could be thought up, but I'm stumped. Hey, I got the idea this far, I'll let the developers take care of the rest!

Next, I could see the Wii remote becoming a skipping rope in a future fitness title or mini-game compilation. With the added sensitivity of the MotionPlus, I'm sure the Wii could easily determine both the location and movement of a Wii remote held at one's waist and pointed outwards. Simple rotations just like that of a real skipping rope, with actual jumps at the right time. Why this would be used instead of a real, inexpensive skipping rope I'm not sure, but that didn't stop similar ideas from coming to fruition (See Jenga: World Tour).

How about using the Wii remote as a lasso? I could see this being a really interesting game mechanic if used the right way. Just hold the Wii remote pointing up and swing it around like you would a real lasso rope (Or "lariat", if you want to be fancy), and pitch it forward to try and catch something. The MotionPlus could pick up on every subtlety of the player's motion, making the lasso spin differently every time. Real rodeo stars would have no problem figuring this out, and it could even serve as a training of sorts for rookies. Of course, it could also just be part of a horseback videogame, but that's not quite as interesting, now, is it?

What if the Wii remote became a set of tools? Screwdriver, hammer, saw, ratchet, and more. Just hold the remote like the current tool, and twist, spin and whack away. Just imagine a whole virtual workshop at your fingertips, allowing you to build anything you want without the matter of money becoming an issue. I can picture the entire game being nothing but building a house any way you want, with stairs, walls and windows placed according to your will. The end result would be a house all your own design, whether it be a quaint little home or a sprawling mansion. Certainly an idea worth pursuing.

So then, that's a small sampling of ideas for utilizing the Wii MotionPlus. They'd all be a whole lot better if I could handle such high levels of awesome, but that is not the case. So! Good night.

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Achievements for real life

People go nuts trying to get all the achievements in XBox Live and Steam. Really, though, who can blame them? Achievements are like a badge saying "I'm awesome because I did this". Well, what if life were the same way? Can you imagine some of the crazy achievements we'd get from day-to-day life, and the crazy grind-fests that would evolve from them? Here are just a few achievements I've thought up in my spare time, all of which would surely bring civilization to a halt if they were to materialize.

Where's The Beef? - Eat the world's largest hamburger
Numa Numa - Get 1,000,000 views on a Youtube video made by you
Taking The Plunge - Successfully unclog three toilets at the local gas station
Road Rage - Obtain and subsequently lose your driver's license in a high-speed police chase
Look Ma, No Life! - Amass a collection of 1000 or more comic books
Going Nowhere Fast - Argue about which video game console is better for a solid two hours
Election Time - Vote for the presidential candidate that ends up losing (You know the one I mean)
I'm Special - Start your own blog
LEGO My Ego - Build a life-sized statue of yourself out of LEGO blocks
You Idiot - Reenact a stunt from Jackass
Hey, It Works! - Pull the "hand in warm water" trick on an unsuspecting victim
The Cake Is A Bore - Make it all the way through a meme's height of popularity without ever taking part in it
Splorf - Make up a word that later is added to the English dictionary
Took You Long Enough - Realize that "penultimate" is not another way of saying "ultimate"
Benny Lava - Learn all the words to a foreign language song, then sing it without error
All-Nighter - Play an entire game of Risk from start to end with no breaks
Speed Run - Beat Super Mario Bros. in under ten minutes
I'm So Unique - Make a video game-based webcomic
Germination - Sit directly on a public toilet
Gotta Catch 'Em All - Contract every disease known to man
Dutch Boy - Shave your head and paint it blue, then walk down the street
Physics Major - Balance a spoon on your nose
Can't Sleep, Clown'll Eat Me - Stay up for 48 straight hours
RollerCoaster Tycoon - Ride every roller coaster on Earth. Twice.
Somewhat Notable - Get your name in the Guinness Book of World Records
Do The Nasty - Well, you know
Chris Houlihan - Have your name immortalized by winning a major contest
Maturity - Resist the urge to make a suggestively-shaped creature in Spore
CSI - Figure out the murderer in a crime TV show within the first five minutes
Poker Face - Go skydiving, and don't scream once the whole way down
Now You're Thinking With Portholes - Make a terrible pun about ocean faring and video games at the same time
Readers Digest - Eat the entirety of the Encyclopædia Britannica
The One That Didn't Get Away - Catch a fish that's thiiiiiiiiiiis big
Totally Not The First To Do This - Make a list of fake achievements
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Poll #54: "What do you think of Nintendo's upcoming Wii releases?" results, no banner

"Plenty of games for me" 4 votes (14%)
"I can deal with this" 7 votes (25%)
"Not too happy..." 8 votes (28%)
"Not enough games, stranger." 9 votes (32%)
"I don't know" 0 votes (0%)

Well, can't say that I'm surprised. As for what we know of, Nintendo's upcoming Wii releases are pretty sad. I just hope they have a few games they just aren't talking about.

So... No new banner this week. Nope, couldn't think of a single banner that didn't suck in the end. Sorry! If you want to, you can always submit a banner to me in this thread, or just send it to me via the e-mail listed in the sidebar. Just make sure to follow the parameters in the thread!

This week's poll question is "One Duck's Opinion now features PC-related articles. What do you think?". I really want to make sure I didn't peeve anyone off with the change. Also, for fairness' sake, I won't be voting. Just wouldn't seem right if I did.

New article will be up later tonight!