The 2009 Golden Duck Awards

Just in case you forgot (Or completely missed) last year's Golden Duck Awards, here's a link to refresh (Or supplement) your memory.


Welcome, one and all, to the 2009 Golden Duck Awards! We don't have any special guests or musical performances... We don't really have much, actually. What we do have, though, are 11 all-new awards given to 11 different games in 11 different (And completely irrelevant) categories. Why 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. Now then, for this year's 2009 Golden Duck Awards!

Best Reason to Load Up on Target-Brand Ibuprofen
"I know one thing... I'm grabbin' pills."

There are many reasons to reach for a bottle of ibuprofen. Headaches, joint pains, zombie claw marks, the list goes on. Well, that last one appears to be exclusive to the Target-branded variety of the drug, at least according to Left 4 Dead 2. Also listed under the added effects exclusive to this brand: Blood stain removal, bone mending and temporary improvement of vital signs, all in an attractive bullet-proof bottle with a zombie-safe cap. Now if only they could increase the concentration. It sure is inconvenient that it takes a whole bottle for any effect to occur. Must be excellent for sales, though.

I think I'll forgive the drug's fictional shortcomings, though. It's not exactly the most pressing issue in the world of Left 4 Dead 2, with hundreds of thousands of zombies pouring out of every door, hallway and sewer. Luckily players have a few good friends on their side, fighting back against the hordes with over a dozen different weapons, including chainsaws, shotguns, assault rifles, katanas, sniper rifles, and Molotov cocktails. With five ever-changing campaigns and some of the finest enemy AI ever crafted, Left 4 Dead 2 is one hell of a zombie-killing good time. Just remember to pack your Target-brand ibuprofen, folks. It's going to be a rough trip.

Best Game With a Robotic Turtle Speed Demon on the Box

"Herf Hoorf this isn't an actual award!"

There have been many great vehicles in the history of gaming. From go-karts to jalopies, hovercrafts to biplanes, there's no shortage of vehicles in which to tear up the track, dirt, skies or sea with. It was beginning to seem as if the possibilities had been all but exhausted... Until the debut of the greatest vehicle of them all, the robotic turtle speed demon, which shall henceforth be referred to as the Tortimer Mk. II. Featuring four wheels, a grappling arm, a sandwich bar and optional passenger-side tambourine, the Tortimer Mk. II has everything you could possibly want in a vehicle... Except perhaps for seating. That may be an issue. Good thing it appears to be remote-controlled, allowing drivers to experience the action from the comfort (And safety) of their living rooms.

We should be glad that Excitebots is merely a video game, for there is no pause button in real life. You see, unlike most racers, Excitebots must occasionally be paused for the purpose of laughing at how uproariously absurd it is. Blazing down the road at over a hundred miles an hour, users will spin up poles, catapult themselves into the air, and assemble sandwiches in ways man never thought possible. Taking the tried-and-true formula of Excite Truck and cranking every aspect to 11 turned Excitebots into what is undoubtedly one of the year's craziest, strangest, and all-out best racers. All thanks in no small part to the Tortimer Mk. II. Godspeed, you magnificent robotic turtle speed demon.

Most Entertaining Method of Punching the Pineapples Out of Someone

"Are you ready? 'Cause I'm gonna put on a show."

There seem to be as many "*Blank* the *Blank* out of someone" phrases as there are people. My personal favourite, however, would have to be "Beat the pineapples out of someone". It's very difficult to do in real life (Especially living so far from pineapple-growing conditions), making me very thankful for the man(?) known as King Hippo. With a seemingly never-ending supply of fresh tropical pineapples stored in his cranium, King Hippo is like a pineapple-lover's dream come true. Me? Oh, no, I don't like to eat pineapples. Just beating them out of people.

Pineapples are but one of the many different things that can be coaxed out of people's heads in Punch-Out!!. Croissants, feathers, fish, birds, roses and much more are all contained within the skulls of opponents in Punch-Out!!, and it takes but a single uppercut to enjoy them. It's getting to that uppercut that's the hard part. Less like a fighting game and more like a puzzler, Punch-Out!!'s fights center around fast reactions and a keen eye. Each opponent has his own strengths, weaknesses and hints. Strike at the wrong time and get showered in a barrage of counter-punches, but strike at the right time and you're rewarded with a cascade of pineapples. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is!

Best Game Based on Wildlife Loose in Downtown Toronto

"A wild doe has invaded downtown Toronto and is terrorizing people!"

It was a quiet, ordinary day in downtown Toronto, when suddenly, chaos struck! Chaos in the form of... A harmless doe. A deer. A female deer. It was perhaps the city's strangest news story of the year (Tied, perhaps, with the mayor's ineptitude at ending a garbage strike. It's a long story. A long, painful story.). So what is the internet to do? Make a Flash game based on it, of course!

DEERTASE is a classically-styled RPG encapsulating the thrilling life-or-death battle faced that day. A fight of man against deer, technology against nature, human against... not-human. With naught but the standard-issue Toronto police officer equipment available, you must somehow overcome the serious, city-threatening menace that is a doe. Can you possibly succeed? And if you do emerge victorious, another challenge awaits... DEERTASE is a thrilling new saga of Flash-based entertainment, just begging to be experienced by all. Are you a bad enough dude to save the city?

Best Glorification of a Boring Factory Job

"[BOX]Life is like a box of chocolates"

I've never worked in a factory, but I imagine it's not all that fun. A week of 9-to-5 shifts of the same exact thing over and over and over. One of the most mundane of these jobs would have to be manual box assembly. Just thinking about the endless hours of folding makes me drowsy. Now, if perhaps there were some sort of challenge involved. Say, an infinitely-long sheet of paper with a grid pattern printed on it, which could be cut, folded and turned into boxes like some sort of puzzle game. If only there were such a game...

...is something I highly doubt anyone ever thought in the history of mankind. That didn't stop the fine folks at Skip Ltd. from making that very game, though, and they called it BOXLIFE. With gameplay consisting of everything I said above and nothing more, BOXLIFE is not exactly a complex game. What it is, though, is incredibly fun, and inexplicably addictive. I don't know what it is, but somewhere in this insanely skimpy design is a golden nugget of infinite replayability. Come to think of it, I don't even care what it is. All I know is that this is the best 500 points I've spent on DSiWare so far.

Best Adventure Within the Bowels of a Gigantic Turtle

"I HAVE CHORTLES!"

One of the oldest standbys of cartoons is the classic "inside the body" episode. It always begins with some cheesy method of the characters shrinking down and entering the body of another character, where they have a whole bunch of wacky adventures or learn biology or some crap like that. Whatever the case, it's tired and overdone, with every cartoon from The Magic School Bus to Spongebob Squarepants having done it. Trust Nintendo to look at this tired old story and make the one game we've all secretly desired our entire lives: A game primarily staged within the body of Bowser himself. Truly it is the game to end all games.

Joking aside, Bowser's Inside Story really is a fantastic platformer/RPG hybrid, featuring the greatest parts of the two genres of which it is composed. Classic Nintendo platforming perfected over the last two decades years and the vast and exciting world of role-playing games come together to create the greatest Mario & Luigi series game so far. The writing, battles, storyline and animation are better than ever before, which, compared to the amazing quality of the franchise up to this point, is saying quite a lot. Not only that, but the main boss of the game is probably the best one out of all bosses I've fought this year, whether or not he is, indeed, "beefless".

Best (Hopefully) Fictional Portrayal of Life in 2077

"War. War never changes."

I like to think my later years will be ones of peace, sitting on some lakeside dock and watching the boats go by. I don't like to think of them taking place in times of war, with military jets flying by, troops patrolling the streets, and warships flooding the waters. Thankfully at least one possible timeline leading to this situation is an impossibility, with events causing it having never taken place. For those of us interested in such a timeline, though, there exists the Fallout series. This alteration of history sees 2077 being a time or great strife for the world, with one of the main conflicts centered upon China's invasion of Anchorage, Alaska. This (hopefully) fictional war serves as the premise for Fallout 3: Operation Anchorage.

Upon the discovery of a virtual reality device in the post-war ruins of Washington D.C. (Do keep in mind that this is merely a fictional situation), the group that made the discovery searches long and hard for a person equipped to tackle the brutal game-within-a-game. This person, of course, if the player. What kind of game would it be if it wasn't? The simulation is no mere virtual reality adventure, though, with death having real-world consequences. That's right, folks; "If you die in the game, YOU DIE FOR REAL!". This program is a recreation of the war at Anchorage, and only by fighting their way through this historically-significant battle can the player escape it. Operation: Anchorage is a nice twist on the usual Fallout 3 formula, and it certainly helps add more to the already huge overarching storyline of the franchise. Let's just hope this particular story remains in fiction.

Best Use of Fireworks

"DYNOMIIIIIITE"

Fireworks are always one of the best parts of any major celebration. The bright lights, the vibrant colours, and of course, the loud crack of the explosions. It's bright, pretty and ear-splittingly loud. There's something in it for everybody... Well, except for the shoot 'em up fans, that is. Fireworks are nice, but they lack the action and excitement of games like Xevious, Nanostray and Gradius. And while games like Xevious, Nanostray and Gradius are nice, they lack the Summertime thrills of fireworks. Fireworks are just begging to be put into a shoot 'em up. Begging I say!

Well, the Roman candles need beg no longer, thanks to a little game known as Big Bang Mini. It's the same basic shoot 'em up we've all been playing for years, but with an explosive twist. Forget about rockets and missiles and Photon torpedoes. Nah, the real firepower's in a firecracker. It's all the greatness of classic shoot 'em ups with the wonders of fireworks. Seriously, what more could you want?

Best Game Featuring a Rooster Hat in a Leading Role

"Buck buck bu-gawk!"

Hats are only recently getting the attention they so dearly deserve. Mario's been wearing a hat since day one, but nobody truly appreciates it. Valve noticed the lack of love for hats, and added them to Team Fortress 2 earlier this year. While it was a good step, there just wasn't a rooster hat. They were on the right track with the Pyro's Respectless Rubber Glove, but they stopped just short of paying respect to the hat that deserves it most. It wasn't until Scribblenauts debuted two months later that the rooster hat finally got its break-out role. Simple, elegant, presumably floppy. Clearly it is the hat of the gods!

Also of the gods is the core concept of Scribblenauts. The game's tagline is "Write Anything, Solve Everything", and it just about delivers on both accounts. Not everything can be written (What, no Dromiceiomimus? Well, crap, there goes my Dinosaur Comics reunion!), and some puzzles are so punishingly hard they may as well be impossible, but the game does, in general, pull off what it was advertised to do... If the crummy controls don't result in that marvelous rooster hat plummeting off a cliff. So sure, it's not a perfect game, but dammit, it finally gives the lord of all hats the exposure it deserves!

Best Head-On Collisions

"Vroom vroom, quack quack"

People love car crashes. It's some sort of morbid fascination built into the human mind that, whenever there's a car accident, we just have to go look at it. Just yesterday I saw a white car halfway through the front wall of a dental office while I was riding the bus, and everyone else turned to look. There's just something within a human that makes them need to see these things. What could be better than seeing a car wreck? How about playing a video game where one of the main objectives is to create them? That's exactly what some developers thought years ago, and lo, the Burnout franchise was born.

2008 brought us Burnout Paradise and a few expansions, with 2009 bringing all of those goodies wrapped up in one nice little package. The best package. The Ultimate Box, you could call it. It's all the car-wrecking goodness wrapped up in one convenient disc! With an extensive online mode, a huge virtual city to drive in and more cars than any dealership I've seen, there's no end to the various ways, places and vehicles in which you can get your crunch on. Pack your roll cages and fasten your seatbelts, folks. It's going to be bumpy ride.

Most Wanton Wontons

"Hello, City Wok, may I take your order please?"

Next time you order Chinese food from your local Chinese restaurant, look that delivery man a little closer in the eye. Look out for anything suspicious, because you never know. You local Wok On The Wild Side could very well be a front for the mafia. If that turns out to be the case, what will you do? You could call the police, notify the FBI or, if it comes to it... Order pizza instead. It's a last resort, but sometimes it just has to be done!

In Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars, the situation above is a reality, but it's okay, because you're on the side with the guns and explosions! Far better than the cold chicken balls and lumpy fried rice, believe me. Chinatown Wars brings the winning Grand Theft Auto formula to the DS for the first time ever, meshing together the gigantic world of Grand Theft Auto IV with the birds-eye view perspective of the original game. It's truly amazing how much they managed to squeeze onto that little game card, and it's a huge shame that so few people got to enjoy it. Come on, people! There's a mission where you play as one of those big Chinese dragons you see in parades. If that's not worth the $20 sticker price, nothing is!

And so ends this year's 11 all-new Golden Duck Awards... But wait, there's more! Notice I said there were 11 new categories... I never said there couldn't be an oldie coming back for one more go! And so, without further delay...

Best Way to Beat the Crap Out of Your Friends Without Getting the Police Involved

"Let's-a go!"

Super Smash Bros. Brawl now hands the legal assault-granting torch to this year's Nintendo masterpiece, New Super Mario Bros. Wii. Four-player Mario platforming... Even someone completely unfamiliar with the game should know what kind of chaos such a concept can bring. Oh, the satisfaction of tossing your whiny sibling into a never ending pit. The joys of leaving that annoying family friend to die in the fires of Bowser's castle. And the best part is that it's perfectly legal! If this isn't the best Wii game of the year, nothing is!

...well, I suppose I can't say that just yet. I'll admit, I've only played the first couple worlds of this game, but what I did play was fantastic... And frantic. I still can't decide if it was a good idea for my initial exposure to this game to be in four-person multiplayer. Whatever the case, it was a complete blast, and I'm very much hoping to find it beneath the Christmas tree tomorrow. And if I don't... IF I DON'T GET THIS GAME FOR CHRISTMAS I'LL... I'LL... Eh, I guess I'll play something else.

So ends this year's Golden Duck Awards... For real this time. Another 12 useless, meaningless, overly-specific trophies have been handed out to another 12 more-than-worthy games. That makes 20 total Golden Duck Award recipients. Quite the exclusive group, don't you think? Not a very prestigious group, but certainly exclusive. Do you have any random, pointless awards to bestow upon 2009's finest games? Feel free to have your own merry little awards ceremony in the comment section, or in this forum thread.

By This Time Next Year: Volume 3

This is but the first of two annual traditions taking place this month. Tune in on the 23rd for the second annual Golden Duck Awards!


Beginning in November 2007 and continued in December 2008, "By This Time Next Year" (Now properly capitalized!) comes back for its third iteration, with past predictions reviewed and a whole new set crafted for the upcoming year. First up, as usual, revisiting those predictions made on December 3rd, 2009!

"...at least one more console will be added to the North American Virtual Console" = Correct!

Released the same day it was announced, Virtual Console Arcade was added during the 2009 Game Developer's Conference this March, bringing classic arcade games to the living room, bedroom, or wherever the heck you stuck that console!

...Star Fox Wii will have been announced for an early 2010 release (I'm not giving up on this!) = WRONG

I've been posting this one for two years now, and it still hasn't happened. Eh, I give up... Which, of course, means it will now happen.

...the true successor to the DS line of handhelds will have been announced = WRONG

You know, I'm honestly not sure what I was thinking here. It was preposterous to imagine Nintendo doing such a thing. The system's still flying off the shelf like mad, and it would be stupid to stem sales by pushing out a successor. They did release the DSi XL, though, which makes my prediction slightly less inaccurate... Slighty.

...Nintendo still won't have released a true solution to the Wii storage problem = WRONG

This one requires a little backstory for anyone either new to the site or prioritized enough to not bother remembering the ramblings of a random internet weirdo. At the time the previous edition of "By This Time Next Year" was written, Nintendo had announced a solution to the Wii's greatly-limited storage space, but the wording was so cryptic that it sounded as if it solved no problems at all. In reality, though, it appears to have been lost in translation, as the solution did indeed arrive in March 2009 (Same day as Virtual Console Arcade), and it sure did deliver. In short: I misinterpreted a cryptic Japanese press release and made an ass of myself. Next!

...Wii sales will surpass 60 million worldwide = WRONG

Oh, but I was so close! The Wii didn't quite reach that landmark, stopping just short of the predicted number with... Oh, this is painful... 58.37 million, according to VGChartz.com (Which I find to be quite accurate, thank you very much). Now this is just crazy. Well... I was close!

...the combined sales of the Nintendo DS, DS Lite and DSi will overtake the Playstation 2's record sales of 140 million+ = WRONG

...here, however, I was slightly less accurate. The DS, DS Lite, DSi and DSi XL (Man there's a lot of them!) came up 23.53 million short at 116.47 million. My predictions aren't faring so well this year, are they?

...Mother 3 will still be landlocked in Japan, without any sort of announcements made for a release outside of its homeland = Correct!

Okay, I admit, this was a bit of a "Well, duh!" prediction, following in the painfully-obvious footsteps of 2007's prediction of "Duke Nukem Forever will remain unreleased." Sadly, Professor Obvious couldn't be here today to cover this prediction, as he's having a stick of chalk removed from... Uh, on second thought, you don't want to know.

...at least two more Pokémon games will have been released (Main series and/or spin-offs) = Correct!

In fact, four have been released since then (Seven if you count the slightly different versions some games were released in)! Pokémon HeartGold/SoulSilver, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky, Pokémon Mystery Dungeon (WiiWare), and Pokémon Rumble have all seen release since this prediction was made. Oh, that Nintendo and its Pokémon!

-----

And this year's overall prediction accuracy is... Five wrong, three correct. Heck, that's almost the exact opposite of last year's results! Well, perhaps these new predictions will fare better:

...Pikmin 3 will have been formally announced
...Half-Life 2: Episode 3 will have gone another year without any sort of official announcement
...a long-standing, long-since-forgotten Nintendo franchise will make its triumphant return
...Project Natal will have been delayed until 2011
...people will still be erroneously calling the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360 "next-generation"
...Mario Party 9 will have been released
...Zelda Wii will have been confirmed for a Summer 2011 release
...yet another same-as-before Call of Duty game will have been released, and people will still be yet to tire of it
...a brand-new Nintendo IP will have been announced
...SEGA will once again bring shame to the Sonic brand

And thus ends the list of predictions for the year of 2010. Hmm... Ten predictions, tenth year of the century... COINCIDENCE?!

...okay, yeah, it's a coincidence. Neat, though. Well then, what do you think of my predictions? Good? Bad? HORRENDOUS? Let your opinion be heard (And maybe even make a few predictions of your own) in the comment section, or in this forum thread.

The Super Mario Galaxy 2 logo: Slapped together in a hurry?

This is just a little something I had to toss out there. Make sure to check below for two other articles written today!


When randomly taking a look at the above logo (I do that sometimes), I noticed something strange. You can't really make it out in the above image due to Blogger having a size limit for uploaded pictures, so I've posted below a narrower scope of the image, allowing its full-quality to be uploaded.


Now, you're probably going to have to full-view this image to see what I see. Look at how clear and crisp the lines on the 2 are... Are how utterly blurry and low-res the letter above it is. It looks like someone just slapped a two on a slightly blown-up copy of the Galaxy logo.

Of course, I'm not suggesting any sort of conspiracy by this. It was on the stage, so it's real, no doubt. I'm just saying it seems that this was put together in a hurry. The only thing it could possibly indicate is that "Super Mario Galaxy 2" is merely a title-in-progress, and that the game will sport a name much more suiting of its pedigree in the end, because, let's face it, a "2" on the end of a game title is a pretty lame name for a sequel. Let's get some artistic flair in that bad boy! A game like this is deserving of so much more than a lame "2" to set it apart from its predecessor.

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Nintendo's E3 2009 press conference: Recap, commentary and observations

Don't forget to check the article below this for a rundown of how my predictions fared!


After last year's E3, people had lost much of their faith in Nintendo. The script was pretty crummy, the announcements were sparse, and what was announced (Animal Crossing: City Folk) wound up being somewhat underwhelming when it landed in stores that November. Surely this E3 would have to be better than last year's event... Right?

The first game shown (After a brief bit of sales talk) is one we saw coming thanks to that loose-lipped Japanese newspaper; New Super Mario Bros. Wii is the name of this new side-scrolling adventure for the Wii. Stylistically very similar to the New Super Mario Bros. game on the DS, players can play as Mario, Luigi, or different-coloured Toads. Nothing was said on the subject of other playable characters, but I wouldn't be surprised to see more join in on the fun.


The multiplayer aspect of the game is seamlessly integrated with the single player, with people free to come and go as they please. This new mode is both competitive and cooperative, much like what you'd see in the Four Swords games in terms of player interaction. Whenever someone dies, a bubble appears on screen containing them. If other, living players are inclined to do so, they can pop the bubble and free their allies/foes and continue along. Although they didn't say, I'd assume that if all four die without freeing a bubble-encased player, the level ends. The same probably occurs when all players exhaust their supply of free lives. An additional way players can work together is picking eachother up on their shoulders and carrying them around. This comes into play with the following power-up...


One new ability was shown off in the demonstration, and that was the Propeller Suit. From what I could see, players can save themselves when falling by activating the propeller and whisking themselves to safety. It can also be used mid-jump to add a bit more height to a leap. If a player without a Propeller Suit grabs another play who has one, they can be flown around as a passenger. A neat little touch, gently forcing players to work together if need be.


In the official trailer, another new power-up is shown off: The Penguin Suit (Not an official name, just what I've dubbed it). Acting sort of like an Antarctic Hammer Bros. Suit from Super Mario Bros. 3, the Penguin Suit gives the wearer the ability to toss about snowballs at his or her enemies. So far, this and the Propeller Suit are the only known power-ups, but seeing more wouldn't surprise me in the least.


Not much else is known about New Super Mario Bros. Wii, but if the DS game was any indication, it's sure to be a classic side-scroller with enough content to keep people busy for a good while. New Super Mario Bros. Wii will be available worldwide this holiday season.


Directly following that was the announcement of the other game leaked by Nikkei: Wii Fit Plus. Despite its name, it doesn't seem to use the Wii MotionPlus at all. In fact, it still uses just the Balance Board and Wii remote, with no new peripheral or anything attached to it. Several new modes are the draw this time around, with different work outs designed to focus on different parts of the body.


Also new are 15 minigames, from a platformer-like distraction to what Cammie Dunaway referred to as "Brain Age for your behind". Yup. It's Butt Age (See below).


Wii Fit Plus doesn't look to bring a whole lot to the table in terms of new content, instead serving as more of a, well, a Wii Fit Plus. Anyone who has yet to get into the craze (Such as myself) should probably just wait for this to hit shelves this fall, sold in two packages: With a Balance Board (For newcomers like myself), or without (For Wii Fit owners looking for a little more).


After this, Reggie appeared on stage to show off the Wii MotionPlus (I know, I was expecting more sales talk, too). After talking a bit about how revolutionary and accurate the device is, he handed the show over to Bill Trinen, who proceeded to demonstrate for us a few parts of Wii Sports: Resort.


To begin, Bill Trinen started off at the first part of the game players will experience: Skydiving to the resort island. By twisting and turning the Wii remote (With MotionPlus) in the air, players can make their Mii do all sorts of moves, and even grab a hold of other sky divers and create formations in the air. This little beginning level is a perfect way to introduce the player to the abilities of the Wii MotionPlus, but like this is merely the start of the game, this is also merely the start of the new peripheral's abilities.


In the archery game, the Wii remote is held pointing up, with its back facing away from the player. The Nunchuk takes the role of the player's other hand (Which one depends on the player's hand dominance). Aiming is achieved by moving the Wii remote around, and this is where it gets cool. Even though the IR sensor is pointed straight at the ceiling, the Wii MotionPlus can still determine where on the screen the back of the remote is "pointed" at. Bill moved it around in space in front of him, and the way it was matched so perfectly on screen almost made me forget there's no IR camera on the bottom of the controller.


After this, Bill called Reggie back on stage to demonstrate the basketball free-throw game. By holding their hands above their head as if holding a basketball, with the Wii remote in the "throwing" hand, the two of them managed to have a nice, fun and challenging round of free-throws, with Reggie barely edging out Bill by sinking a "money ball" worth extra points. I'm no fan of basketball (And as such probably just used horrible terminology), but I must admit I'm excited for this part of the game. It looks challenging, yet fulfilling, and truly shows off the scope of the MotionPlus' abilities.


Wii Sports: Resort looks like an excellent sequel to the Wii game that started it all, and I'm quite looking forward to getting my hands on it on July 26th.

After this, a string of trailers for already-known games began to play. Final Fantasy: Crystal Bearers (With some pretty crummy voice actors, sadly), Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and Mario & Luigi 3: Bowser's Inside Story (Excellent title) all went by, followed up by a trailer for something no feasible reach of the imagination could have possibly foretold...


Oh, people dreamed about it and people hoped for it, but I don't think anyone ever truly believed it would ever happen. Now, I never played the first two games personally, so I don't know a whole lot about the significance of any people shown in the trailer, but I can say that it featured some truly beautiful graphics. Screenshots really don't do it justice, so be sure to check out the trailer on Youtube.


A string of less-significant announcements followed, with stuff like Style Savvy (Localization of Girl's Mode), James Patterson Women's Murder Club: Games of Passion (Sort of an interactive novel based on the book) and C.O.P. The Recruit (An actually somewhat cool, GTA-style cop game from Ubisoft). Following this was a bit of shilling in the DSi's direction, and the announcement of Flipnote Studio (The localized name for Moving Memo Pad). Following this was the announcement of an all new game: Mario VS Donkey Kong: Minis March Again!


The third title in the Mario VS Donkey Kong series, Minis March Again! looks to consist entirely of user-created content shared over the Nintendo WiFi Connection. Going along with this is a level editor said to be even more robust than that of the previous game, giving the player an insane amount of space to work in and many additional tools and traps.


Now, what's the coolest part of this? Mario VS Donkey: Minis March Again! is exclusively for DSiWare. That's right; Nintendo is finally throwing their weight behind the fledgling DSiShop, and Mario VS Donkey: Minis March Again! will be debuting their on June 8th. Once again, you're not misreading this; This game is coming out next week! Sometimes digital distribution can be an amazing thing, huh? No price point has yet to be announced, but I'm expecting it to fall in the "800+" price range, possibly becoming the first game to actually be of a "+" price.

Following this are three more less-notable presentations; WarioWare: Made in Ore is to be called Wario Ware: DIY in North America, The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks is once again shown off (No new information), and they announce that we'll soon be able to upload our DSi pictures directly to Facebook.

After the above, Iwata appears on stage and begins to say how many people on Earth are playing games these days and how Nintendo has enlightened millions to the wonders of gaming. Basically sales talk in disguise. Iwata then turns to something new...


...another peripheral? But... I thought we were through with such things! Oh well, maybe it'll be something coo-What? It's a glorified heartrate monitor?


...I'm honestly speechless here. Apparently, so was Iwata, as he basically told us that it monitors our blood pressure as we play to gauge how we're reacting to it... Or something. He was being incredibly vague. My guess is this is still waaaaaay in the experimental stages, making it a mystery as to why they chose to show it off today.

At this point I'm pretty blown away by all the announcements (Excluding the previous one). Although I wasn't thinking it at the time, I'd probably have been alright with it if they decided that was enough for today and ended the conference. But they still had at least one more ace up their sleeve, and that was...


Super Mario Galaxy 2, a sequel to what is probably the Wii's greatest game yet. This was just crazy to me. After hearing of New Super Mario Bros. Wii, I was sure that the major Mario-related news had wrapped up for the day. I was gladly shown otherwise. Although no story details explaining why have surfaced yet, Mario is once again taking off into space, but this time he's got a friend in the cold depths of nothingness: Yoshi, mashing together dinosaurs and intergalactic adventure in a way I never imagined could qualify as not cheesy. Dinosaurs in space: Only Nintendo could make that work.


Yoshi seems far-improved from his last 3D platforming appearance in Super Mario Sunshine, though, gaining a Super Mario World-style ability to eat fruit and take on new powers and colour schemes. When turned orange, Yoshi gains Sonic-like super-speed, and turning blue causes him to blow up like a balloon then deflate, floating into the air and taking Mario to new heights.


Many other enhancements seem to have been made to the formula from Mario's first space adventure, with actual planet-sized planets and a new drill item showing up in the trailer. Also appearing in the trailer was a Super Mario Bros. 3-style "giant" galaxy, featuring humongous Goombas and blimp-sized blocks. Now who says you can't build on perfection?


Nintendo is expanding upon a winning formula here, and I have every reason to believe that this will be an amazing addition to the Super Mario Galaxy universe (No pun intended). Super Mario Galaxy 2 is currently slated for a vague "2010" release.

Bringing us back to Earth after the previous announcement (Okay, pun intended that time), Nintendo turns to showcasing a few mature third-party Wii efforts; The Conduit, Resident Evil: Darkside Chronicles and Dead Space: Extraction all get their time on the big screen. I'm glad to see Nintendo pushing third-party Wii software. It's a lesson they've done well to learn after the N64 and Gamecube days!

After this, I thought, the show's bound to be over. A goodbye from Reggie, a final wave, and the lights go off. That's what I thought. That's not what happened. Instead, Nintendo announces that their partnership with Team Ninja has begun to pay off, and that the two have been working together on an established Nintendo franchise. First thought: Zelda. The trailer starts, and I see waves. Okay, so it's Wind Waker... Wait, that was just the Team Ninja signature. Whoops. So now we're in deep space, floating through a debris field. Oh my god, it's got to be Star Fox! Wait, who's this? Some woman in a space station? That's not Star Fox at all... Some commander-like guy asks her a question and OH MY GOD IT'S A NEW METROID.


Samus is back, but this isn't a first-person shooter. It's more of an action platformer, similar to Ninja Gaiden (A Team Ninja product). But in space, and with an arm cannon, so by default it's infinitely superior (Nerd alert). Freed from the restraints of first-person shooters, Samus now takes matters into her own hands... Literally. I mean, look below.


She has a freaking space lizard in a headlock. That's just plain badass. Samus is now able to punch the crap out of things, as well as shoot them. If that alone doesn't make this game awesome enough for you, watch this trailer and try not to smile. Go ahead, I'll wait...

...finished? Did you smile? Damn straight you smiled. And did you hear that at the end? She spoke. Samus talks now. She's probably the only silent protagonist I ever wanted to see go vocal (Except maybe Gordon Freeman, he's gotta have tonnes to say), and here it is. I really have to get my hands on that Metroid Prime Trilogy when it comes out and get back into the universe of Metroid. I've got to be ready for when it lands next year!


After this, Reggie takes the stage once more. What, he's announcing more? Stop, you're going to kill me! Well, I'm alive, so I guess that tells you no more announcements were made. And now, after all these surprises and revelations, the conference finally comes to a close. Looking back on it as a whole, I'd have to say this was definitely in the same league as the 2007 presentation, and nearly up there with the 2006 showing. If you honestly came away from this conference disappointed, I'm sorry, but I don't think you'll ever be satisfied. Nintendo delivered today, and they've shown that us gamers that have been with them for all these years still fit in with their plan. Thank you, Nintendo.

To summarize: Yes, it is better than last year's event. And don't call me Shirley.

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What additions could be made to the next-generation Wii's remote?

I am quite aware and very sorry of the recent lack of anything here. I had a bad week, but I'd rather not fill in the details and have this turn into a MySpace page. Now then, an article lies below.


It seems that, ever since day one, people have been speculation about the next Wii. From assuming it'll be stronger than two Playstation 3s to guessing that it will be launching far before the competitors, there's no limit to the chatter... Except for maybe in one category. While people endlessly go on and on about the possibilities of the hardware, almost nobody stops and wonders about the controller. The Wii remote is an amazing piece of technology, but there's still many ways for it to improve, and I doubt Nintendo is just going to ignore these possibilities.

First off, we're going to take a trip back to remember something almost nobody remembers... Memory. That's right, we're remembering memory. 16kb of it, to be precise. Built into each Wii remote is 16kb of usable memory, and what has it been used for? Mii storage and Super Smash Bros. Brawl control scheme preferences. While memory built into a controller is a great idea, only 16 kb of it is not. You know how much 16kb is? Not even enough to contain half of the following image.


That's right. A picture of the Wii remote memory chip (That little black chunk just off center) is too big to fit onto the piddly little amount of memory crammed into it. What the next console needs is a controller with a far larger amount of space on it... Say, 256MB, at the least. I'd toss out a larger number, but really, with Nintendo, you should never expect much in the realm of on-board memory. It's usually best to just aim low and hope for a pleasant surprise.

Second, Wii MotionPlus capabilities will be built right into the new remote right from the get-go. By then, building the advanced motion detectors right into a standard-sized remote will be no problem, in terms of both physical size and cost. Who knows, by the time the next console actually hits the market, technology that even surpasses that of the MotionPlus could become available. Although, if current hands-on impressions of the forthcoming peripheral are any indication, this new add-on will be hard to beat. Hard... But perhaps not impossible. Maybe they'll discover some cutting-edge technology to do away with the sensor bar once and for all? It'd sure be welcome to those of you with wall-mounted TVs, that's for sure.

Third, the one thing everyone was sure would be in the Wii remote but ultimately wasn't: A microphone. It simply amazes me that Nintendo didn't end up cramming one in there. Audio input in games is one of the greatest ideas thought up in a long time, but so far it's been put to use in somewhat limited ways. It's usually held back by the fact that a microphone has never been a standard part of a game controller. In all of gaming history, the only exceptions to the previous statement are the Famicom and Nintendo DS, but the primitive technology of the former and limited capacity of the latter prevent sophisticated audio input from becoming reality. As it is, vocal input is limited to chat and basic voice commands on the most part, with a handful of games even daring to go a step further.

A major part of this is developers are skeptical to throw their weight behind a project that relies on a peripheral that not every owner of the console will have. After all, what's the point of pouring tonnes of cash into a technology that many people won't even be able to take advantage of? However, if a microphone were something every single owner of the console was guaranteed to have (Like with the DS, for example), developers wouldn't have to worry about having to pack in an expensive microphone with the game or just hoping the user has one already. Add this together with the presumably significant horsepower of the Wii's successor and you've got a console wide open to creativity of a whole new kind. As for an added bonus, we won't have to mess around with USB microphones any more! Cords be gone!

What other ideas do you have that you think would make good additions to the next generation Wii's remote? And do you agree with my suggestions? Feel free to have your say in the comments section below, or in this forum thread.

A new Zelda at this E3? Don't count on it.

The folks at Nintendo love taking their sweet time with their heavy-hitters, and The Legend of Zelda is no exception. In the 23 years since The Legend of Zelda first graced the Nintendo Entertainment System, only six other games in the series have hit home consoles. Six games in 23 years. That works out to roughly one game every 3.83 years, and it's been less than 2.5 years since Twilight Princess was released.

Of course, an average is made of numbers both higher and lower than it, and, going by that alone, it's entirely possible that we'll see the new Zelda at E3. Also, going purely by that, it's equally likely that we won't. An average is good for getting a rough idea of when the next game will be out, and works well when compounded with other factors, but it's nowhere near dependable on its own.

That being said, I bring up this matter: A new Zelda on the Wii would most likely require a brand new game engine. Twilight Princess was a Gamecube game ported to the Wii that still ran on Gamecube hardware. This new Zelda will be a true Wii game made exclusively for the Wii and will run on Wii hardware. It will utilize far more resources than Twilight Princess, and Nintendo is sure to push the console to its limits in every way, just as they always do with their big-name games, and will more than likely be running on a brand-new engine. Granted, the Wii's architecture is quite similar to that of the Gamecube, but that doesn't mean that this new engine can just be made up overnight.

But hey, I'm no game developer. For all I know, the entire previous paragraph could be wrong, wrong, wrong. So what else is there that points to a new Zelda not being at E3? Well, how about Miyamoto himself? In April 2008, the man himself was quoted saying "The Zelda team is forming again to work on new games!". Keyword: Forming. As in, at that point, they'd not begun any real work on the game. They were probably still brainstorming back then. A year later, they may have made some progress, but enough to show off even a teaser? I don't think so. With them just beginning in 2008, I'm guessing the game won't be out until 2011 at the soonest. I somehow doubt they'd show their hand a full two years before playing them. Twilight Princess was a unique situation, in that it was delayed to coincide with the Wii's release. This next Zelda will most likely not be delayed by such an event.

What's that, you want even more reason why a Zelda probably won't surface at E3? Well, in the December issue of Official Nintendo Magazine (No source available; Information comes from Wikipedia), it was said that "the teams [are] still in the planning stages", and that "we wouldn't expect to see or hear anything more until the E3 event next summer at the earliest", and "even that may be optimistic". Words such as these are hardly encouraging. Of course, the magazine also says "we WILL know something in 2009 [about the title]", but there's a whole five months between E3 and the end of the year. Chances are, we'll only see a preview of it at some other convention in the fall.

Finally, as of late, Nintendo has begun only announcing games closer to their planned release date. We learned of Punch-Out in October, and it's out next month. Heck, Excitebots was only officially announced in February, and it came out last week! Chances are we won't be waiting two and a half years from announce to release like we did with Twilight Princess.

So then, here are the reasons I've pointed out:

• *The average amount of time between console Zelda games' release dates is 3.83 years, and we're currently not even at 2.5 years since Twilight Princess.
• *An entirely new game engine will probably be utilized in this new game, and that can't exactly be whipped up overnight.
• *Miyamoto himself said the development team was only even beginning work on the game just over a year ago.
• *Official Nintendo Magazine has said that the game was still in the planning stages a mere six months ago.
• *Nintendo has taken on a new trend of only announcing a game when its release date is determined and close at hand.

While some of these factors may not stand up well on their own, when lined up together, I feel they create a compelling argument against a Zelda game being revealed at E3. What's your take on the situation? Will E3 bring solid information on a new Zelda, or will we be waiting longer before we get a glimpse of Link in the first true Zelda game on the Wii? Also, what do you think of my points? Are they solid and convincing, or flimsy and weak? Please, feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comment section, or this forum thread.

Excitebots: Trick Racing impressions

Before anyone freaks out and says "That's IT?", no, this is not the article I've been working on for the last few days. I'm just whipping this up quick as some filler until that article is done (Probably tomorrow. Yes, I delayed it AGAIN. I suck at this). Alright? Alright.


After staring at the box yesterday for 4 1/2 hours, I finally got a chance to play Excitebots: Trick Racing today. In one word, my overall impression is "...WHAT?".

Excitebots is no ordinary racer. You thought Excite Truck was crazy? Bots is everything Truck was, plus darts, anthropomorphic vehicles, pie-throwing, bowling, soccer, football, chattering teeth, backflips and more. If Truck was crazy, Bots is flat-out insane.

One of the first things I noticed when I started up this game is how incredibly bright and lively the environments are. It's amazing how vibrant all the colours are in this game, from the common dirt path to the lush green foliage. Overall, Excitebots looks quite a lot like Excite Truck, but with a far more cartoony appearance.


Excitebots retains the same basic control scheme as its predecessor, along with the same excellent level of precision. A few new ways to control are added, most notably the seesawing motion needed when the bot takes on its "Leg" form (As seen above). I find it quite difficult to control where you're going in this mode, though, but maybe I just need to practice more.

The music in Excitebots, as opposed to Excite Truck, is actually pretty fun and suited to the level's theme. This is great news considering that, unlike Excite Truck, 'Bots has absolutely no support for SD card music. Such a pity, too; I was dying to peel across the Mexican countryside in the form of a praying mantis robot to the sounds of Born to Be Wild. Who can honestly say they've never wanted to do that at least once in the past?

Perhaps the biggest and most-wanted addition to the game is the one thing Excite Truck truly needed: Online play. I have yet to give it a go myself, but if Mario Kart Wii's buttery-smooth experience is any indication, Excitebots is sure to boast an amazingly fast and lag-free online mode. A six-player, online, crash-tastic race featuring flying bowling pins and explosives? I gotta check this out, and fast! Of course, if your friends are a little more local, there's always the option of local multiplayer. The major downside to this? A maximum of two players at once. Bummer.

Excitebots is already a whole whackload of fun, and I've barely even begun playing it. Stay tuned for the full review sometime in the near future!

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MotionPlus meets jacket: A troubling combination

News broke today that the Wii MotionPlus will be encased in a permanent, extended Wii remote jacket, and will look like what you see above. My first thought when seeing this wasn't "Oh it's ugly!" or "Time to get my exacto-knife". No, it was "How the hell am I supposed to get the remote in there?".

Maybe you do it differently, but the way I put the Wii remote into the jacket (On the rare occasion I bother to) is entirely incompatible with this design. The bottom part where the MotionPlus now is usually ends up the last part of the jacket I slide the remote into, but that new little nub in the way is not going to let that happen. Let's hope that new jacket is a little stretchier than the old model, because I'd rather not bend the MotionPlus to get it to work.

Not looking forward to figuring this out...

Another problem I'm seeing is incompatibility with just about every Wii remote add-on/accessory in existance. This was already a problem with the original jacket, but now it's made even worse by the fact that people might actually use this sleeve, like it or not. When I found the old jacket to become a nuisance, I just took it off and tossed it in with the rest of my game controllers and such, and I've barely even seen it since. But if this motion plus catches on, it'll be another annoying little step I'll have to take whenever I charge my remotes, play a game NES-style, or use just about any other controller add-on I've accumulated over the past two years. A deal-breaker? Not really, but it's sure an annoyance.

Those inconveniences aside, I understand why they went with this design. First of all, the jacket will keep the MotionPlus from falling out during intense play (One good yank with a Nunchuk plugged in would spell tragedy otherwise). Second, Nintendo sure doesn't want to deal with those crazy damage lawsuits from back in the pre-jacket days. If the MotionPlus shipped outside of the jacket, the old sleeves would be incompatible with the new size and shape of the remote. All it takes is one more hand-meets-fan incident, and the lawsuits roll in once again.

The directionality of the blood drop suggests the victim was standing still whe-Oh, wait, this isn't CSI.

Despite the problems I (And many others) may have with this design choice, there's no denying the awesome possibilities the Wii MotionPlus brings to gameplay. This new add-on is supposedly so accurate that it's actually over-responsive, meaning we're in for one heck of a treat come this June. After all, it's what's inside that counts, even if it's permanently attached to something really ugly on the outside.

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