Tuesday, April 1, 2008

EXCLUSIVE: Cloud Strife to join the Brawl via DLC!

That's right, you heard it here first! I got exclusive word from Square-Enix that Cloud Strife will be making a long-awaited appearance in Nintendo's blockbuster hit, Super Smash Bros. Brawl! I am incredibly privileged to have been made privy to this top-secret information, and it is my honour to reveal this to you all.

As of now, no art or screenshots of Cloud in Super Smash Bros. Brawl exist, as this is still at the very early stages of production. The above image was sloppily made up by me in a hurry as I quivered with excitement. Not only is the one and only Cloud Strife confirmed to be appearing in Brawl, but Square-Enix chose me to announce it to the world! I still can't believe this. It's too good to be true!

Included in this e-mail from Square-Enix (They requested I keep the contact's name confidential) is a planned moveset for Cloud. It goes as follows:

Standard Attack: Slash
Running Standard Attack: Charge
Down Standard Attack: Drill Slash
Up Standard Attack: Thrust
Special Attack: Firaga
Side Special: Thundaga
Down Special: Blizzaga
Up Special: Aero
Smash Attack: Double Cut
Final Smash: Meteor

Those are all the details I was given. I still can't believe this is really happening! But don't get too excited yet, folks. This is still far from hitting the Shop Channel. My contact told me that the earliest possible release would be this time next year. The company already has it's fair share of projects in development as of now, and they seem to be considering Cloud Strife to be somewhat low priority. One quote from the e-mail (I've been told partial replication is okay) is as follows:

We're very excited to be bringing our legendary Cloud Strife to the world of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. But not as excited as we are about Final Fantasy XIII, Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles: The Crystal Bearers, The World Ends With You and Final Fantasy VII: The Quest for More Money. As of now we have at least one man working on Cloud at every moment, unless we decide the programmer is more needed elsewhere, in which case development of Cloud Strife screeches to a halt.

We're not worried about getting striking while the iron's still hot. We prefer to bludgeon the iron once it's cooled, squeezing every last valuable asset out of it. That's a saying we have around here. It's the Square-Enix way.

So when we do finally finish developing Cloud Strife for use in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, we'll be sure to make him as affordable as possible to the casual consumer. We're thinking a base cost of 2000 Wii Points, with an extra charge to make him compatible with the other control schemes. Oh, did I forget to mention? The basic Cloud Strife download will only function when the player is using the sideways Wii remote controller configuration. Also, he will be incredibly weak before players download the "Level Up" package from the Wii Shop Channel, at a mere charge of 1500 Wii Points.

This may sound a little overpriced, but rest assured that this will be well worth the buyer's money. After all, this is a Square-Enix product. You just know it's gotta be good! So start saving your pennies now, consumer.

I can't wait!

Talk about this absolutely amazing development in the comment section, or in this forum thread.

The Duck Has Spoken.


Anonymous said...


PsychoDuck said...

Egads! How could you say such a thing about an article written on April 1st?

The Duck Has Spoken.

Anonymous said...


Responsible Blogging at its Finest (Gnarfard) said...

"Tuesday, April 1, 2008"

this guy is a comic genius
psychoduck lol :)

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA Good one. Now, you could have come off as a complete idiot, but you took the joke route. We have one programmer working on Cloud at all times, unless we decide the programmer is more needed elsewhere, in which case producton screeches to a halt." I really would like to see Cloud in Brawl, personally, but oh well.

Who said that people on the internet can't be witty?