Gaming's biggest let-downs

Haven't used this image since September! Also, I thought this up way before MSNBC's similarly-titled "Top 5 biggest video-game letdowns" hit the 'net, although I admit it reminded me of this long-forgotten (And never fully-fleshed out until now) idea.



Games usually have some amazing goal completely separate from the main adventure. Some sort of holy grail that truly completes the game. But quite often, getting to this point in the game is all the fun there is. After that, rarely anything special happens. No awesome cinematics, no secret unlockables, nothing. Sure, you can say to people that you achieved an amazing feat, but there's rarely anywhere to go from there but hit reset. I've seen this sort of thing so many times, and it never becomes any less of a let-down. Here are four such occasions where a little more fanfare would have been very welcome.

Getting a Brain Age of 20

In both of the Brain Age games, a perfect score is a brain age of 20. It's an indicator of extremely quick thinking and problem solving. But what happens when you finally achieve this lofty goal? Dr. Kawashima congratulates you, and it's over. Nothing else. Nada. You don't get any sort of medal or anything. Sure, it's cool to be able to say that you managed a brain age of 20, but really, I was hoping for something a little more to commemorate my accomplishment.

Mirage Island

If you look to your left, you'll see Mirage Island. Not very interesting, is it? It would have been nice if I'd known that before driving myself nuts to get there.

To get to Mirage Island in Pokémon Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald, the player has to present a Pokémon to a certain man in the town of Pacifidlog. If the Pokémon has the correct secret numerical value assigned to it, the man exclaims that he can see Mirage Island. So basically, just keep trying over and over and over until it happens. There's no way to know which Pokémon will do the trick. Now, after finally doing all this running around, you'd expect something amazing in return. Sadly, Game Freak had something else in mind...

On Mirage Island, there is but one patch of grass, in which but one Pokémon can be caught: Wynaut. Not only is Wynaut completely uninteresting on it's own, but players can easily obtain him through other means. The only other point of interest on Mirage Island is a lone berry tree bearing one Liechi Berry. Now, while this Berry can't be found anywhere else, and it makes a very good Pokéblock, it's still somewhat underwhelming. I was hoping for something amazing, like a legendary Pokémon or a secret dungeon. But no, it's nothing but a bunch of Wynaut and a berry. Yippee.

We Love Katamari's 1,000,000 roses

After finishing every other challenge in We Love Katamari, one final test is unlocked: The 1,000,000 rose collection level. As you'd assume, to finish this game, you need to roll up 1,000,000 roses. Doesn't sound too bad, except I can, at best, get about 2,000 in ten minutes. Oh boy, only 998,000 to go! Thankfully, you can do this level in stages. Do a few thousand here and there, save, and continue later on. If you ever manage to gather 1,000,000 roses, the King of All Cosmos says a few things, tosses the ball of roses into the sky, and that's about it. Don't believe me? Watch this:

See? All that work, and the King acts like nothing spectacular just occurred. And what do you unlock? A few new doodads and graphics for the level select screen. That's it. Because giving us a never-ending level in return for all our toil would be a crazy idea. It's not as if millions of Katamari fans have been waiting for it. Nope.

Finally catching 'em all

Ah, the Pokédex... It's been by every Pokémon trainer's side ever since 1995. And what was one of the first things Professor Oak told us to do with it all those many years ago? Fill it up with information on every Pokémon there is. We went out there, Pokéballs in hand, and did our darnedest to catch 'em all. Finally, after many, many hours of toiling in caves and tall grass, surfing on the high seas and trading with our buddies, it was complete. And what happens? Oak basically says "Congratulations, you did it!", and nothing else happens. Go talk to the game programmers in Celadon City, and they give you a diploma saying you caught 'em all. Does it do anything? Nope. Do you get any sort of special badge or anything? Nope. You get a "Good for you!", a digital scrap of paper, and that's it. Hooray, I feel so fulfilled.

Of course, there's far too many similar let-downs to cram into one single article. I'm sure there are many, many more in my game collection, let alone the entirety of gaming history. I may revisit this sometime down the line, but for now, I think I've vented enough disappointment.

And how about you guys? Have you ever been let-down by a game? Ever been severely underwhelmed by the celebrations after doing the near-impossible? Feel free to scream about it in the comment section, or in this article's thread on the forum.

The Duck Has Spoken.

Perfection through simplicity

There's something special about the Mona Lisa. It doesn't really look very special. It's just a picture of some lady with a weird smile. But look at it now: It's the most famous and valuable painting ever made! The simplicity of this painting is it's greatest asset. It seems that some game developers have caught onto this phenomenon, and have begun taking the simple approach themselves.

For example, look at Steven Spielburg's upcoming Wii title, Boom Blox. You really can't get much more simple than square characters with painted-on details. On paper this sounds positively terrible. A bunch of cuboid freaks prancing around? Really, sounds pretty lame. But once you get a good look at it, you can't believe how amazing it really is.

Boom Blox's art style is both basic and brilliant all at once

Go ahead, look it up on Youtube or IGN. See that there? That's both the epitome of simplicity and unique charm. It's art styles like this that can really boost a game to blockbuster status. Don't believe me? Take a look at another hugely famous franchise with an incredibly simple-yet-brilliant art style.



The Katamari series of games is one of legend. What Namco originally thought would do poorly on the American market exploded into a national phenomenon. The quirky gameplay, story and soundtrack all contributed to this final product, but the simplistic art style is what really made this title stand out in the public eye. Everywhere you turn there's fan art of the king, the prince, and even the blocky citizens of the game world. People love the art style just as much as (If not more than) the gameplay! And can you really blame them?

Of course, we can't have an article about artistic simplicity without mentioning the Ace Attorney series of games. The simple animations with few enough frames to count on one hand has a certain charm to it that is nearly as iconic as the art style in Katamari. The distinctively clunky animation become somewhat of a fad in all the corners of the internet, resulting in parody videos galore.

No objections to this brilliantly simplistic art style

Of course, simplicity doesn't have to apply to just the art style. There's also the games that use the most basic of all graphic styles: Sprites. Even in an age when all the currently produced consoles and handhelds can render games entirely in 3D, developers still go back to the good ol' fashioned two-dimensional graphics of the olden days. The simplistic format of sprites can often lead to great benefits for many aspects of the game in that it saves much space, but it can also lead to some amazingly beautiful level and character designs. Children of Mana was probably the most stunning sprite-based game I've ever seen, with it's incredibly bright colours and super-smooth animation.

It may look nice in screenshots, but it's even
better in motion

The vast improvement of technology over the years is great, but sometimes it's nice to get away from graphical wonders like Super Mario Galaxy and Crysis and enjoy the greatness that is artistic simplicity. After all, perfection need not be restricted to the complex.

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The Duck Has Spoken.

The funniest games you'll ever play

I like games for many different reasons. They're fun to play, great ways to relax, and they let me explore new worlds. There's another factor, too, and that is many games are just downright hilarious. And who doesn't love to laugh?




Easily one of my favourite games from 2007, Portal is an incredible puzzle/platformer experience. And to top it all off, it's amazingly funny! GLaDOS (The criminally insane AI that guides you through the game's many bizarre tests) is the big source of humour here, with her insane and sometimes violent rambling being expressed with a perfectly calm computer voice.

Throughout the game, GlaDOS keeps things moving with a constant stream of darkly humourous lines. Some of her finest quotes are as follows:

"Please note, we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck."

"Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, 'Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out'."

"The device has been modified so that it can manufacture two linked portals at once. As part of an optional test protocol, we are pleased to present an amusing fact. The device is now more valuable than the organs and combined income of everyone in (SUBJECT HOME TOWN HERE)."

"The Enrichment Center promises to always provide safe testing environments. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it."

The way she treats death as a minor inconvenience is just brilliant. This is easily the funniest game of all 2008, no question. After all, who could forget the game's incredibly hilarious ending credits song, "Still Alive"? That was the icing on the cake.

Note: The cake is a lie.




There are many sources of humour in Jak II. From Torn's dry insults to Pecker's entire existence ("I am Pecker! Yes, I know. My mother, she was... Very vindictive"), there's no shortage of funny in this game. However, these two are nothing compared to the comedy dynamo that is Daxter.

The small, fuzzy, once-human Ottsel spends most of the game situated on Jak's shoulder, spitting out witty retorts and observations at rapid-fire speed. Following are some of Daxter's best lines:

"...you'd better keep us alive or I will never speak to you again...obviously"

If I had the Precursor Stone with all the power... I'd use it to build a giant palace. With the biggest harem of women the world has ever known! And there'd be a swimming pool, filled to the brim with chocolate! ...slightly minty."

"Hugs for everyone!"

"Ding ding! Third floor! Body chains, roach food, torture devices!"

And of course, Daxter's always a laugh riot when he's drunk. You just can't get any more funny than an intoxicated Ottsel!




The legendary series known as Ace Attorney brings plenty of drama, action and mystery to the table, as well as a big heaping bowl of comedy. From the bumbling Dick Gumshoe to the often insane witnesses, this courtroom is bursting at the seams with hilarity. The laughs come from many people in Ace Attorney, and here is but a small sampling of the comedic genius they often make use of:

"If you wish to hang yourself, Mr. Wright, you're welcome to, but not inside my courtroom."

"I object! That was... objectionable!"

"The witness will refrain from wonton winking!"

"Old windbag sure has balls! Or... well, you know what I mean."

Whether it's an innocent misspoken phrase or a strangely humourous quip, the comedy in this game is always worth writing home about. When it comes to how funny this game is, I have no Objection!

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The Duck Has Spoken.

The best sidekicks in the business

Main characters get all the breaks. From Batman to Sherlock Holmes, all of the little guys are lesser known and far less popular. Robin and Watson deserve to be in the limelight, don't you think? Just as there are sidekicks in television shows and books, there are too sidekicks in video games. And now is their time to shine.

Ezlo

Game: The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap (GBA)

Ezlo is one bizarre little creature. He takes the form of a green hat with a duck-like head, and he can't get around all that well. Thusly, he rides along on Link's head. Unfortunately for the green-wearing hero, Ezlo often leaves crumbs in Link's hair, pecks at Link's head (As seen above) and routinely berates the lad for not walking fast enough or being too short.

If Ezlo's such a bother, why keep him around? Mainly for the fact that he holds the power to shrink Link down to an incredibly small scale. By standing on certain rocks, jars, tree stumps or panels, Link can shrink and enter the world of the Minish. The Minish (Also called Picori by humans) are a very diminutive race of mouse-like people. They are the stuff of legends, and are rarely seen. In fact, many people believe the Minish are nothing but folklore, and simply tell the story to their children as a fairy tale.

Link can also take advantage of his new-found shrinking abilities to enter tunnels and holes far too small for him to fit through at his normal size. Sometimes entire dungeons take place in an area no larger than Link's full size!

Ezlo is certainly important to completing the adventure, and his story unfolds nicely throughout the game. Although he may start out looking like nothing but a silly, duck-billed hat, he later becomes a core part of the game's story. Don't dismiss Ezlo as a throwaway sidekick.

Daxter

Games: Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy (PS2), Jak II (PS2), Jak III (PS2), Jak X: Combat Racing (PS2), Daxter (PSP)

Out of all the sidekicks on this list, Daxter has appeared in the most games by far. From Jak and Daxter: The Precursor Legacy, all the way to his own, self-titled spin-off on the PSP, Daxter gets a surprising amount of credit for being a sidekick. Nonetheless, I don't feel he gets all he deserves.

Daxter is an Ottsel: A bizarre mix of an otter and a weasel. He is turned into an Ottsel at the beginning of the first game, and changing him back into a human becomes the main focus of the adventure. Sadly, Daxter never does get turned back into a human, as he's still an Ottsel in all the other games. Eventually he comes to grips with the fact that he'll probably never turn back to normal, and eventually accepts his new, smaller, fuzzier form. Although he does miss wearing pants.

Why is Daxter such an amazing sidekick? First and foremost, he's downright hilarious! Even as an Ottsel he's as funny and quick-witted as ever. Good thing, too, as Jak doesn't really like to talk much until Jak II.

Players will often control Daxter instead of Jak throughout the series, and these sequences are really quite fun. Running around as an Ottsel in a human's world is really something, especially since he's all but defenseless against the super-sized foes that are all-too common.

Daxter's a great character for so many reasons, and I don't think I can say much more without spoiling the entire trilogy for you. Let's just say that Daxter's new form isn't all that bad after all.

Midna

Game: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii, Gamecube)

And of course, how could I forget Midna? The mysterious, cat-like creature that hides in Link's shadow throughout most of Twilight Princess is an incredibly well-written and designed character.

Link and Midna first meet when the young Hylian is turned into a wolf, captured and thrown into a prison in the dark and foreboding Twilight Realm. She laughs at the pitiful canine that sits before her, taunting him through the iron bars of his cell. She tells him that if he can escape his cell, she'll help him get out of the prison. So Link breaks off his chains and squeezes through a break in the bars. Midna lives up to her word, and kindly escorts the boy-turned-wolf back outside.

From then on, Midna lives in Link's shadow (Literally), popping up to give him hints and command him around. See, in return for setting Link free, Midna expects the young man to run some errands for her. She needs Link to get her a mysterious power that somehow relates to the Twilight Realm that's slowly engulfing Hyrule.

Although she seems to treat Link like a slave at first, Midna slowly grows to respect the warrior and even thanks him for doing these things for her. It's one unlikely friendship, that's for sure.

What makes Midna awesome has to be her amazing powers. She can teleport through solid walls, disappear into shadows and (Later on in the game) turn Link into a wolf at will.

Also, Midna just has a great attitude. She's the kind of person who can only be described as a lovable jerk. She makes fun of Link all the time, but you can always tell that, deep down, she really cares.

Finally, Midna has some incredible strength hidden within, but if I went into detail here, well, that just wouldn't be fair, now would it? She can do some serious damage, and that's all I'm going to say.

Okay then! A group of sidekicks finally get their due! It's only fair, really. Often sidekicks contribute just as much to the game as the main character, if not more. Ezlo, Daxter and Midna are just a handful of the many amazing sidekicks out there, and I'll be sure to give them their due in future installments. Until then, keep on gaming, folks!

The Duck Has Spoken.

Best game music ever

Sorry about no article yesterday. 'Twas Labour Day, and I didn't feel like thinking. But today is back to normal, so here we are.



Hum a few bars of the original Super Mario Bros. theme in a public place, and I guarantee almost everybody around you will know exactly where that song is from. Perhaps the only thing about gaming more mainstream than the games themselves is the music that accompanies each title. From the days of the Nintendo Entertainment System right up to this moment, games have been featuring some of the greatest music I've ever heard. Here are a few games who's music I consider to be the cream of the crop.

Super Mario Bros. 3

In my opinion, Super Mario Bros. 3 is one of the greatest video games ever made. And what better way to amplify the greatness of a title than with an amazing soundtrack? Back in the days in which this game was released, the music was usually little more than an afterthought. But Nintendo went the extra mile to make each and every part of this game memorable, down to the oft-ignored musical score.

Some notable tunes: Grassland, Hammer Bros. and Underwater music

We Love Katamari

Not to be outdone by the wacky gameplay, the music in We Love Katamari is just as insane. Crazy upbeat J-Pop and freaky Japanese rock are all throughout this title, and all of which are amazing. The music in this game is insanely memorable, and is overrunning my MP3 player as we speak. Just can't get enough of this crazy Katamari!

Some notable tunes: Katamari on the Swing, Everlasting Love and Sasasan Katamari

Animal Crossing/Wild World

How could I write a list like this and exclude a game such as Animal Crossing? A major part of both Animal Crossing games is collecting all of K.K Slider's music bootlegs. Not only is collecting them fun, but the music is great! Sure, meeting up with K.K every Saturday may feel like a chore sometimes, but it's all more than worth it in the end.

Some notable tunes: Surfin' K.K, K.K Western and Totakeke's Song

Phoenix Wright/Ace Attorney

Phoenix Wright may not excel in visuals, but it sure as heck sounds amazing! From investigation to interrogation, the music always fits the situation perfectly. And not only is the music fitting, it's great to listen to as well! I only wish there was a sound test of sorts available so I could listen to all my favorite tracks as long as I wish... Oh well, I suppose earning the music makes it all the sweeter!

Some notable tunes: Tense Situation, Steel Samurai and victory music

Final Fantasy VII

Like Super Mario Bros. 3, Final Fantasy VII is one of my favorite games ever made. And also like Super Mario Bros. 3, Final Fantasy VII has some of the greatest music I've ever heard as well. Three discs of adventure add up to one lengthy soundtrack, and a great one at that. Perhaps one day Square-Enix will surprise us with a remake of this decade-old gem. Until then, I've got the music to keep me busy!

Some notable tunes: Motorcycle Chase, Shinra's Theme and Hurrying Music

So then, those are a few games that are just music to my ears! Although words cannot do justice to these awesome songs. Go and play the games for yourself, and then you'll hear them in all their glory!

The Duck Has Spoken.