Showing posts with label Steam. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Steam. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Shouldn't downloaded games be cheaper than retail?

Just a short little thought I need to get out


I went on a bit of a shopping spree on Saturday, with Left 4 Dead being one of the main reasons for the trip. However, there were no copies in stock, so I couldn't get it. I thought "Well, maybe I'll just download it off Steam instead". So I get home, look it up on the Steam Store, and... It costs $50 to download the game? But it would've cost me $50 to buy it in a store! Why download it here when I can just go find it in another store for the same price and get a box, booklet, and a physical copy of it for the same price? Seriously, the downloadable version of the game costs practically nothing to produce, as opposed to the physical material and shipping expenses of the game we can buy in a store. In my opinion, downloadable games should cost at least 25% less than the retail copy. Server fees aside, each download of a game costs the seller absolutely nothing. The lower cost of distribution should be reflected in the price the buyer pays. It's ironic, really, considering Valve president and founder Gabe Newell himself has recently been quoted saying that games are too expensive nowadays. Start practicing what you preach, Mr. Newell. And no, a limited-time-only, 50%-off sale doesn't count.

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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Brainstorming possible Team Fortress 2 class packs

All the below headers were made from screenshots shamelessly pilfered from this post over on PlayerzBlog.com. For some reason my screenshots of the class select screen didn't work, so I turned to Google for an easy way out. It is my way. Please don't kill me, PlayerzBlog.com staff!


Any day now, we'll be getting our hands on the new weapons and achievements for the Scout in Team Fortress 2. My intense anticipation for this has really sent my imagination into overdrive, with a whole bunch of future weapons and achievements beginning to surface in my mind. So, rather than wait for the updates to actually surface making it too late for speculation, here are some things I've thought up for upcoming class packs.


After the Scout, it looks like our mysterious European friend will be receiving the next class pack. Unarguably the most complex of all the nine classes, updating the Spy will be no small task. Nonetheless, I have thought up one new weapon for our international man of mystery.

My idea is The Whittler. It's a far smaller alternative to the Butterfly Knife, and unlike its infamous older brother, The Whittler can NOT backstab. However, it has one distinct advantage over all of the Spy's weapons: It works when cloaked, and won't break your disguise if used undercover. This is great if you see some ignited enemy retreating while you skulk around his base. You just know his health has to be low. So you trigger your cloak, sneak up while he's distracted by the flames, and finish him off with a quick slice. Then simply sneak away, undetected, with no evidence of your presence except the misplaced corpse. The Whittler would help make the Spy more of a team player and less of a lone wolf, reflecting the word "Team" in the game's title.

Of course, to go along with this new weapon, you'll need some achievements to unlock it. Here are a few I thought up:

Thanks For Keeping Your Back Still: Backstab 15 snipers while they're looking through the scope of their rifle
Secret Agent Man: Sneak into an enemy base, grab the intelligence, and successfully bring it back to your base without dying.
FYI I Am A Spy: Backstab an enemy Medic that has healed you in the current life.
Sneaky Medicine: Have a total of 10,000 health points healed by enemy Medics and dispensers.
Malpractice: While disguised as a Medic, backstab an enemy that is calling for a Medic.
Is Anyone Keeping Track Of My Idiots Killed? Stab!: Backstab five enemy Scouts in one life
Deconstructive Reconnaissance: Sap and destroy ten enemy buildings in one life
Lunch Break: Backstab an enemy Heavy that's eating a Sandvich


The Soldier's one of the most formidable foes on the battlefield, but his slow rockets and inaccurate shotgun make him practically useless at long range. To help better balance this army vet, I propose Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Maggot Killing Rocket Thingy (Or IBTWMKRT for short...ish). The IBTWMKRT would fire much smaller and weaker rockets than the standard rocket launcher, but they would be twice as fast as those chunky slowpokes of the battlefield (And I'm not talking about the Heavy). Also, rocket jumps would only go up half as high with the IBTWMKRT.

Another suggestion I have is an Assault Rifle to replace his Shotgun. I play as Soldier more than any other class, but I can never make much effective use of the Shotgun. It's far too close range for my play style, and when I do find myself face to face with an enemy I can never manage to hit the bugger. So, instead of a Shotgun with a six-round clip with an incredibly slow firing rate, I'm proposing an Assault Rifle with a 20-30 rounds clip and a rapid firing rate. Of course, everything has its downside, and the Assault Rifle's troubles lie in strength and accuracy. Each round does a far smaller amount of damage than the Shotgun, instead being somewhere just above the Sniper's SMG. Also, its accuracy makes it even less useful at long range than the Shotgun. Still, it's far more handy in those tense combat situations where your enemies are too close, numerous and erratic to choose a good target without killing yourself. Just fire away and hope you hurt something!

With all updates must come new achievements, so here are a few I thought up for the Soldier:

Bullet-Time For A Photo-Op: Fire a rocket, then taunt while the rocket impacts and kills an enemy
Gravedigger: Kill 5 enemies with your shovel
I Don't Call Shotgun: Use the Assault Rifle to kill an enemy Soldier wielding the Shotgun
King of Spades: Kill 15 enemies with your shovel
Blast Off: Kill an enemy with the splash damage from a rocket jump


The Engineer sadly looks to be the last class that will be receiving an update, but that doesn't mean we can't speculate. All over the internet people comically refer to the phrases "Spy's sapping my Sentry!" and "Spy's sapping my Dispenser!". After all, these two buildings commonly go hand-in-hand. Now, what if that were to be taken one step further?

What I'm proposing is a Sentry-Dispenser hybrid, a... Dispentry, if you will. The Dispentry would replace both the Sentry and Dispenser on the build menu, lowering the engineer's selectable buildings to three from four. The Dispenser part of the Dispentry would supply the Sentry half with metal, always replenishing its supply of ammunition as it's used. Of course, this would mean that the Dispentry would distribute metal to allies at a lower rate, making it less useful on the front lines. Also limiting its effectiveness in the thick of the battle would be the fact that the Dispentry can only be upgraded to level 2, slightly increasing the firepower of the Sentry and the metal distribution rate of the Dispenser.

The bright side to all of this, in addition to the aforementioned Sentry ammunition supply, would be that the Dispentry would have an incredibly high HP, more than that of a level 2 Sentry and a level 2 Dispenser combined when upgraded. Also, it takes two sappers to destroy a Dispentry, one for each half. If the enemy Spy can only reach one half of the Dispentry, only that part of it will be disabled, and it will not take damage. If, for example, the Spy saps the Dispenser part but not the Sentry, the Dispentry would cease to distribute ammunition to the Sentry as well as metal and health to allies, but the Sentry half would remain fully operational. One downside to this is that the Engineer would also need to have access to both ends of the Dispentry in order to destroy the attached sappers. A lot of thought has to go into placing this! The intended purpose of the Dispentry would be to allow the Engineer to leave his buildings alone more confidently, going elsewhere to repair his Teleporter entrances and exits, as well as help out elsewhere in the battle. Of course, the Engineer isn't all that helpful when it comes to person-to-person combat, but hey, maybe one of the other unlockables would help balance that out a bit.

Of course, we can't leave this good ol' boy out of the achievement-farming goodness, so here's a few achievement ideas for the Engineer:

Preventative Maintenance: Kill 20 disguised enemy spies
No Boom For You: Destroy 50 sticky bombs within damage-inflicting distance of your buildings
Close Call, Pardner: Whack a building with your wrench within a second of it receiving damage that would have otherwise destroyed it
Worth Celebrating: Get a kill with your Sentry/Dispentry while dancing
Amateur Marksman: Kill an enemy Sniper with your Pistol
Sneaking In The Back Way: Build a Teleporter exit in the enemy's base
Makeshift Elevator: Suspend an enemy in mid-air with your Sentry's rapid-fire bullets.

So then, that's three new weapons and a new building. Not bad for a bit of brainstorming here and there, huh? What do you think of my ideas? Also, what are some unlockables you've thought up, if any? Let the world know in the comments section, or in this forum thread!

...maggots!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A small assortment of Team Fortress 2 rants


I've been playing Team Fortress 2 a lot lately. And by a lot, I mean way more than I should be. During this time, while I've had a whole lot of fun, I've also run into quite a few annoyances. No, not any sorts of glitches or faults of the developer. I've run into a lot of problems with the other players. People being stupid, being jerks, or otherwise just not being fun to play with at all. The following article goes out to all these people.

First of all, y'all gotta stop pushing people off the teleporters. If someone gets to the teleporter before you do, leave them. They got to it first. It's their right to use it. You can darn well wait a few seconds for it to recharge, or just walk to the battle, okay?

Relating to the above, if you're a scout, for the love of all things good, don't use the freaking teleporters! For crying out loud, you're the fastest class by far! Leave the other, slower players to the teleporters, and hoof it! In the time it takes you to run there, the person who got the teleporter will already be there, doubling the fighting power at that moment. If you steal it, all that happens is one measly little scout gets there, while some other player waits and waits for the teleporter to recharge because it would take to long to walk. Not only is it a pain in the ass to have a teleporter meant for you used by a scout, it also hurts the team. So don't do it.

And would it kill you not to use such disgusting sprays in game? Good god, I've seen some stuff on the walls of pl_goldrush I wouldn't even show to my worst enemy. Keep your sick, twisted sense of "humour" to yourself and play the freaking game instead of disturbing all of your teammates.

If you're a spy, don't disguise as a scout. Ever. You move slower than a scout, you can't double-jump like a scout, and you can't use the bat like every other scout does. It's the worst disguise ever. Stop doing it.

A microphone can be a great tool in battle, allowing you to quickly pass information onto other players; and if you want to say something funny, go ahead, we all love a good laugh. But come on, people; Stop being racist, sexist, crass jerks. Stop screaming into your microphones. Stop blasting crappy music over them. And for crying out loud, if your microphone sucks, stop freaking using it. I don't need static and garbled speech blasting into my ears, thanks. Yes, I realize I can mute you with a few clicks, but I'd rather focus on fighting than pause and fiddle around just to stop some pre-pubescent idiot from swearing at me.

We've all heard of sore losers, but there's also such a thing as a sore winner. Yeah, your team won three rounds in a row; That's no reason to act as if everyone on the other team is the worst freaking player in history. And if someone kills you, don't scream obscenities at them. You died in a video game. You'll respawn. Calm down, man. Oh, and if your team is kicking ass, don't go "YEAH WE ROCK" if you're not even in the top ten on a twelve person team. You're hardly helping, pal, don't steal all the credit. Seriously, I've seen people with two points acting as if they're carrying the whole freaking team on their back.

Finally, quit using aim-enhancing programs. You aren't kidding anyone when you use one. You suck at Team Fortress 2 and you need a program to make you any good. It annoys everybody, enemy and ally alike. Turn off the bot, get some practice, and darn well play like you should. Can't get a kill like that? Practice some more. Believe me, it's a whole lot better than sitting back and letting the computer do all the work.

If you're reading this and any of the above applies to you, please take my words into consideration next time you play. We'd all appreciate it.

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Thursday, November 13, 2008

Garry's Mod Scenes: A Day at the Theatre

I feel kinda bad for backing out of updates so much lately, even under these circumstances. I hope you enjoy this pseudo-apology in the form of a new type of article, Garry's Mod Scenes.


I was just messing around with Garry's Mod a few days back, practicing my ragdoll posing and messing with the finger and face posers. After posing one character, I decided to make a whole scene. I call it "A Day at the Theatre".


First off, here's an overview of the scene. After I finished these I realized I probably should have made it in the "dark room" for a more authentic movie scene... Oh well. I suppose it's just an eerily well-lit theatre, then. And, uh... Mind ignoring the cracks in the wall? I was more focused on the ragdolls than anything else, so can you do the same for viewing the scene?


Alyx sure isn't happy... I suppose it's safe to say that she doesn't return the Vortigaunt's feelings. I mean, sure, some Vorts saved her life, but I think a simple "thanks" would suffice for that...


Oh that poor Vortigaunt... He'll never get any, will he? I suppose I should be thankful for this. I'm in no hurry to see a traditional Vortigaunt mating ritual.


I think it's safe to say that Dr. Breen isn't enjoying the film very much (He threw that bag in the first pic, and that can looks like it's next). What's not to like about this?:


Maybe it's just me, but political documentaries are kinda cool. I think Breen's more of a war movie fan.


Poor Eli just can't catch a break, can he? First he loses his leg, and now he ends up having his film ruined. What's next? Is his popcorn soggy?


And through it all, Barney's catching up on his "Z"s. This is actually the first ragdoll I posed, followed by the realization that the chair setup resembled a movie theatre. Barney made it all possible!


I hope y'all enjoyed this little scene I whipped up. I'm by no means a professional at this sort of thing, so I'm sure some Garry's Mod veterans will find a few things wrong here.


Lamaar approves, though!

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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Random Babbling 4: It's been a long time babbling

I've really not been feeling like myself lately, and I've had a lot of trouble concentrating on much of anything. My mom thinks it's the change of seasons affecting me, but I'm really not sure. Anywho, I can't concentrate enough for a real article tonight, so here's a few random things I feel like saying.

-There are now an additional two big reasons to buy Onechanbara: Bikini Zombie Slayers, and they are both in this picture. Can't find them? Here's a hint: Boobs. Hey, sex sells.

-It's really funny killing people and stealing cars in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas while listening to the in-game country radio. Nothing like running down cops while listening to "Heeeeeeey good lookin'... Whaaaaaaaat you got cookin'?"

-Garry's Mod is infinitely replayable. Just when I think I've seen it all, I log on today to find Father Grigori spinning in mid air, some random junk flying out of his chest and a whole lot more flying out his ass. Gotta love that Garry's Mod.

-The election happened. Obama won. This is awesome. That's all I'll say here about it.

-I suppose I should be scared that a big-eyed bobblehead for Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed stares at me while I sleep, but then I just pull the covers over my head and try to ignore it.

-Can you all stop complaining that we haven't seen the next Mario yet? We haven't had more than one main Mario game on a Nintendo home console since the days of the SNES, and I doubt that'll be changing now.

-As for Zelda Wii, give it until at least 2010. If it ain't out by Christmas 2010, then you can start whining.

-My Nintendo 64 died on me, and now I want to play Ocarina of Time again. My luck blows.

-Other than Garry's Mod and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, I really haven't been playing anything lately. I've been messing around in Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga a bit, too, but not quite enough to be considered "playing". Dammit, Animal Crossing: City Folk, come out already!

-Wikipedia: The bane of my attention span. Go there to look up one thing, then end up on a page about Al Bundy. I'm not sure how it happened either. Heck, I didn't even like that show very much.

Well, I suppose that's it for tonight. Sorry for the lackluster updates, folks. I'll try for something more notable on Friday. Until then, y'all stay healthy and such.

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Friday, August 22, 2008

Team Fortress 2 review

Alright, here's the first of the new PC-related articles. I hope those of you who came here for the Nintendo stick around for the PC.


Developer: Valve
Publisher: Valve
Release Date: October 10th, 2007
ESRB Rating: M for Mature 17+
ESRB Notes: Blood and Gore, Intense Violence
Also Available For: Playstation 3 and XBox 360


The world of Team Fortress began in 1996 with the Quake modification of the same name. A huge hit, it was later upgraded and adapted in Team Fortress Classic in 1999. That's as far as the franchise would be going for a long time, though. While Team Fortress 2 was revealed the same year Team Fortress Classic was released, it wouldn't be released until eight years later. As of today, the game has been on the market for ten months, and players have been going nuts for it, myself included. I hope this review will make you understand just why I love this game so much.

Team Fortress 2 is a team-based online first-person shooter. It has absolutely no single player mode of any kind, instead being nothing but online matches. Being team based, success relies heavily on working as a group and not an individual. Making teamwork even more essential are the various strengths and weaknesses of Team Fortress 2's nine distinct classes. The classes are as follows (In alphabetical order):

Demoman: A black, Scottish cyclops, the Demoman specializes in explosives. His grenades are on a short timer, and will explode either when time runs out or if they hit an enemy after being launched. The sticky bombs can be placed and detonated remotely, blowing enemies to pieces. Finally, his melee weapon, the bottle, delivers both crushing blows and refreshing beverages. Detonating sticky bombs beneath his feet sends the Demoman flying, allowing him to reach high ledges for a better view of the action.

Engineer: A good ol' boy from the big state of Texas, the Engineer's known for building complex machines in seconds. His sentry gun can shoot down enemies with ease, and his dispenser supplies allies with both health and ammunition. His amazing teleporter can instantly warp friendly units from place to place, but only if both an entrance and exit are constructed. He also carries with him three weapons: A reliable shotgun, a small pistol, and a wrench used for both repairing his machines and whacking enemies.

Sentry gun: Check. Dispenser: Check. Evil laugh: Check

Heavy: An imposing Russian man with a brain about as large as a bullet, the Heavy Weapons Guy's trademark is his humongous gun. Even though the gun has a capacity of 200 rounds, its insanely fast firing rate spits them out at such a speed that he's likely to finish off his ammunition in almost no time at all. His secondary weapon is a trusty shotgun, great for finishing off puny enemies moving too fast for his main gun to keep up with. Finally, instead of a third weapon like a wrench or bottle, the Heavy uses his fists to do the talking. One blow from those big hands is sure to send any foe reeling. Even though he's by far the slowest class, the Heavy is a force to be reckoned with.

Medic: A German doctor seemingly more interested in pain than healing, the Medic deals exclusively with medically-based weaponry. His Medigun can heal allies from a short distance, allowing him to hide in safety while somebody else takes all the beatings. His Syringe Gun fires medical needles at his foes, but they're filled with anything but painkillers. Finally, the Medic has his trusty Bonesaw, great for amputating limbs from patients both anesthetized and awake. The Medic's Medigun has a special ability, going by the name of Uber. Whenever the Medigun is healing, the Ubercharge slowly builds. When the meter fills up completely, the Medic can latch his Medigun onto an ally, and initiate an Uber. This makes both the Medic and the target invulnerable for a short time, posing a huge threat to any foe nearby. The Medic is surely an important part of any team, and a single Uber can instantly turn the tables of any battle.

Pyro: The Pyro may as well be a Canadian woman for all we know, since his thick mask muffles any speech to the point of being nearly incomprehensible. His trademark flamethrower can ignite foes from a short distance, leaving them burning and taking damage for several seconds afterwords. He, like the Heavy and Engineer, also wields a shotgun for taking care of foes too far to be set aflame. Finally, his melee weapon is a fire axe, although it serves a purpose quite opposite of a firefighter's intent of rescue.

Scout: A big-talking punk from Brooklyn, the Scout is rarely seen due to how incredibly fast he runs. His Scattergun (Resembling a sawed-off shotgun) is great for dealing with foes at medium range, while his pistol picks up the foes further away. Up close, though, the Scout prefers to use his trusty steel baseball bat to do the dirty work. With super-speed and double-jumping abilities, the Scout is key to reconnaissance and fetch-missions.

Sniper: A sharp-shooting marksman from the land down under, Australia, the Sniper likes to do his work from a distance. Using his sniper rifle, the Sniper can easily zoom in and target foes from far across the battlefield, shooting them in the body for heavy damage, or firing a round into their head for a one-shot kill. The Sniper also wields a small automatic gun in the form of an SMG. While incredibly weak, the SMG can be used to take care of any enemy that gets a little too close for comfort. When the foe really gets in his face, the Sniper can pull out his Kukri and slash the opponent to death with the knife's large, curved blade.

Soldier: An American army major who gains great joy from blood and guts, the Soldier is definitely a monster on the battlefield. His claim to fame is the incredibly powerful rocket launcher, firing slow-moving explosives packed with deadly force. Like many other classes, the Soldier can fall back on his trusty shotgun when the enemy gets a little too close. His melee weapon is a small shovel, but this spade digs nothing but graves. Similar to the Demoman's sticky bomb-jump, the Soldier can fire a rocket at his feet to fly into the air and reach new places.

Spy: A man of many faces and nationalities, the Spy slips behind enemy lines with ease. His primary weapon is a small handgun, with very weak shots and a small clip size. His secondary weapon is useful only against Engineer buildings, and it goes by the name of Sapper. The Sapper can be placed on any of the four different Engineer machines, slowly weakening it to the point of destruction. Also, the Sapper immobilizes the building it's attached to, making it unable to do anything. The only way to remove a Sapper is with an Engineer's wrench, so the Spy makes sure to strike when there is nobody around. The Spy's third weapon is a Butterfly Knife, and it's one of the only two weapons in the game able to kill instantly (The other being the sniper rifle). If the Spy attacks an enemy from behind with the Butterfly Knife, it's a one-hit kill, as well as one heck of a rush. If attacking from any other angle, though, it's fairly weak. Obviously the Spy works better in the shadows, thus the reason for the most complex ability in the game: Disguise. Using the Spyotron 2000, the Spy can disguise himself as any class from either team, blending into crowds and becoming far harder to detect. However, unlike allies which can be walked through, enemies cannot. Thus, the Spy must tread carefully and avoid bumping into foes, blowing his cover. Finally, the Spy can turn invisible for a short time, becoming entirely undetectable to the foe. The Spy is definitely the most complex of all the classes in Team Fortress 2, and the length of this paragraph proves it. One good Spy can devastate an entire charging group of enemies, an ability every team can benefit from.

The classes in Team Fortress 2 (Left to right: Pyro, Engineer, Spy, Heavy, Sniper, Scout, Soldier, Demoman, Medic)

With plenty of classes to choose from, there's bound to be a perfect fit for any player. Aside from the Spy, every character is very easy to learn, making transitioning from class to class quite simple and effortless. The class design is very balanced and fair on the most part, with any arising problems swiftly being dealt with by Valve via a patch. Also, each class is easily identified at a glance, making it incredibly simple to figure out what you're up against (Unless it's a Spy, in which case you're screwed). Truly a very fun system, and it really sets Team Fortress 2 apart from the other shooters on the market.

The objective of each game in Team Fortress 2 changes depending on the map that is being played. The primary mode is Capture Point, with the goal being capture all the specially marked spots all over the map, or in some variations, defend them from being captured by the enemy team. In one other minor variation, both teams start holding just one capture point, and the condition for victory for both teams is to capture the other team's lone point.

Another play mode is Capture The Flag, in which each team must capture a set amount of intelligence-containing briefcases from the enemy base. This mode relies very heavily on team work, as it would be incredibly difficult for one player to pull this off on his or her own.

Since the game's release, two new modes have been officially added to the game. First is Payload, in which BLU Team must escort a bomb on a mine cart to RED Team's base. If the cart is left alone for too long, it rolls backwards, meaning BLU needs to constantly keep an eye on it, while RED always needs to bombard it with bullets, flames and explosives to keep cart-pushing BLU fighters at bay.

The newest mode added to Team Fortress 2 is Arena. It's comparable to the Deathmatch mode of most first-person shooters, but the difference is the team-based gameplay. Each round starts with either team at the far end of the map, with one closed control point in the middle. After sixty seconds of attacking, dodging and hiding, the middle point opens up, creating an objective for each team to fight for. The game ends when either the capture point is taken, or when all players on one team are wiped out.

I really enjoy all of these varied modes, each of which presenting a unique challenge requiring separated approaches. There are at least two official maps available for each mode, with dozens of different player-made maps to enjoy as well. Team Fortress 2 offers so many different ways to play that it almost literally blows my mind. Almost. If it did, that would be very messy, and we don't want that.

As I've said many times before, teamwork is a big part of Team Fortress 2. Alerting your allies to threats is key to success, and that's why Valve added in several short, quick phrases for players to say quickly in the thick of battle. With just two quick keystrokes, you can alert teammates to spies, sentries, incoming enemies and more, as well as request a dispenser, tell a Medic to launch an Uber, and even compliment someone on a nice shot. There's also a selection of things that can be said just for fun, such as a battle cry ("Let's get 'em!"), positive messages ("You've done me proud, boys"), and negative messages ("BOOOO!"). What exactly is said changes from class to class, with the previous messages coming from the Scout, Soldier and Heavy respectively. Each class has two or more different sound bytes for each "quick phrase", all of them unique and, at times, humourous. Of course, if you have a headset, you can easily supply your own audio commentary, or just type in your own custom messages manually.

In fact, humour is a large part of the Team Fortress 2 experience. When hit by an explosive, characters explode in an exaggerated deluge of blood and body parts, and several vocal sound bytes are there just for the sake of laughter ("Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together... IN HELL!" is sometimes automatically said by a Demoman after blowing up an enemy, and it never fails to make me laugh). Also, each character has a taunt associated with each individual weapon. Demomen lift their groin shield and yell "Ka-BOOM!", while Medics stretch their rubber gloves and say "That wasn't medicine...". Many of these taunts have several different sound bytes associated with them, making for a good gloat every time.

I celebrate while capturing the point... on an empty server.

If I had to describe my gameplay experience with Team Fortress 2 in one word, it would be "Chaos". Rockets flying over my head, sticky bombs detonating beneath my feet, Butterfly Knives plunging into my back... It's nothing but insanity left and right, and I honestly couldn't be happier. Of course, that's not to say that organized gameplay isn't possible in Team Fortress 2. In fact, it's quite the opposite! Still, though, even the most well-planned assault can end in Soldier chunks all over the place.

As you can see from the above two screenshots, Team Fortress 2 is quite the good looking game. Want to hear something really interesting, though? Those screenshots are hardly representative of this game's true visual prowess, as my PC moves about as fast as a superglue-coated snail at full graphics. For a real look at Team Fortress 2's beauty, take a gander at the following screenshot I shamelessly pilfered from 1Fort:

If Chris Livingston is reading this, I apologize for nothing!

And thus the true beauty of Team Fortress 2 shines through. The model detail is amazing, and the lighting effects are plain breathtaking. And hot damn, I freaking love that art style. It's like the cast of The Incredibles all went nuts and killed each other, except Frozone was drunk, Scottish, and had one eyeball. There's really nothing else I can say except it looks amazing.

The music on the menus in Team Fortress 2 is beautifully orchestrated and incredibly catchy. In fact, I have it all in my playlist right now, as well as on a mix CD for the sound system downstairs! Drums, saxophones, flutes, and so many other instruments make up each of the game's three menu tracks. They're all so beautifully well-done, it's almost a shame that the battles are music-less. At least that allows me to focus on the gunfire...

The most outstanding part of how Team Fortress 2 sounds, though, is the voice acting. Each character sounds just as distinct as they look, from the Medic's German accent to the Heavy's angry Russian yells. You'll never mistake a Soldier for a Sniper, or mix up Pyros and Engineers. Also, some of the things they say are just so darned hilarious. From the Heavy frantically screaming "I spy! The Spy is a lie!" to the Demoman drunkenly blurting out "If I wasn't the man I was I'd kiss ya!", it's nothing but laughs left and right.

Finally, the sound effects for all the weapons is a treat for the ears. The sentry gun beeps and whirs as it awaits a target, and the flamethrower makes a sound well fitting of its huge flame. Team Fortress 2 succeeds in yet another field!

While Team Fortress 2 is addictive on its own, Valve constantly introduces new game modes and maps every few months to keep things going, as well as to help improve upon some classes' weaknesses. Just this week Valve released an update that helped the Heavy become a far more effective force on the battlefield, giving him three new unlockable weapons: Natascha (A special mini-gun to replace his affectionately-named Sascha), the Killer Gloves of Boxing (A pair of gloves that slow down the Heavy's punches, but also add the benefit of guaranteed critical hits after killing someone), and the Sandvich (A sandwich to replace the Heavy's shotgun, allowing him to heal without the aid of a Medic).

New unlockable weapons such as the Heavy's Sandvich both improve on Team Fortress 2, as well as increase the games longevity.


As if this game wasn't addictive enough, Valve had to go and make it even more so. If I weren't having such a good time, I'd probably be upset about this.

SUMMARY


Gameplay: 10/10
Team Fortress 2 plays like a dream. With so many different modes, maps and classes, it's just mind-bogglingly diverse, and it's all so incredibly fun. Working as a team is also a nice idea in this time of "free-for-all" gameplay ruling all. Definitely the best first-person shooter I have ever played.

Graphics: 10/10
Just like how Team Fortress 2 plays like a dream, it looks the part, too. The visual effects are some of the best I've ever seen, and the incredibly unique and expressive art style gives life to the characters in a way I never thought possible in a first-person shooter. Just an amazing-looking game.

Audio: 10/10
Again, I can think of nothing bad to say here that's anything more than trivial. The music on the main menu is fantastic, the voice acting is brilliantly funny, and the weapon sounds are all perfect. Just amazing.

Longevity: 10/10
As long as there's people to play against, Team Fortress 2 will continue to bring me back. After all, as long as there are players, there will be new maps, modes and more to keep me interested. Valve will certainly be supporting Team Fortress 2 for a very long time, and I'll be there with them the whole way for sure.

OVERALL: 10/10
There's really nothing more to say. Team Fortress 2 is just an amazing game in every conceivable way. From the way it looks to the way it plays, it's a triumph in every category. In my honest opinion, Team Fortress 2 is the definitive online multiplayer experience. So much to do, and so many ways to do it.

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BONUS

If you're not quite ready to pay up for Team Fortress 2 just yet, there's an easy way to tell if you like it: Give it a test run! From now until the 24th, Valve is offering a free weekend to anyone who wishes to give the game a go. Just follow the instructions at the top of this page, and you'll be fragging in no time. So go on, give it a try!