The 2008 Golden Duck Awards

401st post: Slightly less notable than the 400th. Also, this article consists only of this year's games that I played, so if there's another game out there with a title more reflective of flatulence I sure haven't played it (Although I kinda wish I did).


As the year comes to a close, it's time to take a look back at all the games of 2008 and figure out which ones are worthy of mentioning once again in all sorts of feeble, irrelevant little categories. Feeble and irrelevant... Yep, that's One Duck's Opinion, alright!

Best Game With a Title That Sounds Like a Kids' Movie

I can imagine walking into some shady flea market in the depths of China and seeing Professor Layton and the Curious Village sticking out of a pile of bootleg DVDs. Of course, there'd be one hell of a garbled Engrish description on the back... "Open movie, Professor Layton and his young assistant Luke driving the request of the town of St. mysterious widow of the late Baron Lady Dahlia Reinhold. Baron has remained in his last will, who solved the mystery of the Golden Apple will inherit the fate of Baron, some people attempt and failures."

Come to think of it, Professor Layton and the Curious Village would make a good animated film. The art's fantastic, the storyline is solid, and all of its amazing puzzles would translate well to on-screen head-scratchers. Nothing can compare to how it is as a game, though, with its many mind-bending puzzles, exploration elements and investigative segments. Professor Layton is surely a great game all around, even if it the title does make it sound like it belongs in a Chinese flea market bargain bin.

Best Nintendo Game That Europe Actually Got Before North America

Nintendo's well-known for frequently giving the shaft to our European friends. Star Fox 64, Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and even the DS Lite all launched in Europe last out of all three major regions, and these few examples are just the tip of the iceberg. It's no surprise that everyone was amazed at Europe receiving Mario Kart Wii only one day after Japan, and nearly two weeks before North America. This may not sound like such a big deal, but ask any European how they felt about waiting for Brawl and prepare to see the tears flow.

Now the tables turn and Europe begins to lord it over us for a good thirteen days. They had every right to do so, what with Mario Kart Wii's amazing track design, so-far-unmatched-on-the-Wii online play, and perfect motion controls. I suppose we had it coming after how loudly we loved Brawl...

Best Sequel With a Change of Main Character

Every Ace Attorney fan had already come to love the story of Phoenix Wright, the rookie defense lawyer who always claimed victory over even the most unfair odds. So when it was announced that Mr. Wright wouldn't be wearing the title of attorney in the fourth game people were understandably upset. Despite all our feelings of dread and our reluctance to love the new lead character, Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney still managed to make a big splash in the realm of law-based gaming.

One place Apollo Justice really managed to shine was in the graphics department. With the DS being so many times stronger than the Game Boy Advance, far more advanced sprite animations, backgrounds, and even 3D imagery became possible here. Like the bonus fifth chapter in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, all of Apollo Justice took advantage of the DS' unique abilities to further enhance the gameplay experience, using the touchscreen for everything from taking fingerprints to pouring plaster to copy a footprint in the mud. And of course, there's no forgetting using the microphone to shout "Objection!". However, unlike many witness testimonies in the game, I have no objections to Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney.

Best Reminder That Life Could Be Worse

First you drop your morning latte, then you step in a mud puddle, and then you barely miss the bus on your way home. You're life couldn't be any worse, right? Well, imagine you instead drop your handgun, got splattered by Boomer bile, then barely miss the helicopter out of this hellhole. Sure sounds a lot worse, huh? This moment of putting life into perspective was brought to you by Left 4 Dead.

From Valve, the company quickly becoming my favourite developer in the business, Left 4 Dead is a new take on zombie games: It's all co-op. The "4" in the title refers to the player's squad, a group of four survivors of the zombie apocalypse. Only by working together can these four survive the seemingly endless waves of zombies of all shapes, sizes and abilities, from the common "horde" zombie, all the way up to the bone-chilling Witch. With rapid-fire clouds of zombies always pouring in from every direction, and each game being different due to the innovative AI Director, Left 4 Dead isn't just a reminder that life could be worse; It's also one hell of a game.

Best Way to Beat the Crap Out of Your Friends Without Getting the Police Involved

Fireballs, bombs, flying jump-kicks, magical blades, and many other objects that defy definition are just some of the weapons available in your Super Smash Bros. Brawl arsenal. Thanks to this game, now you can ignite, blow up, mangle, and altogether destroy your friends without those pesky police getting in the way.

After many months of waiting, wishing and speculating, the world finally got its hands on Super Smash Bros. Brawl this year. With by far the biggest roster yet, an insane amount of different stages and the conversion of just about every former mode into a mini-game made Brawl into one of this year's most amazing titles. Okay, so the online aspect blew massive chunks, but I still hold that Smash Bros. (Like many other games) is best played with your friends in the same room. When it comes to beating the crap out of your friends with the help of the Wii, Super Smash Bros. Brawl is second only to clonking them over the head with the console itself.

Best Indicator That the Apocalypse Might Be Kinda Cool

Whenever I envision a post-apocalyptic world, it usually looks a lot like End of Evangelion, with a red-coloured skies, seas of nothing, and rubble from former proud structures. Usually one figure stands along among it all, speechless at what they're seeing. It's quite the bleak, saddening image. However, that's not the case in Advance Wars: Days of Ruin! Sure, meteors blotted out the sun, but there's tanks and explosions and stuff! Hooray apocalypse!

Advance Wars: Days of Ruin takes the happy-go-lucky attitude of the first three Advance Wars games and thrusts it into the far-flung future of Armageddon. 90% of the world's population has been wiped out, and the remaining few struggle to survive with limited resources. Of course, just about every last shred of the world's law died with those who upheld it, and now anarchy reins. War is everywhere, and the game follows the story of one troop as he joins a brigade and begins trying to bring the world back to normal. The same award-winning gameplay from the rest of the series returns, bringing with it a few more units and a selection of new gameplay elements. If I had a choice as to how the world would end, I'd surely pick the Days of Ruin version. I'll take tanks and bombers over puddles of people any day!

Best Reason to Get Your Rabies Shot

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Time to head on down to the clinic and get my inoculations up to date! I mean, seriously, if I lived in a town with a raccoon shopkeeper, a dog hairstylist and a hedgehog seamstress, I'd probably get the heck out of there before finding out which of the squirrels is rabid. In the happy, care-free land of Animal Crossing, though, we need not worry about booster shots. Good thing, too, or else I'd have more puncture wounds than Hellraiser.

In Animal Crossing: City Folk, there is no real point or goal. The player can just do things as they want, when they want, living a nice, calming secondary life with friendly humanoid animals. Buying furniture, upgrading the house, competing in fishing tournaments... Okay, so it's the exact same thing as the other two games. Same or not, though, get your rabies shots just to be sure. I don't trust the look in K.K. Slider's eye...

Best Game With a Title Reminiscent of Flatulence

No more really needs to be said here.

LostWinds is a unique game in that the player controls two characters at once: A young boy, Toku, and the wind spirit, Enril. The two work in tandem, with Toku being controlled by the analog stick, and Enril taking the role of the Wii remote's pointer. Simply point, click and drag, and a gust of wind will blow along the line you drew. Wind is key to solving just about every puzzle in the game, from fanning coals into a fire to kick-starting a windmill. LostWinds is certainly a great game, even if its name does remind me of methane clouds.

And so end the first ever Golden Duck Awards, giving useless, fictitious trophies to random video games I played. Can you think of some inane and utterly pointless awards you'd like to give to some of this year's video games? Feel free to let your ideas be heard in either the comment section, or this forum thread.

Mega Man 9 review

Remember, this review is using the new rating system outlined here. I don't want to confuse anyone!


Developers: Inti Creates, Capcom Japan
Publisher: Capcom
Release Date: September 22nd
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
ESRB Notes: Mild Cartoon Violence

After many years of waiting, Mega Man 8 finally gets its sequel in the form of Mega Man 9 for WiiWare, Playstation Network and XBox Live Arcade. Saying Mega Man 9 goes back to basics would be an understatement, as it features 8-bit graphics, NES-style music, and incredibly linear gameplay. With nostalgia coming out the wazoo and a higher difficulty than most of today's video games, Mega Man 9 is a title for the retro gamer in all of us.

As Mega Man begins, Dr. Wily is once again admitting defeat to Dr. Light's robot warrior. Shortly after, though, Dr. Light's robots all start going insane, blowing things up and attacking the populace. Dr. Wily claims that this is all Dr. Light's doing, even going so far as to present a recording of Light speaking of taking over the world. Of course, we all know this can't possibly be true, and it's up to Mega Man to defeat all the robots and prove Dr. Light's innocence.

In order to do this, Mega Man must defeat eight of Dr. Light's 'Bots gone wild, and then track down both Dr. Wily and the truth. The levels and bosses all have their own themes, from water to fire to bees. Yes, bees. I'm not sure why either. Anyways, with each level comes a theme, and with each theme comes new hazards. Magma Man's stage is full of lava and flamethrower-wielding robots, Hornet Man's level is fraught with heat-seeking flower missiles, and Jewel Man's mine-themed stage is packed full of robot mine carts. To fight back against these bosses and their themed terrors, Mega Man must rely on his trusty Mega Buster. After defeating a boss, however, Mega Man gains the ability to mimic their weapon. Unlike the Mega Buster, though, these special weapons have limited ammunition, and must be used sparingly. Certain weapons are significantly more effective against certain bosses. For example, Splash Woman's Laser Trident is very strong against Magma Man. After all, water puts out fire.

Of course, Mega Man 9 isn't only about defeating the robot masters and their minions. A large amount of getting to the bosses involves skillful timing and jumps, as well as quite a bit of patience. Waiting for the right moment to jump is crucial in many of the levels, and knowing where all the hidden traps are is key to success. This somewhat makes Mega Man 9 largely about trial and error, in that players will often be killed by an obstacle before learning of its existance. For example, Galaxy Man's stage is filled with robots that drop from the sky, grab Mega Man, and drag him into walls of spikes. Learning where all these robots lurk is key, as just touching a spike wall is curtains for the Blue Bomber. A good memory is a great tool to have when playing Mega Man 9.

Those grabby buggers are a real pain in the robotic ass.

If things get really hard, players can also purchase items such as Energy Tanks, ally "calls" and extra lives using the bolts collected throughout play as currency. This helps tone down the difficulty a tiny bit, but it's just so much more satisfying to beat the crap out of a robot master without any help.

One not-quite-classic feature included in Mega Man 9 is an XBox Live-like achievement system. Achievement requirements range from beating 500 enemies to defeating a boss in under ten seconds. While I can never hope to obtain these achievements for myself, they'll certainly keep me coming back, trying in vain, until my Wii remote snaps in half. Considering how sturdy Nintendo products are, I'll probably be at it for a while.

Sometimes a gamer will call a game "retro" because of its simplistic art style and 2D presentation. Well, it's time for those guys to find a new word, because Mega Man 9 is the one true example of a new game being retro. Mega Man 9 looks just like an NES game from the glory days, right down to the three-frame running animation. Some people think that this art style is a cop-out, a way for Capcom to save money and get the game out the door sooner. Well, those people are, quite frankly, nuts. Mega Man 9 is a return to the good ol' days, and the art style followed suit. Only thing is, now we don't have to blow into the console to get it to work.

Keeping in the theme of NES-style presentation, Mega Man 9 also features a beautifully electronic set of sound effects and background music. A short, looped song on the stage select screen just furthers the incredible retro feel of Mega Man 9. Also making a return are the simple blips and bloops of firing the Mega Buster and jumping around. It's simply amazing how far Capcom went to make this game retro in every way. I'm definitely impressed.

I know I'll be playing Mega Man 9 for a while yet. Two robot masters down, six to go! At this rate, I won't be done until it's nearly Halloween!

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Mega Man 9 is a throwback to the days of the NES. Back when men were mega, when bros. were super, when there was action in elevators. Mega Man 9 is a true retro game released in the days of high-definition and surround sound. It brings back all the great, challenging gameplay of the NES, and somehow makes it feel like new all over again. Finally, the true sequel to Mega Man 8 has arrived, and it certainly hasn't disappointed. Without a doubt, Mega Man 9 earns a big fat...


Anyone who loves Mega Man, classic gaming, or a good challenge needs to download Mega Man 9 ASAP. Fire up your console of choice, launch this game, and enjoy the nostalgic goodness. Mega Man 9 is a mega good time.

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Mega Man 9: Two complaints

Mega Man 9 review most likely coming your way on Wednesday. For now, listen to me whine for a minute or two.


So far, I'm enjoying Mega Man 9. Sure, it's brutally difficult and I've yet to even get close to one of Wily's eight robot masters, but it's still a great game. In fact, I've got nothing against the game itself. However, I do object to two little aspects of how Capcom decided to handle the title.

First, the in-game manual is hardly existent. Sure, you can hit the Home button and view a button summary, but in order to see the whole thing, you have to go to the Wii Shop Channel. What the heck, Capcom? Would it have been so hard to include the manual with the download? The title only take up 66 blocks of memory, so there's plenty of space to fit in a more comprehensive digital booklet. I wouldn't have minded waiting two seconds more to finish the download if it meant not having to jump through a bunch of hoops to read the manual.

Second, I'm pretty upset with how Capcom is handling downloadable content (Or DLC) for this game. Okay, I can understand having a new character as DLC. It would have worked well as an unlockable, sure, but that's kind of reaching outside the limitations of the NES. Then again, so is DLC, but whatever. Bottom line is, Proto Man being DLC is A-OK with me.

What I'm not alright with, though, is all the other DLC for Mega Man 9. Two of them, Hero Mode and Superhero Mode, are just additional difficulty levels. Personally, I think that's bullcrap. Does anyone else here remember NES games having selectable difficulty levels? I do. These should have been included with the game, for the same base price of 1000 Wii Points.

Another download, Endless Mode is a new way to play, with players competing to get as far as possible without dying. Uh, isn't that what the rest of the game is about, too? You know, fighting towards the end and all? Maybe I'm missing something here...

The final download is the Special Stage, and it actually sounds decent. Basically, it's a whole new level in a Time Attack format. Get through it as fast as possible, and compete to set records. Along with Proto Man Mode, this is one of two worth-your-money downloads as far as I'm concerned. The rest of it should have just been in the game to start with. Gouging consumers for additional difficulty levels is ridiculous, and the Endless Mode just sounds like more of the same.

While Mega Man 9 is a great game, Capcom made some mistakes in distributing it. I'll probably just do the smart thing and vote with my wallet here. Unless you're a hardcore Mega Man fan that absolutely must play the game in every way possible, I suggest you do the same.

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Dr. Mario Online Rx review

Developer: Arika
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: May 26th, 2008
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone

Mario has taken on many different jobs over the years. From his base occupation of plumber, Nintendo's mascot has also been a soccer player, tennis star, kart racer and even a toy factory tycoon. None of these jobs would have been possible, though, had it not been for the NES title Dr. Mario. This was the first Mario game ever to portray him as something other than a plumber (Excluding his "Jumpman" persona in Donkey Kong), and it paved the way for many genre-breaking games starring everyone's favourite Italian plumber. Dr. Mario is a very important title to the history of Nintendo, and it finally made the transition to WiiWare in Dr. Mario Online Rx.

Dr. Mario Online Rx is just like any other Dr. Mario game. Each level sees the good doctor (Or the player's Mii, if desired) tossing pills into a bottle-shaped playing field to destroy the primary-coloured viruses. The gameplay is quite simply, really, just like any puzzle game should be. Just match up four or more of the same colour in a row (Vertically or horizontally, but not diagonally), and it disappears. Those four can be any combination of viruses and pills, too, so it's possible to take out multiple viruses in one hit, as well as just destroy some junk pieces that are lying around.

To maneuver the pill into position, it can be rotated either clockwise or counter-clockwise, and move left or right as it slowly descends. There is no way to move a pill upwards, so thinking fast is key. If players don't move quickly, the pills will pile up. A full bottle means game over, so be attentive!

Those little buggers won't be smiling for long...

Every single-player round starts off on a level of the player's choosing, and the higher the level, the more viruses there are to be destroyed. The player can only select levels on a chart from 0 to 20, although beating level 20 does lead to 21, 22, 23, and so on. Eventually, the amount of viruses added to each level gets to a limit, and the only remaining factor of increasing difficulty is stamina (Although players can increase the falling speed at the options screen, but not during a game). I can hardly beat level 17, so I shudder at what playing fifty levels-straight of the exact same brutal difficulty! My eyes and hands would surely disintegrate (In that order, too)!

Each level has a preset high score, and one of the goals (Other than survival) is to surpass it. Getting a high score depends heavily on setting up combos. When destroying a virus or spare pills, any capsules left out of the match-up will fall to the bottom of the jar. If enough pills fall onto a like-coloured target further down in the bottle, the object will be destroyed immediately, thus creating a combo. In fact, if it weren't for space constraints, it would be perfectly possible to set up an infinite combo.

Basically, that's the entirety of Dr. Mario right there. Just keep tossing those pills in and fighting off the viruses, wash, rinse, repeat. Nothing ever really changes other than the virus count, so that's kind of a bummer. I though it'd be cool if your pills started to speed up in the higher levels, but that just isn't so. Although, after voicing my concerns on difficulty earlier, perhaps it's best for my sanity that this doesn't happen.

Also present in Dr. Mario Online Rx is another variant on the game called Virus Buster. Originally a bonus game in Brain Age 2: More Brain Training in Minutes a Day, Virus Buster is like a simplified version of the basic Dr. Mario formula. Instead of moving the pills with the D-pad, they instead have to be grabbed with the Wii remote's pointer and A button. The pills are rotated by holding the cursor over them, and tapping either A (Clockwise) or B (Counter-clockwise). This can be a bit of a problem, though, seeing as the A button serves two functions. While holding the button grabs the pill, tapping the button rotates it. Accidentally grabbing a pill when meaning to rotate it can mess you up pretty easily. As if it weren't hectic enough in Dr. Mario!

Virus Buster makes its console debut in Dr. Mario Online Rx

Virus Buster increases the difficulty each level in a manner similar to Dr. Mario, but with one minor addition. In Virus Buster, several pieces begin to fall at the same time when a certain amount of time passes. Up to three pills can fall at once, requiring quick reflexes in order to succeed.

Another minor change is the ability to grab and manipulate falling debris. This adds a new level of strategy to the game, allowing players to quickly scramble to salvage all they can of their combo leftovers. A pretty neat little evolution of the game, and I certainly welcome it.

Generally, the gameplay in Virus Buster is pretty solid. However, I have noticed one minor glitch. It is very possible to drag a piece through a solid line of pills and viruses, pulling it over to the other side of the obstruction. While not game-breakingly bad, it's an annoying little quirk that shouldn't have been present in the final version. It kind of removes some of the challenge when a pill can merely be swiped through a tower of objects. Still, I'm surprised to see it in the final release.

Ultimately, I still prefer the original Dr. Mario heavily over Virus Buster. It's still nice to see a new take on a classic, though, and I applaud the developer for giving a good try.

Dr. Mario and Virus Buster still use the same basic presentation of the previous titles, except with cleaner 3D models making up the doctors and viruses. The pills and viruses in the playing field itself are still nothing more than sprites, although they are incredibly crisp and lively, especially with Virus Buster's enlarged display. The 3D main screen and milestone animations are really clean, too. Overall, Dr. Mario Online Rx is a very good-looking puzzler.

If there's one video game song that has really stuck with me over the years, it's the Dr. Mario main theme. That catchy little tune constantly surfaces as I hum during my daily chores. Thankfully, the original soundtrack and more from the NES game have returned in Dr. Mario Online Rx, completely remixed and just downright amazing. The game includes four catchy tunes to choose from, each one with its own medical-themed name: Chill, Fever, Sneeze and Cough. Personally, I'm a "Chill" kinda guy. Can't go wrong with a classic!

A little less fantastic, though, are the sound effects, which never amount to more than standard puzzle game fare. Blips, bloops, and a few garbled yells from the viruses are all you really get. Despite the simplicity, though, I can't really think of anything I'd change.

Some of my fondest gaming memories are of playing Dr. Mario on the NES with my family, and I got to relive those glory days again through Online Rx. The multiplayer is basically the same as the normal game, but with one minor twist. When players pull off a combo, blocks corresponding to those destroyed descend upon the other player's screen. For a two-piece combo, two blocks will fal, and then three for a three-piece combo, and finally, four for a four-piece combo. However, any combo larger than that doesn't attack the opponent any more than a four-piece combo would. You can still show off your insane Dr. Mario skills, but your opponent will feel no additional blow (Other than a psychological one).

Multiplayer: Good, clean, frantic fun.

There are two ways to win a round of multiplayer Dr. Mario: Clearing all the viruses on your half of the screen, or by causing the opponent to block the top of the bottle with pills (Just like losing in the single-player game).

Sadly, the four-player mode from Dr. Mario 64 is absent in Online Rx. Only two players may battle it out at once, which is a bit of a drag. Two player is still fun, but having four would be a blast.

Virus Buster also has its own multiplayer mode, but unlike the standard game, it is cooperative. Players instead work together on one bottle to destroy all the viruses, and teamwork is definitely key here. Also, unlike Dr. Mario, Virus Buster supports up to four players. Call the parents, it's a virus-busting party!

Virus Buster opens the door for four players to get in on the fun.

Finally, players can also take the battle online with Dr. Mario (Pretty much a given due to the "Online Rx" in its name), fighting against both friends and strangers from all around the world. The ranking system in Dr. Mario Online Rx is much like that of Mario Kart Wii. Each player starts off with 5000 points when they first go online. Each win adds points, and each loss takes away points. This helps determine match-ups in game, making it so you always face people of a similar skill level.

I've experienced nothing but perfectly smooth, lag-free gaming in all the time I've played Dr. Mario online. Connecting is quick, finding opponents is a matter of seconds, and the battles start almost immediately after you find someone to play against. Impressive, especially for a WiiWare release. Dr. Mario Online Rx definitely scores some big points in this department.

I think it's somewhat silly to even ask how long this game will last, but, it's a necessary part of the review. The simple answer is, I've been playing practically this exact same game for almost my whole life, and I never get tired of it. Having it on the Wii is just so much more convenient than resurrecting my NES. And now, if nobody else is home, I can still find an opponent online. Dr. Mario Online Rx is sure to be one of my most-played WiiWare games, if not my most-played Wii game altogether. You just can't beat the classics.

SUMMARY

Gameplay: 9.0/10
Dr. Mario has always been a favourite franchise of mine, and now I get to enjoy it all over again. I just love this puzzle design, and it never seems to get old. And Virus Buster, while it has its flaws, still manages to bring something fresh and fun to the Dr. Mario formula. Online Rx is a winning package in my books.

Graphics: 8.0/10
Everything is just so bright and crisp in Online Rx, although the majority of the graphics are still two-dimensional and sprite based. The 3D doctors and viruses flanking the play field are very nice touches, though. The pills and viruses in-play look even better when magnified in Virus Buster, making Online Rx pretty good-looking for a puzzle game.

Audio: 8.25/10
All original songs from past Dr. Mario games make a return in Online Rx, newly remixed and just as catchy as before. While the music is fantastic, the sound effects never go beyond anything you'd expect from a standard puzzle game.

Multiplayer: 9.3/10
Everything to do with multiplayer in Online Rx is an absolute blast. Playing against a friend, working with your family or pummeling some sap across the globe, it's all just so much fun. The only real problem I have is the lack of four-player Dr. Mario, which would have been a great addition. Otherwise, Dr. Mario's multiplayer is flawless.

Longevity: 9.7/10
I've been playing Dr. Mario nearly my whole life, and there's nothing stopping me from carrying on this legacy with Online Rx. It's an amazing upgrade of one of my favourite puzzlers ever, and I could definitely spend a whole day playing nothing but this.

OVERALL: 9.3/10
Dr. Mario Online Rx is a fantastic puzzle game in almost every way. From playing alone to fighting a friend to destroying some dude in Europe, Dr. Mario is a blast no matter how I look at it. Virus Buster adds a bit of variety to the mix, and while it could use a bit of polishing, it's still a welcome addition. Online Rx is sure to be a staple of my gaming habits for a long time.

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Thoughts on Wii Pay and Play

Make sure to check the post below this for a huge announcement!


See that little image up there? That's the logo for Wii Pay and Play, a new service recently introduced to Wii owners. Basically, using Wii Pay and Play, players can enhance their gaming experiences by paying Wii Points in exchange for additional features. This holds some great potential for sure. Sadly, it hasn't yet come anywhere near to utilizing this new ability to it's fullest extent.

As of now, one title supports Pay and Play: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King. The extent of it's Pay and Play support? Purchasing additional dungeons, races, buildings and clothes. The dungeons help extent the life of the product, and the new clothes are kinda fun to check out. The buildings and races, however, don't add to the experience so much as they act as purchasable advantages.

Allow me to explain. As of now, there exist two new buildings for download: A huge house and a temple. The huge house, as you would assume, supports more citizens than any other building, thusly earning a higher number of taxes and more thoroughly lining the king's pockets. As for the temple, the king can pray to it to enhance the stats of all adventurers in the fields.

The new races are also advantageous. Every time the king recruits an adventurer from one of the three downloadable races, their class is pre-determined, and their stats perfectly conditioned to the needs of that particular class. And... That's it.

Each of these downloads requires the player to clear a special dungeon before the new features can be used. This adds to the length of the game. However, everything else about these downloads is nothing but a payed advantage. It's almost as if Square-Enix is saying "Hey, pay us more, and we'll make the game easier!". Kind of unfair, and hardly good use of Pay to Play's potential.

Look at all those great Massively Multiplayer Online games (MMOs) out there. For example, World of Warcraft. In addition to buying the game, players also have to pay a subscription fee in order to support the Blizzard and allow them to keep the servers running. Now, why can't the same be done with a Wii game*? We buy the game and, using Pay and Play, pay for the online experience as we go. And that's about all there is to it. Why can't Pay to Play be used for something like this?

*Yes, I understand that in order for the Wii to have an MMO, it would need additional memory in the form of a hard drive. But, for the sake of argument, let's pretend that such a peripheral exists, okay? It's sure to happen sooner or later, anyway.

On a less grandiose scale, lets look at the deplorable state of Super Smash Bros. Brawl online play. Would you be willing to pay a few bucks a month if it meant Nintendo would make this more reliable? Personally, I'd be all over it. This would be a perfect way to take advantage of Pay to Play.

And what of Animal Crossing Wii, the yet-to-be-formally-announced wonder of online interaction? Looking at how Wii online has been so far, the original hintings of visiting friends while they're not even playing seem like nothing but a dream. But, with the announcement of Pay and Play, these dreams started to look more like reality. Perhaps, with our digitized money flowing through their fingers, Nintendo would consider enabling these features to those paying the bills. They could have a special dedicated server for this sort of thing, giving players the once-impossible ability to visit their pal's town when their friend isn't even playing at the moment. The other player's town data could be temporarily downloaded to a server, and the visitor would interact with it as if it were running on an actual Wii. And then, if the other player does go online while someone is visiting their town, they could jump right on in, running about in the server-based duplicate of their town. It would be their Wii Points keeping this going, thusly adding to, enhancing and lengthening the experience, just like Pay to Play should.

But, I don't really know much about how this kind of thing works. For all I know, this is entirely impossible or terribly impractical. If anyone out there does have a handle on this sort of thing, please do give me your thoughts on it in the comments section. Still, even if it isn't possible, I'll be damned if it isn't a cool idea!

You could also tell me about the feasibility on the forum thread for this article (Non-technological geniuses are also welcome!)

The Duck Has Spoken.

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King review

Okay, the final WiiWare review of the first batch. After this, I hope to take a teeny break from reviews. I've done so many of them lately!

...unless I suddenly get Boom Blox, in which case I'll make an exception...

Developer: Square-Enix
Publisher: Square-Enix
Release Date: May 12th, 2008
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
ESRB Notes: Mild Fantasy Violence, Mild Suggestive Themes

Square-Enix is probably best known for the incredibly famous Final Fantasy series. With more than twenty games in just about as many years, it's no doubt that Final Fantasy is a force to be reckoned with.

Each entry in the franchise tends to follow a traditional RPG formula, and that's why people were so surprised at the battle-less Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life as a King. How could this possibly be fun? You never fight, you never see the battles, you just send people out to do your bidding. What?! Could this game, against all odds, really be fit for a king, or is it an insult to even the lowliest peasant?

This incredibly unorthodox Final Fantasy starts directly after the first Crystal Chronicles game for the Gamecube. The monster-spawning Miasma has cleared, but it left nothing but destruction in it's wake. A young king, his chancellor, Chime, and a knight, Hugh Yurg, find their castle town entirely in ruins, except for the palace itself. In the middle of the town lies a giant blue crystal. It bestows upon the king the power of Architek. Using this magical power, the king can create buildings seemingly out of nothing but memories. Former townsfolk even get transported directly into their new homes from wherever they are. But the little king soon learns that in order to keep building, he'll need Elementite, a material that's fairly common, but little remains in town. In order to get more to build a larger town, the king must commission adventurers to go to dungeons and bring back Elementite. All goes well, until his adventurers stumble upon organized groups of monsters. What would make them assemble like this? Is someone leading them along? And just what did happen to the young king's father after the Miasma cleared?

I build this town on rock and roll.

When it comes to sending out adventurers to dungeons, players have to issue behests on the town's lone bulletin board (Another can be added later on). When adventurers show up at the bulletin board, you can send them out if you think they're up to the task. If not, you can tell them to go train, or if they don't feel like fighting, you can order them to take a day off. In addition to using Architek, that's the extent of My Life as a King's gameplay. Post behests, build stuff, hit the sack, repeat.

"The word".

To go further into detail on the building aspect, creating structures with Architek requires not only Elementite, but detailed memories of a similar structure. Since the king spent most of his time within the castle walls, he really only knows what a house is like, which is all that can be built at first. In order to construct different buildings, the king needs someone to describe them to him. A local Moogle can help out with this, drawing detailed pictures of new buildings for the king to use instead of memories. And don't ask where the Moogles' arms went, they don't like to talk about it.

"I have no arms, yet I draw, Kupo!"

Strangely, though, new buildings can also be unlocked by defeating dungeon bosses. How does that give the king an image of a new building? Does killing a monster suddenly make the king remember what a tavern looks like? It doesn't quite match up.

All buildings also have a set limit as to how many can exist at once in your town. For example, I'm currently at a point where I can't build any more than thirty houses, regardless of how much Elementite or space I have (Which is a lot). However, this limit can generally be raised by just defeating certain bosses. But why exactly is there a limit? Defeating a boss doesn't exactly change anything about your town's infrastructure... But I'm probably just nitpicking.

As for behests, they can be posted once a day. Only one may be posted per behest board, so at first one's all you can send adventurers on in a day (I've so far gotten it to a maximum of two). Behests consist of either exploration, boss battling, gathering supplies, gaining experience or changing classes (More on that later). Simply hover your cursor over an icon on the map, select a behest, and confirm.

Each area has it's own difficulty level, which allows you to check if an adventurer is ready for it. Don't want to accidentally send your level one adventurer to a level twenty-two dungeon! Usually, though, adventurers who are substantially below the dungeon's difficulty level don't bother showing up at the behest board.

Speaking of not showing up at the behest board, lately one of my characters, Karl, has stopped showing up at behest boards every day. I usually end up hearing that he's off in the middle of nowhere, doing something completely unrelated to either of my posted behests. Perhaps it's because he's incredibly high-leveled or something, I don't know. No matter what the reason, it's a real pain when a bunch of my adventurers get wiped out just because Karl decided to do whatever he wanted.

I used the word "wiped out" just now on purpose, because adventurers can never actually die in My Life as a King. If they lose a battle, a message appears saying "Wilbur was wiped out" (This happens quite often with him), and he slowly walks back to the town, wallowing in self-pity. The next day, the fallen adventurer will retreat to his or her house for rest, effectively going out of action for the day. If you don't visit their house, they'll take longer to recover, possibly remaining indisposed for one or two more days. Talk to them, though, and they return to normal the next day. The king's voice obviously has some sort of magical healing property. Or it's a way to keep you busy. That could be it.

As I said earlier, adventurers can change their class. Each recruit starts off as a Warrior (Unless they're one of the downloadable species, whom have their classes automatically assigned when hired based on their race's specialty), and they can either stay a Warrior, or become a Black Mage, White Mage or Thief. As long as you have the appropriate building (Black Mage Academy for Black Mages, Gaming Hall for Thieves, etc.) Just as stated above, this is done by posting a behest. If you think that one of your Warriors would be better off as a Black Mage, post a behest and hope they reply. When or if they do, confirm that you want them to change, and they'll be a Black Mage the next day.

Robbers and mages and sovereigns, oh my!

You can find out what class an adventurer is most suited for by checking their stats. High Willpower is great for White Mages, Intellect for Black Mages, Dexterity for Thieves and Strength for Warriors. There's also one additional stat: Toughness. This determines a characters defense, and it's a good idea to load up a Warrior with plenty of it.

To make an adventurer gain stats in a particular field, you must reward them medals upon completing behests. Problem is, it's very rare for a weak adventurer to complete a behest, so you'll often find them having to manage their stats on their own. A real bugger if you want to really pump up a low-leveled Thief's Dexterity. You can also give funding to armor, weapon and item shops to increase the quality of equipment available to your adventurers.

Getting new skills for your adventurers requires giving additional funds to their respective schools. In order to obtain these funds, you must collect money from your townspeople. At the end of each day you gain Gil in the form of tithes (Taxes, basically). How much you get depends on how many houses you have and how many people live in them. Gil is entirely separate from Elementite, so having a whole whackload of it won't do you any good if you're trying to build a bakery.

There's one more collectible-like aspect to My Life as a King, and that's Morale. Gaining Morale is really as simple as just talking to your villagers. When you fill a Morale meter, it turns into a Morale Sphere. You can cash in Morale Spheres to raise the stats of your adventurers temporarily, or even improve the relationships of your townsfolk. Just talk to them while the magic is taking effect, and that's that.

You can also use Morale Spheres to upgrade your town. Talking to Chime at the castle brings up this option, then just deposit as many Moral Spheres as you please. At first you can give one at a time, but soon you need to give two at a time, then three, and so on (I assume, that is, as I'm currently at three). The first upgrade has no apparent effect, but the second one allows you to declare a town-wide holiday (In exchange for quite a bit of Gil). On a holiday, adventurers stay home, and Morale increases at double the rate. It's really does a whole lot to relax your subjects, and your adventurers surely enjoy the time off.

Now, that's certainly an extensive list of things to do. But really, does any of it sound fun to you? Looking at it as I write it really makes me wonder just what it is about this game that's fun. I don't know why, but I have a blast playing this. I just get incredibly sucked in, often playing for several in-game days in a row. Something about this game is very, very entertaining to me, but I really don't know why. It's the kind of game that looks very, very boring on paper, but is just too darn fun when you play it. While every single thing seems to point in the opposite direction as fun, I love it. It's really quite perplexing.

There are a few minor control problems, one regarding the camera controls. It's not that it's hard to move the camera with the Wii remote's D-Pad (It's actually quite easy), but the camera does quite often get stuck behind buildings. It eventually snaps back to the king, but it still bugs me. A bigger problem, though, is that the camera often freaks out if changed while running through a narrow area. It usually ends up reversing entirely, making you accidentally run in the wrong direction until you figure out what the heck just happened. A big problem, really, considering how incredibly short each day is (Speaking of day length, it does get a little longer later. My game seems to have glitched out, though, sending me back to the shorter day. Hasn't happened to my sister. Just me. I must be lucky.).

The other control problem is summoning Chime to use Architek, raise Morale, etc. While pressing the minus button works just fine, you can also shake the Wii remote to call her. Problem is, it's a little sensitive. I was adjusting my couch cushion once, barely moving my hand, and she pulled a Lurch: "You rang?". No, no I didn't. Now go away.

To add to the game, players can also download new races, dungeons and more directly through the game, at a cost of anywhere from 100 to 800 Wii Points. So far I've only downloaded the three-race pack, adding Selkies, Lilties and Yukes to my town. Thing is, they act pretty much exactly like the game's default race, Clavats. They talk the same as Clavats, without even a single exclusive line of text (At least they add a bit of visual diversity!). The only real difference is they have to live in special houses, which, unfortunately, count towards the build limit. I had to tear down a few houses to make room (Homeless townspeople move into the castle, by the way), and that was a bit of a pain. If they had their separate limits of, say, five per house type, that would be a little more fair.

The only other minor difference is that their classes are pre-determined. Every Lilty will be a Warrior, every Selkie will be a thief, and every Yuke becomes a Black Mage. The upside, though, is that their stats are genetically geared towards the jobs they take. Each Lilty has a high Strength and Toughness, each Selkie is very dexterous, and Yuke's are quite intelligent.

As you can surely tell by the above screenshots, My Life as a King is an amazingly good looking game for WiiWare. Townsfolk even bow in your presence! Of course, it doesn't really take that much to make just one map look good, does it? Nonetheless, it looks really great, with just a few exceptions.

Firstly, all the characters look almost exactly the same. Each and every Clavat has almost the exact same face, and the other classes aren't very diverse in range of appearances, either. There are about three different character models each for Yukes, Selkies and Lilties.

They all. Look. The same.

Second, although somewhat related to what I said above, characters only ever have one facial expression: Moderately happy. "What's that? The monsters are organizing? That's so terrible! I can do nothing but smile!" A few additional face textures really wouldn't have been too much to ask. And how about mouths flapping while they talk? Even something as simple as the mouths present in Animal Crossing would be fine. I somehow doubt everyone's a ventriloquist in my town.

Finally, when creating large structures with Architek, there is often some graphical slowdown, and it's quite noticeable. So while making buildings is really cool to watch, it doesn't go without it's downsides.

The audio in My Life as a King is quite different from what you'd expect from most games. After all, there's no sword-clashing, no explosions, nothing like what would be present in a traditional Final Fantasy. The sound effects mostly consist of short sound bytes on menus and the almost musical string of sounds when using Architek. It is worth noting, though, that the bell ringing sound when summoning Chime is played through the Wii remote speaker. I always appreciate it when developers actually use that.

Unlike the sound effects, the music is pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a Final Fantasy. Whimsical, medieval fare, with some more dramatic songs during the cinematics. It's all very nice, to put it simply.

I've been plugging away at My Life as a King for a few hours almost every day since last Monday, and I'm only now just before the final fight. Additional dungeons downloaded for a small fee will also add a bit to the longevity, of course, but I don't know if I'll be doing so myself. If I do find myself with a few spare Wii Points one day, though, I may go ahead and try it.

SUMMARY

Storyline: 9.0/10
A unique game with a unique story. A world emerging from chaos, monsters banding together, and a young king determined to make everything as it was before the destruction. A pretty solid storyline with a handful of twists to keep you coming back.

Gameplay: 9.0/10
I don't know what it is about My Life as a King that's so darn fun. It's just one of those games that is inexplicably entertaining. Add this to the list with Chibi-Robo and Animal Crossing.

Graphics: 9.25/10
There's no doubt at all that My Life as a King is one of the best looking titles available on the WiiWare service. If only there were a few more facial textures and a slightly more diverse character model set, it'd be perfect.

Audio: 9.0/10
It's somewhat hard to judge the sound effects in a game that has so few of them, but those that are there are of pretty good quality. The music is one of the only truly Final Fantasy-like parts of this game, and that's in no way a bad thing.

Longevity: 9.5/10
My Life as a King is not only one of the best looking WiiWare titles, it's also quite likely the longest. I estimate I've played for about twenty hours and I'm just now at the end of the game. I can also see myself playing again in order to optimize the layout of my town with my game-beaten knowledge.

OVERALL: 9.25/10
My Life as a King's surely not for everyone. The unique structure and incredibly un-Final Fantasy gameplay make it a hard game to recommend. If I had to take a guess, I'd say this is best suited to those who enjoy games such as Sim City and the like, but with a bit more of an adventurous feel. As for me, I enjoyed it greatly, and I look forward to more games like it. An in-store, disc-based sequel would be a dream come true for me.

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The Duck Has Spoken.

LostWinds review

Alright, WiiWare review number two. My Life as a King on Monday!

Developer: Frontier Developments
Publisher: Frontier Developments
Release Date: May 12th, 2008
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
ESRB Notes: Mild Fantasy Violence

It seems that you just can't talk about WiiWare without LostWinds being mentioned. People have hailed it as the best title available for the service, and some have even called it better than many retail-release Wii games. Is LostWinds really all it's cracked up to be, or are reviewers just full of hot air?

LostWinds is chronologically preceded by quite the interesting little story. Back when the world of Mistralis was first created, there existed twelve powerful spirits that reigned over elements of the world (Fire, water, wind, light, etc). After their job was done, the spirits all retreated to The Great Tower, from whence they looked over their world and saw to it that all went well with its inhabitants. All but one of the spirits was content with being equal, and the odd one out was Balasar, the spirit of the Sun and the Moon. He felt he was superior to all the others, and he thought he should take over and rule as one supreme entity. When his plan was found out, the remaining eleven spirits created a special stone in which to confine Balasar for all eternity. Balasar was cornered, but when the noble spirits seemed to gain an advantage, Balasar began to fight back. The wind spirit, Enril, sacrificed herself to seal away Balasar, using a gigantic tornado to capture both her and the evil one inside the stone.

During his time in the virtually impenetrable prison, Balasar transformed into a creature of pure hate. Upon finding a weak point in the stone, he used his claws to etch away at it. After centuries of chiseling, Balasar finally shattered the stone, freeing himself. Enril, however, was not so lucky. She remained trapped in each of the seven pieces of the stone, the remains of which scattered across the globe. And so she lay in wait, dreaming of the day someone would find her and help stop Balasar.

And this is where the game begins. Toku, a young boy from a nearby village, is roused by the wind powers of Enril. She leads him to her, and, enlisting his help, finally starts on the path to fighting back against and defeating the evil Balasar.

Toku: The one young boy who, when partnered with Enril, can stop the evil Balasar.

Well, LostWinds certainly has quite the back story! But how does it play? In short, LostWinds is like Okami meets Kirby Canvas Curse. Players take control of both Enril and Toku, controlling the wind spirit with the Wii remote and the young boy with the Nunchuk. Enril takes the role of the cursor in LostWinds, and players utilize her wind powers by pressing A and drawing lines across the screen. This creates a quick gust, blowing around anything from enemies to rocks to Toku himself. Her wind powers can even manipulate fire and water, causing them to sweep across the land, burning or quenching anything they touch. While Enril takes care of the magical wind manipulation, Toku handles all the jobs that require a physical touch; weighing down switches, talking to villagers and carrying Enril's stone container.

Controlling both characters at once never gets confusing. In fact, I often forget that Toku and Enril are, indeed, separate creatures. Taking control of them both at the same time feels so natural.

Enril's wind powers serve as the tool in solving the game's many (Rather easy) puzzles. Some puzzles may require Toku to get a rock from one place, have Enril bring it somewhere and then smash something with it, while others involve using wind to ignite hot coals and use the new source of fire to burn down an obstruction. Really, it's pretty hard to get across what these puzzles are like in words. They're really a whole lot more exciting than they sound. Sadly, for the most part, they're also fairly simple. I got caught on maybe two puzzles in the whole game, three if you count the boss battle.

Above is one part of what is one of the few puzzles to pose much of a challenge to me

I suppose one thing that makes the game a little bit harder is that Toku has only four health points. He can be injured by falling, getting hit by rocks or being attacked by the little blobby enemies that are oh-so-common in this game (Just whip 'em in the air, thrust them back down and watch them go splat). Toku's health can be recovered by eating a scarcely-available fruit, and if his health runs out, Enril can revive him provided she has the power to do so. Enril can store enough energy for three revives, and more energy can be gained by gathering little blue sprites that appear when enemies die. However, I had to revive Toku no more than three times throughout the entire game. It was never that easy to get hurt, and I rarely got hit four times before I found more restorative fruit. So LostWinds is a pretty easy game, but still very, very fun. Just don't expect anything incredibly challenging.

If there's one other problem with LostWinds, it's that it only takes about three hours from start to finish. I suppose I can forgive this due to it being a downloaded title crammed onto the Wii's puny 512 MB of memory, and even if such restrictions didn't exist, I still may have preferred it as short as it is. It's one of those games that manages to do quite a bit in a small period of time. For comparison, take last year's Portal (PC, XBox 360, PS3). It took only two or so hours to get to the end of this game, but it probably wouldn't have benefited at all from being longer. Like LostWinds, I feel it's the kind of game that accomplished all that needed to be accomplished in the small time it's there for. Sure, both end with somewhat of a cliffhanger, but that's no real big deal. Three hours may not seem like much, but LostWinds does a lot in such little time.

Enlarged to show texture

As you can tell by the above screenshot, LostWinds is one heck of a great looking game. Everything is so vibrant and alive. Just drifting your cursor across a tree or bush causes the leaves to ruffle, and the people in the background even respond if you hit them with a gust. The whole game feels like a window to another living, breathing world.

LostWinds is also very pleasing to the ears. The game's main theme is amazingly well orchestrated, and even manages to sound spiritual and windy somehow. And you gotta love the little "Ulp" noises the blob enemies make when you whip them around. I almost don't want to kill them just so I can hear it over and over! Even the villagers make little noises of surprise when you blow them over, just making everything feel even more alive. I know I've tossed that word around a lot, but dammit, if there's one word that can accurately describe LostWinds, it's "alive".

As I said before, LostWinds really is a fairly short title. But still, three hours seems like the perfect length for it. Like great movies, it took as much or as little time as it needed. In this case, it only needed three hours, and that's just fine with me. Better to end before it's welcome is overstayed. Any new game mechanic or plot twist just wouldn't have meshed well with the game's progression, either. If they need to make a sequel to finish, I'm cool with that.

And if you really want to get all there is to get out of LostWinds, you could always go back and try to collect all twenty four golden statues hidden throughout the land. I got about eighteen or so of them, and I think another run for completion's sake would be fun.

SUMMARY

Storyline: 9.5/10
I love a good story in my video games, and LostWinds certainly didn't disappoint in this category. The story of the twelve spirits creating the world and Balasar's betrayal is certainly a creative tale.

Gameplay: 8.5/10
LostWinds takes a unique idea and pulls it off very, very well. The controls are amazing, and I often found myself lifting Toku in the air with Enril's powers just for the heck of it. The puzzles are really easy on the most part, though, making the game a breeze in more ways than one.

Graphics: 10/10
Really, LostWinds is an amazingly beautiful game. From the tree leaves to the shrubs, it's all so very lively and colourful. Even the dank caves have a lively look to them. LostWinds certainly outdoes a lot of the games released on both WiiWare and on store shelves. If only all developers cared as much about how their product looked...

Audio: 9.5/10
Every time I hear that theme start up when I start up LostWinds, I just get so sucked in. I don't know what it is about that melody, but something about it is just so calming and adventurous at the same time. The sounds of the enemies and villagers are also really nice, making the world of Mistralis feel even more alive.

Longevity: 7.75/10
No matter how justified it may be, LostWinds is still a short game, clocking in at about three or so hours from start to finish. A little more playtime can be squeezed out by collecting all the golden statues scattered about, but that's the kind of thing that gets boring after the first time. Still, three hours is pretty decent for a downloaded game.

OVERALL: 9.25/10
LostWinds deserves to be downloaded by anyone with cash, a Wii and an internet connection. Seriously, if you don't have this yet, find a way to get it and make it so. LostWinds, though short, is still an amazing experience, and everyone needs to live it. Definitely worth the meager 1000 Wii Points.

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The Duck Has Spoken.

Defend Your Castle review

Here comes the first of the three WiiWare reviews. LostWinds is scheduled for Friday, and My Life As A King's review will be ready on Monday.

Developer: XGen Studios
Publisher: XGen Studios
Release Date: May 12th, 2008
ESRB Rating: E for Everyone
ESRB Notes: Cartoon Violence

For the last five years, Defend Your Castle has enjoyed massive success online as a mega-popular Flash game. And now, with the launch of WiiWare, Defend Your Castle aims to emulate this success on the Wii. Is the formula still fresh, or have these castle walls begun to crumble?

This is, without a doubt, one of the most hectic games I have ever played. The premise is simple: Defend your castle from the incoming barbarian hordes. In order to do this, just pick up an invader with your cursor and toss him in the air. Gravity takes care of the rest. There are four types of enemies you need to repel from your fortress: Normal, weaponless barbarians, battering ram-wielding foes, bomb-using psychos and humongous monsters. Each of these can be dealt with using the above tactics (Just touching the bomb guys kills them and anything nearby), with the only exception being the giants. These guys are too big to be picked up, but they are anything but invincible. You can employ one of several tactics to take these guys out, and every last one of them relies on the Pit of Conversion.

Using the Pit of Conversion is simple. Drop a foe in, wait a minute, and out pops an ally. Allies can become one of four things: Archers, explosives experts, stone masons and wizards. While an archer's abilities may seem obvious, the other three classes deserve some explanations.

The explosives experts, when triggered, will run out onto the field, rolling a bomb in front of them. When you're ready to "set them up the bomb", just poke him to detonate. Yes, it's a suicide mission, but sacrifices must be made to save the castle!

Wizards gather in a tower, ready to cast spells at your command. At first, only one spell will be available: Erase. It does just what you think, too. Aim it at an enemy, press down on the D-Pad, and he's gone. More spells can be unlocked when more wizards are assigned, such as incantations similar to the explosives expert's bombs and the Pit of Conversion's abilities.

The stone masons are the ones you're most likely to forget about. They simply wait around for your walls to get damaged, and do their best to repair it. Basically, your health will keep increasing until it's full up again. Only a few stone masons will work at a snail's pace, but get a couple dozen in there and their effects will be far more apparent.

So then, that's four classes, three of which can take out a giant with one move. The explosives experts and wizards can blow him up, wizards can also erase him, and your archers just might take him out automatically with a well-shot arrow.

Ve haff vays of making you 'splode.

If there's one problem with Defend Your Castle's gameplay, it's that it's a little boring at the beginning. From about level 1 to 15, you just get a few enemies wandering towards you every few seconds. But when the enemies start coming faster and the giants join in on the fight, things get insane.

As of my point at about level thirty, I still haven't run into any real danger of losing. Things are getting harder, though, so I expect I'll be seeing a whole lot of trouble soon enough. Or I could just try "Heroic" mode and risk dying in the first five levels.

Probably the biggest change from Defend Your Castle's original release is how it looks. Instead of the old, cartoony look, the art direction now more reflects the craft table in a kindergarten classroom. All enemies have bodies made of what look like pencil lines, normal people have buttons for heads (Giants have bottle caps with googly eyes), your cursor is a bread bag clip, and the entirety of the landscape resembles construction paper. Cardboard cut-out clouds even go by on string! I just love it to death. I really appreciate a unique art style, and Defend Your Castle certainly fits the bill. Just watch out for those Popsicle stick battering rams and cap gun ammunition!

The music is almost non-existent in Defend Your Castle. There's a small byte of music at the beginning of each stage, and a small piece at the main menu, but that's it. It's really the sound effects that are going to get your ears' attention here.

When barbarians hit the ground, they make a nice crunching sound and let out a little yelp. Alone this really isn't anything to mention at all, but when you've got five enemies falling every second, the chorus of screams is often hilarious. YELP! YAGH! YELP! It's raining men! And when it comes to the explosions and the sound of battering rams hitting your castle, it all sounds like someone vocalizing sound effects. This is actually kind of humourous, and it goes very well with the game's minimalistic art and music, giving a great "I made this in my garage" sort of feel. It really brings a whole new meaning to the term "homebrew"!

The other thing added to the WiiWare version is the inclusion of two to four player multiplayer. At any time, someone else can pick up a Wiimote and join in on the defending. Having trouble? Call a friend! However, if you're on one of the easier levels, the game doesn't seem to ramp up the enemy frequency at all to account for more people on defense. Get to the thirtieth or so level, though, and there should be plenty for you both to do.

This game could very easily last a player many, many weeks. It's addictive, and I often find myself saying "Okay, one more round, and I'm done", only to play several more levels in a row. This game just might have an infinite amount of levels, and even if it doesn't, multiplayer and "Heroic" difficulty ought to make up for it. Definitely an addictive title.

SUMMARY

Gameplay: 8.5/10
Defend Your Castle is a great example of simplicity making something great. That being said, though, one or two more classes of enemies would have been nice. Perhaps a mounted unit, or a club-wielding barbarian? Just to add a bit more variety and unpredictability. Nonetheless, it's a fun game, and the simple controls can be easily understood by anyone.

Graphics: 9.0/10
I'm absolutely in love with this art style. I love it when people try something truly different, and XGen Studios sure thought outside the box here. Cardboard cut-out clouds, construction paper landscape and button-headed people? That's just crazy enough to work!

Audio: 8.5/10
While music is largely absent, not having it seems to me to have been a good choice. After all, if there was a tense battle-ready score playing all the time, I wouldn't be able to hear the yelps of the barbarians! The vocalized crashes and explosions are just the icing on the audible cake.

Multiplayer: 8.0/10
The multiplayer in Defend Your Castle meshes so well with the single player that it's virtually indiscernible in looks, the only difference being additional bread clips on the screen. Competing against your pals for high scores can be fun, but the lack of foes in the early levels really don't work well with four people in on the action. If it's hardly challenging alone, having your friend help out just makes it boring.

Longevity: 8.5/10
I am addicted to Defend Your Castle. It's just such a simple yet fun concept, and it sucks me in every time I click its Channel. And seriously, is there a never-ending amount of levels in this? I can see the level count going well into the hundreds. Even if it does eventually end, there's still Heroic mode and multiplayer to keep players busy.

OVERALL: 8.5/10
Going for only 500 Wii Points, Defend Your Castle is a steal. It's simple gameplay is easy enough for anyone to understand, but the later levels are sure to keep the attention of even the fastest player. Sure, it may not be the deepest of the experiences available on WiiWare, but it's addictive and a great time-waster. Just make sure you don't accidentally play for too long and end up late for an appointment!

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The Duck Has Spoken.

Triple WiiWare impressions: My Life As A King, Defend Your Castle and LostWinds!

Today Nintendo finally launched the brand-new WiiWare service. Using the Wii Shop Channel, we can now download exclusive games straight to our Wii consoles. With six titles to choose from, you may be wondering which one is worth your hard-earned Wii Points. Of course, there's no way I would have been able to afford all six of these, so I narrowed down my choices to three: Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life As A King, LostWinds and Defend Your Castle. Here's how they're shaping up so far.



First up is LostWinds by Frontier Developments. The first thing you'll notice about LostWinds is how amazingly vibrant and lively it is (The above logo should give you a basic idea). Even the leaves and shrubbery in the background react to the cursor when you wave it past. A lot of effort was put into making this game look stunning, and it came across every bit as amazing as expected.

LostWinds follows the story of Toku, a young boy from a small village. When walking about one day, he stumbles upon a small stone containing a wind spirit. Named Enril, this spirit needs Toku's help to stop the evil elemental monster Balasar from destroying his homeland.

Controlling both Toku and Enril (Who takes the role of the game's cursor), players will use the powers of wind to guide the young adventurer through vast caves and fields. Every now and then a monster will appear, with Toku's only defense being Enril's wind powers. Whipping about the enemy with a gust of wind, Enril can slam it into the ground to finish it off. An interesting way to fight for sure.

The controls are very smooth, and guiding both Toku and Enril works just fine and never gets confusing. The puzzles take little more than a moment of thinking to figure out, but I'm sure things will get harder later on. Accompanying you on this somewhat linear adventure is a soft and calming soundtrack that quickly grows tense when an enemy approaches. It's an incredibly unique title, and so far seems well worth my 1000 Wii Points. If you get the chance, I suggest checking this one out.



If you like playing Flash games online, chances are you've dabbled in Defend Your Castle. The classic action-strategy game by XGen Studios has been a hit on many websites all around the internet, and today it made its debut on WiiWare for 500 Wii Points. Is it worth paying for a Wii version of a free Flash game? So far, I'd have to say yes.

For those of you not familiar with Defend Your Castle, here's the basics. The player takes the role of a cursor floating around the field. When an enemy roams into the field, players can pick them up and whip them into the air, killing them on impact. If picking them up doesn't work, players can also employ their own units to do the job, from archers to magicians to explosives experts. Upgrades can be purchased with points after each round, and then the next level starts.

First of all, there's no need to worry about having to learn a whole new control scheme. If you can pick up a Wiimote, you can play this. Just point at a baddy, press A to grab him, lift him in the air and release A to drop him. In fact, pointing and the A button are pretty much the only controls in this game. Very, very easy to understand.

Second, Defend Your Castle actually takes some strategy in addition to fast reflexes. Figuring out how to properly distribute your troops is key to surviving. Should you make more archers, get another magician, hire a stone mason, or just keep someone on hand to become an explosives expert? There's a surprising amount of thinking involved here.

Finally, this game is just a pleasure to both play and watch. Tossing several enemies in the air and watching them all plummet to the ground at random intervals in hilarious. It's raining men! And the animation style brings a whole new meaning to "homebrewed games". With Popsicle stick battering rams, bread clip cursors and construction paper castles, this is certainly a unique looking game.

Defend You Castle on WiiWare is certainly a step above the original Flash game. If you're a fan of the original, or you're looking for something unique, this is for you.



And finally we have the highest-profile of all the WiiWare games, Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: My Life As A King. By mega-company Square-Enix, My Life As A King takes place after the first Crystal Chronicles game (Gamecube).

One thing's for sure, My Life As A King is one of the best looking WiiWare games we've seen. With a huge draw distance and lush environments, it's certainly a beauty of a game. Of course, all this graphical prowess is directly related to what sets this game apart from any other Final Fantasy: You can never leave the town. You play as a king, and it's your job to help rebuild the town that was destroyed in the events of the previous game. In order to build, you need material. This is where your warriors come into play.

You can send warriors to caves and dungeons near your town, and they'll spend the whole day fighting monsters and exploring, bringing home money and materials to build more houses and stores. And that's the basic extent of gameplay as far as I know. Really, I haven't had much time at all with this one, as I only downloaded it about four hours ago. All I can say for sure is that it starts off slow, but starts to pick up after a few in-game days.

The music and sound effects scream Final Fantasy. It's just so very fitting! And the characters certainly reflect the creativity of Square-Enix as well. Talking penguins? Hey, sure, why not?

If there's one apparent shortcoming thus far, it's that the characters have the same facial expression permanently glued to their head. Everyone is slightly happy all day long, no matter how amazing or terrible an event is. Would it have been that hard to add in a few more facial textures to show emotion?

Aside from this one problem, everything seems to be going great so far. The storyline is beginning to show itself, and my curiousity has definitely been piqued. I eagerly await more on just what exactly is going on! My Life As A King looks to be a major time-eater for me these next few days.

To make an early judgment, LostWinds, Defend Your Castle and My Life As A King are all pretty darn fun. They're certainly a unique bunch of games, and I honestly can't get enough of any of them. I'll be playing all three of these for quite some time to come. Probably the best $30 I've ever spent!

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