Thursday, July 3, 2008

Mini-Article: What if game rules and such applied to real life?

Just imagine if the video game rules, physics and logic were real. Take the world you live in, but imagine it as if it were inside a video game. This could be a really great thing, but it also has the potential to be very bad. Read on to find out more.

You'd never have to worry about injuries. Just pick up a health pack, and you're good to go. Broken bones? Separated shoulder? Have no fear, Medkits are here! Heck, you could probably get your head nearly 100% blown off, and a single Medkit would fix you up. Just so long as you didn't actually, you know, die. Games have their limits, you know.

Falling from great heights? Get in a car! After all, cars in games are almost entirely impervious to damage sustained hitting the ground. So long as the wheels hit first, you'll just keep moving like you merely drove off a curb. This would sure make going over Niagara Falls a whole lot easier... Just bring the Volkswagen!

Who needs U-Haul? After all, your invisible inventory has all the space anyone could ever wish for. Collapsible bike? Huge-ass sword? A queen-size bed? Just pick it up and shove it in your knapsack. Even the limited inventories in most games are insanely expansive, of course. Still, don't be surprised when you can't fit more than twelve couches in your pocket.

Low on cash? Break some boxes. It's bound to work. Some of the places you can find rupees are insane. Up a tree, in the grass, hidden in a pot, and sometimes even misleadingly placed in a treasure chest. Oh yeah, that big song and dance was totally worth five cents. No, if only I could resist the urge to hold everything I get above my head...

Don't worry about getting it right the first time. You can always just reset, right? Unless, of course, you live in one of those towns. Oh, you know the kind of town I mean. The kind with that ugly little dude who never shows his face until you hit the reset button, and then it's nothing but yak yak yak for days and days... Good thing there's plenty of exterminators in the phone book. Oh, and taxidermists, too. Great for cleaning up afterward.

Are you hopelessly stuck on a difficult puzzle? Don't worry, just talk to enough people and eventually one will tell you how to figure it out. After all, if there's one thing people exist for, it's standing around doing nothing but giving tiny little bits of advice to anyone who asks.

Breaking and entering? Bah! There's no such thing anymore! Everybody's door is open all the time. Just walk in, open up, and sit down. Will they call the cops? Kick you out? Yell at you? Nope. They'll happily entertain you, striking up conversations and telling you how much they love bread (Or something stupid like that). And I can pretty much guarantee that if a door is locked now, it'll be locked forever. At least until you do something completely unrelated that somehow triggers the home owner to open up, of course.

Cats aren't the only creatures that have multiple lives. Every $100 you earn, you get another chance at immortality! No wonder the really rich people never seem to die. I bet they just bathe in Medkits.

The preceding was but a minor glimpse into what life would be like if it were like a video game. Crazy stuff, hmm?

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The Duck Has Spoken.


RayzaB said...

Sounds like a plan!

Anonymous said...

Talking to people to get the answers? Psh, if life was a video game, I'd just look up the answer on GameFAQs!