Saturday, July 26, 2008

Shadow with a gun, Sonic with a sword... What could be next?

As everyone with an internet connection is now well aware of, Sonic will be returning to the Wii next year. Thing is, he won't be alone. No, Sega thought it necessary to give Sonic a huge freaking sword to help do the job. Because, you know, it's not like he couldn't fight without a weapon. He's only the fastest thing alive.

Of course, this isn't the first time a Sega character has packed some weaponry. The infamous Shadow the Hedgehog game from 2005 featured Sonic's angst-ridden co-star Shadow wielding a gun and trying so hard to be bad-ass. This got me thinking: What if other normally weaponless characters decided to change things up?

Well, Mario is a plumber, after all, so it would only make sense that he'd have a wrench on him somewhere. Yet, for some reason, Mario's never even touched one in all his years in videogames. I wonder why that is? Perhaps Nintendo isn't so keen on their star character beating enemies to death with a plumbing implement. Could get kind of messy.

Sure, Olimar usually has his Pikmin to do all the dirty work, but really, it's foolish to depend so heavily on weird little plant dudes. With all the tiny little objects he finds on that strange planet, you think he'd turn one into a weapon of some sort, just in case he gets separated from his battalion. So why not a push pin? The little captain could surely wield something as small and lightweight as that. Of course, stabbing Bulborbs would probably lead to a far higher rating than the series' standard E for Everyone. Those guys would almost certainly do a lot of bleeding.

The Rabbids have grown tired of their humour-based weaponry. The world is learning to defend against their plungers and fly-swatters. Now, it's serious. The Rabbids have decided to fight fire with fire. Using their industry connections with Builders League United, the Rabbids have secured several dozen flamethrowers for their world-domination scheme. Because if there's one thing that goes well with idiot rabbits, it's lots and lots of fire.

Although the chances of any of these weapon pair-ups happening are slim, the hilarity that comes from imagining them is immense. The day I see a Rabbid wielding a Team Fortress 2 flamethrower is the day I can die a happy man.

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1 comment:

NickClick2 said...

Rabbids with flamethrowers? YES.